"Trick or Treat"

Whats wrong with this picture? Two kids in their costumes and with their full bags of loot climbing in their car and driving away!! Oh well...I guess they're just trying to stay young. Maybe that's why Bernie is all dressed up as well eh?




Oh wait...thats the way he normally looks! Well not normally because that word simply doesn't apply to Bernie. But as normal as any man might look the day after open heart surgery. Way to hang tough, my brother from a different mother. And don't forget, when you start to feel better make sure that you milk it for all it's worth.

And man it feels great to be in a hospital picture without being the centre of attention. I must tell you though that I didn't really like being there in that whole scene. It scares me!

But back to Halloween. Here's some real spooks for your viewing pleasure.

One maniacal toothless zombie!


And one somewhat more reserved little red-eyed witch.



Teresa told me yesterday that the blog is not as much fun when I'm not getting comments and she implied that I was not doing a good enough job of provoking them. I'm gonna think about that because the whole idea of getting better at provoking people really appeals to me....even though I thought I was pretty good at it already? Like I say, I need to think about it but for now...you're all idiots!! My wife my children, my siblings, my neighbours, friends and co-workers, you're all idiots! Everyone in the whole world actually except for the two spooks shown above.

"It's Halloween! It's Halloween!
The moon is full and bright
And we shall see what can't be seen
On any other night.
Skeletons and ghosts and ghouls,
Grinning goblins fighting duels,
Werewolves rising from their tombs,
Witches on their magic brooms.
In masks and gowns
we haunt the street
And knock on doors for trick or treat.
Tonight we are the king and queen,
For tonight it's Halloween!"---Jack Prelutsky

“I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's most effective criticism until you provoke him. Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness."---Henry David Thoreau

love
peter

"Habit Forming"

Habits are a hard thing to break and that can be a good thing. If I can influence my grandchildren in any way it would be to help them form some good ones, especially around the things I love myself. I hope tht my own habits of physical exercise are strong enough now to carry me for the next several years. To each his own of course, but I'm pretty sure that in my case without this habit I would be dead by now.

On a more basic level I was listening to the results of a study done on Canadian youth over the last 7 years and it was shocking to say the least. The rise in serious health issues such as heart disease and diabetes in young adults is significant.

This evening we all went to the races again except this time it was only 1 km and as such was within Kylies range as well. Here are their "spooktacular" rewards...oh and mine as well.



And in support of what habits can do to you I gave you my running friend Burt. He is currently ranked number ONE in all of Canada for the half marathon distance in the 60-69 age group!!

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us."---Charles C. Noble

“Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you"---Elbert Hubbard

love
peter

"Funny and Honest"

Dialogue from Valleyview Home today

Me: How are you Mike?

Mike: Good. How are you?

Me: Great thanks. Why are you looking at me over the top of your glasses?

Mike: Well I have to get them fixed so that they stay up on my face.

Me: I Guess that when you're looking at someone as ugly as me it's probably best that you can't see that well anyway.

Mike: Well at least you admit it!

He went on to call me a killer when I showed him the picture of Colby with the dead mouse. I can't wait to tell him that I'm an idiot! Maybe he already knows. He is a very intuitive and funny man, and he makes me laugh.

“A yawn may not be polite, but at least it is an honest opinion"---Anon

“Treat those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness. Thus goodness is attained. Be honest to those who are honest, and be also honest to those who are not honest. Thus honesty is attained."---Lao Tzu

love
peter

"Appropriately Frightened"

Today in the mailbox there was a small local shopping newspaper that contains some advertising, some local news and some editorial and general interest columns. One of them is written by a minister and the few times I glanced at it I could see that it included the usual threats about hell and damnation. Today however I was intrigued by the title which was "What are you really afraid of?" As I started through the first few paragraphs it didn't seem like the usual stuff at all. He described various phobias and included the names of a few famous people who were victims thereof. He then went on to state that fear was a paralizing emotion which trapped people within their homes, their bodies and even their minds, and that fear stunted personal growth and achievement. Hey, so far so good I thought...this guys making sense. So much so that when he went on to share another ministers opinion that we should be "appropriately frightened" of God, that he was going to argue the man's point. No such luck! He quickly contradicted his whole opening hypothesis by agreeing that a little fear was a good thing, closing with a quote he credited to Jesus Christ, who reportedly said, "Be afraid of the ONE who can destroy both the soul and body in hell!"

Lovely!

I don't want you to think that I'm always religion bashing but I just can't get my head around the idea that we should be good people because we're afraid to do otherwise. His opening comments clearly stated the belief that fear is a useless emotion and I agree wholeheartedly. It has never done anything for me in any regard other than age me more quickly. A little respect and a little wisdom and a little forethought of course but appropriately frightened? Absurd! I would call it inappropriately frightened. We should rather strive for a condition of being appropriately unafraid. That's the condition in which we can move to action. That's the condition in which we learn to love. That's the condition in which we are open to different cultures and different opinions....and maybe even different religions eh? I rest my case!

And since a picture is worth a thousand words I give you this to illustrate. Colby is appropriataly unafraid of a dead mouse.



And I suppose you could say that the mouse was inappropriately unafraid of me and my traps! But....like the mouse, I would still rather go quickly in ignorance than starve to death. Either way I'm pretty sure I ain't going to Hell. Some of you may disagree.

Hey, I just had a brain wave! Is fear not the opposite of "faith" rather than a part thereof?!

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here."---Anon

“Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends."---Shirley MacLaine

"Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear."---Albert Camus

love
peter

"Sleep Well"

I know I will tonite as I relish a great feeling of pride in my son Jonathan. He just finished his first solo roofing job which he won competetively, finished on time, paid for the materials and repaid his banker. And hopefully made a few bucks in the process. Way to go Jon!

Enough said!

"All men whilst they are awake are in one common world: but each of them, when he is asleep, is in a world of his own."---Plutarch

love
peter

"Treasure Trove"

While looking for some papers I had misplaced I came across some ancient stuff I didn't even know I had. My elementary and high school report cards. It was neat to see the deterioration of the marks with each successive year, up to the point that I barely scraped through. You will be glad to know that all through elementary school my best marks were in spelling, and religion!!! I can still spell fairly well.

The other ironic thing is that my worst marks in high school were in math, english, and shop. Basically the stuff I've made a career out of which just proves that it was all hard work and bullshit!!

Speaking of spelling and bullshit I just learned the hard way the 'aa" is an acceptable word in scrabble. I of course challenged it... never, ever, ever, having seen the word in print! Apparently it is of Hawaiian origin and describes a certain kind of lava flow. It's in the dictionary! Roo and I are into our third day of an ongoing game and I'm getting my butt kicked and not liking it one bit. My dad always told me I was a sore loser.

I'm a bit tired today from my race and as such spent only a half hour on the bike this morning. I did finally manage to get back in the pool however. It is hard to believe that I could swim 4 kms at the end of August because I was spent after 750 meters today.

That's it for today. Have a good one!

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion."---Abraham Lincoln

"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word."---Andrew Jackson

love
peter

"Marathon Man"

I am so proud of my grandson today. Not because he can run 3 kms without stopping but because of his attitude in doing so. He was up at 7:15 this morning without a single word of complaint and he kept that same attitude all day. While I believe that Roo and I have some influence on him I really need to give his parents some credit here. He is being raised to believe that he can do anything he wants to. He was the youngest kid to do the race and as a result he was decorated. He won the 0-7 age group and needless to say was very proud of himself as well. Much to his surprise Roo was able to keep up with him without too much trouble....but she didn't win her age group!!

My own gifted child was along as well, in his case to do the 10k. For some reason he also possesses that can do attitude.

My own race went reasonably well. I didn't know what I was gonna do but by the 1 km mark I had established a goal of 45 minutes. In the end I finished in 43:52 which while still a long way from my40 minute long term goal, it was 6 minutes faster than I did the exact same race last fall. I'm content with that, since I did run 20 kms yesterday.

So as promised I now take you back to our visit to the seniors home yesterday. I don't know what I expected but whatever it was I don't think I got it. I probably learned some things though. I was particularly reminded of the circle of life idea. When I seen my grandchildren walking past some of the residents almost unaware of them, I realized it was because they were indeed almost nonexistent. We passed one little TV area where there were four old girls parked in front of the tube and not one of them showed any evidence of life. They are at the complete opposite end of the life scale from the kids. Colby asked all kinds of questions but they were exclusively related to the machinery rather than the inhabitants. Kylie was very polite and kind when I asked her to say hello to people but she really had to make an effort. The thing that surprised me the most however was the lack of response from the seniors. Sure enough a few of them had some smiles but not the exuberance I expected. It occurs to me that maybe it's not the right type of facility to take the kids to. Probably something where the residents are more independant would be more appropriate and of value. I'm gonna think about it before I ask them again and will only take them if they convince me they want to. I don't think they'll try too hard.

The whole visit also got me thinking some more about life after 90. Because we went walking around the facility I got to see many of the residents that I hadn't before. Those that are totally and completely dependant on someone else for everything. I mean everything! Those people that if they weren't cared for in this way would be dead within a matter of days. What's the point??? I hope I have a choice not to "live" this way ever! Of course the problem is that once you are that way it's too freaking late to do something about it. I hope my children read this and think to help me "out" when the time comes. Stop feeding me please. Just put me on an ice floe please.

Speaking of my children I must tell you that somehow I survived the first 20 years of my youngest sons life and so I suppose I can do another 20. By then I'll be 73 and won't care anyway. He is actually catching up to me in age anyway. When he was 1, I was 30 times as old as him. When he was 10 I was only 4 times as old, and by the time he's forty I will be less than twice as old. Eventually he has to pass me!! Happy Birthday Adrian and I'm counting on you above all to "take care" of me when I'm old and stupid. Just remember back to when you were 16 and Im sure you'll have no problem putting me on an ice floe!!

“We awaken in others the same attitude of mind we hold toward them."---Elbert Hubbard

"Better to burn out than to fade away"---Neil Young

...and this one as an admission of guilt...simple but beautiful I thought

"There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."---Frederick L. Collins

love

peter

"Happy Anniversary Babe"

Twenty Two Years! And I was at home on the big day for the first time in years. We still didn't do anything but we could have if we wanted to. I wasn't allowed to buy her anything so I got something for myself instead. It just so happens that it fit her better than me. But it truly was for me because I was tired of seeing her running in that baggy old jacket and pants. I feel better now and she looks truly fine!!

Training is going ok. Roo did her 20k yesterday in the rain and I did mine today in the wind. Also we are both using the computrainer regularly now and I must say it is an absolute pleasure just to go to the basement to ride. I'm learning more and more about it's potential. Today Roo raced herself! Yup...you can save any given workout and then compete against it at any other time. Very, very cool.

Tomorrow morning we are off to London where Roo and Colby will be doing a 3k and Mike and I the 10k. I still don't know if I will try to run fast(that's a relative term) or if I will just enjoy the trip with Michael. I'll let you know.

I took the grandchildren over to the seniors home today and I'll give you my thoughts on that tomorrow. The kids were great but I had some mixed feelings about the whole thing.

"Will you still need me,will you still feed me..When I'm sixty-four?"---Paul McCartney

"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."---Rita Rudner

love
peter

"Happy Birthday Son!"

Somehow I survived the first 31 years of my eldest sons life and so I suppose I can do another 31. By then I'll be 84 and won't care anyway. He is actually catching up to me in age anyway. When he was 10 I was 3 times as old as him. When he was 20 I was only twice as old, and by the time he's forty it will be down to 1 1/2 times. Eventually hae has to pass me!!

He also shares a birthday with a rather famous person as somehow he managed to be born on the same day as his Aunt Cory. So Happy Birthday to you too old girl! By the way, in 31 years you will still be 4 years older than me!!

Michael sent me this neat story which I really like and would care to share with you.

This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up: "Hey you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up: "Father, I'm down in this hole. Can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me. can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

Aint it the truth? The person most qualifed to help you out of a tough situation is someone who both cares and who's lived your pain. Lots of professionals care but they don't really know what it's like to be a drug addict, or severely depressed or suffering from a trauma of some kind. So if you've ever found your way out of a hole go share your wisdom with someone who needs it.

"When you're in a hole, stop digging."---Denis Healey

"A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip."---Anon

love
peter

"Here's a Thought"

Everyone in the world is either smarter then me or more caring than me!
It also seems that no one meets both criteria and as such I can't decide which camp I want to be in. Yah, yah, yah I know....I should want to be kinder and caring above all because that's the road to happiness and peace of mind and of course heaven and all those other good things.
But....I want to be smart. I want to understand stuff and learn stuff quickly, amd it occurs to me that if you're smart you don't even have to care! Then again if you care maybe you don't have to be smart. I'm probaly gonna have to develop a strategy around that because I suppose that at least I have some control there. Heaven knows I'm not getting any smarter.

Oh wait! I forgot about Cory! Perhaps you can be both.

"An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it."---Laurence J. Peter

“Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have."---Margaret Mead

“Want of care does us more damage than want of knowledge"---Benjamin Franklin

love
peter

"He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins!"

I don't even care if they're my toys as long as I get to play with them. I am very much looking forward to seeing this machine back on the road in the spring.



It really is a beautiful piece of work. The frame is aluminum with a carbon fork and wheels. It was specially painted to Roo's specs and personalized.



Colby gave the front wheel a spin and then we timed how long it kept going. Just shy of 15 minutes believe it or not!!



Then he took it for a brief spin on the trainer. That didn't last as long since he can't quite reach the pedals yet...."yet"




For now I am happy to clean it up and see Roo riding it inside. She can reach!

On a more serious note I want to tell you what I am really grateful for today. It has nothing to do with toys. I seen an episode on TV about children and young people dealing with bereavement. It was heart wrenching. Today I'm glad that my children and my grand children did not have to lose me to my illness. I know I'm still important in their lives and not all kids get to grow up with parents and grandparents.

"Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved."---Iris Murdoch

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."---Harriet Beecher Stowe

love
peter

"Vacation Over"

I've been living the good life for too long. Today I started weight training again and hopefully next week I will get into the pool. I have to start watching my diet again as well, as I have put on a few pounds. No more Haagen Dazs!!

Sleep has been a bigger problem again recently and last night I figured out why. When I realized that I was sleeping like I would in a hotel it dawned on me. It's because the house is all shut up for the winter. If only Claudette hadn't insisted on turning the furnace on eh!!

I was supposed to go to Brampton today so when that got cancelled I went over to the home for an hour instead. I continue to meet new people and get new inspiration. Today I sat down at a table with a woman who was a hundred years old if she was a day, and introduced myself. She looked at me long enough without responding that her son sitting beside her interjected with, "Tell him your name mom". Her head slowly swivelled over to him and she stated clearly and slowly as if he were not too bright. "Well I was just about to do that wasn't I dear?" I smiled.

"Laughter is an instant vacation."---Milton Berle

"No vacation goes unpunished."---Karl Hakkarainen

love
peter

"Odds and Ends"

No this is not another family post in case you were fooled by the title. Just odds and ends. Here goes.

1) After about a hundred years they have decided to start making people pay for their parking at the psych hospital. Some employees just park at the road and walk in rather then pay. Today when I seen a Mercedes parked on Sunset Drive I thought to myself; if he has such a car can't he afford to pay? Then it quickly came to me. Maybe that's how he could afford the car in the first place?

2) Do you find this as ironic as I did? I seen (ha ha) on TV today that in some city in western Canada they were cutting down the bushes and shrubs in the local park in order to be able to improve surveillance?? Why not just pave the place and be done with it I say!!

3) I went to the drivethrough at the bank today and withdrew some cash. As I took those pretty pieces of paper in my hand I thought how ludicrous....the things people will do for a 2 3/4 by 6 inch piece of cotton/linen, and the stress it creates....me included!!

4)I had a flashback today. Claudette is not feeling well and as such I rubbed her shoulders a bit and then closed the bedroom blinds so she could have a nap. As I left the room and turned out the lights I suddenly felt the ghost of that old Peter....the one that spent 6 months hiding in that same dark room. It literally made me shudder for an instant. One day I'll completely shake that guy but not quite yet I guess.

5) Congratulations to my running buddies Joe and Burt. They terrorized the marathon(3:11) and half marathon(1:23) courses in Toronto this past weekend. They continue to set standards I will never meet. I really, really hate them both....oh and love them too!

6) The pool is closed and today I put the RV away. I have heard lots of people complain that we didn't have much summer but don't count me among them. I enjoyed every moment of it and I can honestly say that it did not seem short.

7)I'm reading Lord of the Rings for about the 50th time. It still works for me.

8)I'm not much for poetry but when I came across this the other day in the very same book I couldn't help but think of my friends at the home.

"I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I will ever see

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen;
in every wood n every spring
there is a diferent green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I will never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door"---J.R.R. Tolkien


"Oh lord, won't you buy me a mercedes benz ?
My friends all drive porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh lord, won't you buy me a mercedes benz ?
Thats it!"---Janis Joplin

love
peter

"Genetics?"

Three generations of idiots!



The occasion was the celebration of the birthdays of Peter and Adrian. As another reminder of the passing of the days this is the second time that this event has been the theme of my blog. I think everyone looks a year older except for me!

“Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it onto future generations.---George Bernard Shaw

...and if Jerry knows what he was talking about then then I guess you could also conclude that his father wasn't a fucking moron!

"I do not believe we can blame genetics for adultery, homosexuality, dishonesty and other character flaws."---Jerry Falwell

love
peter

"Another Saturday Night"

And I ain't got no wisdom.

So here's some other peoples...

"If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day."---Alex Noble

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it."---Andre Gide

"Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you, as the wheels of the oxcart follow the footsteps of the ox. Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form."---Buddha

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."---Lin Yutang

I had an honest day today. I hope you did too. Have a great saturday night!

love
peter

"Thirty Years!"

Visiting my friend M. at the home today we got talking about aging. While I sometimes struggle with the idea of growing older it occurred to me that M. was 30 years older than me and that still seemed like a lot of years. The first time I was ever in St Thomas was almost 30 years ago and yet I remember it well. I was working for a machinery dealer and we had sold a milling machine to a small shop in town here. The machine had malfunctioned and I was sent out to fix it. I remember it clearly because of the way the guy treated me while I was working on the repair. Service calls were not always a pleasant experience because invariably you were under pressure from the customer to solve the problem quckly. In this case the guy was simply a gentleman, in fact helping me out with the job. He left such an impression that I still remember his name to this day. And on this day, some thirty years later and for the first time since, I met him again....at the seniors home!!!

Suddenly 30 years just became the blink of an eye!

So while this guy has remained a a nice man for the last 30 years it seems like everything else has changed. The other day I caught myself standing at a door waiting for it to open itself upon my arrival. It turns out it was one of the old kind that necessitated pushing a button in order for it to open itself. If you think that's something, today I caught myself standing at a toilet waiting for it to flush itself!!! It turns out it was one of the old kind that necessitated pushing a lever in order for it to flush itself. It occurs to me however that the most significant change is in our expectations, or at least in mine.

A few other smiles I had today.

1) Staring me straight in the eye shortly after I arrived M told me that sometimes he gets visitors that he really doesn't care to see. After a brief pause he smiled and said, "but you're not one of them". Phew!!

2)I also met a lady in the hall who upon hearing her name I asked if was short for something? She said "No, I'm just short!". So far it seems like a common, and to me somewhat surprising aspect of the older guys and girls I've met... a subtle, sly sense of humour. Maybe Old John knew this all along?

3)The furnace was turned on within 5 minutes of my grandchildren complaining to Roo about the temperature!!

"The kind of humour I like is that which makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes."---William Davis

....and totally unrelated but good stuff in my opinion...

"If the results of your behaviour are not meeting your needs over time then there is an incorrect principle on your belief window"---Hyrum Smith

"Principles are what we believe to be true about ourselves, the world, and our place in it"---Hyrum Smith

love
peter

"Winters Coming!"

But I don't care because I don't mind running outside in the cold and I got my computrainer set up for inside riding. The only problem I have is that when Im not riding I'm freezing my ass off because my wife refuses to turn the heat on. She's at poker right now and I thought about turning it on but then remembered that I'm scared of her. I better just freeze. Maybe I'll pull the covers off of her after she's asleep tonite!

As to riding again I was reminded how quickly the body forgets. I rode for an hour today and it seemed like a lot of work since I haven't rode for a couple of weeks. How quickly the body forgets. In Roos case her body has been forgetting how to ride for several years now and her 40 minutes was pure torture. I made sure I left the room every time I had to smile...

Oh and I forgot to tell you. The dentist visit yesterday was not as bad as I thought it would be, and the meeting with my boss also went well.

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive."---W. C. Fields

love
peter

"His Words not Mine"

Sometimes it's tough to be old! When you have to go pee 5 times a night and each time you have to ask for help it can be a bit frustrating. Especially if you know that some of the staff are going to "give you the gears"....his words not mine.
I learned that no one should expect a free ride but never the less the elderly have contributed a lot to our society and as such should be treated with dignity...his words not mine.
I learned that when you get old you have to expect that others (younger and healthier) still need to live their lives and can't spend every minute with you....his words not mine.
I learned that when you start to feel the cold more and start to dislike winter it could be a sign that you're getting old...her words not mine.
I learned that it's possible for your head, your tummy and your back all to hurt at the same time....her words not mine.
I learned that when your old and all these thing hurt that you can still laugh...her words not mine.

And most of all I learned that I still have so much to learn!....my words not his.

“The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn - and change"---Carl Rogers

“In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long."---Pope Paul VI

love
peter

"In Yer Face!"

It was that kind of a day. First they sucked this out of my arm.



No it didn't come out that way, but what you see is indeed all mine after they put it through the centrifuge. Pretty wild eh? Roo was surprised by how much they took

Then this is the part that they drew off. It is primarily platelets, the portion of your blood that contains the "growth factors".



And pumped it back into my face



Well most of it anyway.



It really isn't as bad as it looks since I have no feeling in my head anyway. The circle he drew is the area of the saliva glands, and the 2 lines indicate the position of the duct that then carries the saliva to your mouth.

Other than that it was a good day. I also visited one of my friends at Valleyview home this afternoon, and tomorrow I will tell you what I learned. I hope tomorrow is as good a day as I have to go to the dentist for an hour and a half in the morning and then I have a meeting with my boss in the afternoon. I'm nervous about both of them. Wish me luck!


While I was looking for "face" quotes I found this. I'm not a religious man but something about this one struck a resounding chord with me.

“When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God."---Charles L. Allen

Enough Said!

love
peter

"Happy Thanksgiving"

In the spirit of the "giving" part of this holiday we went to the horse races this afternoon. Colby is the only guy I know who's mastered betting on the ponies. He uses my money to wager and then keeps any winnings! I worry that he will grow up thinking that that's how it actually works. Oh well, as long as he has a grampa it probably will eh?

Anyway, you know what I like about the races? I like the fact that it's a race. That's the way all life should be. Every task should be completed as quickly as possible, every trip over with asap. Go, go, go! Hurry, hurry, hurry! I can't stand it when people walk through the mall as if they have all day, especially if they are in front of me Just loitering along as if they have nowhere better to be, and holding me up in the process I want to stop them and demand an explanation as to why they are moving so freakin slow! Get with it people! You're causing me anxiety!

Yah I know. Pretty pathetic eh? I'm gonna work on it. I start every day with some patience but as the day wears on it just seems to dissipate.

My Thanksgiving day workout? I closed the pool. I'm thinking of making it a tradition.

"I don't know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down. You might think we would lie there and rest for a while."---Max Eastman

"The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry."---John Jensen

love
peter

"All Apologies"

Even after studyaing the lyrics for several minutes I still can not figure out what Cobain was talking about. Probably he was the only guy that knew, and that only when he wasn't stoned! Then again maybe only when he "was" stoned!

Anyway it was a great melody and I love his voice and that's why I used it as my title. There were probably a few people who needed to apologize to Kurt but didn't do so until it was too late. It's a mistake I don't want to make with my friend Burt who while not in danger of dying from a drug overdose is of an age where he could go any minute. So here goes Burt.

I am truly and heartily sorry for the names I called you this morning. When I got home I checked my watch against official government time and found that my watch was more than a minute slow. If I compensate for that I have to admit that I was probably a minute and a half late this morning and as such wish to retarct the abuse I heaped on you. You and the other 3(Joe, Mike, Doug) are still bastards because you couldn't wait that minute and a half, but you're not those other things I said!! Again my sincerest apologies. Will you still play with me?

While I'm at it I might as well apologize to everyone in the whole world who I have ever wronged, and/or will wrong in the future. That way I'll never have to apologize again because it is a very hard thing for me to do. Somehow it seems to imply that I made a mistake or something.

Besides I'm in a happy place right now. I got my computrainer this afternoon, got it set up, and tomorrow I ride inside!!

"All in all is all we are"---Kurt Cobain

"Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past."---Tryon Edwards

...and here's a good one for me...

“If you want the last word, apologize"---Anon

love
peter

"The Source of All Life"

This morning Kylie came into our room where Colby and I were still in bed watching Scooby-Doo. She marched over to the blinds, swept them open and proudly announced. "Its morning!" Thanks a lot Kylie. Sure enough it was midmorning by then and my good friend the sun did indeed come streaming in the windows. The inevitable light of day one more time. The problem with the sun and the accompanying daylight is that it brings reality with it, and I hate reality. I got another reminder of that an hour later while out running. I was just doing the block and focusing on keeping my head up since I know that's a form weakness that I have. I was feeling pretty good and thought I must look good as well. Then the sun came out from behind the clouds and displayed my shadow in all it's glory. I don't know how I looked but my shadow looked like an old, hunched over grampa plodding along as if nearing his end. Reality again I'm afraid.

Oh well, it is what it is and my reality is not near as frightening as that of some other people. I was reading an article about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in which the author expressed the theory that some hurts should be brought to the light and dealt with, while some should simply remain buried. I agree with this, and furthermore would add that the decision needs to be specific to both the individual involved and the reality they are trying to cope with.

Close the damn blinds!!

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."---Albert Einstein

"Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?"---Calvin and Hobbes

love
peter

"Good Morning"

Very strange! I was out running in the rain this morning when in the distance I seen another runner coming my direction but on the other side of the road. For a minute I thought it may be my wife who I knew was out there somewhere but at some point I decided it wasn't. As the runner got closer I realized it was a female but it wasn't until I said "good morning" and she had actually passed me that I realized it was indeed my better half. Very strange, and yet I immediately realized why I didn't recognize her. Simply because it was not a new phenomenon for me. How could I be married to this fit, athletic young woman?

My life would have been so different if she hadn't picked me. I probably would not be out there running in the rain and I would absolutely have never done an Ironman. Ever since we met some 24 years ago she has been my inspiration in all things physical and for that I am immensly grateful. I need to stay fit just to keep up!

But I owe her some paybacks as well for her support and so here's something that I'm gonna have fun with over the next 6 months as she trains for her marathon. I'm gonna start badgering her about her diet. When did you eat last? How many calories did you get today? Are you losing weight? You need to eat something!

Today she ran 20 plus kms again while I did half that. I may or may not do 20 tomorrow; maybe not because much to my delight I am going to do 10 miles with my running mentors on sunday. I'm not really looking forward to the running part since they're a pair of bastards, but hopefully we'll go for coffee afterwards so I can brag about my IM!

On the medical side I go for my next set of Platelet Rich Plasma injections next tuesday. Yes Vicki, Dr Yoo is a very special guy, and no there has not been any improvement to date. Quite frankly I'm not counting on any so that I won't be disappointed. Time will tell.

"Teacher, tender comrade, wife,
A fellow-farer true through life."---Robert Louis Stevenson

"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him."--- Oscar Wilde

love
peter

"Out of the Mouths of Old Gentlemen"

Today I learned a few things from some new friends at Valleyview home.

1) When you have Parkinsons disease it sometimes takes a minute ro respond to a question. It does not mean that your brain doesn't work right, but rather that it takes a second to get your mouth going.
...my friend considered this a handicap. I consider it a life skill that I haven't mastered yet.

2) If you smoke and you think it's your own business, it's not. It's everybodys business since society's medical costs would be 30% lower without tobacco.
....I smoked for 20 years and then got cancer so I suppose I'm guilty too.

3) If you have the right attitude your mind can completely recover from a stroke, even if your body won't!
...I always thought it would be the other way around but the human brain is an amazing thing I guess.

4) If you have all of your own teeth but you're 91 years old some helpful nurse will still try to take them out for you at night!
...I laughed my ass off when he told me this. Next week I go to the dentsist to get my 4th "fake" tooth!

5) Even if you live with 130 other people you can still be lonely.
....an undeniable truth!

6) Women live longer than men.
...this can only be because they have an easier life!

I had a good first visit with two gentlemen. I purposely left their names out because they are quiet strict about condidentially and I don't want to make a mistake. Like all medicine I know that it will take time to work but I am looking forward to going back again. Now that I got a badge I can just show up whenever I want. I am very excited about taking my grandchildren and showing them off. They welcome children. I suspect that those 2 will make quite a stir, and it will probably be good for everyone involved.

"The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live."---Mortimer Adler

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty."---Henry Ford

....and I really like this one. See what you make of it.

"Learning is a lifetime process, but there comes a time when we must stop adding and start updating."---Robert Brault

love
peter

"Beam Me Up Scotty"

I was a big fan of the original Star Trek series even though I believe it was already in re-runs by the time I started watching it. It seems so stupid now to watch it but at the time there were some cool things. One thing I remember vividly was the idea of communicating with the ships computer with voice commands. I remember thinking what an impossible and far fetched idea that was. The other day I spent 5 minutes on the phone talking exclusively to a computer about our home phone problems. They give you a choice, human or automated, and I chose the machine. Together we defined the issue and scheduled a repair time. Today a man came and fixed it but I think it was only because they don't allow computers to drive yet. Amazing!

You regularly hear people complaining about not being able to talk to a real peron but I truly find some distinct advantages in automated systems. You don't have to get angry because the computer doesn't care anyway and in turn you can say anything you like to the computer including telling it to eff off, and all you'll get is "Sorry, I didn't understand that."

For me the issue is emotion versus logic. Give me a practical, factual, logical discussion over a passion filled one anytime. How much pain do we cause ourselves and those around us when we let our emotions dictate our actions? We think things, say things and do things that we regret and often take so much effort to fix. Maybe the Vulcans have it right?

Then again???

"Live long and prosper."---Mr Spock

love
peter

"Laugh Out Loud"

I don't know why I found this so amusing? While out on my bike ride today it came to me that in a little over 5 years I can apply for Canada Pension Plan benefits! Holy Cow! I don't know if applying means they will actually have any money to give me since Cory will probably have gotten it all by then, but I suppose that isn't the point. The point is that I'm going to the old folks home on Thursday for the next step in my volunteer efforts, and to check out the rooms.

It was nice to go for a lttle ride for the first time in weeks, just as a break from running. I did 40 kms. Hopefully the computrainer will be in soon and then I will alternate every second day.

Right now I am content to plan the marathon stuff for both Roo and I. We discussed the importance of commitment as an element of preparation and in light of that I want to make a strong statement. Next May Claudette will run a marathon in 3 1/2 hours!! This is a significant challenge, as her best ever time was 3:36, probably almost 10 years ago. But I am very confident that she will do it. I have learned so much over the last year and look forward to experimenting with someone else's body. Based on some little time tests I can tell that she is fitter than I suspected. The approach we will take is much more holistic than what we did in the past, including more consideration for cross training, nutrition, weight training and mental endurance. Oh and regular beatings...after all I have to live up to my "record"! Tomorrow I will sit with Peter to start desigining our weight training regimen.

As to my own time goals right now I am only planning on being faster than last year (3:26) but I may amend that as time wears on. I have to be much more careful making commitments for myself eh. Game on!

"Chase your passion, not your pension."---Denis Waitley

love
peter

"Count Your Blessings"

For me this expression always meant simply, "be grateful". Tonite it occurred to me that it could perhaps be a good exercise in itself. I mean to literally count your blessings. See how many there are and put a number to it. Tomorrow I'm gonna do that. Not tonite because if it turns out to be a big number than I will have no excuse to continue to be so worried about one of the things that doesn't feel like a blessing.

“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."---Eric Hoffer

love
peter

"Gloomy Sunday"

It's amazing how the weather can have an impact on your mood. Somehow the cool wet weather seems to hamper my flexibility. While I'm enjoying not feeling the training pressure I also acknowledge that my driven attitude last year helped me get through some gloomy days. I have been out on my bike about 3 times since my race and the weather forecast doesn't show much promise over the coming days. I have not swam since!!

Oh well. We are thinking primarily about our spring marathon anyway and I am happy to report that Roo is well on her way. Yesterday she did 20 kms for the first time and today she told me that she was looking forward to her next one. For me it's very exciting to think about racing together again, something we haven't done in years.

“Much more happiness is to be found in the world than gloomy eyes discover."---Friedrich Nietzsche

love
peter

"Flexibility"

I have a strong belief in the power of the mind/body connection. The better you maintain your physical health the better your mental health will be, and I suppose vice-versa.

The main elements of physical fitness are aerobic capacity, strength and flexibility. Traditionally I have focused on the aerobic element(heart and lungs) while rigorously avoiding the other two. Most recently I started to do some strength training which paid big dividends, but I still do very little towards improving my flexibility. Why is flexibility important? Well first off it is a critical aspect of a persons technical abilty in most sports. If your muscles and connective tissues are more limber they allow for more efficient movements, and more range of motion, thereby improving energy usage. Secondly, flexibility is important in the prevention of injury. Lack of flexibility leaves you vulnerable to overuse injury, and to sudden injury as a result of the unexpected. In sport this could include a slip or fall and any other sudden change in direction. Without flexibility my body always feels a little pent up and on edge. An accident waiting to happen.

So what's the moral of the story I bet you're asking? Well it's in reference to my opening comment about the mind body connection. I realize that mental/emotional health also has many different aspects and one of them is of course flexibility. With this thought came an awareness that again it is a limitation for me. Like the physical analogy I make I am rarely ready for the next slip. I am frequently anxious and in danger that the next sudden change in direction may leave me "hurt".

I'm gonna try to start on improving my physical flexibility and if indeed there is validity in my hypothesis then it should be easier to work on the other part. Wish me luck!

“Prepare yourself for the world, as the athletes used to do for their exercise; oil your mind and your manners, to give them the necessary suppleness and flexibility; strength alone will not do"---Lord Chesterfield

love
peter

"Ghosts"

I had no idea what to write about today. That's a common occurrence but sometimes stuff comes to me. Not today! I owe the title strictly to the fact that Colby wants to watch Ghost Hunters on TV

Him and I have a disagreement. He believes in ghosts!! I think he's crazy! Of course the insanity could be a genetic thing. I know that his good looks and his intelligence are. Then again he does have 2 grandfathers so who really knows who's responsible for which attribute eh? I don't think his Grampa B reads this blog or else I'm sure he would clarify it for us!
But I don't really care! I'm just glad to be home and spending the evening with his lordship.

And on ghosts I do acknowledge that I believe in them in a metaphorical sense. I have some ghosts in my attic or my closet or wherever ghosts hang out. I'm sure most of us do. I hope to exorcise the majority of them as my life wears on but I also accept that some of them are too entrenched and I will probably take them to the grave with me. I just hope they don't come back to haunt me!!!

“An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself."---Charles Dickens

love
peter

"My Identity"

Recently I got some advice from a friend of Corys, who in learning that I was trying to find some fulfilling volunteer work gave me this to think about. She said, "Tell him to remember that he is not his work, and that he is not his illness!"

Not knowing anything about this person other than the fact that she also recovered from a serious illness, I'm not sure in what context she intended her comment. I can only assume that it was an issue she struggled with herself, and presumably overcame. Regardless of her intentions, her comment really got me thinking. I have worked in industry for about 35 years now, the last 25 with the same company, and I also had a life threatening illness. Both of these circumstances have had a long lasting impact on me. I have been taught that there are 2 ways in which we develop our thinking and our habits. The first is through repeated experience, (my job qualifies here) and the second is through a significant emotional experience (my illness). How significant then to ponder the idea that I am not my work, and that I am not my illness. How can I possibly not identify with these 2 huge circumstances, and why is it important that I challenge myself on this, if indeed it is the reality?

It occurs to me that perhaps there is a tendency to depend on these circumstances, as opposed to learning from them and then moving on as appropriate. You can't, nor do I want to work in a structured environment forever, and needless to say I never want to get sick again. I think that the pitfall of depending on your work as a measure of your value is a common and fairly well understood phenomenon, but depending on an illness to give you creedence? That's just sick!!


First the job. Like I said, a pretty common concern and yet one that I am only coming to understand recently. I remember some years ago being in a position where I had to tell an employee that despite his wishes to the contrary he was beyond retirement age, and we would no longer have a position for him in our company. At the time and because I knew he didn't need the money, I couldn't figure out why he was so devastated by this forced retirement. Now it seems totally clear to me. He was actually a tradesman that had started his apprenticeship when he was 16 years old and had worked continually in his chosen profession for more than 50 years!! After that many years, a lifetime basically, he had come to identify his work as being that which gave his life value, as that which made him useful, as that for which friends and family came to depend on him. He had truly become his work! I think he had either avoided facing the reality that one day he wouldn't be able to do it any more, or perhaps he was oblivious to the impact it would have on him. I think the risk of falling into this trap grows with every passing year of "working for a living" and it occurs to me that it may be compounded when one works for the same company for an extended period of time.

I know that part of the how "I" value myself as a person is by how I value myself at work. I have at least partially fallen into the trap. For many years I have had others express their feelings of gratitude and respect for me in terms of how I did my job, and on how I impacted their lives by the decisions I made, and the actions I took as their boss, co-worker, or direct report. Even feedback I have received related to my success at work from my children and others around me outside of work, has had an impact on me. Why? Well presumably because I sucked it all up! Who is humble enough to not want to hear that they are good at something? Not me I can assure you. The challenge of course comes when you start to slow down this element of your life, when you start to think that maybe you don't want to work forever, when you start to think that maybe a simpler life is better. That's when the reality of your dependence starts to sink in. I am blessed that I am not among those who have been forcibly removed from their work situation due to the current economic climate, and also I suppose blessed to have the opportunity to talk to some good friends that have. Watching them go through the grieving process of being "downsized" has helped me to become conscious of the pain of withdrawal and the associated pain of not being wanted. I have a chance to work through it on my own terms and that is what I intend to do.


Secondly , the illness. How is it possible that someone can identify with an illness to the point that it describes who they are, or that it is a measure of their value? I think it is because for that period of time I became the focus of everyones attention. I am blessed to have a large family, an even larger extended family, and a terrific circle of friends which I made primarily through my work. Although relatively speaking my illness was a short period of my life, for close to a year all of that family and those friends(and even a few enemies) expressed a concern for me. They took care of me in every aspect of my human need. How could I not start to feel important? How could I not become my illness at least for while? Even today I regularly get asked about my health by people I haven't seen in a while. I realize that to this day I am still a little "hooked" on the attention. Because I have recovered my physical well being I now have the opportunity to leave my illness behind, again on my own terms, and this is what I intend to do.

“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do"---Oscar Wilde

“A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses."---Hippocrates

love
peter