An alpaca
A what?
An alpaca
Al Who?
No, an Allll....paca!
What the f@$ks an alpaca?
It's an animal.
An aminal???
Yah.
What kind of animal?
Well it's kind of like a little camel but without the hump.
Holy cow!
No not like a cow, like a camel
Wow, does it spit like a camel?
Well yah, but not very often.
Can it go across the desert without anything to drink?
Well nooo.
Well that ain't much good!
But it can stay outside all winter.
Outside? All winter?
Yup!
Well that's kinda good I guess. How come it can stay outside?
Well because it has the densest, warmest fleece of almost any animal alive.
Wow, they must get hot in the summer?
Nope, because in the summer you cut their fleece off.
Sounds like lots of work?
Well, a little, but you can sell the fleece.
Sell it? Really?
Yup!
Wow! That's good I guess. So that's why you want an alpaca, to sell the fleece?
Well that yah, plus they're really cute.
Cute? Alpacas are cute?
Yah, just ask Kylie.
Oh, so now it comes out....Kylie think they're cute...and cuddly I suppose?
Well actually they are.
Are what?
Cute and cuddly.
You gotta be kiddin me?
No they are very nice fluffy, friendly, furry things.
Oh and how do they smell?
Not bad...well until they pee at least.
So let me get this straight. You want to buy an aplaca? A fluffy furry friendly animal that's like a little camel without a hump, that spits at you and can stay outside all winter, and who's fleece you can sell, just because Kylie likes them?
NO! I like them too!
Yah Yah whatever. Where did you learn about these alpacas?
At the ploughing match.
The ploughing match? They let women go to the ploughing match now?
Piss off...I'm buying a fu$%in alpaca!
Fine. Buy an aplpaca! I don't suppose they can cost much and I suppose if they can stay outside all winter they won't need much care.
That's right. You can get a little one for about 1500 bucks.
Whaaaatttt?
And yah they can stay outside all winter but they should at least have a little building to go into so you'll have to build something.
Whaaaatttt?
And of course you'll have to build a six foot fence with that tight weave stuff so the coyotes don't get them.
The coyotes? The coyotes will get them? Eat them? Do they taste good?
Well only if they can get inside the fence. And I don't know what they taste like. They're not for eating. They're for keeping.
So you never eat them?
Nope! You keep them for as long as they live.
No way! Really? So what? Five to seven years?
No more like twenty to twenty five.
No shit!? So if you buy an aplace now it could easily outlive me?
Well I suppose. But your odds of living for a while will go up significantly if you just build the fence and the building, and of course we'll need water in there and maybe some lights for the winter time.
How will that increase my life span?
Easy. I want some alpacas and if I have to choose between you and them I can't make any promises.
Okay okay. Fine fine. Don't have a bird! So you want some alpacas. How do you propose to pay for them at 1500 bucks a pop?
Again, easy, I'll sell my bike?
Your custom painted high tech aluminum road bike?
No stupid! Of course not. I'm talking about my Harley!
You would sell your Harley to buy some alpacas?
Yes I would!
Ok, and what is Kylie gonna ride when she turns sixteen? I know you've thought about that haven't you?
How do you know? Besides with all the money I'll make selling alpaca fleece I'll just buy her another bike in 12 years.
Well I hope she likes Japanese bikes cause you ain't buying no Harley with alpaca fleece!
You don't know nothing! I've checked it all out and you can get a samll fortune for the stuff. Try buying a pair of alpaca socks. See how much they cost!
I suppose I'll need a pair if I'm gonna be out there fence building in the middle of winter eh? God have mercy on me.
Oh thanks dear...you're so good to me. Thanks a lot!
Hey, Hey...hold on. Thanks for what? I never agreed to anything.
Oh yes you did! Besides...either we buy some alpacas or I'm tellin Kylie that you said she couldn't have them.
Please Grampa?
Welcome to Roo and Associates Alpaca Farm.
Tomorrow I will discuss the relative merits of owning a high class, internationally renowned, anniversary edition classic Harley Davidson or a fuckin alpaca!
"Something tells me I'm getting hosed....or should I say fleeced?"---Peter W Rooyakkers
love
peter
