"Lifes a Bitch"

When you have no spit! What is a fellow supposed to do to keep his goggles from fogging up? The norm is to spit in them and rub it around a little. Do I ask the guy in the next lane to spit in them for me. Can't say I like the idea very much. I guess I'll just swim in a fog eh? Sometimes it feels like that's the way I spend most of my life anyway. And while I kinda like the idea of not knowing what's coming at me next, it can result in a lot of invalid speculation about what's going on, which in turn can be stressful. I need to learn to live in this fog, this uncertainty that life is, and be at peace. Just be at peace.

I swam 1500 metres today and will swim every day this week as a priority. I also biked 50 kms in a ridiculous wind and did my weights tonite.

I wish to dedicate day 195 to Michael J Fox. Seeing him on TV yesterday reminded me of how very lucky I am, and how courageous many others are.

“There's actually a very scientific device for measuring the way the wind blows, ... which we refer to as the spit-o-meter."---Don Graham

love
peter

"Spring?"

Man. that was a disheartening scene this morning. I had hoped to ride outside today but the white stuff took that option away. I decided just to swim as I was of course a little tired from yesterday, and it was probably for the best. I don't like the fact that I was tired and even a little sore from a simple 30k run, but I guess maybe age is a bit of a factor. I have to remember that and accept it, but it's tough. As happy as I was with my effort yesterday I also think back to running that race a lot, lot faster. To give you some sense of it, this year I was in 1279th place, out of some 5000 runners. Sounds not bad eh? Brett and I also finished 138th out of 408 in our mens 50-54 age group. Again....not bad eh? But.....my best previous finish time applied to yesterdays race would have put me in 92nd place overall and 4th in the age group!!


But alas I'm old and I've wasted the years. Unlike Bernie who is aparrently as fit as ever. Based on his enthusiasm for life and his confidence I'm not gonna let this age thing get to me. I expect as well that Bernie will want to join Brett and I in London on Mothers Day (May 10th) where we will be running the marathon. I know its 42.2 k Bernie but if you just run the first 40 I promise I will run the last 2.2k twice! In my bare feet, and carrying you!

And Elly, thanks for your blessing. I was feeling quite sheepish after the race and as I told Teresa and Claudette about my moment it happened all over again. And at the risk of sounding really pathetic I truly, truly was touched by the gentleness and compassion of a brother-in-law who I think I only really got to know yesterday. I hope I don't embarrass you by this Brett but I now know what my little sister seen in you all those years ago.

It occurs to me that the neat thing about this blog is that I can say things I want to say easier somehow than saying them in person. And while that may imply a lack of courage I still think that if it's important enough to say it, then this way is still better than none.

I also need to tell you about the rest of my day. I spent the entire afternoon with my precious, precious Kylie and we bonded in a significant way. We went swimming, to McDonalds for lunch, then grocery shopping, and finally back to our place for some cookies and cartoons. One more time, I need to thank their parents for letting me be so much a part of her life. She carries me through so much of the tougher stuff of life

I wish to dedicate day 194 to Ms Gertrude Baines who will turn 115 years old a week from today.....maybe?...and who, according to Wikepedia is currently the worlds oldest living person.

"Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man."---Leon Trotsky

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"---Satchell Paige

love
peter

"Race Report"

I would call it a pretty satisfying day. We spent most of it in steady rain, dodging cold puddles but I loved every minute of it. Brett and I ran the whole race together in a time of 2:38:06. I was quite happy with the time itself but the most gratifying part was that we went faster as the race went on. Our 10k split times were 54:37, 52:29, and 51:00. That's really cool because the first 10k is clearly the easiest as it is generally down hill. My heart rate seemed high throughout and yet I still had some courage left at the end. I can't say enough about how Brett supported me the whole way.


I'm almost embarrassed to admit this but at about 28k I suddenly lost it. For some reason I had a flashback to last March when I was struggling to walk one kilometer, and today, a short year later I was out there running 30 with all the other "normal" people.(6200 of them!) I actually started to blubber like an old lady. What an idiot! I told Brett what was going on in my head and he made it all ok with a little squeeze to my shoulder. Then we ran faster!





I wish to dedicate day 193 to the memory of Ron Kyle, father of my friend and running partner.


"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."---Charles Dickens

Love
peter

"It must be Spring!"

I figured that out when I was at the gas station tonite...in my slippers!! I once made it all the way in to work that way so today was not a new idiot moment for me. And probably not the last for that matter.

You can also tell it's spring when the Around the Bay rolls around. Even though quite often it is barely above freezing for that race, according to Environment Canada it will not go below 6 tonite so we should be fine. Game on!

I wish to dedicate day 192 to Simon Njoroge who holds the Bay record in a time of1:32:50!!! That's just over 3 min kms, and just under 5 minute miles.

“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."---Margaret Atwood

"An optimist is the human personification of spring."---Susan J. Bissonett

love
peter

"Was it Worth it?"

This morning I sure didn't think so. As mentioned I took the overnight flight from Mexico arriving in Toronto at 7 am. I have absolutely zero sleep on the plane and was a hurting unit by the time I got back to St Thomas. I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep in my own bed this morning which helped a bit, but I was still very, very tired!

But now I am happy I made the decision. This afternoon I got 50k in on my bike followed by a 5k run, and then did my weights this evening. If I didn't leave Puebla until this morning I would still not be home, and would have no workout at all. And so it's seems like a much better idea now.

Just swimming tomorrow to leave me a little energy for Sundays race. But before that I am going to sleep very, very late....I hope!

I wish to dedicate day 191 to old friends Jack and Maxine. I wish they were still our neighbours.

"The roads we take are more important than the goals we announce. Decisions determine destiny."---Frederick Speakman

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."---Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice."---Steven D. Woodhull

love
peter

"And on the Third Day"

He started to go nuts!

My life is made up primarily of working, working out, family time and leisure reading. Today is my third day day in a row without 3 of these staples. Of course my family's in Canada, and I'm not! My training is in a somewhat planned down time during my trip, and I forgot my freakin book!

Right now I'm seriously questioning my decision to take the redeye home tonite even though as always I'm anxious to get back. I am way early in the Mexico City airport just because of the way the work day went, and so I have some serious time to kill. With no grandchildern, no wife, no workouts, and no book! And I don't really drink anymore so that option's out too.

Whatever to do? I guess it's a good time to practice finding my inner peace eh? Yah Ok...but...all by myself? And without my usual vices??

Thank the good lord in heaven that I got an Internet connection in the airport. Otherwise I was going to start walking home! It's only about 3000 kms if I swim across the gulf of Mexico!
Once I post this I will also try to do some work, even though the environment is hardly conducive to it. Oh yah, and I'll eat so that I don't get shit from Claudette.

I am excited about running Around the Bay on Sunday. Grampa Brett has committed to run with me no matter how slow I go, and so that will be a nice experience. I'm gonna let him do all the talking since he's used to having to do all the listening...eh Teresa?

I wish to dedicate day 190 to Tim Maloney, a friend of a friend who is battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. May the cancer gods favour him!

"The beating of my heart reminds me I live...in the silenceI know I am. When the world threatens to flood my barricades, I run to my centre, my calm, my bliss. In solitude I find myself."---Alison Stormwolf

“I was going to have inner peace if I had to break a few heads to do it."---
Erma Bombeck

love
peter

"Don't Use Drugs"

I'm pretty well convinced that unless you need them to stay alive there are practically no perscription drugs that are worth taking, because enevitably the side effects are just too much. I've tried a myriad of shit over the last year and a half, every time hoping that I was gonna hit on something that was going to alleviate one sympton or another. My latest experiment has been with a sleeping pill called Zopiclone which guess what??? It works! I mentioned that I slept in yesterday morning, and then last night I had the best sleep I have had in forever. Almost 8 hours straight! But here's the other half of the story. Headache, nausea and extreme dizziness for most of the day today. I had touble walking at times and would have to go back to my desk to sit down. I give up. I'll just have to learn to sleep at my desk...oh wait...I already know how to do that.

While on this trip I've tried to spend some more time with my Ironman training books and here's my latest conundrum. I have 2 extensive publications both co-written by serious experts in the sport. While they generally agree that the basis of any program needs to include weekly, a long swim, a long run, and a long ride followed up by a short run, they offer this blatant contradiction. Book one says, "Never do the long bike and the long run back to back, referring to this strategy as "death" weekends. Book two schedules every saturday as the long bike, and every sunday as the long run. Which is it? It can't be both can it?

Hey Larry...thanks for the link...very cool. What I like best is that it will create an altitude profile for you. Very useful for me to judge the grade of hills, and compare them to Penticton.

I wish to dedicate day 189 to my new friend Estanislao Reyes. Because he's a nice guy but also because he has 11 siblings and grew up poor! Now there's a contradiction for you eh? How can one be poor if one has 11 siblings?

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."---Douglas Adams

"Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth."---Blaise Pascal

“Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."---Arnold H. Glasgow

“There are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third."---Timothy Leary

love
peter

"Roll up the Rim!"

It just amazes me! The Toronto airport has Tim Hortons shops everywhere, and everyone of them has slow service and a lineup of at least 20 people. Amazing because there are a myriad of other places to buy a better tasting coffee with little or no waiting, and yet people stand politely and patiently in line to get their “timmies”. I can’t stand it myself and as such happily paid a little more at Starbucks this morning. So what’s the secret? It isn’t the coffee unless maybe they put something addictive in it. McDonalds is better if you’ve ever tried it. ! It isn’t the donuts….at least once you’ve had a Crispy Crème, it isn’t. And it sure isn’t the service, unless maybe you like standing in line.

That leaves rrrollll up the rim! Like lotteries, they prey on the human compulsion to try to get something for nothing, and the anticipation of a happier future. A future made better, not by the free coffee or donut you occasionally win, but by the computers or TVs or cars they say are available. I don’t even know what they mean when they say “available” to win? Does this mean in case they decide to print that many winners or what? Pretty vague if you ask me.

And I admit it. I’m part of the problem. I buy lots of their coffee. Primarily because where I live there is no competition, and yet once I get that cup in my hand I am anxious to get the coffee down so that I can check if I am a winner. And I also admit that every time I win a free coffee I am just as disappointed as when they allow me to “play again”. I can’t even remember ever cashing one of them in. I want the car damn it! My life will definitely get better if I win a free Toyota!

What’s really brilliant is that they don’t do it all the time. Somehow they know just the right amount of time they can withdraw people from it, such that they are still addicted by the time they “roll” it out again. They must have some very good psychologists, or sociologists or something on staff eh? And all this the brainchild of a hockey player, and a Toronto Maple Leafs player to boot!

Anyway, If that’s all I have to ponder it must mean that I’m on the road eh? I had a bit of stress first thing this morning as I fell back asleep after the alarm went off and ended up getting away 15 minutes late. I had taken a sleeping pill at about 1 am and apparently it was still working. But not to worry. I still made it in plenty of time. I had already checked in last night and had my electronic boarding pass….yah my electronic boarding pass. You can now choose the option to have a bar code sent to your phone which they actually scan at the gate. No paper of any kind! Pretty wild eh!

I also got a decent seat on the plane. I work desperately to get an aisle seat because I find it so much less constrictive. To top that off, the plane was not full and so I managed to move to a seat with no one beside me. It’s almost as good as business class, the only problem being that I can smell the food they are getting up there. Thank goodness that I had my Starbucks yogurt, nanaimo bar, and coffee before I got on the plane.

Note Roo’s post of yesterday which loved me up a little. I think there’s something to be said for this kind of public statement of our commitment to each other. Especially when it also acknowledges that it isn’t always easy, and it’s not always fun. It is of course easy to find fault with each other and often very tempting. I believe however that our major responsibility as members of our society it to try to become better human beings, and beyond that, to help our loved ones to do the same. I think that Claudette and I have arrived at a point where we are both comfortable that the rest of our lives are intended to be spent together, helping ourselves and each other. I’m proud of that. Looking back I can say that when the one has been weak the other has usually been strong. Anyone who is, or ever was married knows that it's a tough road sometimes, but I think that if you can become friends then you can survive almost anything. Again I believe that Roo and I truly wish the very best for each other and despite some of the crap that we have foisted on the other half, it is this mutual caring that keeps us strong, despite our own personal shortcomings. Quite frankly, the things that piss me off are dwarfed by the things I love about her. The only problem I have with taking turns being strong is that I worry that she's gonna ask me to take a turn again sometime. She's carried the ball for about 18 months now.

Hey! Heres something. I got the following out of the Air Canada magazine. They claim it to be a Mayan love poem which would seem appropriate since I’m on my way to Mexico….here goes…
“I know not if the voice of man can reach the sky. I know not if the gods will hear if I pray, I know not if the gifts I have will all be granted, I know not what will come to pass in future days, But I hope only good will come from my love for you”

It's a pretty nice thought which you can nicely apply to any relationship, whether that be friends, lovers, childern etc

Ok….enough sentimental crap. I’m sitting on a very new Airbus 319 which has all the latest technology. My computer is plugged in to 120 volt power, so the battery doesn’t die. I have my own personal touch screen in front of me on which I can watch TV or movies, or listen to satellite radio. I can also charge my i-pod on the USB port they have nicely provided. The only thing missing is an Internet connection, which I’m sure is on the way once they figure out how to charge you for it. I’m currently listening to the complete album of the Bee Gees love songs which could have something to do with my maudlin mood…ya think? I did have to pay 3 bucks for a headset since I forgot my own, but at least I get to keep them. My ass is a bit sore from the seat, but that could be from my weights last night as opposed to the seat itself.

Despite all the amenities of home this flying shit is for the birds. I’m hating it more all the time it seems. I wish there was a better way. Another hour and a half on the plane and then the nauseating drive from Mexico City to Puebla. Im gonna try to snooze for a bit.

I will do very little training while in Mexico, and I think it’s probably a good time for a break. I’m feeling quite fatigued overall and so hopefully the few days off will re-energize me. If I can find the time I will get one easy run in somewhere, and I am going to try to do my stretching every day. The problem is that I get back on Friday and because I will have this time off I need to get right back at it when I get home. Which means not even one day of rest prior to Around the Bay on Sunday. Don’t wait up for me Brett!

I wish to dedicate day 188 to the Reverend (furnish name here please Roo) who married us the first time at St Lukes in the Garden chapel many years ago…. even if he was kinda unique.

“They’re only words, but words are all I have, to take your heart away”---Barry Gibb

“There’s a way, everybody says, to do each and every little thing. But what does it mean, if I ain’t got you, if I ain’t got you.”---Barry Gibb

“Say you, say me, say it for always, that’s the way it should be”---Lionel Ritchie

love
peter

"Hello!"

And goodbye!

I swam 1500 metres today, and rode 50 outside...it's still cool but better than riding inside. Also very shortly Peter will be here to do my weights with me. Once again, I know I would not do them if it wasn't for his help. I also heard back from the swim coach and am currently trying to set something up for when I get back from Mexico. Speaking of which, that's my excuse for a short post. I have to get up at 5 tomorrow morning, and so I will be hitting the hay as soon as I'm done my weights. Good Night!

I wish to dedicate day 187 to my wife, for having the courage she demonstrated today. Her mission was successful in that alone.

"With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity."---Keshavan Nair

love
peter

"Mission Accomplished"

I remember as a kid my dad telling me I was lazy. He was probably right. It's taken 53 years but I don't think I qualify any more. I have become a task oriented person to the point that anything undone leaves me unsettled. I've gone too far the other way. I guess the good thing is that sometimes my grandchildern get something good out of it....and that's very good for me as well. That's why the equipment is all moved and functional again. I did have some help at the end from Peter and Roo, and of course Colby and Kylie. I let Miguette off the hook because she was doing her homework!

I didn't really feel like it after my run today but once I got moving I was fine. And I actually had a very good run. I would like to give you the details as told by my heart rate monitor. To start with I measured the block accurately with my bike yesterday and found it to be 7.33 kms. So today I did 3 blocks for a total of 22 kms. Following are my lap times and average heart rates for each.

1) 38:25...ave HR 134
2) 38:09...ave HR 139
3 )37:48...ave HR 147

You can see that I was a little faster with each block and even though my heart rate was creeping up a little quicker at the end than I liked I still managed to improve my pace throughout. I'm pretty happy with my effort.

I was hoping to swim today as well, but once again the feeling didn't come upon me. I decided that enough is enough and so I did send an e-mail to the local coach that I have heard so much about. Hopefully she gets back to me and I can get some professional advice both from a motivationl and technical perspective regarding my swimming. I'll let you know.

I wish to dedicate day 186 to a lady named Claudette Fuyarchuk. A terrific counsellor who I remember not just because of her name, but because she helped me survive a life crisis many year ago. I still try to apply some of the skills she taught me.

Larry...please don't be fooled that Teresa actually cares about her hubcaps now. Trust me that if she "steals" yours it will be exclusively because she want's you to "get" yours...so to speak. Maybe it goes back to your childhood together eh?

...so on missions...

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.'---Richard Bach

“If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, if you're stuck and you don't know how to rise, don't look outside yourself. Look inside. Don't let your fears keep you mired in the crowd. Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level to the point of no return, and I guarantee you that the Champion Within will burst forth to propel you toward victory."---Bruce Jenner

...and on tasks...

“It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal."---Helen Keller

"The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, "I was wrong"---Sydney J. Harris

love
peter

"Nothing is Permanent!"

One day you have a beautiful cedar playhouse in your yard, and the next day the whole thing is moving to the neighbours. Oh well, such is life eh? I'm just glad that because of my ugly little orange tractor I didn't have to take the thing completely apart.

Anyway that was my crostraining for today. I was also outside on my bike for an hour and a half and that was it. All's good I think. Swimming tomorrow and then a "short" long run...probably 20 to 25 kms. One week til Around the Bay 30K.

Larry, Larry Larry!!! Can this hubcap story be true? I'm shocked, shattered, bewildered, aghast, overwhelmed, stupefied, confounded, stunned, startled, and appalled, not to mention agog and agape!!! Don't ever do that again!! And trust me. Teresa couldn't care less about your hubcaps, so you need not worry. The circle has been broken by her lack of interest.

I wish to dedicate day 185 to little Tia Spanjers who I suppose is one of the lucky ones....her situation was not permanent.



"Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent."---Jean Kerr

“Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it"---Stephen Wright

“The only conquests which are permanent and leave no regrets are our conquests over ourselves."---Napoleon Bonaparte

...and this one, which was the opening paragraph of the last chapter of a fantasy novel I just finished reading, and I just loved it...see what you think..

"The exercise for centering oneself is a simple one. Stop thinking of what you intend to do. Stop thinking of what you have just done. Then, stop thinking that you have stopped thinking of these things. Then you will find the NOW, the time that stretches eternal, and is really the only time there is. Then, in that place, you will have time to be yourself'---Robin Hobb

love
peter

"Who Stole my Hubcaps?"

What I found hard to believe is that she didn't seem to know if she had ever had hubcaps, and on top of that she didn't even care!! Apparently she has been spending her time thinking about impending grandparenthood instead. Where are some peoples priorities?

I'm a little embarrassed to tell you that missing hubcaps would bother me! Where are some peoples priorities?

Swim this morning...about 1000 metres and a short but intense run this evening. I did a 5k tempo in 22 minutes. I'm quite satisfed with that.

I wish to dedicate day 183 Andrea....mom of Teresa's grandchild.

"Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn't always have to be their top priority"---William A. Ward

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."---Oprah Winfrey

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."---Dr. Seuss

love

peter

"Stressed!

I can't imagine how some people do it. Train for an Ironman while holding down a full time job, and at the same time attend to family obligations. I am fortunate enough to have the time necessary, and an incredible support group, and yet I am finding training nothing but stress right now. If I could figure out a graceful way out and still live with myself I would pack it in right now. Unfortunately the "living with my self" part is the killer. I will go an, at least for now.

The trouble is that life in general just seems to have too many challenges at the moment. It seems that every blessing in my life comes with some kind of associated pain or doubt. I live in a constant state of anxiety, over work, childern, money, training, etc.

Yah, yah I know...moaning and whining won't get me anywhere. But somehow it helps a little. Besides it forces me to look up appropriate supporting quotes and often I find stuff that makes some sense out out of it, and sometimes even helps

Somehow, somewhere, someday there needs to be an answer!! Some time before I'm dead I want to be able to sit peacefully and contentedly, to enjoy both a relaxed body and a relaxed mind. I suppose they probably go hand in hand eh? I will keep searching.

I had a good swim this morning, probabaly 2000 metres total, and then 50kms on the trainer this afternoon. Peter made me do my weights tonite as well and so overall it was a good training day. I thought long and hard about trying to talk Peter out of it for today, but in the end I never said anything.....because I knew it would be futile. Maybe I'm biased, but I think he is very, very good at what he does. I am grateful to have him so close.

I wish to dedicate day 183 to Roo's old running partner Dr Connie Robinson, who listened to my whole cancer sob story in the grocery store this aft.

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down."---Natalie Goldberg

“Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is...The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds."---Dan Millman

"If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality."---Dan Millman

love
peter

"Around the Block"

If I'm not ready for this Ironman thing come August it won't be my fault. It will be because my blocks not long enough. On any given day I can just opt out of anything too strenuous and "run the block" That was today. I actually ran the south block but was reminded why I don't do it very often....Hepburns chicken farm!!!

I wish to dedicate day 182 to Martha O'Donnell, god rest her soul. Her chickens never seemed to smell.

“Some people see more in a walk around the block than others see in a trip around the world."---Anon

love
peter

"Day 2"

This vacationing thing with the grandchildern is a tiring thing. Their parents never seem to be reluctant to let them go with us, and while I am so grateful that they share them willingly I also bet they see it as a win/win eh?

Fortunately I decided to bring my bike along and got out for a nice ride this aft. It's strange but cool to ride roads you've never been on before. I rode to Tilbury, peed in sister in law Debbies toilet, and then rode back to Chatam. Thanks Deb! Total ride of 60k or thereabouts and flat as a pancake....not one single hill!

I found this peaceful little spot along the way and just had to go back later to get a picture. Notice that it has it's own 911 address. Presumably in case they need an ambulance or fire truck?



Thats what I call a "permanent" address eh?

I wish to dedicate day 181 to our young friend Tommy Baker who I wsih we still resided next door to.

“I know what I'm doing is of value. I have a job. I like what I'm doing, but people look at you differently when you don't have a permanent address."---Adrienne Camfield

“A vacation should be just long enough that you're boss misses you, and not long enough for him to discover how well he can get along without you."---Anon

love
peter

"My Own Worst Critic?"

Someone made this comment to me the other day....that they were their own worst critic. Then my friend Mark told me that in reading my blog he believed I was much too hard on myself. So am I am my own worst critic? I smile as I think about it. While I may be hard on myself in many regards I can assure you without a doubt there are a few people out there who think a whole lot less of me than I do. I know at least one guy who feels ill whenever he is "sinking" about me. Fortunately most of them aren't people I care to impress anyway so who cares.

No training today. I am actually on a mini vacation with Roo and the kids at Wheels Inn in Chatam. Of course I'm always on vacation so what does that mean eh?

I wish to dedicate day 180 to old neighbour Donna Coyle. A gentle woman who was incapable of criticism

“A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car."---Kenneth Tynan

"A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded."---Tyne Daly

"It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things."---Theodore Roosevelt

love
peter

"Calm"

That's a beautiful word when you see it on the weather report. It means the wind is not significant enough to measure. It is an especially nice word when you are heading out on a bike ride. What a gorgeous day it was, and indeed the wind was negligible. I rode 50 kms at 29kms/hr and even though it wasn't very fast it was comfortable. Considering that I ran 37 kms yesterday, all in all I feel pretty good. I also swam for a bit this morning but barely enough to make it worth reporting. What is worth reporting is that I did my weights again tonite with Peters coaching and I really think it is going to help me.

Calm is a nice little word in its more figurative sense as well eh? I wish I could feel it all the time, I wish I could model it more often to the world, and I wish it for all of my loved ones. Be at peace, as much as that is possible for you.

I wish to dedicate day 179 to my friend Kathy Grondin who automatically came to mind when I think 'calm'.

"The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely. You must be calm before you can utter oracles."---Henry David Thoreau

"Power is so characteristically calm, that calmness in itself has the aspect of strength."---Robert Bulwer-Lytton

"It was only from an inner calm that man was able to discover and shape calm surroundings."---Stephen Gardiner

"Uninspired"

That's why I almost....almost forgot to blog today. Funny thing though, I guess it's become such a habit that something doesn't seem right until I get it done. Somehow I always remember. I suppose it's a good habit at least eh? But I do admit to not having any ideas for the last couple of days and that probably impacts my anticipation as well

Anyway I had a much better long run today. You may remember that the last 2 times I struggled to complete 30 kms, but today I managed 37 in 3 hours 26 minutes. I was very much in control the whole way, and boredom was the biggest problem. Next week I will cut it back again probably to 25, and then the following week is Around the Bay in Hamilton(30k)...should be fun!

Despite the lack of inspiration on my part there is no lack of gratitude for each and every one of you who may be reading this. I cherish you all and wish all of lifes blessings on you.

I wish to dedicate day 178 to neighbour Alice. Despite her severe arthritus she's always out there taking care of her yard and such....with a smile and a happy word.

so on habits....

“Wise living consists perhaps less in acquiring good habits than in acquiring as few habits as possible."---Eric Hoffer

“Good habits, once established are just as hard to break as are bad habits."---Robert Puller

and on inspiration...

“Quotes are nothing but inspiration for the uninspired."---Richard Kemph

“You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."---Jack London

and this one as a note to self...

“When I hear somebody say, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"---Sydney J. Harris

love
peter

"Gone to the Races"

The horse races that is, with Mark, Nancy, Roo and Colb. We had fun but no time left to post. Just hello and goodbye and talk to you tomorrow.

I wish to dedicate day 177 to Leon Regnier Jr who loves horses.

"A racetrack is a place where windows clean people."---Danny Thomas

love
peter

"And the Truth Shall Set You Free!'

When the dentist asked me if I was doing my fluoride trays regularly I said ....."well kind of". We negotiated for a while and in the end I agreed that I use them approximately 3 times a week average. Of course that's not good enough but at least it's the truth.....aaaand she admitted that my teeth still look great! I actually do take better care of them than I did pre-cancer.

I thought I was having an idiot moment prior to my appointment. Over the years I have developed this uncanny ability to walk into the wrong gender washroom. I'm brushing my teeth today at the hospital when I notice the sanitary napkin dispenser on the wall! I scrambled to the door, and to my relief found both icons on the outside...phewww...

Speaking of truth here's another one I think I discovered. I used to believe that you needed incredible talent to be able to write a book, and while I still believe that there are some people with this talent, I now also know there are ways to be a successful author without any ...other than perhaps the talent to pick a title. If you get that one little part right it doesn't matter what's inside the cover...you can make millions. My proof? Go to the bookstore and you may find as I did(accidently) a book called "Chicken Soup for the Cat Lovers Soul"!!! Aaaaand you will find it amongst at least 30 other books with the same general title...aaaand inside you will find nothing but fill!! Amazing! What's even more amazing is that almost every one of them is co-written by a different author. All of these co-writers are along for the ride on the "Chicken Soup" train, and even more special is that the original "Chicken Soup" authors don't have to do a thing, other than put their name on the cover and count their money. I tell you it was the title and nothing else that sells this stuff. Brilliant!

So I picked up a book while I was there as well. I bought it primarily because Elly recommended it, but I also like the title. "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" is written by a hungarian born Canadian by the name of Gabor Mate, and if you didn't guess, its topic is addiction. Once last week I picked up the book and put it back, and I did the same thing today before I eventually managed to get it up to checkout on my third try. Quite frankly the book scares me...even the title. It looks like a book of "truths". There are a few pictures in the book, clearly of addicts, and I see the ghost of my own hungry child in their eyes. That's why we don't always want to tell the truth or hear it...it hurts...at least in the short term. When the truth is a gut wrenching, hole in your heart kind of thing, it's hard to believe that facing it will set you free.

Kind of a recovery training day. My swim was really flat but I expected that after doing my weights yesterday. I took some debating what I would do for a run as I wasn't feeling like hills or the track. I ended up doing the 6 km trail run in the mud and ice. I almost went down once, but of course I don't learn from one mistake, and as such had to really crash before I started to be more careful. Despite the conditions it was an invigorating change from the boring old roads.

I wish to dedicate day 176 to my dads sister Ida, a woman I'm convinced who speaks only the truth.

"The problem's not that the truth is harsh but that liberation from ignorance is as painful as being born. Run after truth until your breathless. Accept the pain involved in re-creating yourself afresh. These ideas will take a life to comprehend, a hard one interspersed with drunken moments"---Naguib Mahfouz, as quoted in "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts"

“Truth has not special time of its own. Its hour is now -- always and indeed then most truly when it seems unsuitable to actual circumstances."---Albert Schweitzer

"We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter."---Denis Diderot

love
peter

"Half Way??"

I spent an hour on the phone with my new mentor tonite, who I'm gonna call Kelowna Paul. I mentioned that this guy has done the race 5 times and as such is already proving to be a great resource. He has practised a very religious approach to a very controlled race and one of the philosophies he learned is this.

After you have swam 4 kms, rode 180 kms and ran half the marathon (21.1kms) you're half way home!! I think it's brilliant and I'm gonna embrace the thinking. The message of course is that at this point of the race your tank better still be half full. That means staying in complete control of your effort and your nutrition.

An interestaing training day today. My swim was a little better this morning. I think I'm climbing out of that hole. Then Peter came over and took me through my weights. He is going to stay on top of me this time. And then I rode for an hour on the trainer...a fairly intense ride on sore legs.

Tomorrow I have to go see the dentist at the hospital so they can ask me if I do my fluoride trays every day. I'm just gonna lie to them.

I wish to dedicate day 175 to my friend and co-worker Markus Zanker, who leaves me alone, and lets me do what I do.

“True valor lies half way between cowardice and rashness."---Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

love
peter

"Thinking"

Just thinking mind you but I am considering a backup strategy for the run portion of the Ironman. So many people tell me that there is a very good chance that I will have to walk at some point. While I don't want to do that I also want to be realistic. And I don't want to blow up and end up in the medical tent or end up crawling. For me, finishing is the most critical consideration and then staying in control comes after that. I want to smile when I cross the finish line. So towards that end I did a bit of a test run this aft. I went 14.5 kms by repeatedly running 5 mins and then walking for 2. It was very stress free. I'm just thnking mind you!

I had a few idiot moments today
1) after 2 days I finally figured out john and ellys banter about "unionized" workers!
2) "after" I dropped the keys to my rental car down the return slot I realized I left something important in the car!!
3) on the way home I sat at a 4 way stop for about 30 seconds waiting for the light to change!

I wish to dedicate day 174 to my good friend David Shugert who's moving back to Mexico...it is such a pleasure to work with him again.

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? "---Winnie the Pooh

"Some people get lost in thought because it's such unfamiliar territory."---G. Behn

"What luck for rulers, that men do not think."---Adolph Hitler

“There are some days I practice positive thinking, and other days I'm not positive I am thinking."---John M. Eades

love
peter

"My New Best Friend"

I chatted by e-mail today with a friend of a friend who has done the race 5 out of the last 6 years. He tells me that he has developed a strategy to enjoy both the training and the racing of Ironman, and he offers to share his experiences with me. Paul has the good fortune to live in the Okanagan. I look forward to talking to him by phone later this week.

Today I swam again, probably 1500 metres total....still struggling but it was a little better today. Then I rode on the trainer for an hour. I did the first 30k of the course in 1:02. My legs are of course still sore from my long run of yesterday.

I wish to dedicate day 173 to my new friend Paul who I hope can really shed some light on my confused and frustrated state. He is already very supportive.

"In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate chips."

"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend -- or a meaningful day."----The Dalai Lama

love
peter

"Getting Rich Now!"

Have you ever noticed how change just sneaks up on you? Yesterday a quarter out of my steering wheel, and then today as I got out of my truck at the mall I see this on the ground!



Yup! Four queens, two ships and a beaver. I felt like a rich man. Of course I then went into the mall and spent 17 bucks on a book which when I got home seemed awful familiar??

Anyway, the other kind of change tends to sneak up on you much more subtly. Like on that very same trip to the mall I wondered why I had to adjust the mirrors in the truck in the downward direction?....Oh yah...my youngest son! That's the first time I ever noticed this little thing, even though I knew he was now taller than me. The mind tends to reason that the past equals the future...which it most definitely does not.

I know that every day of my life, every minute and second for that matter, I have an opportunity to take complete charge of my life such that change does not sneak up on me. Sure there's crap that you can't see coming, but most of whatever our situation in life is, is a direct reflection of the choices we have made, and the actions we have taken. Even the way we feel is primarily a result of our actions...of what we say, and what we do.

I think it's fear that keeps us (or at least me) from doing those things that we think will bring this potential change. Fear of the future, based on what we learned in the past. That's a tough thing and it takes a lot of reconditioning.

Thirty kilometer run today. I felt great for the first hour and a half and then the wheeels fell off. I was hoping to do 37 but my heart rate monitor told me to shut it down early. I was surprised actually. I expected it to go better.

I wish to dedicate 172 to Nurse Elly from my chemo therapy days.

“Be the change you want to see in the world."---Mahatma Gandhi

“When you're finished changing, you're finished."---Benjamin Franklin

“We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude."---Charles R. Swindoll

love
peter

"For the Love of the Internet"

I Fixed It!!

My truck that is. It took me less than 30 seconds to remove the airbag module and thereby access the inside of the steering wheel. I found everything I needed to know on the good old world wide web. It did take me a little longer to get the coin out because it had suddenly mysteriously disappeared. It had gotten lodged in a spot where I couldn't see it, but eventually I poked around enough and found this moose.



So it was a good day. I have one less anxiety in my life (left turns) and I am 25 cents richer!

I'm still baffled as to how it got in there though. It seems an incredible fluke. Of course no one around here knew anything about how it may have happened. The only thing that I would present for your consideration is the fact that Peter was the first person to notice the rattling, and I remember his exact words to me. "Dad, there's something rattling around inside your steering wheel. It sounds like there's a "quarter" in there."....hmmm...

Another slow training day. My confidence is quite low for some reason. I put about 1000 metres in at the pool, but very little continuous swimming. I will do a long run tomorrow.

I wish to dedicate day 171 to the memory of my Uncle Bert van Gerven, a man who seemed always to be happy.

“Just as a cautious businessman avoids investing all his capital in one concern, so wisdom would probably admonish us also not to anticipate all our happiness from one quarter alone."---Sigmund Freud

“There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true."---Ian Hart

“Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant."---Mitchell Kapor

love
peter

"Left turn"

I have 2 sisters and a brother with Retinitus Pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease causing tunnel vision, night blindness and a bunch of other shit. Because it is a genetic illness, every couple of years I get wondering whether I have it as well, even though I am many years beyond the age it is normally diagnosed. I've gotten to thinking about it again recently, as it seems that in the last month I have had at least 3 close calls on the road in which another car seemed to appear out of nowhere. That's how sister Mary actually found out the hard way that she had the disease.

So today I'm in London, making a totally normal left turn into the Home Depot when suddenly I'm blasted by some very irate person just leaning on their horn. It was so loud the guy had to be right on top of me. I thought holy shit! I've done it again, and this time I'm getting hit. My heart practically stopped as i braced for the inevitable.
But somehow...somehow... the crash didn't materialize and slowly...very slowly... it sank it what had happened.

The horn was my own!!!!

For about the last month there has been something rattling around inside my steering wheel. It sounds like a coin. Whatever it is, it seems it made the necessary electrical connection to blast my horn. It happened again a few minute later and I scared the shit out of an old couple who were just getting out of their car in the parking lot. For the rest of my trip I kept expecting it to happen again. I thought, what happens if next time it doesn't stop?

So now on top of all the other anxiety in my life I have become dreadfully afraid of making a left turn.

Of course there is no obvious way to take the steering wheel apart, and I'm afraid to start prying at things for fear that I'll end up with a faceful of airbag. For the same reason I suppose it will cost a fortune to get it fixed by a professional.

Anyway...thats life I guess. I am pretty tired today as well. I had a horrible night last night and I think my first decent outside ride took a lot out of me as well. I swam 750 metres, and ran/walked the block.

I wish to dedicate day 170 to my nephew Mitchel. I can't believe I missed him until now!!

“Don't you ever wonder maybe if you took a left turn instead of a right you could be someone different?'---Anon

love
peter

"God Grant me the Serenity"

"To accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference."

How about this small modification?

"The courage to change the things I really want to."

The problem with the conventional serenity prayer is that it doesn't deal with the the issue of cost/benefit. Some things simply aren't worth changing. My swimming for example. I realized today that I'm really hung up on the idea of swimmimg 50 metre laps in one minute or less. Just because that's what I used to be able to do without too much effort, and becasue 60 secs is such a nice round number. But that was probably 6 to 7 years, and one illness ago. I'm pretty sure that if I hired a coach, and put a whole lot more time in the pool I could get back to that. But it's just not worth it. My effort needs to be on endurance overall. Today I swam 1500 metres in sets of 50, 100, 150 and so on, and it felt quite good. The last set of 350 metres was in 7 minutes, so if you do the math that is just under 1:10 per lap. That's now my new goal for my longer swims...without my wetsuit.

I think I learned something else today. I wanted to try to ride outside, and soI decided to wait until later in the day as they predicted it was going to continue to warm up as the day wore on. So I decided to go swimmimg in the morning, and as I was heading out the door I realized that I was really starting to develop an anxiety about going to the pool. Once I completed my swim I knew why the anxiety. I think it was solely because I was leaving it til later in the day when I was running out of energy. For the next while I will try to swim in the morning, and keep my running/cycling for later in the day. It worked well today.

Today I also learned many of the advantages of riding inside. First off there's no wind, not to mention no dogs, and no traffic. Riding inside also requires no concentration, and your ass doesn't get near as sore. Regardless, it felt good to be out. I did the 50 km block in 1 hr, 45 minutes. That's a bit slower than I would like as well, but not to worry. It was a bit windy and generally I felt pretty good. I was dressed just perfectly for the 6 degree weather. I also think the trainer has made me a better climber which of course is going to be critical in the Okanagan hills.

A funny bit of motivation during the last part of my ride. With about 5 k to go I figured on making the 1:45 if I worked very hard. Mick Jaeger was singing -You can't always get what you want- in my ear and somehow every time the song was part way through it would start over again. Either my ipod was just messing up or I was pushing buttons with my thigh while pedalling. Either way I defied Mick with 10 seconds to spare

Some other business...
1) good luck peter, break some records
2) thanks teresa for deserting me...just kiddin... good luck in your new job...I will miss you!

I wish to dedicate day 169 to the Bobby-Jo the kids swim instructor, who today promoted Colby to "Dolphin". Way to go Colb!

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is."---Thomas S. Szasz

“Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."---Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

“The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance."---Benjamin Franklin

love
peter

"Been A Long Day"

I had to drive to Brampton this morning at 7 am, and because I was a little nervous about the meeting I was attending I had a worse than usual sleep. I was awake for good by 4 am, and then just tossed and turned for a couple of hours. It seems however that anyone I whine to has the same problem or worse, so I guess that's the way it is. But for me it just don't cut it. I'm gonna sleep tonite even if it kills me!

I did get home in time to get a run in. I ran to the track and did a little pyramid of 1,2,3,2,1 laps with a recovery in between each. In my previous life I use to do these in 1 min, 30 secs per lap. It's tough to accept but right now I need to settle for 1 min, 40. But I'm not going to settle forever. If I can only run a little more than twice as fast I could set a new world record!

Did anyone notice that the old Matriarch herself stirred a little bit with yesterdays post? Glad to see she can still yap a bit when someone threatens one of her assumed responsibilities.

I wish to dedicate day 168 to my long time boss Horst Prelog, I hope he knows how much I respect him.

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves -- to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by our today."---Stewart B. Johnson

“Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records."---William Arthur Ward

love
peter

"Just Hangin In"

I'm really struggling with the challenges of life and I know that the training is only making it harder right now. It just adds an element of daily pressure that I don't really need. But I knew this would happen and that's why I'm just hangin in. I believe it will get better within the next month or so, particularly if the weather breaks. They're talking very warm for later in the week, so as long as it's not raining it could mean riding outside?

I rode on the trainer today for an hour and a half, building intensity the whole time. Again I felt pretty good on the bike. No swimming or weights however....it'll come...

You know what I'm learning to hate. The effin book stores! To start with the prices are ridiculous, and secondly they never, ever have a book if you are looking for something specific. I also believe that about 95 % of what you can find there is mindless fodder. In all of St Thomas there's one book store and I own more books than they do. I always have to go to London and get frustrated there. When I write my book it's gonna be interesting and cheap, and even then I'm gonna give you your money back if you didn't think it was worth the 5 bucks!

I wish to dedicate day 167 to any unborn great nephew I may have (that's a prediction) who for now I'm just gonna call Baby Peter....lol

“Master books, but do not let them master you. - Read to live, not live to read."---Owen Meredith

“If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."---Toni Morrison

love
peter

"Is It Good or Bad?"

To feel this tired? I know I had 2 very good workout days in a row and as such it is probably ok for me to feel pretty sluggish today. On the other hand, I wonder whether it is because of poor diet, or poor sleep. Who knows? I just know that I have to accept it as it is and keep plugging along. The truth will all come out August 30th eh? As they say, the success is not in having finished it, but rather in having had the courage to start.

In my tiredness I had a couple of charming idiot moments today that you might enjoy. The first was when I was getting cleaned up in preperation for a meeting I was going to at the plant here in town. I had already shaved in the morning, and showered at the pool, and so I just needed to put some deodorant on. As I realized I had only antiperspirant, I decided I needed to add some nice smelly stuff as well. So I grabbed a bottle of gel aftershave and wiped some over my face and neck. I was careful not to use too much and yet I was surprised at how little it smelled, and also quickly noticed that the colour was odd. It took me only a second to realize that this was the previously empty aftershave bottle that I had used as a smaller travel container for the disgusting green fluoride gel crap I put on my teeth....yuuuchh!...idiot!

My face was still stinging when this stupidity was followed up by moment number 2 immediately upon arrival at the plant. While climbing out of the truck, I dropped my computer bag which for some reason I hadn't closed properly, and at least 50 pieces of confidential paper fell out and were quickly whisked away by the wind. Holy shit! You should have seen me, or saw me, or something! Was I panicking! Especially as I knew within these papers were several that were very private to a co-worker. Fortunately the wind was blowing towards a fence and as such I managed to re-capture each and every one....I think? ...idiot!

My only workout today was a 1500 metre swim in my wetsuit. I told myself that I would do my weights tonite as well, but that didn't happen. I'm gonna blame Peter for that because he was too sick to come and help me. Likely story eh?

I wish to dedicate day 166 to my friend Deb Robilliard, who seems to take all changes in stride, with a smile and a kind word. How I admire her.

"You may get real tired watching me, but I'm not going to quit."---Harrison Ford

“Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your past smells."---Elizabeth Taylor

"He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot."---Douglas Adams

love
peter

"March 1st and I'm whacked!

I suspected that I would be a bit tired after my tough ride yesterday, but you never truly know how you feel until you head out for the next days adventures. I planned on a 30km run and sure enough I knew 10 minutes into it that it was going to be a tough go. I quickly justifed shortening it with the rationale that I had done half the IM bike distance yesterday and so it would be appropriate to follow it up with half the IM run distance today(21.kms). I put the decision off as long as I could however and when it came time to commit, for some stubborn reason I decided to go for it. I finished the 30k in 2 hours, 50 minutes which is a bit slower than my recent long runs but I'm still good with it. I am truly bagged though. Although it was a nice dry day and mostly sunny it was still tough with a temperature of minus 7 and a mean wind. I hope that as March marches on the temperature starts to climb quickly. Tomorrow I will make swimming my priority and maybe a short, easy run if I feel up to it.

So, it's the first of March. About half way through my training time. If I were to assess my situation right now compared to my hopes of last fall I would say that generally I'm ok. You may recall that my plan was to spend the winter getting my running and swimming put to bed while maintaining my biking fitness at, or close to the level it was. I believe I am in very good shape run wise, my cycling is probably better then I dared hoped, primarily because of the computrainer, and of course my swimming sucks! Overall not bad. I will try very hard to make some headway in the pool over the next month. I think with a concerted regular effort I should be able to catch up.

I haven't followed up on my commitment to get my resistance program going, and that's bumming me out a little.

One month to go til my first race of any kind. That's Around the Bay 30k in Hamilton which Brett is going to do with me, and then 6 weeks later to the planned London marathon, which he's going to join me for as well. I will not rest for these races as I usually would, simply because they are intended as hard workouts with the only intention being to gain fitness and confidence. The triathlon season really starts shortly after the marathon.

So the way I see it I really need to have my running and swimming generally put to bed by mid april, so that I can start concentrating on longer and longer bike rides.

Teresa , read the Feb 16th post, and welcome home from the mountain.
Cory, are you ok? Somebody check on her please, other wise I'm gonna have to go see her.
Peter, get over here and get me motivated with these weights.
Miguette, you'll get your clothesline once the ground thaws. My laundry will follow immediately.
Dad, I missed you today.

I wish to dedicate day 165 to Gerrit (Gerry) de Haan, father of my friend. He will undergo serious heart surgery on tuesday. He's as Dutch as a man can get so he should be ok, but regardless, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade."---Charles Dickens

love
peter