"The People I Admire Most"

Hi everyone, it's Mary, Peter's second eldest sibling..



I am also the second smartest, second only to Cory!!. Not because I am particularly intelligent but because I have the second most life experiences. I thank you Peter for believing that I might have something to write that others may want to read. I have nothing especially profound to relate but I would like to tell you a little about myself.

I am married with two children, all of whom I am extremely proud of. I feel fortunate to say that after almost 35 years of marriage I still love my husband and I know he loves me. It hasn't always been easy, certainly not these last few years as we have faced many difficult challenges, but I will continue to persevere "one day at a time".

My eldest child, Lisa, is a lovely young woman who is in the business of social work with very young teenage mothers. She takes her profession seriously and works tirelessly to help these young woman learn life skills and turn their lives around to become independent and responsible parents. She is a good friend to many, a trusted sister and the very best daughter any parent could ask for.

My son Andrew is a force to be reckoned with. In his work as a designer and salesperson of fire prevention technology he is fearless, he has earned the respect of colleagues and superiors alike. He is always kind to his mother, the most important quality in a son and he is a very generous brother, loving partner to Denise and has established friendships that have lasted since his kindergarten years.

The People I Admire Most, besides the Father, Son and Holy Ghost are my parents; Frits and Petra Rooyakkers. I strive to be more like them each day. In their marriage they loved each other exclusively "all the days of their lives", I want to be able to do that. They were both very strong in their faith and prayed each day to God. I want to be able to do that, even though my God may look a little different than theirs. They raised twelve idiots (I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT) and were able to admit they learned from their children as much as their children learned from them. I CAN do that! I have already learned much from my children and hope to keep doing so. They have taught me that being a control freak does NOT give you power, they have taught me that worry changes NOTHING and many other life lessons. I believe I may have taught them a thing or two as well, although being idiot I can't be sure of that.

I feel very blessed and honored to have been born into this "party pack" of idiots. My siblings give me strength when I have none left of my own, they give me unconditional love always, they let me know that I am never alone no matter what predicament I find myself in, they give me faith in myself when I have lost it all and they give me laughter when I need it most. They don't give me money; I don't know what that's all about!! They should, cause I need some.. Together with the families we have each acquired over the years we have accomplished some incredibly good things.

I believe that I am a strong person, that I have gifts that are worth sharing and that I might be an inspiration to some. I hope that someday, when I get older God will bless me with grandchildren as my siblings tell me it's an awesome thing to experience. I believe them.

"I like the bed I'm sleeping in,
It's just like me, it's broken in
It's not old - just older
Like a favorite of torn blue jeans
This skin I'm in, it's alright with me
It's not old - just older" ---Jon Bon Jovi

Love
Mary

Since my dear sister Mary has a deep faith and is a regular churchgoer I never got her Don Maclean line right away....then I smiled and thought "how wonderfully sly!"

....and I thought this one was a good close for her post...

“To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind"---Theophile Gautier

love
peter

"Memories"

Reading the comments that Cory/Mary/Elly made on "The rest of the Story" post really got me thinking. I find it so interesting that 4 people who experienced the exact same repeated circumstance remember different aspects of the time, their memories seemingly even in conflict. Cory remembers walking every day til dad caught up, Elly only on bad weather days, and Mary for some reason remembers walking to the mill and meeting dad there. What I find really intriguing however is that I can't say for certain that I really remember any of it. We have all heard and laughed about Cory's frozen tears story so many times that sometimes it seems like it was a real experience for me and at other times I wonder if it is only from the repetition that it has become part of my memory?

Why do we remember things? Is our every experience stored in our brain somewhere, even those that took place when we were very young. And if they're all up there why do we recall some and not others. For example, while I have no clear recollection of walking home at 4 oclock on those winter days, I have very clear memories of sitting in that stupid pew at 8 am of the same days. Is it the significance of the moment or the event that imprints a memory more clearly in our brains such that we recall it easier. I suppose that if this were the case it would suggest that going to church was a much more emotional time for me than walking home in a sub-zero blizzard. Of course that could just be because going to mass every morning resulted in my enlistment into the alter boy ranks which got me close to some of that special kind of loving that Roo experienced in her childhood. Regardless I think there's some validity to this argument. I can tell you another story that supports it. Even though I don't think I have ever told it(or very rarely at least)thereby re-inforcing it in my memory, I believe I will never forget it. The moment lasted no more than one second and yet it still scares me to think of it. I must have been 7 or 8 years old and our Uncle Bert had arrived at our house in his car. He was whipping down the driveway past the house heading for the barn. Since just about any visitor was an exciting event for us I waited for him to pass and then jumped in behind his car to race down the driveway behind him. For some reason, and at the very last moment, just out of the corner of my eye I realized that he was pulling a trailer!! Someway, somehow I managed to put on the brakes but I'm sure that the trailer brushed my clothes. I'm pretty sure I almost died that day! My heart rate still goes up just thinking about it.

I also wonder if current experiences somehow serve to draw old memories out of us that we didn't even know we had. I know everyone flashes back to earlier times when we are triggered by our senses, particularly it seems the sense of smell, but can an event or situation actually make us remember stuff that prior to that we had no recollection of? And just to mess with your head how would you know that you had no prior recollection. After all when we are reminded of something in the past we don't usually remember if we remembered it before?

Anyway, I do have very fond memories of the Co-op where dad worked since I got to ride the 'between floors' conveyor once or twice. I'm pretty sure that Elly's memory of walking only when school closed early makes more sense than Cory's memory of walking for 2 plus hours every day.(we would have gotten all the way home). And I have no idea what the hell Mary is talking about in reference to Elly's porcupine(or do I?)....but maybe, just maybe we'll find out some time soon. Or at least if she remembers it?

“We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us”---David Seamands

“Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today's events."---Albert Einstein

love
peter

"Busted"

Ain't this great? All these bright, passionate people writing my blog for me. I figure it allows me to rest my overworked brain(that doesn't take much) and just think about my bike for a few days.

Because it's busted! And that makes me sad.

It has developed a creak over the last month that has come and gone. It's not uncommon for carbon fibre bikes to make some funny noises that are often benign. It just kept nagging at me however and I finally took it apart. Sure enough it had an internal injury.

The metal insert(the shiny part) you see in this picture is bonded into the carbon fibre(the black part) and it has come loose. Basically it's screwed! No way to repair it. I am trying to get it covered under warranty but we'll see how that goes. Like having a sick child I won't sleep well until it's fixed. Oh wait! I never sleep well so I guess it's no big deal eh?

“If a link is broken, the entire chain breaks."---Anon

love

peter

"All The World's a Stage, & This Woman Merely a Player"

Now that the stage has been set by a tough act, ‘Cory’, it is my turn to bring the curtain down. I am finally doing a guest blog after myriad attempts by Pete to convince me. I have been told I have the gift of the gab, but putting pen to paper is a challenge. My handicap is to be succinct and to the point. The dilemma is what to write about? After much digressing I realized that I could talk about the many roles that I play.

I am turning 48 this year and I am feeling more at peace with myself than I ever have. There are reasons that have contributed to this calmness, but a significant one is dealing with the “love” bestowed upon me as a child. While some of you already know, there are going to be many of you who are hearing it for the first time. I am no longer embarrassed about the sexual abuse I sustained, but proud of the hard work I put into the therapy that allowed me to forgive, which in turn allowed me to move on. I believe it has made me a better person. My only regret is that I wish I hadn’t waited so long to deal with it, then as a mother I would have had more control over decision making when it came to the well being of my children. It is not too late, because I am here for them right now. All of me! In conclusion on this segment, I have realized that I am NOT ALONE!

As a daughter, and one of nine kids, I felt like I had to be the peacemaker. I have some fond memories but they are overshadowed by the ‘male’ domineering ego at the head of the household. The gender roles played an integral part in day to day life—boys and their toys --girls and the dishes.

As a sister, I was the middle child of 4 boys and 4 girls, one of whom passed on 40 years ago. I strongly agree with the ‘middle child syndrome’. I experienced mainly feelings of not belonging, low self-esteem and eagerness to please among other factors. I am still addled today as to what my true purpose in life is!

As a wife I was not always easy to live with. I got better with age, particularly after taking care of my inner demons. Pete alluded in a previous blog the space that exists between stimulus and response and how it affected our decisions in life. Being raised on conditional love my gap was small and thus my response most times was irrational. I believe through therapy and by reducing contact with those I appeased in the name of love, my space has been allowed to widen and my responses to be calm and rational.
Also, Pete and I became very close after his near bout of cancer and near death. It was a life altering time for both us. A negative has become a positive in many ways bringing us closer together but our roles reversed. Pete has become more ambivalent about what to be doing in life, where I have become stronger and wanting to move forward in life.

As a mother, relying on gut instincts as a tool, I raised my kids the best possible way I could. The ups and downs contributed to my overall strength in dealing with and admitting I was not perfect. To all of them I tell you today that I’ll pay for your therapy....if and when you need to talk to someone about your mother. I love each and every one of my boys for their own individuality. I see each of them to as one of my teachers in their own right. Jon—I call my handyman; Michael—I call my psychologist; Adrian—I call my sports encyclopaedia; Peter—I call my humorist.

As a sister-in-law, I am blessed and grateful for many of my siblings by marriage especially on my husbands side (AKA the idiots). They taught me the greatest lesson in life called ‘unconditional love’ for which I am forever grateful. This transpired when Pete was diagnosed with throat cancer and they gave up their time from work and families to help me through this trying time. I will forever be indebted to them for this. Thanks!

As a grandmother is the grandest thing I have ever been blessed to do! In hindsight –if I had known then what I know now, I could have done a better job in raising my own boys. I feel like having a grandchild is God’s way of giving me another chance. I believe it is a grandmother's privilege to indulge them with special treats. But there are certain guidelines that Kylie and Colby know that are not to be crossed...namely their manners and their kindness to others. The best part of being a Grandmother is that I can just love them. When I was a parent, I was the boss, disciplinarian and nurse when they were sick. As a Grandma, I get to pick and choose when to have them over, go with them to the fun stuff and take them home when I want to.

As a friend, I have come to learn so many things about real friendship, most important of all, that it does take two to make a wonderful friendship. Again, through therapy I figured out that I have very few friends and many more acquaintances. A true friend is going to love me for me. They can find out my past and still love me. They are there to listen any time I need to talk or cry. They will not tell any of my secrets unless the secret is endangering my life. They can be truthful with me regardless if it hurts my feelings. They don’t talk about me behind my back and they stick by me no matter what.. They don’t end up disappearing from my life without good reason and they remain close. They would give me the shirt off of their back if I needed it.

As a woman, when I hit 50(and I’m getting close) I am rewarding myself by participating in the ‘outward bound’ mindfulness program in the mountains of Calgary Alberta. Mindfulness is the ability to be deeply present in the here and now. The exciting part of the 8 day program is the 24 hours alone in the wilderness reflecting on your life. The site claims the solo has been a defining moment in people’s lives that has helped them to gain a deeper insight into their world. Although a challenge that makes me nervous I’m very excited about it.
If you are playing the role of mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and wife, you will understand that these multiple roles can be very complex and challenging, but letting go of playing perfect roles is the first step to accepting yourself as who you are.

Things for which I'm proud of myself today:
• Volunteering at the hospital
• Learned to love myself by being aware that it is self care NOT self-centered.
• Taking the time to be with my grandkids. This one is so easy!
• Learned to let go by taking failure as a form of feedback.
• I discovered that tough love works by removing washer and dryer privileges.
• Going back to school and earning a 4 year BA honours in Kinesiology

Things that I dislike about myself today:
• Being so competitive with certain people especially my husband.
• Control issues.
• Unable to leave short messages on answering machine so I don’t have to call back to finish.
• I care too much about what people think
• I am loud and talk too much!
• That I still have jealous moments!

Food for thought
• How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
• Can you cry under water?
• Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Live, love and laugh
Roo

“Secrets are made to be found out with time."---Charles Sanford

"Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there."--- Andrew Jackson

love
peter

"The Rest of The Story"

Thankfully Cory left me a small opening for today's post with her omission of the "frozen tears" story. Obviously some of you are familiar with it but apparently it still holds a thrill for some of our younger readers and as such bears repeating one more time. So for those young fans and for those who have not heard it before, here goes.

First however I neeed to set the stage a little. A good portion of the formative years of most of the Rooyakkers clan took place in a small farm house in the township of West Luther just northeast of the town of Arthur, Ontario. I did not know it at the time(although I'm sure Cory did) but this little house was actually built of logs. Yah...I aint kidding! I grew up in a log cabin just like Abe Lincoln although ours was well disguised by asphalt siding. And at one time I believe there were eleven of us living in this very little house. Now that's not really relevant to the story other than to emphathize the lack of affluence in our lives. We were freakin poor, we just didn't know it!

Of course way back then country schools were still common and as such we would normally have gone to the one room school known as S.S.(school section)#4, or even better known by the attending students as Shit Shanty #4. That school was not much more than a kilometer from our house but in their wisdom our well intentioned parents thought we should go to the Catholic School in town to let the nuns and priests have a go at us....no pun intended(well maybe a little one) and also to provide the town kids an opportunity to laugh at the poorly dressed immigrant kids from the farm. To my knowledge there was no such thing as school bus service of any kind, or if there was it did not include special accommodations to get us off to the "mackerel snapper" school in town, which was probably 7 or 8 kms from our farm.

Fortunately Dad had a part time job working at the feed mill in that very same town and as such would drive us back and forth to school. It was especially nice in the morning because we would get there an hour early, just in time to go to mass...every freaking day of our young lives! Well except saturdays when we stayed home to drive our poor mother insane. I will admit that once they closed the country school and all our peers joined us in town, the difference in quality of schooling was very obvious. Again, none of that is really relevant other than to demonstrate that we were a very large family already, with very caring parents who none the less were over worked and understaffed to handle the task they set out for themselves, including their commitment to get us a good catholic education.

I must also tell you that Arthur and surrounding area was right in the middle of the snow belt, and cold winters with deep snow were commonplace. I clearly recall snow banks which if you climbed them would have allowed you to grab hold of the hydro lines and often dads pickup truck remained parked at the road because getting in the laneway was out of the question. And that's when this story starts to gain some relevance.

The part I don't remember from those days is how we normally got home from school since I recall that Dad only worked in town in the mornings, and so can only assume that he would come back to pick us up at 4 pm or so. Again I will have to defer to Cory to clarify this. What I do know is that for some reason on one cold winter day the normal transportation was going to be late(probably Dad had to drive Mom somewhere to give birth to Old John or one of the other nameless idiots) but whatever the reason, we were instructed to "start walking".

I assume I was the youngest of the group going to school at the time, so that would have made 4 of us, aged 6 to 10, heading home on the the Conn road, in a blizzard, with our cheap second hand clothes which certainly did not include anything we now know as a scarf, or a pair of snow pants! As Cory tells the story i was crying my eyes out and it was so cold that the tears froze to my cheeks. I don't recall the telling being a story as much about my suffering as about the extremity of the weather, but regardless the point is that whenever she told this story it was met by disbelief and usually loud laughter. While I have no memory of it myself, and indeed for many years counted myself among the unbelievers, I have now, through my own adult experiences come to give the story some credibility. Since I have taken up running I can confirm for you the plausibility of the "frozen tears" story. If your exposed skin temperature drops low enough, any kind of moisture including tears will indeed freeze on your cheeks.

So that's the rest of the story, and as much as I should leave it at that I cannot. I cannot because there is still one incredible, too hard to believe element to the whole thing.

No it's not the part about living in a log cabin, not the part about the mile high snow banks, not the part about going to church every day, not the part about walking 7 kms home in a blizzard, and not even the part about the credibility of tears freezing on a little kids cheeks.

I'm sure you've figured it out by now. Yes indeed! The very idea of yours truly shedding tears for any reason is simply beyond my imagination and I'm certain beyond yours. It must have been someone else!!

“He does not weep who does not see”---Victor Hugo

"Live to the point of tears.”---Albert Camus quotes

“Let tears flow of their own accord: their flowing is not inconsistent with inward peace and harmony.”---Seneca

love
peter

"Getting Started"

So here I am, a guest on a widely read blog.
So what’s the big deal you may be saying?

Well, this is a picture of me, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words. Getting started is one of the most painful parts of everything I do, especially the good things. I’m a little more spontaneous with the bad things but of course that usually comes back to bite me in the ass later.

It was suggested that in order to get started I should just pick a theme. So I came up with several – I thought about talking about what makes me happy but that would be boringly mushy stuff about grandkids and children and babies on the way and my dog and my siblings and siblings by marriage (in random order), and my many friends (yes I have many) – so that’s out. I thought about discussing the things that make me sad, like being robbed of all my estrogen at the age of 40 and consequently living with body orifices that leak random fluids (and sometimes solids or semi-solids), a beard that needs constant attention, impending baldness, and worst of all a singing voice in the tenor/base range where I don’t know the music, and a brain that just can’t learn new things the way I used to. So singing now becomes a chore and I am robbed of the joy it used to bring me. Well all that just depresses me so that’s off the theme list.

So then I thought – go check what previous guest bloggers did – unfortunately, first of all, all 4 were showing off the insightfulness and wisdom of people much older and wiser than they, (that’s intimidating for us estrogenless freaks) and they were full of admiration for their father (apparently they value kindness to the elderly over honesty, or maybe they just know where their inheritance is coming from) and I can’t in good conscience continue that charade.

I thought maybe I could get into one of my informative inspirational lectures where I dazzle people with words , but I’m a little pissed off cause Peter has used this blogging thing to become quite skilled at the one thing I was always better at than him – the English language! And I think he keeps saying “I seen” only to piss me off. I refuse to write anything that shows his grammar, spelling and vocabulary to be better than mine.

So what’s left? Let’s see – don’t know enough about hockey (and besides Roo would just beat me to a pulp next time I saw her); I only discuss work when I have to; art-wouldn’t know it if I tripped over it; cloth napkins, socks and toenail clippings have limited discussibility; I don’t know any other people’s secrets or I’d be happy to share them (probably the reason I don’t know any); and what else is there?

So here I sit , unable to start. – but I can still surf the internet.....

“I’m starting to think that I’m the butt of a joke the whole world is in on.” Jimmy Fallon

“The greatest amount of wasted time is the time not getting started.” Dawson Trotman

And I could just share that last Saturday night I didn’t mind cramming my whale size body into 3 inches of my bed because I was allowed unlimited and unobstructed views of the pure and innocent in the forms of little sleeping girls and large sleeping dogs.

I leave you with this other view of me. I think it’s my best side .......

love

cory

"Never has one person been a greater force in the lives of her siblings than in the case of my big sister. Words cannot express it."---Peter Rooyakkers

love

peter

"What If We Never Grew Up?"

What if we forever remained as children? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Children have no concept of the passing of the years. Their innocence allows them to live in the moment, taking each one of those moments and making the most of it. They wake up each day with a new sense of wonder at the possibilities the day may bring. The only thing that keeps them in bed is sleep and once their bodies are re-energized their minds start exploring these possibilities.

Here's something I read the other day in a book called the 8th Habit by Stephen Covey. I suspect it's one of those bits of wisdom that has been built over time from various sources since he stated that he found it somewhere himself. Anyway, it goes like this.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In those choices lie our growth and our happiness"

He goes on to say that everyone space is different and that those who have been raised with unconditional love in supportive circumstances may have a very large space....and vice versa, that some people may have a very small space due to genetic or environmental influences.

But note that he is talking about adults. To take his theory a little further I suggest that kids don't start out with any space at all. That's why they're able to enjoy every moment. They simply do what gratifies them at the moment within the limits of what some silly adult allows them. As children we are prevented from acting without thought. Don't eat all that candy! Don't climb out on that branch! No you can't have that, it costs too much money!

But there-in lies the problem of never growing up. I think that growing up is a process in which we are expected to widen the gap between stimulus and response. As we become adults society expects us to be responsible for our actions....our responses to stimuli. And furthermore as we becoem adults we also want the freedom to make our own choices. But if we gain that freedom and yet never grow up we end up continuing to make the spontaneous, and often irrational decisions of a child. Decisions that may seem like a great idea at the time don't seem so smart when we end up with a communicable disease, or owning a puppy that eats the rent money!

So I think I'm gonna try to grow up before I do something stupid!

"I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it."---Meredith Grey

"When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to."---N. Smith

"Peter: Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.
Wendy: Never is an awfully long time."---J M Barrie from Peter Pan

...and this little ditty just because I like it...

“When I am grown to man's estate
I shall be very proud and great.
And tell the other girls and boys
Not to meddle with my toys.”
---Robert Louis Stevenson

love
peter

"I promise"

To some people that expression means everything and to others they're just words. I don't understand how it works? I have said lots of things in my life that weren't completely honest but generally I felt bad about it. It's hard to be honest all the time and to keep all of your promises but I think we should try. Some people deal with their shortcomings by telling stories or offering excuses.

I suppose however that not everyone had my mother as a role model. I must try to understand.

And I have promises from 2 guest bloggers who I do trust, that they will deliver their posts within the next week. So don't go away!

"It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath."---Aeschylus

love
peter

"Upside Down"

Things come along that turn your life upside down. Sometimes you initially think they are bad things. And sometimes you turn out to totally and completely wrong. The world can be a beautiful place when it's upside down.

“Shake structures. School yourself. Look twice at a thing, once upside down. Answer yourself clearly.”---Mary Anne Radmacher

love

peter

"Hey Grampa!"

Yes Kylie?

What's your name?
Grampa.
And whats on top of your neck?
My head.
And what colour is the sky?
Blue.
And what's the opposite of down?
Up.

"Grampas head blew up!"

What do you suppose it means that this little exchange made me laugh like hell....that I have no life, or that my life is perfect?

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."---Anon

"If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there."---Martin Luther

love
peter

"Taking Stock"

I think that means the same as doing an inventory? Businesses do this because they have lost track of what they have in their possession or at the very least they have lost confidence that they know what they have. From my personal experience in business it is often an emotional time. To start with it is very hard to take stock if you are in the process of manufacturing, moving, or selling goods and as such it is often necessary to temporarily stop all activities. For many businesses this can be difficult as it literally means shutting down those processes that make them money. Another consideration is the fact that you generally need to get it counted, tabulated and ‘entered in the system’ all in one go which can mean a long arduous stretch of work. As all this takes place the tension builds because the final tally is going to tell you a lot about how good a job you've been doing. The ideal result of course is that you have few surprises, and if there are any, you hope that they are in the positive-in other words you find some stuff you didn’t know you have. Again in my experience this is rarely the case. More often than not there is some of each. You find stuff that you no longer thought you had and vice versa. Hopefully when all is said and done the worst case is that they balance each other out, and therefore from an accounting perspective you don’t have to take a hit to the bottom line. Again this is rarely the case. Usually there is some kind of adjustment necessary and for this reason many companies maintain a reserve to cover for it. Generally public companies are expected to do regular inventory counts and also usually have external auditors monitor the exercise. The reason for this is that messing with the inventory value is one of the most common ways that organizations use to fool the investor (and often themselves) into believing that things are going better than they really are.

So why this accounting lesson I bet your wondering? Well I suppose one obvious reason may be to leave myself open to further criticism of “rambling on” or even of ignorance, if there happens to be any accountants out there listening?

Nope! It’s because somewhere between the airplane and the terminal today I thought to myself, “I should take stock.” Of course I don’t mean counting my car parts or my broom handles but rather my intrinsic assets. -- I hope that’s the right word? I mean those things that have an internal significance. Things such as the people in my life and how I treat them, the challenges in my life and how I cope with them, and I think especially the kind of person I am and how I treat myself. Doing a personal inventory seems like a smart thing to do eh?

Of course if I refer back to my business analogy I understand why a person would perhaps be reluctant to do so. First off you need to plan it. You need to schedule some down time which goes totally against my personality. Life seems too short as it is without taking time out to count my broom handles. But my biggest fear is that my inventory will be way out of whack, and what’s really crazy is that I don’t know which way the swing would be. Either one scares me. Will the count show that I have many blessings which I don’t properly appreciate or will I have to take a big write-down because I’ve squandered all the goods? Perhaps the greatest concern is that all my stock is actually obsolete…no longer of any value?

Despite these fears I think I’m going to try to schedule a count. In all my business dealings I took pride in my ethics and although many have tried it, ignorance is not a good enough excuse to have misled the investors. You need to know what you’re worth and you need to be open about it. I am my own public company, and my friends, my associates, and my family invest a lot in me. What I still have to think about is whether I want to have an external auditor? I suppose it would truly bring integrity to the process but I don’t know if I have the courage. What I wouldn’t want to see happen is that I cheat on the count out of fear of the public scrutiny. I’ll let you know on that one since you’re the obvious choice to be my accounting firm.

On a totally different topic I’m writing this post in the car on the way home from Detroit airport. I happen to have a little extra time because the driver took us somewhere the other side of Toledo before I realized he was going the wrong way. Since he had expressed his intention to return to Canada through Sarnia instead of Windsor I wasn’t paying any attention. When I eventually convinced him that we were going south instead of north the poor man was almost in tears. The reason I mention this is because it somehow fit in with my post. My mind started to process a very negative response to the whole situation and I think only because of the introspective mindset I was in, I managed to turn it around. I realized that any grief I was going to cause this guy or his employer would barely have scrap value when I set out to count my car parts. And the nice fringe benefit about this 2 hour detour is that it gave me time to “ramble”.

And still on rambling, I have a personal message for my dear nephew Andy. This morning I woke up at about 6:30 am, rolled over, and as is my habit to do so, checked my Blackberry to see what had arrived in my inbox. What I found there was a comment you left on my blog and even as I am reminded of it I smile again. It was one of those sweet, perfect moments that seem all too infrequent! “Dumb as a rock and good with it!” I felt like I had a kindred spirit in the world. Thanks Andy! You inspire me. I guess blood is thicker than water eh? :)

“To state the facts frankly is not to despair the future or indict the past. The prudent heir takes careful inventory of his legacies and gives a faithful accounting to those whom he owes an obligation of trust”---John F Kennedy

"Every man who has lived his life to the full, should, by the time his senior years are reached, have established a reserve inventory of unfinished thinking."---Clarence Randall

love
peter

"Yes I Know"

It wasn't very well written and I knew it at the time. But what the hell! I don't think anyone really cares and I'm sure I'll have better days...or maybe not? Regardless, please note a few things.

1) Cory never denied saying that I was dumb as a rock!
2) While blood may not necessarily be thicker than water surely idiocy runs in all your veins!
3) At least 4 people still read my blog
4) Well written or not I still think my idea was sound.
5) The more you guys complain, the more I'm gonna keep writing
6) Didn't anyone like my cool picture?
7) If you didn't then you can all just fuck off anyway!

Oh dear! Did I just say that? What would my mother think?

And that's it people. Please don't think that your constructive criticism affected me in any way since I'm immune to it. Have a wonderful evening and a terrific tomorrow!

I thought this one was very funny considering yesterdays topic.

"There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein."---Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith

....and yah...

"So often is the virgin sheet of paper more real than what one has to say, and so often one regrets having marred it."---Harold Acton

love
peter

"Blood is Thicker Than Water"

Or is it? Lets discuss it. Or rather than discuss it I'll talk and you listen!

But first a few important points of celebration.

Number one please know that today is the 23rd anniversary of my sons birthday. Happy Birthday Michael! He is celebrating it by
1) getting braces put on his teeth
2) going to training for a part time research job he just got.
3) going to classes.

......“That’s my boy!” .....

The second anniversary is one that somehow got by me this past day of January 13th. I can’t quite believe it myself but I have worked for Magna International for 25 years! That’s quite an accomplishment for a guy who prior that couldn’t seem to hold on to a job. So happy anniversary to me! For havinf survived for so long you get to choose a service award gift including several jewelry options. I chose the high tech espresso maker. Not because I like espresso but because I like high tech machines and because it will look impressive in our kitchen. Besides, it also makes hot water!

So blood is thicker than water eh? What does the expression mean to you? For me it always meant that circumstances of birth would generally over ride circumstances of fate when it came down to decisions. In other words you would protect or take the side of, sibling/parent/child over that of a friend/lover/co-worker etc. Secondly I think it implies that decision making would have us favor the happiness or health of a relative over a material gain for ourselves.
While I suppose it could be arguable I generally don’t buy into the validity of the expression. There are a million reasons driving the decisions that we make in relation to those other humans around us. I think first and foremost is our natural human desire and/or need to give and receive affection. I think it’s a powerful factor in our relationships with children especially. Children automatically give and receive physical affection to those around them, and as such very strong bonds can be built during these times, regardless of whether the adult and the child share genetic material. I suppose today’s modern world of the flexible family could potentially provide a case for or against the validity of that argument. If indeed some step parents favor their own flesh and blood over the step children is this due to the ‘blood thicker than water’ rationale or is it due to the fact that they have generally spent more intimate time with those they parented biologically. I’m pretty sure that it’s the later. To support that I would suggest to you that children who were adopted as infants have a much closer connection to their adoptive parents than do those that were adopted later in their lives even though in both cases there is no biological connection. As to those adopted adults who set out to find their birth parents I know of some success stories and yet I would be willing to bet that in most cases once they met it did not change their relationship with their adoptive parents, assuming that it was a loving relationship.

The second conjecture that I made as to the meaning of the expression was that blood would win out over water, with water being a metaphor for material things. While I know many people who indeed live their lives this way especially in relation to parents and siblings I also know many who would see their relatives into the poor house before they would give up a penny to prevent it. Or of course everyone has heard horror stories of the kids fighting over the inheritance. I know this is not the case in my own family but again I suggest to you that this is a result of what we were taught and how we were mentored more than the fact that we share our parents genetic material. If I have not always been as considerate in this regard as many of my siblings I would only give you another metaphor….the one about getting blood from a stone. After all my big sisters told me for years that I was “dumb as a rock!”

So what am I saying? I believe that similar to the nature or nurture argument, our preferences, our nature, our style, our loves and thereby our allegiances are primarily a result of our experiences and our situation rather than the circumstances of our birth.

The obvious coup de grace for my argument lies in the relationship between the lady I sleep with every night (well many nights anyway) and our grandchildren. I say with utter conviction that beyond their parents themselves there are no 2 children who are loved more by any one person than they are by Claudette, and vice versa. And this remarkable relationship is totally a product of her investment in them from the day they were born. I guess you could say that “love is thicker than water”. Another thought just occurred to me , and I give it as final and unarguable testimony in support of my hypothesis, and that realization is this. I know those kids love me (their biological grandfather) very much but in almost every circumstance where they are given a choice as to who to spend their time with they will choose Claudette over me. Rather than be jealous of that it makes me happy. Why? Because that is justice!

And totally off topic.....just occasionally there can be a pleasant element to flying. This is somewhere over lake Michigan. My phone picture doesn't really do it justice but it was pretty cool.



"The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness."---Nancy Mitford

"There's an awful lot of blood around that water is thicker than."---Mignon McLaughlin

love
peter

"Let the Buyer Beware!"

You can go here and pay $82.50 to get a replacement birth certificate or you can go to the official government site here and pay $35.00. Unfreakingbelievable eh? The scam site has nice pictures of the Canadian and Ontario flags and frequent government references, and I suspect that they really do get you a birth certificate. Of course I can only imagine what they do with the credit card information that you need to provide. The only real difference I can see is that the scammers make the disclaimer that the 15 day delivery time is approximate and cannot be guaranteed, where as the government site actually has a money back guarantee! On further investigation I have found many more such sites. All they appear to do is transpose your information to the proper forms and take 45 bucks for doing it. It is of absolutely no advanatge to the applicant since you need to provide all of the same info either way. Is this legal? Or perhaps more importantly, is it moral?

Man this blog is spiralling downwards eh? I've degenerated to delivering consumer warning messages. But it's really not my fault! It's Cory's, and if you like you can ask her why?

But I hope for a better one tomorrow. I already have my topic and I'm travelling (Iowa) so talk to you then.

"The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it."---Bobby Heenan

"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."---Mark Twain

love
peter

"Wisdom of the Ages"

I spent probably an hour today talking to a wonderful 96 year old woman. The most important thing I learned is that it's tough getting old. She is strong, vibrant intelligent and not ready to give it up. She resents her failing memory while grateful for her physical health. She has a deep faith and while that gives her some peace she sdmits that it doesn't fill the loneliness. She is going to get more of my time. As much for me as for her.

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."---Eleanor Roosevelt

"We are who we're going to be when we're very old, and when we're very old we are who we were when we were 8."---Meryl Streep


love
peter

"Feeling Grateful?"

Should I be? I think that in the past on this very blog I have mistakingly told you that I was. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that I'm ungrateful. I know that I have a great family, a great employer, and a bunch of useful(useless)material stuff. But notice the distinction. "Being" grateful is a whole lot different than "feeling" grateful. Being grateful is simply a matter of doing the math and acknowledging that you've got it pretty good; perhaps in comparison to others you know, or to other times in your own life. Or you can simply be grateful for what someone is doing for you, like when Mike wrote my post for me last night.

So right now I'm grateful in an intellectual sense but at this very moment at least I don't really feel it. The good news is that only recently have I discovered the difference. For the first time since my illness I have had a few little feelings that kind of snuck up on me. It's hard to put it into words and the moments have been very fleeting and yet I can tell you that there was a distinct difference. The bad news is I don't really know why or where they came from. I can only hope that if I keep doing the same things I'm doing that eventually those moments will become more commonplace. I kinda hope so!

Anyway in thinking this whole thing out I believe I've learned something else useful, and it's more in relation to others than to myself. How often in looking at someone else's situation have I thought that perhaps they should express more gratitude for the things in their life? In the future I'm gonna be more considerate. How can I know the entire scope of another persons burdens? As such how can I say they should "be" more grateful if they don't "feel" more grateful.

"Reason has no power against feeling."---Charlotte Perkins Gilman

...and this is one of those brilliant ones...

"It is very hard to say the exact truth, even about your own immediate feelings – much harder than to say something fine about them which is not the exact truth."---George Eliot

love
peter

"The 'Boring' Stuff In Life"

Hey everyone!

This is Michael speaking. My dad's too lazy to blog tonight, and since I'm home for a visit, I've decided to take up the task.

So, I'm sitting here with my mum and dad in the living room enjoying just being in their company. Earlier this evening we went out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. I'm appreciative of their effort in doing something with me for my birthday still, even as I'm turning 23. My brother Adrian and his girlfriend Amanda also tagged along. I'm thankful for both of them having taken the time to come out to dinner with us. I was just glad to have them there.

Anyhow, sitting here with my parents has reminded me of how a lot of my most memorable moments in life have been small, "boring" moments. In other words, the memory doesn't need to involve a spectacular event or lots of money spent in order for it to be easily recalled in my memory.

I remember rather vividly summer days spent at our oldest house (back on Queen Street) when my brother Adrian and I would play out in the back yard in our underwear, running through the sprinkler. Our dad would transform the slide attached to our play house into a water slide by equipping the hose to it, and I remember my brother and I having so much fun with that.

I remember when my mum tried to make me eat vegetable lasagna one night, a dish, needless to say, that made me gag. The reward for finishing the vegetable lasagna was a Kinder Surprise egg. I refused to eat the vegetable lasagna and was promptly sent up to my room for the rest of the night for refusing to eat my dinner. The next thing I remember is my mum waking me up in my room, sometime around 11pm, and bringing me down stairs to give me the very Kinder Surprise egg I hadn't earned. What an incredible mom she is. I distinctly remember my brother Jon being there at that moment, too. I don't know why I remember this one night out of the numerous nights I spent at that house, but I do. And it makes me happy.

No matter how dysfunctional our family may be at times, there are so many of these positive memories I can recall that make me smile. I can't ask for much more in life. I'd like to leave you with a quote from the film 'Up':

"My dad made it sound so easy. He's really good at camping, and how to make fire from rocks and stuff. He used to come to all my sweat lodge meetings. And afterwards, we'd go get ice cream at Fenton's. I always get chocolate and he gets butter brickle. Then we sit on this one curb right outside, and I'd count all the blue cars and he counts all the red ones, and whoever gets the most, wins. … I like that curb. It might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most."

-Mike

My dad would like to leave you with the following:

"If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking." - Lyndon B. Johnson, U.S. President

love
peter

"Saved By A Chicken"

I had even less today than yesterday and then I was saved by the bell...or rather by the egg! You've seen a rubber chicken no doubt but have you ever heard of a rubber egg? I have seen this before as a kid when we would butcher chickens. Sometimes you would pull out an egg that hadn't completely formed it's shell. I do not recall having ever seen one actually pooped out in this state. Here's the evidence.


Looks like an ordinary egg eh?




Look again!










Pretty cool eh!

Hey! it just occurred to me. Maybe this is where rubber chickens come from?


“We can see a thousand miracles around us every day. What is more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken?"---S. Parkes Cadman


love
peter

"Trust Yourself"

Claudette and I were talking today about a few separate little things that were causing each of us some anxiety. They were in themselves not big things and as we shared our respective issues we both struggled to define the reasons behind the anxiety. This got my brain working overtime of course, which for me means using it for more than 20 minutes in any 24 hour period. Actually I’m about 35000 feet above sea level now and I think my brain works better up here. I guess I would have to look back at some other posts I generated on an airplane to see if that theory has any validity. I know the elevation has resulted in some long ones but in my experience the length of a sermon is often inversely proportionate to its value.

So shut up already and get back to the point!

I think anxiety is often a direct reflection of a feeling of powerlessness, a sense that we don’t have control. I think that I (we) have to stop letting that matter so much. I think that if we are being honest, being considerate, being kind and being genuine, and perhaps most of all not being judgmental, then what else should matter. Perhaps it just comes down to a matter of trusting ourselves that we are indeed being these things, even if, and when we make m s]istakes. If we truly trust ourselves why the need for anxiety? What will be will be.

But none of that matters anyway because today is our Kylie’s 4th birthday. I’m sorry that I have to miss it but appropriately her highness proves my point totally and unarguably. She has complete and utter control over me and she suffers absolutely no anxiety about it!!!


I did send her some flowers.

Happy Birthday Kylie!

“In order to trust fully one must be fully trustworthy”---Anon


love
peter

"Wilhelmus Scheepers"

So you think I'm an Ironman! Well it's in my blood. My second name is William in honor of my maternal grandfather who's name heads this post. That's not all we have in common as I was also born on grampas 74 birthday. Old Wilhelmus fathered 21 children in a time frame, believe it or not, of less than 24 years! He was married twice, his first slave delivering 8 children in 5 days short of 7 years (one set of twins) at which time she had enough of the randy bugger and promptly died. Yes I aint kidding!!! She had 8 kids in 7 years and then died 3 days later!!!

Within 7 months of her death he found a replacement some 14 years younger and he was off to the races again, to the tune of 13 more in just over 15 years. His last child was born when he was 52 years old! The second wife refused to die so easily and as such I can only assume that she had the good sense to cut him off once and for all. Oh by the way, he lived to be almost 89 so he went 47 years without sex!

I would tell you that my Ironman accomplishments pale in comparison to his but somehow I'm not quite as impressed by his prowess as I am by the strength of the women in his life. But then again that's just one more thing we have in common.

I never met the man but I got his picture on my toolbox!

"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths."- -- Lois Wyse

love
peter

"Down In Mexico"

I'm pretty sure that's not the first time I've used that post title but who cares eh? Did I say just yesterday that I was gonna be happy to be here, just because that's the way Colby would have looked at it. Well the problem is that I know that Colby is at my house right now hanging out with Adrian and as such I'm busy being jealous of both ot them!
Well not really. How could I be anything but happy to see my youngest son putting in what I know is quality time with his nephew. That's just a good thing for everybody!

And I truly am happy to be back here for a few days even though just a few months ago I claimed I was all done with this travelling. The travel itself still completely sucks but I know that once in a while I can tolerate it. Especially when at the end of the day you get to see old friends. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I hope it freakin warms up a little though. Eighteen degrees when I arrived in Puebla this afternoon! What's up with that?

On a totally different note aren't y'all just amazed that I convinced everyone of my kids to write a post for this thing? And if it doesn't sound too cocky I thought that they all were amazing! I couldn't be more proud of each and every one of them. They may not be perfect but lack of courage can not be found among their faults.

There's still a few others I'm working on so stay tuned for more guest blogs in the future.

Oh by the way, on another totally different note did I tell you that I have decided to do another Ironman! Yup! Just within the last few days I have discovered the decision which I think was lurking somewhere deep in the recesses of my grey mattter for some time. It will be in 2011, and I have not decided for sure which one but probably back to Penticton. It was just too perfect! I want to do something special with the whole experience the next time around though. I will be trying to come up with some kind of theme or cause just to make it more interesting, and maybe more worthwhile. Got any ideas?

Today as well I want to single out the most important person in my life. This afternoon Claudette put in her first shift as a volunteer in the emergnecy departmet of the local hospital. I am very proud of her and without being there I just know that she brought smiles to the faces of staff and patients alike. Oh and by the way, she was already rewarded for her unselfishness. She witnessed a "still attached to mom/born in the car" newborn wheeled into the hospital!!! Lucky you Roo!!!

And that's all from Puebla. Glad to be alive. Glad to be here. Glad to be going down to get something to eat!

“You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes."---Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

"Be of service. There is nothing that harvests more of a feeling of empowerment than being of service to someone in need."---Gillian Anderson

love
peter

"What Happens?"

When you leave your pink elephant out in the cold too long?



Well even with a scarf on he turns blue of course!



For those of you who don't know, one of the few claims to fame of our little town of St Thomas is the fact that Jumbo the elephant was killed here on September 15, 1885. Hence the statue, which was built I believe to celebrate the 100 year anniversary of his death. The pink colour came about as a result of the humour of a local painter who was commissioned to spruce him up about 10 years ago. Alas it was only the primer coat and he was back to elephant grey within a few days.

The blue shrink wrap is to my knowledege the first time that he wore a winter coat of any kind. I assume it is intended to keep water from entering any cracks and causing deterioration as it freezes. Who knows? Who cares?

So that's today's history lesson and today's humour all rolled into one.

But I also have a little wisdom to share with you today, compliments of Colby. This is almost verbatim a conversation we had today while on the way to the hockey rink.

Grampa: What are you thinking about Colby?
Colby: Nothing!
Grampa: Absolutely nothing? Your mind is blank?
Colby: Yah, something like that.
Grampa: Wow, thats hard to believe? Your mind is like a blank sheet of paper?
Colby: Well actually my mind has more than one partment.
Grampa: Really? What does that mean, your mind has more than one compartment?
Colby: Well some compartments are where my memories are but the compartment I'm thinking about right now is when I'm gonna be 8 and right now it's still blank because I'm only 7!

I think there's a message in there. When we are kids the future is a blank piece of paper. Over time and with much coercion from society we write all kinds of stuff on the sheet. Dream stuff that causes us grief when it doesn't come true, and painful stuff that causes us grief thinking it may come true. Today and even tomorrow I'm gonna try to be more like my grandson. I'm pretty sure that if he woke up tomorrow and found out that he was on an airplane on his way to Mexico that he would be quite happy. And so shall I be! I promise!

“It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us, we can dodge an elephant, but we can't a fly"---Josh Billings

“I meant what I said and I said what I meant - An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!"---Dr. Seuss

love
peter

"Back From The Brink"

Never give up! Never surrender!

Well, he did it. He being my father, that is, let's just say, persuaded me into writing a few words for his blog. Writing has always been a little difficult for me, so I hope everyone can just bear with me for a few minutes.

I wouldn't mind talking a little about my life. The goods, bads, and in-betweens of being Jonathan. At times it seems all is great, and other times couldn't get much worse. This might not make sense to some, but when I'm clean, it seems like I have too many thoughts and feelings...or I guess I should say that I HAVE thoughts and feelings. I can't even seem to get through one full day without some kind of negative thought...whether it's thoughts about all the people I have let down, lost, or hurt in one form or another. I find I get a lot of my strength from my father and brother when it comes to having hurtful and emotional thoughts. My father is the man that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing...(right or wrong)...he would always answer his phone when I called. This was sometimes a good thing and sometimes not. As my friends slowly passed away, or just disappeared, he was always there...then the days came when reality set in. I thought I might lose the man that was always there for me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was getting picked up from my brother to go see him in the hospital. As far as I knew and thought, he was just going to be good old dad. But let me tell you...when I walked into the room and saw my father laying there in the shape he was in, I felt like I just walked into his funeral. All was quiet. I walked up to my father and the first words that came out of his mouth were, "Where the fuck have you been?" It felt like I was just shot. The words hurt, but they were the truth. All the years that he never failed to pick up that phone...and where the fuck was I when he needed me?! After I got a hold of myself, I realized that if he had the strength to swear at one of his own children, which was just the way dad was when one us weren't supposed to be where we were...then he was going to be fine.

But really, after that day of realizing how quick you can lose a real friend, and an amazing father at one time, I knew that from that day and for the rest of my life, when he does need me (which is not often), I will not let down my good friend again.

Also for the first time, I'm in a postiton that's new to me. At times I think it might be a good thing to be in this position, even though it's tough. So I can understand what some of my loved ones have felt. Someone who is very close to me that I would normally call for support and strength, is using again. I can't help but to worry about him. My father tells me I have to stop worrying, and that I can't do anything about it. That really makes me laugh...especially coming from him. If anyone knows how difficult and nearly impossible it is not to worry when a loved one is struggling, it's him. I'm trying to just accept that I can't control or change him. But I do know that what I say, and how I talk to him, makes a difference on how the rest of his day will unfold. I know this from experience. I also need to make sure that I am there for him when he needs to talk or just hang out. One of the hardest things is not talking negative about his addiction. He knows what's right and wrong. I remember there were times when I really needed to talk with someone but I was worried about just getting lectured and hearing about what's "right and wrong."

Well, I guess that's enough abougt the hard things in my life. There are a lot of things I have to be happy about. I can say that I have been clean for almost 9 months. I get to spend unforgettable time with my niece and nephew. I'm getting to fix some of my past screw-ups. I finally got my own place. I have an amazing girlfriend that, I feel, is irreplaceable. She has become a need in my life, and I hope to become my partner in life. I have an amazing family that I can always turn to, and what's starting to feel like a normal life again.

Jonathan.

"God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.”---Chester W. Nimitz

Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense”---Winston Churchill

love
peter

"No Traction"

It was one of those crappy winter running days where there's just no place to get decent footing. Because of the january temperatures and last nights snowfall only the most travelled roads had any kind of non-slip surface. And of course those are the very same roads you can't stay on because of the aforementioned traffic. Regardless I went out there for an hour or so and plugged away. I don't actually know how far I went or how long I was gone but it didn't really matter. It was just one of those runs the success of which is measured simply by ones perservance to keep moving forward.

Kind of like the day in general. Not much traction. Slow forward progress. But perservering none the less.

“The rewards for those who persevere far exceed the pain that must precede the victory.”---Ted W. Engstrom

...and just to bring at least some value to this post I give you this totally unrelated but really cool quote...

“If I had a large amount of money I should found a hospital for those whose grip upon the world is so tenuous that they can be severely offended by words and phrases yet remain all unoffended by the injustice, violence and oppression that howls daily”---Stephen Fry

love
peter

"Three Down, One To Go"

Dear Blog readers,

I begin this post with a confession; I do not have the slightest clue what I am doing. I admit with some degree of guilt that I am not a subscriber to my father’s blog. Why you ask? Well your answer is as good as mine. Perhaps it’s a fear of really knowing what’s going on in his head or maybe I’m just a lazy teen (I’m twenty for the record but sometimes have the ambition of a lazy adolescent). However I digress from my original point which is how lost I am when it comes to this blogging stuff, but I figured I could give it a shot since my father asked.

I had originally planned to ramble incoherently like a senile old man, but then I remembered how often the readers here get that. So I will begin instead with an update on the Life of Adrian. As I mentioned earlier, I am now 20 years and still have not found the secret to life, but getting closer by the day. I am currently working overnights at one of the local grocery stores. I am happily in a relationship with Amanda Krygsman and we’ve been together for just over two years now. I’ll be the first to admit it, but this is not where I thought I would be at my point in my life. However my goals of world’s handsomest smartest and most talented hockey player may of set the bar a little too high. None the less I am happy with life, plugging away day by day and am just trying to enjoy my life while it lasts, a quality I learned from my dear old pa and his experiences.

I cannot begin to explain how sublime I am with my father in these past few years, both my parents for that matter. We have our battles, more than I can count with all my fingers and toes, twice, but our relationship is stronger than ever I believe. Large in part I believe to my father’s illness. I am not speaking of the mental one however, I meant the cancer. I find it strange that such a horrible and wicked disease can do so much good for a group of people. I have personally never seen my dad in such good shape and it brings me some great deal of joy to see him as chipper as ever. However every silver lining has a touch of grey (The Grateful Dead), as my dear friend Chris’s father passed on Christmas day as a result of Leukemia. He was 60 years young and a great man and his memory will live on. I don’t want to leave you on such a damp note, but I am out of things to write about it. Instead, for the readers and writers benefit, I will throw a few quotes that put a smile on my face.

“I was sad because I didn’t have a pair of shoes for my feet. Until I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes, now I feel better” –George Carlin

“The man who smiles when something goes wrong, has found someone to blame it on”

“Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all it pupils”

For those who are actually reading, I appreciate the courtesy and hope it wasn’t too unbearable. Also I would like to ask everyone to visit, or re-visit Paul Simon’s Graceland album. This is what music should sound like.

Peace and Love. Adrian

We must have done a few things right. Graceland was released 3 years before the child was born.

"Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water"---Paul Simon

love
peter

"Gettin Up Early Tomorrow"

And for once I don't mind. I get to send my grandchildren off to school in the morning and I have to be there by 5:30. Woohoo!!
Sleep well everyone.

“Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed”---Groucho Marx

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”---Jon Hammond

love
peter

"It's All In Your Perspective"

Yesterday I passed my buddy Phil at the psych on his way out to the smoking area. Somehow he was dragging his chair through about 4 inches of wet snow and just as I arrived he got some help from a security guard. When I complimented him on his perseverance he said "I never quit! I just keep pushing." I told him that he had more courage than most people I know. He said, "Yah maybe. Or maybe I'm just nuts." It's all in your perspective.

I was pushing an 83 year old lady around in her wheel chair today and when our trip was coming to an end I asked her where she wanted me to park her. "Just put me over there next to grandma," she said. I was about to start laughing when I realized that she wasn't trying to be funny. That's just the way she seen it. I happen to know that "grandma" is 84. It's all in your perspective.

I asked an 83 year old gentleman how he felt when he was told that he had Parkinsons disease. "Good", he said, "At least I knew what was wrong with me". When I asked the same guy if he was ever angry about it he said, "Who am I supposed to complain to? The guy upstairs? He would just tell me that I was lucky he didn't give me something worse!" It's all in your perspective.

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."---Marcus Aurelius

love
peter

"I'm Supposed To Be Working!"

With the advent of the internet some years ago and then the eventual common use of it as a business tool came the probem of employees spending work hours checking up on their facebook friends or the hockey scores, instead of doing their work. Since I have really only worked on the road or at home for the last several years the line between work and non-work has become very blurry and as such how can I say when I should be working or not? What I generally try to do is stay one step ahead of what I expect of myself as to work commitments and then let myself go with the flow. It is sometimes a challenge however since I am almost constantly hooked to the web...either with my computer or my phone...both of which belong to my employer! Today I am also sitting in a work space owned by the aforementioned, with the intent of focusing on the project I'm working on; in particular preparing for some upcoming meetings which I have to chair. (by the way...I will be flying to some of those meetings)

But...my progress is slow. I can't seem to find any inspiration and although the answers will come in time(they usually do)right now the creative juices aren't flowing. And so I have decided to use my companies work space, and their computer, and their internet connection to write my blog.

But...my progress is slow. If I spoke from the heart today I can tell you it would be a pretty black post. It would be about "poor me"! I was cleaning up some of my electronic documents today and included in them were several old posts which I had initially created in a word document, usually because I was travelling. I was pleaseantly surprised by some of them. I actually found what seemed like wisdom in a few. Re-reading them unfortunately also made it clear that I haven't taken my own advice in many cases. Which brings me to the heart of the problem doesn't it.

Why not??? I know it's not poor me! I have blessings galore but they just don't seem to satisfy my soul today. Is it because my thinking is messed up, or is my chemistry messed up, is it psychological, physical, genealogical? All around me I see people who have problems I don't have and still they seem to be happy. I feel ashamed that I can't sustain a level of satisfaction relative to the gifts in my life. I need an excuse and I don't have one.

So I best end it there as I'm afraid it already sounds a bit dark. Sorry! I have tentative commitments from a few more "special" guest bloggers who's contributions I hope to receive within the next few days and so you should get a bit of a break from my whining. Of course they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so we'll see what we will see....

At least the Internet(at work or at home) makes it easy to find great quotes. Here's another beautiful one...

"The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse."---Jules Renard

"Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness."---Robertson Davies

...and I really like this one too. Since it's 4:30 and I already have my blog done I'm gonna try it tonite...

"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."---Nathaniel Hawthorne

love
peter

" Deep In Thought"

Here's a few thought from a book I just read called "The Bishops Man" written by canadian Linden Macintyre. While I really enjoyed the book there were a few especially cool thoughts I enjoyed and I wish to share them with you within the context they were used. The book in general is about sexual abuse of children, specifically within the circles of the Catholic Church. I remind you that it is fiction but based on my beliefs and on my firt hand and second hand experience it is plausible fiction.

Here is the first one which I thought was a very poignant remark and I quote, "Damaged people trust each other. They see the signs of damage where even experts can't." The comment referred specifically to victims of abuse.

The second one references drug use in general and the powerful painkiller and now infamous street drug oxycontin, and I quote, "Anytime you think you've found heaven on earth some bastard comes along to inform you that sorry, it's really hell".

I like books like this that entertain me while making me think at the same time.

As to the topic of this particular novel I also care to add a few of my own thoughts. While I know that there are many damaged people in our world who in turn inflict their own damage on others I do not believe that the way to fix it is by attacking the individual. Yes of course any person needs to be held accountable for their sins but I believe that the real scourge of our society are the organizations that we hand our children over to. I can think of many. Church, school, minor sports, boy scouts/girl guides, the military, foster parent programs etc. My first hand experiences are of course with the Catholic church and the Catholic education system(although the schools have improved immensely) but I tell you that I believe unequivocally that it is a corrupt organization that does little to police itself! I hope that I offend no one with this statement as that is not my intent. It's just that I truly believe that if this organization could ever find the reslove to reinvent itself it could be a powerful moving force in our world, and yet it remains mired in its archaic, self preserving traditions of ceremony, and dare I say celibacy?. That's from my own experience only but I expect others can testify as to the problems that exist in those other organizations I mentioned. And when we turn our children over to these organizations and don't stay invloved who is really responsible? Enough said. Do you know where your children are?

“The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame."---Oscar Wilde

“Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime."---Herbert Ward

“Silence gives consent”---Pope Boniface VIII

love
peter

"Winters Here"

I left the house with this smile on my face and then it froze there. It was cold and windy and snowing, and the roads were snow covered and I could have rode on the trainer but I knew I needed to get out. The outdoors is my 'fix' I guess you could say, and while it takes a little more preparation than lighting up a smoke or opening a beer it has some other advantages. It doesn't kill you as quickly! Of course that assumes that life is a good thing and something to be prolonged. If that's not the case with you then I give you the rationale that my fix also improves quality of life since you're still here anyway. Personally I need every bit of help I can get!

"But I love to be outdoors. I prefer being outdoors to, you know, being inside."---Keith Carradine

love

peter

"January 1, 2010"

A nice round number don't you think. The very symmetry of it appeals to me. I think we should have a good year.

January 1st also usually brings some snow with it and with the snow, footprints. Since Claudette is always out on the road before me I generally have the pleasure of following in her footsteps. Unfortunately I can say this only in a figurative sense because she literally takes 5 steps for every 4 of mine. Interestingly enough however I think that the difference in our stride lengths can also be a metaphor for our different personalities. I don't know if she will agree but I guess I'll find out. Claudette has traditionally taken smaller more cautious steps in her journey through life while I have plunged ahead heedlessly. What I find even more interesting however is that in the last few years that seems to have changed significantly. I would almost say we have reversed our styles in this regard. I am now more hesitant than I used to be and she now moves quicker into things than she would have before. I think the period of my illness has perhaps impacted us both in how we approach life. I think for her that's been a good thing but I think the jury is still out on me. I may make less mistakes than I used to but somehow this caution just doesn't suit my style.

Whats the point of all this? I think just the idea that we all move through life with different stride lengths at different times. That also sometime means that we move at different speeds at different times and as such we occasionally tend to lose touch with each other. Parents and children are a prime example of this, siblings as well, and of course partners. I think it's important to acknowledge this reality in order to find peace in life but also important to remember that what has changed before will change again. Who knows what tomorrow looks like?

Throughout it all I am just grateful to my wife for telling me to slow down when I needed to and to pick it up when she needed me beside her. I know that our strides won't always be in sync but I know we'll always meet back home later in the day!

... this one is birlliant I think....

“Pain reaches the heart with electrical speed, but truth moves to the heart as slowly as a glacier."---Barbara Kingsolver

....and a little humour to compensate for my seriousness...

“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?"---Stephen Wright

love
peter