"Smokin!"

I gave it all I had on the trainer today and was very happy with the results. I rode the last half of Ironman Canada (90.23kms) in 2 hours and 49 minutes for an average speed of 32 km/hr. That's the best ride I've had since I started riding inside.

I wish to dedicate day 164 to Steve Bauer, the greatest cyclist Canada has ever produced. His name was on the first real road bike I bought 16 years ago!

"Cycling's a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets"---David Bean

....and because I don't feel like writing tonite here's some fill from George...

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm."---George Carlin

love
peter

"Good For Another 3 Months"

Went to the clinic today and got a clean bill of health. I wasn't really worried but I still get a little nervous just going there. They thought it was time to shove the stupid scope thing down my nose and it did seem like she took an awful long time looking. Then it seemed to me that there was a brief pause when she finished before she said, "everything looks great!"

She also gave me some new chemicals to help me sleep. Something called Zoplicone. Cory will probably denounce them for that but if she only knew that I've been taking some leftover benzodiazapenes for the last few weeks maybe she'll go easy. I initially tried to convince them to give me more of those because they really helped, but they definitely discouraged me on that one. So I'll try the sleeping pills and see how I feel.

I felt really tired all day today for some reason and all I did was a short run.

I wish to dedicate day 163 to Dr Margaret Wiebe becasue she tried to be gentle with her machine, and she gave me some drugs.

"Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day."---Friedrich Nietzsche

love
peter

"The Simple Life"

On the drive from Puebla to Mexico City today I noticed, not for the first time, the significant amount of farming that still takes place at what we would call a primitive level. I seen one guy doing some kind of ploughing with a sorry looking pair of oxen, several people out in open fields tending their vegetables with hoes and such, and also several small horses and donkeys attached to a cart of some kind.

It brought me back to a time when I was perhaps 14 years old, when we (me and any varied number of my siblings) would occasionally be hired out to a farmer down the road who still used horses for all of his farming. What I find interesting about that time as I look back on it, was that I remember always enjoying going to his place to help out. That’s worth mentioning because I can honestly say that I enjoyed exactly zero percent of my time spent in the service of my parents in their farming endeavors’….well almost zero anyway. Well yah, actually zero! Well no…when I think longer I distinctly remember that I liked killing chickens. I remember one special time when I missed my aim with the hatchet and only cut half of his head off. Got him right through the left eyeball! That was really cool!

Speaking of uncomplicated, this simple farmer did not even have a wife…only a live in housekeeper?? To this day I never really wondered about that. I can’t quite remember her name, but I guarantee you that at least one of my idiot siblings will.

Anyway, what do you suppose the difference was? Why did I like going to his place to farm, other than the fact that it was away from home? I suggest to you that perhaps it was the simplicity of it. Life is so complicated and we are so dependent on all of the technology we have created, that it somehow leaves us in a constant state of anxiety over our dependence. I know it’s true for me at least.

Case in point. An hour or so after my enjoyment of the simple farming scenes along the highway I found myself in the Mexico City airport with a Blackberry that suddenly would not “Scroll down”!!! It would go every other which way, but without that one simple little function it was practically useless. I was in a panic…literally. My anxiety level went way up immediately. How was I going to survive the rest of my trip home, let alone maybe part of tomorrow until such time as I could get a repair or replacement? I ain’t kidding….I was stressed! I didn’t need it for anything in urgent, and in the event of anyone needing me it would still take incoming calls and yet I suddenly felt so vulnerable….without my fucking e-mail and cell phone!!! Unbelievable eh? There’s something very wrong with that, or with me, or with all of us.

I need to simplify my life. There’s enough reasons to feel vulnerable in life without the added pressure of depending on machinery. Maybe one of these days I’ll leave home for a few hours without my phone. By the way I always take it with me when I go out for a bike ride! In case my bike breaks!

And yet….I like my computer, my blackberry, my bike, my RV, my tractor etc. I must be addicted to feel such a powerful need.

Maybe I need to buy a horse or some chickens. Of course I suppose that if my livelihood depended on the health of that one horse it could be a bit stressful as well. Then again, you can always beat a horse if you feel like it, and get some satisfaction that way. If I beat my blackberry it would probably only be good for one such gratifying moment.

Travel day, so no training today. Hopefully I will be In Canada for the next 3 weeks and so I hope to really make some headway.

I wish to dedicate day 162 to simple gentleman farmer Mr Elgin Snowe, who we affectionately called Elgie. He let me steer his horses.

“Simplify is making the journey of this life with just enough baggage”---Charles Dudley Warner

Love
peter

"I Feel Like a Beginner"

I did some internet reading on the effects of running at altitude and from what I can gather it should not be nearly as significant as it seems to me. They talk about decreases in performance of 10-12 percent at this altitude which are supposedly offest by about half, due to the decreased air resistance. For me the difference seems more like 20%. I ran 15kms in discomfort the whole time, and ended up doing a walk jog thing for the last 4K. Oh well. I guess anything that gets my heart rate up must be good for me. Its pretty tough on the confidence level though. I really felt like a beginning jogger making his first pathetic attempt to get around the block.

I wish to dedicate day 161 to my dear old friend Richard(Dick) Robilliard, who has never been afraid to be a beginner. I wish him success in his latest adventure.

“A man ceases to be a beginner in any given science and becomes a master in that science when he has learned that he is going to be a beginner all his life."---Robin G. Collingwood

love
peter

"What makes you happy?"

A friend asked me today what was the happiest time of all my years at Magna. Without a second of hesitation I told him it was more than 20 years ago when I was trying to automate a set of tools in the old 1009 press at Presstran! I reminisced about arriving at work in the morning and being able to see from a distance whether the press was running or not, and either way I was excited to get to the press to see how the night had gone, and excited to get on with whatever new challenges were forthcoming for the day. I was living with Claudette at the time and maybe Michael had been born, I'm not sure, but either way we barely had a pot to piss in as a good portion was being sent off for the upkeep of Peter and Jonathan, and we had just bought our first rundown old house which needed money as well. Never the less, other than some great battles that Roo and I enjoyed as we figured out how to make our marriage work I was very happy.(actually I even like the battles)

The conversation then went from "what was you're happiest time at Magna" to "what was your happiest time in life" and for some reason I never had to think about this one either. It was when I was maybe 20 years old living above the Chinese restaurant in Fergus Ontario with my brother Bill and our friend Roger. I had recently been fired from my job, had absolutely no money, and no prospects for any kind of a future, either professionally or personally. Actually I do remember having enough money to be able to go down the street and play pool, because I can remember to this day, min that pool hall, thinking what a great life I had now that I didn't have to work for a while, as I was sure to be able to collect unemployment insurance benefits.

If they say ignorance is bliss I guess you could conclude I was pretty ignorant at the time. I was ignorant of the challenges of marriage, ignorant of the stress of career, ignorant of the heartbreak of parenthood, and ignorant of my own shortcomings and limitations in regards to all of these things.

Fortunately I was ignorant, because I do not wish to change any of the results of my decisions, and yet, oh how the years change things eh? Now I know all of these things I didn't know at 20. It seems that I am a much wiser man with a much heavier burden.

Now to just recapture the 20 year olds happiness and then some, despite the heavier burden. That is my goal!

I'm gonna start tomorrow morning by running part of the Puebla to Atlixco highway. Wish me luck! I won't go as far as last time but I need to make a decent effort as I have now had 2 down days in a row

A special message today to all those at 43027. As God is my witness my love for you is so intense there are moments it near stalls my heart!!

I wish to dedicate day 160 to 2 year old Jose Esteban Gaspar(son of a co-worker) who not just survived bi-lateral Retinoblastoma (a cancer of the retina) but managed to retain the sight in both eyes!

"I wish that I knew, what I know now, when I was younger"---Rod Stewart

“Ah - but I was so much older then; I'm younger than that now."---Bob Dylan

love
peter

"All You Really Have is Yourself"

Yup! All you really have is yourself. You’re born alone and you die alone. If in between that beginning, and that end, you are fortunate enough to have times of human fellowship and relationship, then you need to consider those times as blessings, as “extras” so to speak. I’m coming to believe that it’s a mistake to take them for granted and expect that they will be with you always. In most cases something will come along to either modify the situation slightly or to take it out of your life forever and completely. The most drastic example is of course death, and I am grateful that other than for the passing of my parents, which we all expect at some time, I have so far managed to dodge the grim reapers efforts both personally and amongst those closest to me.

Yesterday I used fabric as a metaphor for life and I still like it, but I think I was using it in somewhat the wrong sense. I was considering all of those “extras”, all the relationships in my life, as the individual fibers that held my life together, and I considered the stretching and tearing as being the pain caused by those “extras” when things didn’t go as I thought they should/would.

I still want to use the metaphor but now I see the fabric and its individual fibers, as an internal thing rather than external. I see the fibers as those powers of thought, emotion, attitude, and commitment that I bring to my own life. The fabric of my being can only be as flexible and tough as I choose to make it. I don’t think that makes me an island, but I would rather look at those around me as my teachers and mentors that show me what I need to learn, rather than the glue that holds me together. And I suppose, to see them as my students as well. I have learned many things in my screwed up life and there is no greater gratification than being able to successfully share your knowledge with those around you.

Of course that’s all very idealistic and I’m miles away from there and yet I see the truth in it. I see it in people I know who just seem to be able to cope with constant change; change in job status, change in personal wealth, change in family status. I see it especially in older women who seem to live in great harmony even after having lost their life partner, and it would seem are only living out the string. I believe it is because their fabric is strong.

I’ve spent all my life trying to hoard everything I could with the idea that that’s where security lies….especially in relationships. There’s a school of thought that says that as long as you have your loved ones then everything else will be ok. I think my point is that even relationships can be fleeting and you cannot depend on them for your feelings of self worth or let them be the determination of the value of your life. All that has to come from the inside.

The other message I could take out of my analogy might be that if you don’t use those “extras” to strengthen your inner fabric you may gain the strength the hard way…..when you lose the extras!

All that being said I’m going to work towards that independence even while I continue to cherish those “extras”….my children,(all 5 of them) my grandchildren, my friends and my co-workers.
The hard one for me will of course be the strongest (and most flexible) fiber in the fabric of my life. For at least a little while I’m going to continue to depend on her. I think however as I work towards the goal of considering her a blessing rather than something I deserve, I may just learn to cherish her even more, while giving up some of my dependence on her to hold me together.

As to everyone else in my life I ask that you keep loving me unconditionally, and that you continue to let me help you in any way I can. Or rather than just let me help, ask me if you think there is something I can do for you. I promise the same to you. I think in this way we can all help each other to strengthen our respective fabric.

Of course this very discourse has left me feeling homesick after barely getting away. There's a message in that for me I think.

Please also watch this. My friend Mark sent it to me today and somehow it fits in. Thanks Mark http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ya9BXClRw

And now, from all that thinking I have a pounding headache. I’m sitting on an airplane(could you guess?) and I left Roo at home this morning with some kind of flu or something. I hope I’m not getting it as well. I’m already battling a cold.

There will be no training today. Yesterday I went and ran steps at the arena with Colby, who is of course training for his CN Tower Climb. Tomorrow or Wednesday I will try running in the altitude of Puebla again. I will be smarter this time.

I wish to dedicate day 159 to my Moms sister who I only ever knew as Tante Zuster (Aunt Sister). A woman who committed her whole life to taking care of the sick and dying. Clearly a woman of strong moral and personal fiber! (please note that I left a potential opening for Cory to correct my spelling in Dutch) Let's see if she's awake?

“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."---Alfred Adler

“Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of."

"Empty Headed"

No energy to blog tonite my friends. I wish only to give you a thought.
I think lives are like fabric. Some people have stretchy fabric that will give with some pressure, and other's have tougher material that may not give so easily but does tend to tear at some point. I hope my fabric is tough enough and stretchy enough?

I wish to dedicate day 158 to my wife, because without her I would be hopeless, in more ways than one.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."---Dale Carnegie

love
peter

"I read the instructions!"

I was getting frustrated with my cycling because instead of getting better it seemed to be regressing. My ride on the trainer on thursday was really quite pathetic. I've been wondering for some time however whether the setup could have any kind of influence on the results, so this morning I went online and found the manual. There is a knob which cranks the pressure of the trainer flywheel against your rear tire and it is of course adjustable. If it is not tight enough than you get slippage when you are pedalling hard, like on the simulated hills. I have just always cranked that knob until I didn't get any slip and that's how I rode. But that didn't seem very scientific and that's why I referred to the manual. It gives very clear instructions, to inflate your tires to the maximum, clean them, preferably with rubbing alcohol, and then turn the knob just until you can not make it slip easily by hand.

Well, the diifference was shocking! On thursday I rode 33 kms in 1 hr, 30 mins. Today I rode a harder part of the same course for 60 kms in 2 hrs. 4 mins. About 7 kms/hr faster! What a relief is all I can say.

I also swam 1000 metres and I have no idea, nor do I care, how long that took.

As promised I was doing my new weight workout as well tonite, until the neighbours showed up half way through and derailed it. I will finish it tomorrow.

I wish to dedicate day 157 to Vicky Newlove, client of Peters and a cancer surthrivor who shames me with her optimism.

“If everything else fails, read the instructions"...Anon


“I don't consider myself a cancer survivor because I never became a victim."---Chris Carlisle

love
peter

"How do Some People Do It?"

Short workout today. All I did was a 7 km run but I did a couple of intense bursts of 2.5 kms and 1 km. It felt good. I also completed the dry run of a weight training program Peter is helping me with. Tomorrow I will do the real thing, and the intent is to do it twice a week on an ongoing basis. I think it's gonna be good. Believe it or not it is a program I got out of one of those complicated training books I'm always bitchin about. Peter tells me it's a good program.

So how do some people do it?

Maintain sanity that is, while all around you it seems like the wheels are falling off. Or rather than maintain sanity, maintain peace of mind. Sanity is not near as sacred to me as contentment, and for that matter maybe they actually exist better without one another. If you're totally nuts maybe you can be at peace.

Day before yesterday I watched a guy standing at the end of the lane at the pool just talking to himself for 20 minutes before he started swimming. Maybe he lost his marbles because the wheels fell off his bus and maybe he's happier now.

Then yesterday, at the pool again when I came into the change room after my swim there was a guy vigorously washing himself in the shower. After I showered, got changed, went back to the pool deck to watch Colby swim for 1o minutes, and came back to the change room he was still washing himself. His wheels definitely fell off at some point. Again maybe he's happier now. I know that at the very least he was happy to use up all of the soap because he was working on the second dispenser by then!

So if there's any small truth in my theory then I can conclude that I am still sane. And quite frankly I would like to remain that way and still achieve the peace of mind we all desire. I do believe there are people out there who are capable of doing so even during tough times. I think many people achieve at least a taste of what I'm talking about through religion or spirituality but that has never really worked for me. Even though I am envious of these people it seems to me like an escape....like a last resort...like a giving over of control and responsibility. I just can't quite buy that. I can't start mouthing the platitudes and preaching the wisdom of god. It seems to me that this god should be showing me how to take care of me and mine, without me having to beg him for help. What else makes him/her a god?

Alas, as life wears on I am starting to come to the realization that shitty things are going to continue to happen and that unless I find a way to accept them and still be content, that I will continue to live my life in fear of the wheels! But shouldn't there be some things that you can depend on, take for granted and just enjoy?

So which is it with these other people I see around me that seem to have it generally well in hand...that seem to sleep well and wake up well? Is it that they haven't lost as many wheels as I have or do they truly know a secret that I don't? Or is it all just an illusion? Do they just wear a mask?

In my case the metaphorical wheels on the bus are my childern, and my grandchildren. Without these wheels properly inflated and running true the bus ride is bumpy and unpleasant. With them all humming along the highway, I personally have few other needs. Claudette handles it much better than me but I know that she suffers as well with the same ailment. Thank god at least that I have her to steer the bus!

I wish to dedicate day 156 to the Dalai Lama. Check out his website sometime. http://dalailama.com/

....for a religious kind of guy I like a lot of what this man says...of course he's had 14 lifetimes to learn eh?...

"Do not confuse peace of mind with spaced out insensitivity. A truly peaceful mind is very sensitive, very aware."---Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai Lama

....I'm working on this one...

"I tell you one thing / if you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather learn to see your own faults."---Sri Sarada Devi

....this is still my biggest problem

“For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe."---Larry Eisenberg

....and this is one I think we all forget at times...

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."---Desmond Tutu

love

peter

"Triathlon Day"

I did something in all 3 disciplines today. That's a first. It's not the way I planned it but I was happy with the way it worked out. My intention was to ride for 3 hours today but after an hour and a half of staring at that monitor I had enough and went home. I tried to be ok with that but quickly figured out that wasn't going to be. So I got dressed and went out and ran a cold, very windy block and felt better. Then I thought what the hell, and went to the pool as well. Did some straight swimming and some drills. probably getting in 1000 metres all told.

I wish to dedicate day 155 to Mark Allen....unarguably the greatest of them all!

“If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, then triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise."---P. Z. Pearce

love
peter

"Learning to Listen"

I don't know exactly what happens to me when people give me advice, either the requested kind or the other kind, but something definitely happens in my brain. Somehow, something shuts down and I don't let it in....not even to mull it over.

Well today for some reason I had a little breakthrough. Endurance guru and friend Burt told me some time ago to watch out for my dependance on the clock...."don't become a slave to the watch" he said. Well if you know the relationship I have with this old man you'll understand part of it, but mostly I just never really gave it any thought when he said it.

Today for some reason when I forced myself to the pool one more time, I just decided to swim! I never even started my watch, and only occassionally looked at the pace clock on the wall. It's the wall clock that's the real problem because it's right there staring you in the face every time you come to the end of a lap....always telling you it's not good enough. And of course for some reason I think I should be swimming the same times as I did 10 years ago, mainly because I wasn't very fast then. It's all so stupid to let the swim bother me anyway because 10% slower in the water will cost me 8 minutes, which is nothing compared to 10% on the bike or run.

So that's my new swim philosophy. Other than an occasional time trial in my wetsuit I will either just swim, focusing on form, and/or do drills. Just the idea of that approach takes some of the pool anxiety away. Lets see how it goes.

I jogged to the track today as well and just messed around a little. It felt good to run fast....well at least fast for me. Fast is of course a relative measure. I can confirm that the track I checked out in Grand rapids was indeed 400 yards only.

Burt also gave me advice on my achilles and so I started the stretching regimen he suggested. It feels good already.

I wish to dedicate day 154 to Wendy Bisaillon, who of course is Gramma B.

“If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut."---Albert Einstein

“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."---Oliver Wendell Holmes

“To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also."---Igor Stravinsky

love
peter

"Honesty"

A pretty important part of life in general, I think we could all agree, but when it comes to training for an Ironman it becomes paramount. You can lie to everyone else I suppose but any self deceipt will simply catch up to you. And in a very big way come race day. I have seen it before in individuals who time and time again failed to complete races, or were much slower than they told the world they were going to be. And they always had an excuse....something they ate, or someone who held them up, or equipment problems or whatever. After a while I find those types to become a bit tiresome as it seems they're clearly deluding themselves about their own readiness. I remember the nuns way back when telling us that if we cheated on a test we were only cheating ourselves, and I remember thinking what bullshit that was, but I am gradually figuring it out. Cheating or lying is simply self delusion that you have to pay for sometime, somehow. How do I know? Personal experience! The truth, is the truth, is the truth and that's all there is to it. I know that I am still not where I want to be but I do at least acknowledge it as the only road to happiness and as such continue to strive for the ideal.

Today I want to share something with you that I started to work on even before I was sick. It is a work in progress and I have come back to it a few times and will come back to it again. For some reason today seemed like a good day to share it, complete or not. I hope it doesn't seem too corny. No one has ever seen it before. I call it my

"Personal Statement of Philosophy"

"I will search for the truth in everything I do. Not just the superficial truth but the deep down everlasting truth. I will especially look to find the truth within myself
I will learn to give of what I have and learn to gain joy from it.
I will constantly measure my activities to see that they add value to my life, and to my world.
I will not influence/manipulate others for my own peace of mind.
I will focus on becoming one in mind. body, and spirit...me, myself, and I.
I will avoid wasting time on activities that simply keep up appearances.
I will strive to be a leader for my family by doing the right things for the long term.
I will be an exemplary role model for my children.
I will remind my self often that material things have no lasting value and I will govern myself accordingly.
I will always accept responsibility for my own actions and my own condition.
I will monitor the level of my self-talk.
I will wear no mask.
I will be humble.
I will be honest."---Peter W Rooyakkers

I wish to dedicate day 153 to Aurel Bisaillon, Grampa B. to my grandchildren

"We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger."---Tad Williams

"The highest compact we can make with our fellow is - "Let there be truth between us two forevermore."---Ralph Waldo Emerson


"I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness."---Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

love
peter

"Missed my Cutoff!

So this was my long run plan today. I'm sure I've told you before that I have lots of options when it comes to route planning for long runs. Today I decided I was going to do blocks of 14.4kms, 10.4kms, 7.4kms for a total of 32.2kms, and if I was still felt ok I would do the little psych loop at the end which would bring me close to 35kms. Well the first loop went fine.... so much so that I changed my plan and decided to repeat it, and then maybe do the 7.4 loop. The problem is when it came time to make the turn, I couldn't find it. Namely becuas it was probably a kilometer behind me. I don't think I have ever before actually missed a planned cutoff in all my running years. So I thought what the hell, just keep going and turn at the next intersection. As a result the loop turned into 21.4kms and yet I still felt good enough near the end to do the psych loop. Fortunatley the first time past the aid station(our mailbox) I had a good long drink of my energy solution, as well as lots of water. My total run was a very satisfying 38.4kms in 3 hours, 29 minutes.

And the best part of the whole experiemce. I made several new friends along the way. Six to be exact....everyone of them with a tail and four legs. There was only one however that made me a little nervous and not for very long. I don't know why, but dogs don't generally scare me too much. In the last 15 years I really only had one really scary situation, and I think today I would have handled it differently. My problem is that I don't want to stop running when chased and yet that is generally the best thing you can do until they lose interest. I only walked for about 10 seconds today before the barker headed back home.

Anyway, it's good to know that my run endurance continues to improve. I felt very good still at the end, and could have kept on going. I am definitely at, or beyond the fitness level I was when I ran my last marathon in 2005. The first race of the season is coming up fast. Just 6 weeks to the 30k Around the Bay Race in Hamilton, which for me will be an intense training run. Brett is doing it with me.

Speaking of which, him and Teresa should be heading up the mountain by now....Kilimanjaro that is. I hope all goes well with them. Can you shout at us from up there Teresa? And don't fall in the crater!

I wsih to dedicate day 152 to Roos nephew Leon Regnier IV. I don't know him but I know his mother, and as such have very high hopes for him

"If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around."---Will Rogers

"I loathe people who keep mean dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."---Anon

love
peter

"Mortality"

So you think dying may be bad eh? What about not dying? My casual reading has been very much in the fantasy realm lately, well maybe my whole life actually, but in this book I recently finished, one of the subplots was about this lady who against her will had been given immortality.

It's kind of weird when you think about it. It's a natural human emotion to fear dying and yet I think if you give the alternative any consideration it has to be much scarier. In the book she expressed anger at the fact that loved ones came and went and she could expect this painful cycle to go on forever.

You could I suppose make the argument that if we we are all immortal then it wouldn't be such a bad thing, as we could all enjoy it together. But that means everyone stays as they are, no one ages, no one grows, no one develops. If you have a 2 year old I suppose he would stay a 2 year old forever. If you're married to an idiot it would be forever. If you were in pain it would be forever. I suppose there would be no births as we wouldn't want or need any?

No, I think any way you slice it, dying is better than not dying, and that realization somehow makes living easier. Or maybe anyway?

So I suppose the next logical question is how long then? Well....I think I want to live for another 22 years. Seventy five seems like a nice reasonable expectation, and just under what the statistics say I should accomplish as a male Canadian(76.98 years). By the way, according to the CIA factbook, Canada is 14th out of 221 on the list I found, with Swaziland bringing up the rear with an average life expectancy of 32.23 years. Like so many other southern Africa countries this is primarily due to AIDS. The one that really surprised me however was Russia. They were 157th on the list at 65.87 years...wow..

So whats's the point? I don't know? Maybe I'm just looking for the secrets of the universe, as I have to tell you that I had a horrible day today. Such irrational feelings of emptiness and uselessless, and frustration over the stupidist things. I tell you this almost with shame as I can't possibly give you a good enough reason for it. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it is what it is. It's during times that I feel this way that I can almost relate to people with addiction problems. Wouldn't it be great to just escape? In actual fact I think I have my own addiction and that's reading, as crazy as that may sound. The very idea of going to bed at night without some mindless fiction to distract me is frightening. And like any other addiction, the only solution when you wake up is more of the same.

Today I stumbled on some on info about Stephen Hawking who of course has ALS(Lou Gehrigs disease) He's 67 years old, can't eat, can't walk, can't talk, can't do anything but think and yet he claims to be happy. How does he wake up every morning?

As much as I joke about it I sincerely hope that my honesty does not start to come off as more whining. It's a sad statement and I'm sorry, but I never wake up in the morning with a feeling of enthusiasm, like Hawking presumably does. Most days I get it going and by midday I'm okay but not today. I really am fighting hard, and deep down inside I think I will win the battle eventually. I also don't know if any of my challenges are even remotely related to my illness but I want to believe so....or maybe it's just an excuse eh?

Only swimming today. I did 2000 metres with my wetsuit even though I had planned on 4ooo. I truly don't know if it was my mind or my body that was the limitation....probably some of each. Tomorrow needs to be a long run day...needs to be!!

I wish to dedicate day 151 to my sister-in-law Heather, who once overcame the most difficult of tragedies with a strength and grace I envied.

...so on dying or not...

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."---Susan Ertz

....and from a famous science writer....

"I'm sure my disability has a bearing on why I'm well known. People are fascinated by the contrast between my very limited physical powers, and the vast nature of the universe I deal with. I'm the archetype of a disabled genius, or should I say a physically challenged genius, to be politically correct. At least I'm obviously physically challenged. Whether I'm a genius is more open to doubt."---Stephen Hawking

....and from a famous science fiction writer...

"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."---Isaac Asimov

love
peter

"Happy Valentines Day"

No time to post anything tonite other than hello and good bye. It was of course Roo's birthday and I think she had a good day. I bought her new running shoes and of course we had cake and children, and grandchildern etc. I was going to post a few pics but the freakin camera is pissing me off. Things that don't work right just drive me crazy.

I wish to dedicate day 150 to the love of my life. Happy Birthday honey!

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."---Larry Lorenzoni

love
peter

"Friday the 13th!"

I went out to do my hills today with a decidedly tired feeling. I was still sore from yesterdays bike ride, and so I thought maybe I would just do one or two and head back home. Unfortunately I ran into my wife on the way out as she was returning from her workout and I got different instructions. Namely that I better not be back too soon or she would know I hadn't done enough. Now if it was summer time this wouldn't be a problem as I could just have a nice nap on a lawn somewhere, but that wouldn't work too good right now. So I just went out and got started, determined to do at least 6 or 8 and then go from there. As I got into it I avoided looking at my watch too much and just put my head dowm and plugged away. By the time I hit 6 I was pretty sure I could handle 10 and maybe even 12 which was my previous high. I even fantasized about 14 as I usually do multiples of 2 so that I never have to turn around at the bottom of the hill. But that no longer seemed feasible when I finished number 12. But then it occurred to me. It was friday the 13th, and so the answer was obvious! Today I would go down once more and turn around at the bottom. Superstition is not one of my peculiarities.

In the end I was pretty happy with my effort. Including my warmup and cool down I had a total run of 18k, and really felt pretty good at the end. I also went to the pool but I was very, very tired by then and managed only to get a few drills in, and some stretching in the hot tub. I am getting a little more worried about my right achilles and so I really need to concentrate on fixing it. I will send a note to my buddy Burt who knows more about running injuries than anyone I know, to see if he has any good advice.

I wish to dedicate day 149 to our old friend Janet Baird, a kind, decent, warm hearted woman.

"The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses."---Francis Bacon

"Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy; the mad daughter of a wise mother."---Voltaire

"Spoiled!"

Just a little ride outside last sunday, and then that glorious run in shorts on tuesday and I am spoiled already. I want summer, and I want it now!

As promised I rode long on the trainer today. Longer than I planned becasue I was slower than planned. It took me 3 hours 40 minutes to do the last 90k of the Ironman course. It seems that as time wears on my indoor riding gets slower and slower. I don't know what that's about? I suspect that I need to change things up a bit, and spend more time on strength and technique. I'm gonna have to have a look in the dreaded training books.

I wish to dedicate day 148 to Roo's sister Cathy who also had her fair share of tough times.

"Life asks not merely what you can do; it asks how much can you endure and not be spoiled."---Harry Emerson Fosdick

“Spoiled. That's all it's about - can't live without this, can't live without that. You can live without anything you weren't born with, and you can make it through on even half of that."---Gloria Naylor

love
peter

"Second Chances"

Most people I talk to who have not had a life threatening experience, understand the idea of getting a second chance the same way that I did before this cancer bullshit. I always believed that if I ever found myself in that situation, that I would experience a great sense of freedom, and aliveness, and enthusiasm, and open mindedness, and fearlessness, and gratitude, and love, and gentleness, and kindness, and patience, and optimism. I would go peacefully through life with a smile on my face, enjoying every moment of it....

Well from all my bitching you can tell that it hasn't been that way for me. I don't know if it's just me or if it's natural to struggle for some time in my situation. I'm afraid to ask other survivors, probably because I will find out that either it is just me, or in my normal cynical way I won't believe them.

Despite all that I am truly grateful not just for the second chance at life itself but also for all the other "first chances" I've had in so many areas of my life. Chances that quite frankly most of us have. I believe, that it's what me make of those chances that determines our destiny. I personally have had the chance to learn, to work, to play, to teach, to compete, to give, to receive, to love, to swim/bike/run etc.

I also want you to know that the despite the fact that it has not been the way I hoped or thought it would be, that I do intend on making the very best of this second chance. I just need to keep working at it, and time will get me there. If I refer back to the list I made earlier I believe I have made some inroads, any yet have a long way to go,....especially in the areas of freedom, patience, gratitude and optimism. I am proud to say that I think my progress areas have been those of gentleness and kindness....of course there was lots of opportunity there eh?

Today was a no training day. I worked in Grand Rapids until about 2:30 and then had a 4 hour drive home. That was enough. Tomorrow I will have the "chance" to ride the trainer for at least 3 hours and I intend on taking advantage of it.

I wish to dedicate day 147 to the memory of Roos little sister Rachelle, who didn't really have a chance at all.

....and in the category of the longest quote I've ever posted I give you this...

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that wheneverI decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.---Maya Angelou

love
peter

"Global Warming!"

This climate change stuff is really starting to worry me. I ran in shorts and a t-shirt in Grand Rapids Michigan today, which is just slightly north of St Thomas. And it's february the 1oth! I don't know what the temperature was but it must have been at least 15C as it is till 12 degrees at 9 pm. Pretty smart of me to even think of packing my shorts eh? I ran for 9 kms and then I also did a few laps around a high school track I spotted on my way back to the hotel. I thought at first that I was pretty fast around the track but I now have this sneaking suspicion that it was 400 yards instead of metres?

Anyway I have figured out how to hedge my bets on the global warming thing. I sponsored Colby in his attempted climb of the CN tower in April which is a WWF fundraiser for this specific cause....real or not? In case you want to help him out, here's a link to his personal fundraising page.
http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=592964&LangPref=en-CA

Roo's gonna see if she can make it up with him, and so I include her link for your consideration as well. Even if you don't want to sponsore her check it out because there is a very nice picture of my honey there. I must have taken it??
http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=592943&LangPref=en-CA.

That's it for today. I really really hope that the weather continues to be warm and let the next generations be damned! I have training to get in!

I wish to dedicate day 146 to my old running friend Paul Lovelock, who sent me a bunch of swim training advice yesterday.

....and on 400 yards vs 400 metres....

"The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."---Dave Barry

love
peter

"Hotel Rooms"

It's 10:30 at night. I just got into my hotel after a long day and I'm ready for bed....even if it's not my own.

No training today.

No inspiration today.

But I still see and feel much beauty in the world primarily because of the great co-workers I spent the day with.

I wish to dedicate day 145 to my new friend Alejandro Gorraez, a man of passion, humour and inner beauty.

"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."---Muhammad Ali

love
peter

"Two Strong Men"

A little snow and ice didn't stop these 2 tough gys from their bike ride. We did the block(7.4kms) and Colby wanted me to specifically point out that 1.5 kms of it was uphill. Of course he did all the pedalling and I did all the talking....or something like that?

By the time we got back the day had turned nice enough that I actually did take my road bike out for a 20k spin and it felt great. I just had to get used to the fact that the bike did not stand up by itself, and that I had to actually steer!

I wish to dedicate day 144 to Roo's brother Roger, who also loves riding his bike year round!

"There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson."---Victor Hugo

love
peter

"Retarded!"

Retarded----"Occurring or developing later than desired or expected; delayed; relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development."

Yup, Yup, Yup! That's me all right! I am emphatically, undeniably, categorically, blessedly retarded. What a relief. It explains so much to me, even though it's probably not much of a surprise to anyone else. Has anyone ever noticed that words only develop negative connotations over time depending on how society uses them. Retarded is a prime example, which, when used in relation to the mental development of a human person was eventually adjusted to "mentally handicapped" and recently amended again to "mentally challenged". I can think of many others, particularly racial and religious slurs which more often than not started out innocently enough. I won't go into specifics because that's an area that is a little too risque even for me.

But I do believe that like most things in life, even the usage of words can come full circle, and as such I intend on starting a trend to bring 'retarded' back into vogue in a positive way. Of course when I say start the trend I only truly follow on the heels of son Peter, sister Cory, and of course George Carlin. Sick as it may seem the main reason I admire George is because in his irreverance to every sensitive topic under the sun, he in essence diffuses all the bullshit sensitivity....all the pussyfooting around to make sure no ones feelings are hurt. Actually sometimes I think that George is Peters real father as they share this abiltity to put it all into perspective, without mincing words. After all as George used to say, "It's all bullshit, its all fucking bullshit!

So how do I propose to bring momentum to my intentions to bring the word back. Well step one I have already taken in naming myself retarded. Step 2 would then naturally be to include my family in the category and so I state that I have 11 retarded siblings, 4 retarded children, 2 retarded grandchildern, 1 retarded daughter in law, and last but not least 1 very retarded wife! Of course most of you will recall that you also acknowledged yourselves as idiots, so from now on please consider your selves a bunch of retarded idiots. Actually don't just consider it, but rather shout it with pride. The only way to create the positive connotation is to get people to envy you for it. Pretty soon everyone will want to be a retarded idiot, and I will end up on Wikipedia as the founder of the movement. Woohoo!

Ok, enough of that. How about this. Do you think Cory's sense of humour is subtle enough that she spelled "rescind' wrong on purpose in yesterdays comment? I truly want to believe that she was purposely being sly, but I just can't help the sneaking suspicion that she's just retarded!

And John, despite the fact that I know english was his second language the more I hear about some of your dear departed fathers quotes, the more I think that maybe he was a little retarded too eh?

And Larry, from you those words go beyond motivational. Just the fact that you read my ramblings regularly is enough for me. To acknowledge my blog as your new bible however is truly a special comment. I do acknowledge that like the bible it is mostly full of bullshit, with the odd bit of wisdom thrown in....usually borrowed from somewhere else.

Thirty two kilometres today in the wind. That was nicely offset by the warmer weather though and it was quite a friendly little run. I was very tempted to go further but reason prevailed. It doesn't look real good for my outside ride tomorrow as without any sunshine today the pavement has stayed wet, and it looks like more of the same tomorrow but with colder temperatures. If it's a no go, I will simply have to go to the dreaded pool instead. I'm then out of town until thursday so I'll have a bit of a break.

I wish to dedicate day 143 to Jane Gainsforth, the really nice lady from Ironman canada who told me last year that I could roll my entry over to 2009!

hmmm.....

"Of all the idiots I`ve known in my life, none of them were retarded."---W Brown

love
peter

"Low Tide"

Sometimes writing this stuff makes me feel like the guy on the deserted island who's recording his daily activities and moods, just in case someone may someday read them. If I were that guy I would tell you that metaphorically speaking I am at low tide today. For some reason my motivation is at an all time low. It seems like I have to force everything. I'm not sure why, but I hope it's just a winter time rut. I swam 1000 metres this morning and felt like a rock, and then rode for 2 hours this afternoon. I hope the weather co-operates tomorrow so that I can get a good long run in, as that always seems to make me feel better. I also have this tentative plan to take a short ride outside on sunday, again depending on the weather.

That's all for now. Send me some motivation will ya?

I wish to dedicate day 142 to Roo's brother Rob, just a good guy!

“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'."---Martin Luther

love
peter

"I Love my Blog"

And I'm proud of my efforts to maintain it. Today however I'm just too tired to make an effort. I got back from Brampton in time to get a short run in before dark and so I did the block and tried to re-enact my 2k accomplishment of the other day, but nothing doing. That's ok however as I'm just getting over this bug I have. Tomorrow I should be back to full speed with a morning swim planned, and then a longer bike ride in the afternoon.

I wish to dedicate day 141 to my friend Bob Tyssen who knows what the word 'friend' means.

“Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself."---Paul Bryant

love
peter

"Feelin Better!"

Of course it wasn't until Miguette mentioned it that it occurred to me why I was sick in the first place. Definitely that Kylie girl who was sick in the middle of the night just a few days ago, while sleeping over. Oh well, just another thing I will have to forgive her for since in all other regards she's perfect!!

My stomach is still a bit unsettled but I am much better than last night thank you very much. I rode for an hour this morning and spent maybe 45 minutes in the pool as well, both workouts at an easy pace. Tomorrow I have to go to Brampton and as such may just take the whole day off.

I wish to dedicate day 140 to Margaret Palmer of Scotland, sister of my friend John. Margaret recently started treatment for throat cancer and we know how much fun that is. Good Luck Margaret!

“I'm just glad to be feeling better. I really thought I'd be seeing Elvis soon."---Bob Dylan

love
peter

"Flashback!"

Laying in bed feeliing sick as a dog. I must have a touch of the flu but it's kind of freaky to lay here feeling cold, and hot, and nauseous.....just like a year ago! I know I'm a real baby but I hate it. I hope it passes quickly. I suppose it's inevitable that it happen sometime when you're living on the edge of fatique all the time. I know from past experience that I need to take it easy until it passes or else I will regret it big time.

The crazy thing is that even though I felt it coming on yesterday already, I still felt really strong this morning, and I had a great run. I only did the block but within that I did a 2k tempo run in exactly 8 minutes!!! I am very, very proud of that. We used to joke that when you crossed the threshold of the 4 minute km, that you had graduated from jogging to running. When I first managed to run a single kilometer some time early last summer it took me over 7 minutes! To keep it in perspective however, I have run more than 20 kms at that pace in my previous life. Oh well, I 'was' much younger then and I am still very gratified by my 2 kilometers.

Oh and I had to come back to my post to tell you that I just spent the last hour fixing my dedication day numbers which were all screwed up! Doesn't anyone care enough to keep an eye out? Idiots!! I hope it's right now. I ain't even sure, but I'm too sick to care any more.

I'm thinking special thoughts about my sister Teresa today as she and Brett make their final preparations for their Africa trip....and for other reasons as well?

I wish to dedicate day 139 to Dr Ernst, the chemo guy, who made me very, very sick, but made me well in the process.

“Only in America - do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store"---Anon

“I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick"---Abe Lemons

....and this one's especially for Mary...

“One should not stand at the foot of a sick person's bed, because that place is reserved for the guardian angel"---Anon

love
peter

"Man!"

There's just too much frustration in my life. Like going to the grocery store tonite. It's just an exercise in futility. Going up and down the aisles looking for something new and edible that just may have appeared since last time I searched. I go past the chicken wings, past the pizza, past the sausages and the hamburgers, past the nachos and the chips, past the bread, and if they had any at the grocery store....past the beer. Frustrating!

....oh wait...maybe I should be grateful?

But then I get to the checkout line where this older couple spend about 2o minutes sorting out their money to pay for their adult diapers. Frustrating!

....oh wait....maybe I should be grateful?

Then because it was on my schedule I headed to the pool for a quick workout. I got completely changed and left the change room only to find the pool completely crowded with mentally handicapped individuals and their caregivers. No place to swim. Frustrating!

...oh wait....maybe I should be grateful

I had another successful training day even without the swim. I rode a 16 km, slightly down hill course. I did it 3 times in succession with each session a little harder than the previous one. I felt very good considering yesterday was long run day.

I wish to dedicate day 138 to my Tante (aunt) Ida, my Moms sister-in-law for whom she was always grateful

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."---W.C. Fields

"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude."---Albert Schweitzer

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get."---Frank A. Clark

love
peter

"The Glorious, Glorious Sun!"

If this is global warming I'm all for it! Of course I don't believe any of that crap anyway so I'll just put it down to a well deserved beautiful february 1st.

You may ask why I don't believe all the doomsayers. It's because I think it is the height of human arrogance to believe we have the kind of power scientists and politicians alike would have us believe. It's not that I don't think we should take good care of our planet, it's just that I don't believe we have the slightest clue as to how things really work, and we have little to no influence on it. When I hear a guy say that our planet is now warmer than it has been for a milliion years I just burst out laughing. Can you show me the Environment Canada records from that time frame??? I promise that no matter how bad we screw things up mother nature will prevail....a major earthquake, or a huge volcanic explosion somewhere and we'll soon be worryong about the polar ice caps comin to get us. Besides, somewhere between 5 million and 100 million years from now, (depending on who you ask), our sun will burn out anyway and that will be the sure end of global warming. Global warming my freakin ass! What arrogance I say!!

So turn down your thermostat a little, drive a little less and bike a little more, don't throw your garbage in the river, plant a few trees, love your neighbour as yourself and do an Ironman! All will be well with our little blue planet, third from the sun.....I promise!

I had a great run today due to the super weather. Just under 30 kms in 2 hours 45 minutes. This is not very fast but it was totally controlled and relaxed. My heart rate stayed under 130 for the first 2 hours. It's a super indicator that I continue to build my endurance. I could have gone further but I learned my lesson last time, and don't intend on getting hurt again. It was especially gratifying as yesterday I ran the block and did my 4 k swim and it didn't affect me at all today. To be able to string several days of tough workouts together will be a key as I move forward.

I wish to dedicate day 137 to My Tante (Aunt) Mien, just for being so much like my Mom!

....and man it was easy to find quotes on the arrogance of the human race...here's a few for your enjoyment...

"When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly most mistaken, giving views to passion without that proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities."---David Hume

The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos."---Stephen Jay Gould

“The "control of nature" is a phrase conceived in arrogance, born of the Neanderthal age of biology and the convenience of man."---Rachel Carson

“The insufferable arrogance of human beings to think that Nature was made solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set afire merely to ripen men's apples and head their cabbages."...Cyrano De Bergerac

love
peter