"Fun To Watch at Least"

And that's all I plan on doing....well that and the odd bit of supervising. Jonathan especially loves it when I tell him what to do!

Besides, work is for children. They need to learn, and I already know everything.

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child."---George Santayana

love

peter

"Exciting Times"

We're gonna have fun the next four or five days but I don't want to let the cat out of the bag! Expect pictures!

“If it's not fun, you're not doing it right"---Bob Basso

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."---Dr Seuss

love peter

"The Wisdom of Others"

I just finished reading this piece of fiction called The Shack. It's story about a guy who is traumatized by the brutal murder of his youngest daughter. He never recovers from it and continues to live his life in what he calls "the great sadness". Then one day he gets a note in his mail box from God, asking him to meet him/her at the shack where his daughter was killed.

The story gets a bit hokey at this point and despite the authors attempts to appear neutral there is a strong Christian slant to the God he presents. I forgive him this though because he eventually makes a point that I thought was brilliant in it's simplicity. She/He (God) explains to the main character that every institution that exists on earth; every religion, every country, every army, every constitution, exists only because we do not wish the same happiness for our fellow human beings as we do for ourselves. The simple reason we need these institutions is to keep our fellow man in his place....his place right behind us. Ho goes on to state that we create rules and laws so that we can judge our fellow man, and in doing so we put ourselves above him. For is it not true he says that whenever we pass judgement on anyone we are in fact saying that we are better than him.

I don't know about you but I do this all the time, and normally feel quite righteous about it. I know so many people that are more dishonest, more selfish, more rude, more arrogant, not to mention less kind, less sincere, less generous, and above all, less humble than me!

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."---Dalai Lama

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."---Mother Teresa

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. It passes my comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced and able, can delight in depriving other human beings of that precious right."---Mahatma Gandhi

love
peter

"Alarm Bells Part Deux"

If I had more skill in writing I wouldn't have to do part two. Or I suppose if the readers weren't such idiots! Just kidding. I accept complete responsibility for the apparent bewilderment caused my alarm bell analogy. To start with I should clarify that I have no new alarm bells going off in my head. I was just trying to encourage myself to pay attention to them.

When I was thinking about how I would clarify what an alarm bell meant to me I was originally going to suggest that it was like that old exhortation to "follow your heart" and that if you were doing otherwise you should try to be conscious of it before it was too late. Upon further thought I don't think that's really what I intended either. I often lead with my heart, especially when it comes to matters of family and I believe it has resulted in lots of mistakes on my part. In fact I often followed my heart despite the nagging sense of an alarm going off in the back of my head.

For me alarm bells (silent or otherwise) are those warnings that tell us to do something. Probably something different than what we're doing now. Things we are either afraid to do or are too complacent to do. Things we know are the smart thing to do but somehow manage to delay.

I would give you some examples of my own alarm bells but if I wrote them down I would not be able to keep ignoring them. And that scares the hell out of me. If I truly acknowledged the alarms I'm pretty sure I would have to do a few things differently. Maybe tomorrow....or the next day?

I hope that clarifies. If not I'm sorry, and I give you the immortal words of Pierre Elliot Trudeau. "Fuddle Duddle"

“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."---Jacques Benigne Bossuel

"If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example."--- George Bernard Shaw

love
peter

"Saturday Night"

And I'm lazy. I'm counting on someone out there to provide some wisdom via the comment section. Is there anybody out there?

“Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you"---Ogden Nash

love
peter

"Alarm Bells"

I heard a guy tell a story the other day about a man sitting in his hotel room when the fire alarm went off. He did what I admit having done in a similar situation; nothing! Pretty risky thing to do I suppose, but speaking at least for myself I am conditioned to ignoring alarms.

The fire alarm is a loud, very literal example of a warning, the ignoring of which could lead to tangible and potentially serious consequences.

In contrast there's the silent alarm. Obviously it's a lot more subtle and actually intended to go unnoticed by the perpetrator, even though he may suspect that an alarm is going off somewhere, but still an alarm with potential serious consequences.

I think I'm pretty good at ignoring both kinds of alarms, but mine only go off in my head! Some are blaring and warn of immediate danger, and some are quieter but no less ominous.

Are you listening to your alarms? Maybe you're in danger?

"Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not."---Ursula K. Le Guin

...and maybe the reason I ignore alarms is because I'm so brave...

"I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer."--- Bob Monkhouse

love
peter

"Too Freakin Cool"

I had to write an extra post tonite (this morning) just because this is way too cool. You will be able to find my regular wednesday post below this. So what's so cool? Well I'm writing this post on the freaking airplane!!! Big deal eh? I've written lots of posts on a plane. But I'm not just writing it....I'm posting it from the plane!!! Yup. Believe it or not they have wireless internet on the freakin airplane. It cost me 10 bucks but I just couldn't resist. I am somewhere over western California but about to cross the border into Nevada, and we're at 35000 ft. I know this because I can track my airplanes progress on the web. I have 3 hours and 41 minutes of flight time left and it is 2:49 am eastern time.

Actually I think I will make this my thursday post, but I will add to it after I get home and after I sleep the day away. I'm supposed to be trying to sleep right now but instead I'm talking to you. That's ok, a guy can sleep any time.

I think I'll check out Roos facebook. I heard a rumour that she's a Leafs fan now!

Oh....couldn't get on facebook...something about them doing maintenance. What kind of bullshit is that?! And I don't want to go on the sports site because I already know what the stupid habs did tonite!

CNN maybe? No, only depressing stuff there as well!

I got it! What about young Roo's blog. Aha! there's something. Jessica, don't you dare give up on going to university if that's what you want. Maybe it just isn't the right time for you. Old Roo went when she was very, very old.....like almost 40 or something!!

Ahh. Facebook is back, and indeed my Roo is now cheering for the leafs. Not much else interesting there though. Now what?

I could do some work? Yah right! Screw that. It's the middle of the night!

But how to get my 10 bucks worth? Probably by turning this thing off and going to sleep.

....and for you young Roo...

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat."---Sylvester Stallone

Internet on the airplane! Too Freaking Cool!

From somewhere over Colorado. More tomorrow

love
peter

I promised more but not how much more. I got home at 9 am with a total of about 30 mins sleep in the back of the car, had a coffee and a quick bite to eat, and then some sleep. I forced myself out of bed around 2:30 because I knew that if I didn't I would be totally screwed up by tonite. It's now almost 9 pm and and I'm starting to fade again. I'm gonna try to stay up long enough to see if the Habs can blow another 2 goal lead, and then I will hit the hay again. I'm tired....or maybe just lazy?

“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."---Jules Renard

love
peter

"What I Learned"

Since I’ve been away on this expensive conference there is some expectation from my company that I learn something that brings value to our organization. In my many experiences with such opportunities I have invariably learned that the information I gather is as valuable to , and often interchangeable with my personal life. So since I should prepare a report for my peers at work I choose to test run it on you guys, and then maybe make a few modifications before I offer it up for my friends at Cosma.

So In bullet points, and in no particular order here are the things that I either learned for the first time or which I knew already but were reinforced.

·Everyone should have a set of clearly stated family(company) values
·Our job as Leaders is to increase leadership capacity both on an individual and organizational level and the success in this area is the number one indicator of an organizations success.
·To achieve anything the top leaders(parents, grand parents) need to buy in.
·Your behavior needs to move you towards your goal. Anything less is counterproductive.
·Ask yourself not, are people smart, but rather, how are they smart?
·Have patience for people to learn but have no patience for poor behavior.
·How is your emotional bank account with those around you….are you overdrawn?
·Is this the ‘right’ thing to do?
·Life is all about memories.
·A tribe(family, company) is something you join to sustain life.
·Are you paying attention to the alarm bells in your life/work?
·Seventy one percent of all employees everywhere are not engaged in their jobs.
·Don’t just mark my paper, help me get an “A”.
·When employees come to work they often “sit and quit”!
·You have no right as a leader to screw up someone else’s life.
·If you can’t make people happy at least don’t hurt them.
·Sometimes we withhold information from others because it gives us power.
·Decide what is non-negotiable, in your work and in your life.
·Think about all the things that could go wrong…it’s not negativism, it’s just preparedness.
·If you have a leader recruiting other leaders you tend to get the same kind of people.
·Changing your own behavior opens up a world of opportunities.
·In the pharmaceutical industry it takes on average 23 years to bring a product to market.
·Aim for excellence instead of perfection.
·Everyone should have a coach.
·No great thing is created suddenly.
·Leadership starts on the inside.
·It’s always the leader.
·Treat your people as a family and lead with love.
·Leadership is about always bringing hope.
·Leadership is about managing energies….yours and others.
·Being positive changes peoples behavior.
·People first….then shareholders and customers.
·Good times and bad times require servant leadership
·When an employee isn’t working out you always have the opportunity to “share him with the competition”
·Are you here to serve or be served.
·As a leader, it’s not all about you!
·Do you own anything…your position, your people, your resources, or are they just on loan?
·Servant leaders like and encourage feedback.
·Every human being is important.
.Leadership development is most effective when applied to ones self!

...and my personal favorite....

.If life were a chess game, then at the end of the game the King and the Pawn go into the same box!!!

"I am defeated, and know it, if I meet any human being from whom I find myself unable to learn anything."---George Herbert Palmer

love
peter

"Mushroom Soup"

This hotel has the best mushroom soup I ever tasted… and skim milk!!

I’m obviously getting old. San Diego and area is supposed to be one of the most interesting places in the US and instead of spending a few extra days here to enjoy the city and the beaches, I am taking the overnight flight home tomorrow night….just to get back to the place where I’m happiest. Home!

If I could just get my wife to make soup like these people do, I may never leave home again.

“Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to"---John Ed Pearce

love
peter

"As Promised"

Your regualar dose of travellers diarrhea!
And before you make Michaels mistake of asking why I never posted in time today, please know that it is only 10:40 pm in San Diego, CA. Anyway....here you go. I wrote it on the plane.

I arrived at Detroit/Wayne County airport a little earlier than I like to but someone else had scheduled the driver and so I didn’t bother to change it. I knew I would have time to kill. This airport is special to me for a couple of reasons and somehow I think they’re connected. First off it seems like a very efficient place. Despite all the times I’ve travelled through here I have never had any kind of serious delay getting through security. In today’s paranoid society that in itself is remarkable. Secondly it is also one of the coldest, most clinical spots on this planet. I mean that figuratively of course. Absolutely no one in this airport ever smiles. Not the staff, not the travelers, not even the young people it seems.

So how are these 2 observations connected? I think both of them are a reflection of the metropolis of Detroit itself. If I heard correctly the other day I believe that the population of Detroit has slipped under the 1 million mark recently, from a peak of approximately 2 million some years ago. So you can see the obvious connection. The airport never has security delays simply because there are so many less people using it, and furthermore the people are miserable because of the incredible drop in the local economy over the last 10 years.

What I find interesting about this connection is the chicken and the egg consideration that begs an answer. I know I implied that people are miserable because of the economy and the accompanying loss of jobs, and in turn inhabitants, but I’m not so sure that’s how it really transpired. I’ve been travelling through this airport for many years and as far as I can remember it has always been a miserable place. If you can make such a leap from a social perspective I suspect that in this case the egg came first. I believe that Detroit had become an unhappy society in the first place, eventually leading to a climate of dissatisfaction and ultimately decay. Yes, and then resulting in plant closings, job loss and poverty. The antagonism between the auto manufacturers and the unions became so prevalent that it eventually swallowed up the community in a spirit of anger and hate. I’ve had the opportunity to walk the floors of many of the “Big Threes” assembly plants over the years and you could feel the animosity exuding from the workers, and the non-caring attitude of the managers.

So that’s my social commentary for today. In summary I believe that the battle for more and more of the good life as identified by material things can eventually bring an entire society to ruin. Everyone learns to hate what they have to do, in order to get what they think they want, and in the end everyone is screwed….except for me because I get to pass quickly through security with no hassle!!

I wonder what my social science son would have to say about my conjecture? He’s a bit of a liberal so maybe he’s going to blame the bosses. Let’s see it this sparks anything?? Of course he’s more educated than me and as such will probably be able to make a good argument. And now that he’s officially a graduate student with scholarship money and more independence, I can’t even threaten to stop paying his tuition. Oh well, I suppose that was the goal all along eh?

And lastly a sad goodbye to my Moms youngest brother, Ome Hank, who just left this world to join Mom…lucky guy I’d say!

But back to Detroit, here’s one for you that might help to explain the current situation

“Nothing fails like success”---Anon

"Downtown Detroit has more vacant buildings over 10 storeys than any city in the world."---Meg White

But I suppose the Motor City has had worse times....1967 for instance.

"Motor city madness has touched the countryside
And through the smoke and cinders
You can hear it far and wide
The doors are quickly bolted
And the children locked inside
Black day in July
Black day in July
And the soul of Motor City
is bared across the land
As the book of law and order
is taken in the hands
Of the sons of the fathers
who were carried to this land"---Gordon Lightfoot

love
peter

"This Close!"

I've killed lots of chickens in my life but never a rooster! And all my chicken killing was done with great enthusiasm but always with the good honest intent of eating them after they were dead. Today I came 'this close' to killing a rooster out of pure hatred. I turned my back for one second and the bastard attacked my Kylie. I couldn't believe it. For some reason he has gotten much more agressive over the last few weeks and yet I was still shocked when he came after her. And when I then proceeded to put the boots to him he started coming on to me with beak and claws. Ky had 2 gouges on her legs which he delivered right through the fabric of her pants with his feet. Fortunately Miguette was there to remind me how stupid these animals are, and that it probably wasn't gonna teach him anything, and so I let him be. What was in my heart though was not teaching him something, it was killing him. So he lives for another day, but I do have a call into the chicken man to see what's up? Perhaps it's normal behaviour and if so I'm gonna teach Kylie how to take a stick in there and to learn not to trust him. I don't want her to have to be afraid. After all, as I expressed the other day fear is a powerful and potentially debilitating emotion.

Of course like most negative events this one also had it's sunny side. Hearing Colby laughing as I delivered my brief rhetorical message to the rooster was somehow a joyous sound. His mom of course politely reminded us that beating a defenseless animal was perhaps not that funny. However, being boys we only stopped laughing on the outside! The rooster should also be grateful that Kylie's dad wasn't there because right or wrong, if you know my son, you would also know that 'Roosty' would be very dead by now! I admit also that in my younger years it would have felt very good to see how far I could have punted him.

But for now I guess, after having calmed down I'm glad he's still alive. And I do admit that his crowing is a marvelous relaxing kind of sound. Perhaps there are things we can do to change his protective instincts. Perhaps letting them out to wander the yard might help, but again we'll see what Uncle Terry the chicken man has to say.

Oh!....just got the call back from the chicken man. He says they need to learn who's boss! In other words, who's the biggest cock in the henhouse! Kylie and I will work on that when I get back from San Diego. I suppose I have a slight advantage over her.

And yah...back on the road for a few days so expect some airplane ramblings over the next few days.

And off topic. Thanks for the great stories Mary. It feels damn good to be proud of your old man and your big sister all in one day!

“Rooster today, feather duster tomorrow"---Russian Proverb

“It may be the cock that crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs."---Margaret Thatcher

love
peter

"VIP's"

Colby and I were heading off to bed (he has hockey in the morning) when I realized, no blog! So this is all you're getting. A picture of 3 very important people in my life.

"How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!"---Maya Angelou

love
peter

"Mysteries of the Universe"

If the earth is spinning at more than 1000 mph at the equator why isn't everything thrown off? It seems to me that the only safe place would be at the north and south poles, and even there you should get a little dizzy!

Why, despite generations of evidence to the contrary, do people still think that having children is a good idea?

Why does nothing ever turn out the way you expect it, and why is that so hard to get used to?

What do Mennonites buy at Walmart?

Why do the keypads at the drivethrough banking have braille lettering on them?

Why does my pool leak, and why have I not turned it into a flower bed yet?

Why do trees always grow in the wrong places?

Where did the last 54 years disappear to?

Why can't I get drunk anymore?

Why do we dream when we sleep, and what does it mean?

Why would a doctor prescribe a medication the side effects of which are described as being "difficult to distinguish from the illness" it is supposed to treat?

Why, when I feel so tired can I still go out and effortlessly ride 54 kms?

....but the greatest mystery of all is way beyond me...help me with this if you can

Why did Neil Young shoot his baby down by the river?

A few other things.

Thanks John, you're as quick to compliment as you are to critique, and I chersih both.
Thanks Stella, for reminding me that I'm one of the lucky ones. Prayers for your friend.
Elly, I don't think I'm ready to go there. You're gonna have to coach me.
Betty, I'm sure your right about the tent.
Old Roo, I'm okay with warm as long as you can find a place where my phone won't work, and you can't get access to facebook.
And lastly, no Cory you can not come! Well.......... alright then!

“The final mystery is oneself."---Oscar Wilde

...I really like this one. What does it mean to you?

“Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain."---Carl Gustav Jung

love
peter

"Change"

I've done lots of philosophizing about life's ups and downs, and have given and listened to all sorts of advice about how to get more ups and less downs. I've cheered and jeered my own advice and that of others. I've offered up and listened to lots of excuses as to why things are the way they are. I've rationalized, apologized, speculated, expostulated and ruminated out loud regarding the mysteries, the miseries, and the miracles of human existence. I've bitched and bellyached, worried and wondered, fussed and fretted, groaned and grumbled.

The other day Cory asked the question, "Maybe you're just scared?" And I think the answer is yes. If one accepts responsibility for ones own condition as I profess to do, than I have to admit that the reason I don't change it is fear. I think that we don't make changes because we associate more pain with any new situation than we do with the current one. That's why we don't give up our addictions, why we don't change jobs, why we don't stop catering to our children, or even why we don't sell everything we own and go to live in a tent in northern Saskatchewan.

Change is frightening! After all it could be worse!.....or....

...and I'll leave you with that...

“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted."---Anon

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."---W. Edwards Deming

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."---Victor Frankl

love
peter

"What a Glorious Day"

While I haven't dug out a soccer ball yet I did get my bike out today. How the time flies when you're out riding. As much as I'm grateful for my inside trainer it is just not the same. I went 38 kms which certainly is not that far but still a good start. Of course a perfect cycling day helped as well. Beautiful sunshine and very little wind. The nice thing is that my ass didn't get the least bit sore and I think I will be able to pick up the distance very quickly. Of course I was quite slow as well but that also is to be expected. I know its very early and I can't count on the weather yet but I will try to get out every chance I can. Cycling seems to have an advantage over running when it comes to managing my anxiety....I think because it's easier to relax and still keep moving forward. The only real choice you have when running is to walk, which I also do sometimes.

I haven't really decided whether I'm doing any triathlons this year. Part of me just wants to relax and another part thinks that focusing on preparing for races may be good for me. I know this. As soon as Aug 30th rolls around I will try to register for ironman Canada 2011. For the sake of that plan I don't really need to do any racing this year, but would be much better served by working on my swimming technique and on improving my strength and body composition. Soon I will find the ambition.

Thats all I have other than to answer a few questions.

Elly, I can't name one particular thing that I'm angry about. Ask me what makes me the most sad and I would have an answer for you.

John, yes certainly you can take some of the credit. After all you had the good sense to marry her mother!

Stella, imagine my surprise to find out that there were 2 Roos. I guess that makes me doubly blessed.....or perhaps all of us doubly blessed eh? And even though I got the old model I'm pretty content with her.

“A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive."---Pearl Bailey

“It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book."---Friedrich Nietzsche

"In The Interest of Brevity"

All I have to say tonite is "Finally, some practical advice from Athol street". Please check out young Roo's comments on the last 2 days posts. Thanks Jessica, I'm gonna try every one of those things, and I love you too. I also love your quote, and I suspect that even Old John will buy into that one.

It also just occurs to me that when I have beautiful 19 year old girls telling me they love me, that life sure as hell can't be all bad!!

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice."---Bill Cosby

"Good things, when short, are twice as good."---Gracian

love
peter

"Life"

Here's a little story for you. Sometime in september of 2007 I had a message on my cell phone to call the doctors office. This was a couple of days after they took a sample of my tonsils to do a bioposy. By time I got the message the office was closed and so I had to wait til the next morning to call. No big deal, after all the bioposy was only a precautionary test before they removed my tonsils. When I called the next day the doctor was busy and they said I had to talk to him personally....he would call me back at lunch time. A little bit of wondering going on in my head by then of course, and yet when the phone call finally came I was still surprised. Surprised by the news and surprised by the fact that he delivered it over the phone.

Fast forward to last wednesday when I went to see my doctor about this depression bullshit. Along with the drugs he gave me he also asked me to go to the lab and get some blood tests done...I never even asked what for....just routine stuff. Come friday afternoon there was a message on our machine at home to call Pat at the doctors office, but by the time I got it they were closed for the weekend! Sound familiar? I coped pretty well with it until last night when it really started to weigh on me. I tried to tell myself that my family doctor would talk to me himself and not over the phone, but I couldn't help but wonder if "Pats" job wasn't to summon me in to see him. This and a lot of other scenarios ran through my mind both before and after I fell asleep. I knew they were open at 8 am this morning but it was after 9 when I finally got the courage to call.

Of course you know by now that I'm not gonna deliver any ominous news and yet they do want me to go back for further tests. It seems that my TSH levels are high. My sisters will all know what that means but for those who don't it means Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, or as one clown said, "Try Something Harder". From what I understand your thyroid hormone somehow controls your metabolism and a bunch of other shit! I'll tell you more when I know more.

So yes Betty, I will continiue to run and listen to my tunes; and yes Cory somehow I feel guilty for surviving the first time around, and indeed I am looking for both happiness and perfection; and yes indeed John, sometimes I expect a calamity to strike at any moment; and yes above all else I know "It's Life!"

Oh and Mike....don't you think my life is tough enough without you stroking Corys' ego?

"I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"---Joni Mitchell

love
peter

"Sunday Morning Comin' Down"

My grandchildren spent the night at our house along with their father. Other than Kylie giving me a 2 footed kick in the ribs at about 2 a.m. that is pure gratification. All my kids are sober, at least for today. My wife still cares for me....literally and figuratively. I have my health, a great place to live and all the amenities of life. I'm blessed with a great employer that gives me challenges and freedom. I have most of my teeth, all of my hair and a new crank on my bike.

So how does one explain the feeling of just wanting to go back to sleep when one wakes up to this seemingly idyllic situation. I can't! I stated the other day that I believe that I, and only I, am responsible for state of my state....the condition of my condition. I think that's what makes it so frustrating. If I had someone to blame, I could simply sit around and feel sorry for myself. Even if I was prone to that I don't think this family of mine would tolerate it for very long. So what to do to deal with this anxiety and depression that I continue to face? I do all the things that are supposed to help, regular exercise of course being the most significant element, and yet I just can't seem to get a handle on it. At times, just for fleeting moments the answer seems on the tip of my tongue so to speak, but I just can't seem to reach out and grab a firm hold. I find it hard to accept that I can't conquer it. I don't want to join what at times seems like the majority of society that uses some kind of chemicals to fight the battle. I want ro remain part of the minority

But I'm not winning and so I finally caved and went to see the doctor. He convinced me to try a new drug (new to me at least) called Cipralex. He explained how it was supposed to work but lost me after the first 2 or 3 unintelligible words. Apparently it has less side affects than some others and starts working quickly. However I feel like I've admitted defeat somehow and I just try to hold on to the idea that this is just temporary. Just temporary til when, I suppose is the question?

I would be really interested to know just what percentage of our population takes some kind of anti-depressant? I bet the numbers would be shocking. And why? Is there something wrong with us? Is there something wrong with me? Is the life I describe as idyllic not really what it appears to be, or what I tell myself it is? Am I missing an important ingredient? And how did our society survive before someone discovered these wonder drugs?

So that's my whining for this sunday. Feel free to ignore me. Maybe I should have gone to church instead eh, but I've found that nobody listens to me there either.

"Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile."---Judith Guest

"I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
Cause I want to be the minority"---Green Day

"Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries."---Paul Simon

"And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
Of the sleepin' city sidewalks:
Sunday mornin' comin' down."---Kris Kristofferson

love
peter

"A Successful Day"

Silent and smooth and unbelievably cool!



And yes I did more than just put it all in a pile! I actually got totally organized and almost caught up.

If the way to live life is one day at a time then today was a good day.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."---Albert Schweitzer

love
peter

"Still Smiling"

Amazing what they can do with a few titanium pins and some good glue. Good as new and then some. There's quite a story behind those front teeth of mine. When I was a kid my right front tooth had come in turned almost sideways and my parents spent money they didn't have to get it fixed. They could have saved their money because when i was about 15 I had it broken off during a high school wrestling match courtesy of an elbow to the mouth. There was enough toooth left to put a peg in and glue a crown to it. That lasted on and off until I was about 30 when the remaining tooth split down the middle and they had to pull it entirely. That's when I had my first of 3 different bridges, this last one having lasted for about 10 years. The only thing I was really afarid of this time was that they would have to pull the one that broke when the bridge came out. But thank you Dr Busvek....I think I was in the chair for less than 45 minutes and good to go!!

The whole thing did kind of mess up my day however. I should have been taking care of this mess

But it will still be there tomorrow....and maybe the next day?

And I really wanted to be putting this together.

It really is amazing....carbon fibre, aluminum, ceramic, and of course some titanium to match my teeth. The whole thing weighs just over a pound. I'm pretty sure it's gonna go together tomorrow regardless of the mess on the kitchen table.

After all, the ones about making money, and the other about spending it. Which would you rather be doing?

"Action expresses priorities."--- Mohandas Gandhi

"There's no sense talking about priorities. Priorities reveal themselves. We're all transparent against the face of the clock."--- Eric Zorn

love

peter

"Downward Spiral"

As I mentioned I had decided to share some of my problems with you today but as the day wore on I realized that that kind of attitude was just gonna bring me down even further. So when the final straw happened today I decided to stop complaining, and just "grin and bear it".

Yah, my freaking teeth fell out and I believe that one of them is broken, so I don't know what's gonna happen. My jaw bone is particularly susceptible to any kind of trauma including tooth extraction so I'm a little nervous. Hopefully they'll get me in first thing in the morning and get a plan going.

Besides the day brought some good news as well. Perhaps you recall me telling you that my bike was hurting. After almost 6 weeks of battling with the manufacturer regarding their warranty, the bike shop came through and decided to send me this.

Tell me it's not beautiful. A Stronglife Helion, hollow carbon fibre crankset complete with bottom bracket and ceramic bearings...retail value 1200 bucks!! I can't wait for it to get here!

And I still have my hair...

"Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he's got it all. "---James Brown

love

peter

"All About Me"

As part of a work project I am currently involved in, I am evaluating several different personality assesment tools. These "tests" are usually made up of a series of questions based on some psychologists expertise. Many of them actually come from the work of a famous guy named Carl Gustav Jung. I take all the tests myself just to get a feeling for them beyond what some sales guy tells me. One of the most recent ones I did is actually a test of abilities and interests, as well as the usual personality measure. Unlike the basic personality test this one had time limits. I knew that going in, and yet once I got started I was shocked by the stress that this created. I barely finished some sections and one of them I made it just halfway through. At one point I actually panicked and considered closing the test (it was online) but I got a hold of myself and carried on. The surprising part to me was that this happened during the part of the test using shapes and patterns....an area I thought I would excel in. I am very certain I could have answered every one of them correctly given more time and I also believe that 10 years ago I would have been able to answer all of them in the given time. It was a clear indicator of changes in my brain--deterioration if you will, in my flexibility, and my ability to process things quickly. And in my opinion a direct result of aging. Fortunately everything is scored on a bell curve compared to the general population and as such I wasn't too embarrassed by the results. But still....a 6 on working with shapes! I didn't really like it.

Here for your amusment in the summary of the test. I'm sure you will enjoy the personality part. Does it look like me? You can click on it to get a blow up.



Please note particularly my lack of interest in working with data. I just did the familys tax return and all I can say, is that the 30 bucks I pay for a computer program is well worth it. Also note that the score of 2 on the last scale does not imply that I am socially undesirable. On the contrary it indicates that I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me. The rest is pretty well self explanatory.

So why this expose of self? Well I was initially going to start out today expressing my distaste for people who go through life whining about all the grief they have to go through, while at the same time asking you whether I was one of them. I know I have complained a lot over the last few years, telling you my endless problems. But I try to tell myself, and I hope you agree, that it's ok to be open and honest about one's struggles as long as one doesn't expect someone else to fix them for him. I think I have generally accepted responsibility for my own condition and I don't want to stop being candid. I know that I don't care about what people think of me but at the same time I want them to know me. That way if someone doesn't like me, or my thoughts or feelings I'm still good with it. I'm ok with being judged for being me.

Towards that end, tomorrow I'm gonna telly you some more of my struggles.

"Yes, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood"---Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell and Sol Marcus

love

peter

"Losing Brain Cells"

It is almost 11 pm and I was about to join Roo in the bedroon when I realized....no blog post! If I had forgotten, it would have meant that I stopped at 538 consecutive posts. I don't know why I remembered at the last moment...maybe it's a bit of a habit you think? I'm sure however that the day will come, as my mind and my body continue their natural deterioration. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell you more about it.

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."---Groucho Marx

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."---Ambrose Bierce


love
peter

" A Star is Born"

Okay, I've stewed long enough, I shall write to you about parents and children. I don't mean me and my children, I mean my parents and my children. Growing up I have no memory of grandparents, and I've always felt kind of like we missed something special, and what I have seen in the last few years makes me certain of it. There seems to be something you get from a grandparent that you absolutely cannot get anywhere else. I have witnessed my sisters go completely stupid over their grandchildren and I think both grandma and grandchild are so blessed.
My children have been lucky enough to have one set of grandparents, and I am very grateful that they do. Berts parents have loved and supported them for their whole lives, but dammit, I want to be able to share them with my parents too. Every time the boys do something amazing, and this is often you understand, because they are pretty near perfect, I yearn to be able to tell Mom and Dad about it, show them a painting or a book. I can see Zack and Dad with their heads together, discussing something of the upmost importance, and Jake would be helping him fix something. Mom would spoil them and bake for them and and go on about how talented they are.
So I have to say that if they can't have Mom and Dad, thank goodness they have Aunts and Uncles to assure them how terrific they are. I remember when I was really young and Cory would be coming home for the weekend from school, and I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I would run down the laneway to meet her when I saw the bus. I think maybe that was a little like having a Grandma, someone who wasn't your mother, who loved you so much like that.

Anyway, I hope that next time we all get together that we can maybe take a little trip down memory lane to visit Mom and Dad so that maybe my kids can know them a little through all of you.

lovya, Stella

-------------------------

The name Stella is of course derived fron the latin word for star and hence the title of this post. I didn't want you to think that my second littlest sister had claimed stardom for herself. I however dare to identify her as such, and think the following quote defines her.

"A life lived with integrity - even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shinning star in whose light others may follow in the years to come."---Denis Waitley

love
peter

"And on The 7th Day he Rested"

Note that I put "he" in lower case letters. The nuns taught me that when I was talking about God you had to use capitals even with your pronouns. I just point that out so you can't accuse me of pretending to be God. Actually when I think about it, if he was God why did he have to have a rest? I know I need a day off now and again and Sunday is as good a choice as any. It's good to feel a little tired and a little human now and again. After all when you spend as much time with your grandchildren as I am blessed to be able to do, a fellow could start feeling pretty self important real quick. Actually, upon further thought I alternate between feeling like the smartest guy in the world and the dumbest. Regardless, both feelings leave me a little worn out, and I figure that the fantastic efforts of my fguest bloggers, combined with my own more humble ones warrant a day of rest!

...so no preaching today my friends...

"I might resume the habit of going to church if the preacher would be honest enough to stand up some morning and say, "Perhaps next Sunday, but not today," and then sit down"---Heywood C. Broun

love
peter

"On Marriage"

I had originally planned a short essay on the virtues of the incredible woman that was my mother, but how do you write a short essay about a saint?

So I give you this briefer but related commentary.

I think my wife and I had our first fight on our second date, and we've been going at it on and off ever since. We've lost some enthusiasm for the battles over the years and the time between them has gotten progressively longer. I think that's progress. I also think it's pretty normal.

What's not normal is the relationship that my parents had. I knew them as a couple for almost 40 years. In that 40 years I heard them raise their voices to each other exactly zero times! I know that seems unbelievable but I never, ever....I mean "never, ever" witnessed my parents arguing. Maybe they did upon occassion, but I swear on their respectibe graves that I never, ever, ever witnessed it!

I remember as if it were yesterday, the first moment I realized that this was strange. It was at the kitchen table; I must have been about 15, and some topic came up that just for a flash I thought they were gonna argue about. It seemed that at the same moment they came to the realization themsleves it just evaporated....as if by some unspoken psychic mutual consent.

So when I listen to, and participate in discussions about my dearly departed parents I am reminded that this was indeed the most remarkable thing about them. More remarkable quite frankly than any individual strength or weakness they may have been blessed with.

If it occurs to you that this idyllic description of a marriage may be a way of prettying up a dispassionate, boring relationship, I would remind you that they had twelve kids!!!!

So Mom...sorry...but not really. I know that you would be happier knowing that I noticed and acknowledged the strength of your marriage over your personal strength. Saints are like that!

....and this is the part that my parents somehow knew, that I'm still learning....

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up."---Ogden Nash

love
peter

"I Read, I Wrote, This What I Got.

Well, here I sit, and ramble.

Last week I heard my oldest brothers voice for the first time since the Christmas in July (or was it August) of 2008. It stunned me when I came to this realization because it seems like it was only a few weeks ago we were all in the back yard playing volleyball wearing silly umbrella hats and hoping Andy would recover from “THE INCIDENT”. It also came to me then that this is the last time I had seen or spoken to most of my siblings. For those of you Non-members of the clan, my name is Dave. This may confuse my siblings as for forty one years (yes the baby is 41 and that should make you all feel very old) they have known me to be David, but for the last twenty five or so it has been Dave. I have also been referred to, by my siblings and others I am sure, as “The Baby”, “The Runt”, “The youngest of twelve” or simply as “That spoiled little shit”. I love all of my siblings but I sometimes wonder why.

Like Terry I have not taken the opportunity to read this blog in a very long time but when Pete called me I did try to go back several months as he assured me my sibs had some very interesting things to say. Well, he was right. I quite enjoyed reading several of the posts. Pete also tried to convince me that my sibs would like to hear what I have to say and although I am certain Pete believes this to be true and may actually want to hear it himself I doubt he is basing this belief on any type of research or fact.

As for the people I call my siblings, I know all of your names, most of your spouses and children, but to actually say I know you would be a gross exaggeration. I have been told that for a brief period of time we actually all lived under the same roof. I have vague memories of Terry just before he moved out, and again for you “Non-members” Terry is number seven. What happened to the first six, I have no clue. Larry was gone to University shortly after, I remember Sudbury being a long way away at the time although in all the years he was up there I was never allowed to make the trip. Now I go there every couple months for work and appreciate the beauty of the landscape every visit. NOT.

Next was John, “Big Brother” by definition if there ever was one. In my childhood I remember him to be smart as a whip, strong as an ox, mean as a bull and as caring as a rock. As I aged and grew John also grew, although he may not have known it, into the best friend of my early adulthood and the best councillor and confidant a fellow could ask for. Thanks Bro. By the way, the day of your manure war with Larry, I was the reason Dad met you outside the door. Sorry for ratting you out but you were always Dad’s favourite so any chance to knock you down was a chance I was taking. You should have seen the look on their faces when I ran to the house and told them what you guys were doing. It was priceless.

After John, well my dears sisters Stella and Betty. The only sisters I really knew as a child. Like many closely aged siblings we shared a childhood of mutual annoyance and terrorization which thankfully grew into a friendship I still appreciate today. Stella, I cannot remember a time that we were together and I did not laugh. I miss you, come visit. Betty, you say not many people know, and I may be wrong (I am finding that happens a lot) but I feel I do know you for I am just a younger version with a harder shell and maybe a better disguise. Neither of these things are good or helpful in any way but I will try to keep smiling if you do.

For the rest of you, my sib’s, you have all had impacts on my life and I am glad to say I remember more good than bad. The parents you describe in your letters, or posts if you will, I am afraid to say I did not know. The parents I knew were loving and caring and worried but most of all they were old and tired. Some of you describe moments of fun with Dad, my earliest memory is of him with a cane because his back was so sore he could hardly walk. Not much is said about our mother in this blog and I am not sure why. She loved every one of us and worried about the eleven of you “Older Children” every day I knew her. Unfortunatly, with Wheel Of Fortune mixed in and being asleep by 8:30 at night that didn’t leave much time for “The Baby”. In Mom’s eyes I could do no wrong, had no problems, and in short was the perfect child. I sometimes think if I had stood in front of her and lit the house on fire she would have blamed someone else. I don’t mean to say bad things about our parents because I know they did the best they could, but twelve is a lot. I know this because I have two and two is a lot. I regularly pray for the guidance of my Father and even more regularly I look to heaven and apologize to my Mother for as some of you may know I was not actually “A Perfect Child”.

I know I have rambled on but if I may I would like to say a few words about the most important part of my family. Any one who still thinks blood is thicker than water has not met my wife and the two wonderful children she has shared with me. We have no blood connection but I live every day for them and would die any day for them. They are my life.

I strive not to be the best at anything but to be the best I can be, and hopefully, better tomorrow.

There were many things I wanted to say here today, I have expressed some and forgotten to include some I am certain.

I live everyday being sorry for the pain I have caused, happy for the love I have been given and hopeful for the days to come.

The best advise I have every been given, “Find someone to Love”. Thanks John.

The most important lesson I have ever learned, “You can’t Un-Hurt someone”.

Favorite song lyric, as it seems to be a theme.

“A word’s just a word til you mean what you say, and Love isn’t love til you give it away”. – Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus or some other Disney crap that my wonderful daughter listens to.

Mercifully, that’s all I’ve got,

Love, DAVE

-------------------------

Good point about Mom David. I'll see what I can do about that.

Much to our surprise we found out tonite that there's another Roo out there. It took us a few minutes to find you Jessica! I think you need to start calling your self "young Roo"....but thanks for the comment, and keep on keepin on!

"Who is it?
It's me Dave man, open the door"
Who?
It's Dave, c'mon man open the damn door!!!
Dave's not here"---"Cheech Marin/Tommy Chong

"Don't you want somebody to love
Don't you need somebody to love
Wouldn't you love somebody to love
You better find somebody to love"---Darby Slick

love
peter

"Random Things"

1) I'm glad you enjoyed Terrys post. Hopefully it will carry you through this feeble effort!

2) Terry says that reading Teresa's post scared him since it expressed the way he felt as well. If you remember, Teresa talked about insecurities around things like her work. What I found interesting is that of all the idiots, I have had the most opportunity to work with the 2 of them, and I would describe them both as significantly above average in their chosen field....actually that's wasn't my opinion any more than it was that of our respective co-workers. I worked with Bill for quite a while as well but that was before I was an adult(I was 21) and he also managed to build a good reputation with our common employer despite my stupidity at the time.

3) All of this kind remembrance of our father's fun loving spirit has for some reason reminded me that I am indeed his son....but it's not due to the kind of mischievous things that Terry is referring to. I don't remember so much of them when I was a kid. I know I am his son because of the meanness I sometimes feel! Sorry dad, but you always called it like it was. I think you became a much better parent as time wore on....as you gained experience I suppose.

4)Times have changed. I was in another one of those snotty hotels last night but with a twist. Believe it or not it was full of farmers. They were here for this!



Yup.... a freaking conference in a high end hotel about milking cows with robots! Somehow the milk I had with my dinner tasted a little different than usual.

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one."---Kent Nerburn,

"Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger."--- Abbie Hoffman

....and just for Maisie....

"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice."--- Lewis Black

love
peter

"Where to Start?"

How to start? How to start?

It should be quite easy really, after all it is just a one sided conversation, something I have with myself on a regular basis, and after all having already being branded an idiot, expectations can’t be too high can they? I have actually had this conversation with myself several times now, the problem is that I talk to myself much faster than I can type and after I type one line I can’t remember what the next one was. I think the trick must be to just keep going and then edit if I need to.

Several months ago my computer died and I lost my link to this page so when peter asked me to do a post (I had no idea what a post was unless it was part of a fence or a driving shed)I had him send me a new link and started reading what others had done. Not bad for a bunch of idiots....expectations were going to be higher than I thought.

I wanted to tell Larry that there is only voltage at the light fixture the current only comes when you put your finger in. I wish I could answer some of Bills questions but they are beyond me. Teresa’s page kind of scared me because as she described herself she could have been talking about me, I guess we are all like that up to a point and if I am wrong and it is just the two of us I consider myself in good company so I wont let it bother me. As for peters funeral planning my wife already knows that if she dies before me that I am going to get her cremated and put her in a Harvey’s bag .

Ignorance is bliss
Or so I have heard, I don’t remember where or in what context (it may have been aimed at me ) and I never thought much of it until one day after trying unsuccessfully to explain something to a person who very obviously thought he knew everything it hit me this guy is so stupid that he doesn’t know that he is stupid! That must be what it means,(actually so ignorant that he doesn’t know that he is ignorant as a wise man once told me that, "ignorance can be fixed but stupid is forever". So when I hear all this talk of idiots I have to think . Idiots? Maybe but at least not complete idiots as we seem to realize that there is more to know and do in life , so as to Andy’s comment "dumb as a stick". I must beg to differ , perhaps dumb as a post as a post can at least be useful holding up a fence or a driving shed or even entertaining some bored individual sitting at his computer and therefore have some importance.

A small piece of the puzzle
This story is a small piece of the puzzle that was our Father
I don’t remember many details but I think I was probably twelve or thirteen, maybe John or Larry could fill in more if they remember more? One day John, Larry ,myself and dad were going to the back of the farm probably to do some chore that needed done. Dad was driving the green Fargo pickup and the three of us were in the back. We were being very cool and macho, not needing to hold on even as dad rounded one of the bends in the driveway , when all of a sudden he turned the wheel, hit the gas and did a doughnut in the hay field ,(even to this day it seems hard to believe he did that) Larry and I were able to hold on but John was thrown from the truck like a rock from a slingshot . I find myself looking back and wondering what kind of a moment that would have been had John been able to hold on , as it happened all fun was lost as John had to be scooped up and taken back to the house for bandaging of skinned knees and elbows

I enjoyed everything I read previous, I hope you enjoy this.
Terry, or number 7 of the 12 senior idiots.

p.s. Maisie lives on meatless chicken breast!

love
Terry

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"Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help"---Alex Haley

love
peter

"We Can Put a Man on The Moon!"

But we can't get cable in the country! Or any other kind of high speed Internet service since the phone lines are no good either! So we settle for this line-of-sight wireless that's sometime slow as molasses in January! ...or in this case March. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. It's also why this is the sum total of my post. I still have a nice guest blog in my back pocket but I am away working for the next few days so I need to save it. That's my teaser so that you'll come back tomorrow.

And in the big picture I ain't complaining. This little spot we have in the country is as close to any ideal I ever imagined myself living in.

The only other thing I have to say tonite is Cory you are an idiot! But thank you so much because your moment made me laugh like hell!!....and my wife too...and I'm sure everyone else I'm gonna tell. But that's for a later post eh? Just one more thing I'm gonna save for now.

"God made the country, and man made the town."---William Cowper

love
peter

"Baby Sisters"

Hi, My name is Betty and I’m Pete’s youngest sister and as such I’ve never really known him very well. But Pete, I know the elephant.

My goal in life is to be needed (but not too regularly, that just gets annoying) and appreciated, where I can be the hero, but don’t have to worry about maintaining the energy level. Being number 11 in this family means chances are if I do something well, someone else has already done it better, but I am usually available and that’s a big plus. (You bunch of idiots are an awfully tall measuring stick)

I am not able to drive and often find myself in a position where I need to ask favours: “Please pick up child A and drop them off at location B” is a perennial favourite. But I struggle with how to say ”Thanks” without overdoing it. I know my family is always there for me, but I also know it can get really old. I want to make sure that people know how much I appreciate their help, but also know it gets irritating when I’m saying thanks for the fourth time. Too bad I don’t know when to stop talking. Asking all those favours has given me lots of practice saying thank you, but I think I have a ways to go before I learn to say it well.

A couple of years ago I went on a school trip with my youngest daughter to Martyr Shrine in Midland. A place that was near and dear to my mother’s heart and a place where many people have gone to pray for cures from their afflictions. The altar is littered with white canes and crutches and one of the teachers pointed out that I could pray to have my vision restored. I was faced with a crisis: did I want to be normal? I decided that my vision or lack thereof was a big part of making me who I am today and so I chose to pray for guidance instead. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be or what I’m supposed to be doing and thinking about it makes the elephant gain weight. I don’t know if the guidance is there and I’m just not seeing it, or if this is something else I need to learn from. For now I guess I’ll keep looking.

There aren’t many people I trust enough to show them who I really am, but my husband and children come pretty close to knowing the real me and love me anyway. Obviously their judgement is questionable as I feed them and occasionally do their laundry, I am often surprised by how well my sisters know me and still love me and I have a lot of respect for them. I have it on good authority that I’m worth knowing; I’m working on believing that.

This blog has given me the opportunity to know my family better and make me realize I’m not always so different as I thought.

So, thank you (just once) for finding a reason to love who I was yesterday, who I am today and who I will be tomorrow and for needing me once in a while.

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it whoever you are, you need one”---Jane Howard

“Those who have one foot in the canoe and one foot in the boat are going to fall in the river”---Tuscarora

love
Betty

-------------------------

To put some of Betty's comments in context I will tell you that she is one of 3 of the idiots saddled with a degenerative eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. I think it's ok to say thank you as much as you want because it's the saying it, or at least thinking it that matters, not the hearing it. That's why you can just say thank's without anyone even knowing you've done so.

The odd time I find a quote that I disagree with. Here's one such.

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."---G.B. Stern

"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."---Mark Twain

love
peter