Not so my body. I think I'm gonna ask for a bailout plan from the government. I decided to take the day off completely and get back at it tomorrow. The problem is, as I sit down to write I realize that I have no idea where to begin, and further realize that it's because I have been using my training time to come up with ideas for my writing.
So with the lack of ideas, in combination with the rattling still going around in my brain, and the fact that my day started way too early for poor old me (6 am meeting) I'm gonna beg off early today. It will be my day to ask everyone out there to please be good to yourself...you deserve it.
I choose to dedicate day 13 to my sister Stella(that means "star") who also sings better than me, and is a better electrician than me. Im especially proud of her for that.
"My goal in life is to unite my avocation and my vocation, as two eyes make one in sight"
love peter
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
"Do You Think I Care?"
"What you eat or what you wear. so come on join together with the band".
I listened to the Who's greatest hits album during my bike ride today and was reminded what an incredible band they were. Modern groups like Pearl Jam pale in comparison...that should get a reaction from my children eh? Unfortunately the great music did not translate into a great ride. By about 40K I knew I was in trouble but somehow dragged my butt back home after completing 75. Of course I know I should not let it bother me. I've gotten what I truly believe to be sound advice the last few days about not over-analyzing, and about listening to my body, but the problem is this. I AM A CONTROL FREAK!!. Control freaks do not just relax....ever! Fortunately today I believe I have an excuse. It's the drugs, or rather the lack of them. This is my second day off of the antidepressant Effexor, and it clearly is affecting me. I know that these types of drugs have helped many people immensely and as such I am respectful of the doctors that recommend them, and the people that take them. As they have helped me as well in the past I would be a hypocrite if I suddenly started ragging about their shortcomings, I just believe the time is right for me to get off of them.
But, short of ragging here are a few thoughts. Why do I get all these bizarre sensations when I come off them. It feels like there is someone in my brain throwing sand at the interior walls. I know how much that little tidbit is gonna open me up to my friends abuse, so go ahead and let em fly!
Maybe the answer to the withdrawal symptons lies in what they are doing to you when you are on them and so here's a quote from the manufacturers official site.
"Effexor XR is believed to treat depression and anxiety symptoms by affecting the levels of two naturally occurring chemicals in the brain — serotonin and norepinephrine. It is believed that correcting an imbalance of these two chemicals may help relieve symptoms."
Wow...a powerful supportive advocacy for their own product..."may help"..."it is believed"??? by who??? No not the band. They used different drugs!
Anyway....enough about that. The drug had a place and time in my life and thats now over. I also acknowledge that it's a different time and place for everyone and no one knows when and where that is for another. I hope this is the worst day and that it starts tapering tomorrow.
I suppose the good thing about my bummer ride was that I had the time to ask myself "why the hell I am doing this?", and I think I found answers. The neat thing was that when I came back I noticed a comment on the Blog from sister Elly, asking that very same question, so luckily I was perpared.
I am doing this because I can! I am grateful that I can and so I intend to celebrate by doing so. I am doing this because it will be a great adventure. A whole year of intense workouts in 3 disciplines. I am doing this because the event itself will be a great adventure. Claudette and I will probably take our RV out to the beautiful Okanagan and make it a well deserved(at least for Claudette) vacation. I am doing this because Claudette thinks I should, and that in itself is a good enough reason for me. I am doing this for the very resaon Elly asks the question; as a motivator to be the fittest kindest person I can be. I believe that it has already done some things for me in this regard. And last but not least I am doing this because Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry asked the question "Who are you?" or more specifically in the lyrics of this great tune..."who the fuck are you? I am doing it to find out who I am, no pun intended. The first line in the song after the intro says and I quote..."woke up in a Soho doorway, a policeman knew my name. He said you can go sleep at home tonite, if you can get up and walk away". Thats why I'm doing this. To prove that I can get up and walk away. I don't mean from the physical challenges that tore me down in the last year, but rather from the self pitying, dependant, depressed person that I had become as a result. I am doing this because I want to get up and walk away, so that I can sleep at home tonite. Some people can't and/or don't!
I choose to dedicate day 12 to my littlest sister Betty who sings better than me and who has never had to get up and walk away, becuase she's never let herself get down there.
"Blowing out another mans candle will not make yours burn any brighter"
Love always....see you at "home"
peter
I listened to the Who's greatest hits album during my bike ride today and was reminded what an incredible band they were. Modern groups like Pearl Jam pale in comparison...that should get a reaction from my children eh? Unfortunately the great music did not translate into a great ride. By about 40K I knew I was in trouble but somehow dragged my butt back home after completing 75. Of course I know I should not let it bother me. I've gotten what I truly believe to be sound advice the last few days about not over-analyzing, and about listening to my body, but the problem is this. I AM A CONTROL FREAK!!. Control freaks do not just relax....ever! Fortunately today I believe I have an excuse. It's the drugs, or rather the lack of them. This is my second day off of the antidepressant Effexor, and it clearly is affecting me. I know that these types of drugs have helped many people immensely and as such I am respectful of the doctors that recommend them, and the people that take them. As they have helped me as well in the past I would be a hypocrite if I suddenly started ragging about their shortcomings, I just believe the time is right for me to get off of them.
But, short of ragging here are a few thoughts. Why do I get all these bizarre sensations when I come off them. It feels like there is someone in my brain throwing sand at the interior walls. I know how much that little tidbit is gonna open me up to my friends abuse, so go ahead and let em fly!
Maybe the answer to the withdrawal symptons lies in what they are doing to you when you are on them and so here's a quote from the manufacturers official site.
"Effexor XR is believed to treat depression and anxiety symptoms by affecting the levels of two naturally occurring chemicals in the brain — serotonin and norepinephrine. It is believed that correcting an imbalance of these two chemicals may help relieve symptoms."
Wow...a powerful supportive advocacy for their own product..."may help"..."it is believed"??? by who??? No not the band. They used different drugs!
Anyway....enough about that. The drug had a place and time in my life and thats now over. I also acknowledge that it's a different time and place for everyone and no one knows when and where that is for another. I hope this is the worst day and that it starts tapering tomorrow.
I suppose the good thing about my bummer ride was that I had the time to ask myself "why the hell I am doing this?", and I think I found answers. The neat thing was that when I came back I noticed a comment on the Blog from sister Elly, asking that very same question, so luckily I was perpared.
I am doing this because I can! I am grateful that I can and so I intend to celebrate by doing so. I am doing this because it will be a great adventure. A whole year of intense workouts in 3 disciplines. I am doing this because the event itself will be a great adventure. Claudette and I will probably take our RV out to the beautiful Okanagan and make it a well deserved(at least for Claudette) vacation. I am doing this because Claudette thinks I should, and that in itself is a good enough reason for me. I am doing this for the very resaon Elly asks the question; as a motivator to be the fittest kindest person I can be. I believe that it has already done some things for me in this regard. And last but not least I am doing this because Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry asked the question "Who are you?" or more specifically in the lyrics of this great tune..."who the fuck are you? I am doing it to find out who I am, no pun intended. The first line in the song after the intro says and I quote..."woke up in a Soho doorway, a policeman knew my name. He said you can go sleep at home tonite, if you can get up and walk away". Thats why I'm doing this. To prove that I can get up and walk away. I don't mean from the physical challenges that tore me down in the last year, but rather from the self pitying, dependant, depressed person that I had become as a result. I am doing this because I want to get up and walk away, so that I can sleep at home tonite. Some people can't and/or don't!
I choose to dedicate day 12 to my littlest sister Betty who sings better than me and who has never had to get up and walk away, becuase she's never let herself get down there.
"Blowing out another mans candle will not make yours burn any brighter"
Love always....see you at "home"
peter
Sunday, September 28, 2008
"The Rest of the Story...a Different Story"
The first part of the story.
I have a clear memory of an event from my youth when I was in grade 12 at Arthur Distrist High School. A young lady who I had gone to school with for those entire 12 years suffered a family tragedy, wherin her older brother was left with severe brain damage as a result of a car accident. She didn't talk about it much but everyone around her knew that his potential life long handicap weighed heavily on her mind. I think it was perhaps a week or two after the accident, that we were supposed to be writing an exam, or preparing an essay of some kind from which she was excused, because of how significantly she was affected by this tragedy. Supposedly it so impacted her work in an unconscious way, that unbeknownst even to her, her brothers name would suddenly appear in the middle of a sentence she was composing. If I remember correctly, we her classmates knew about this because the teacher shared it with us one day in an attempt to enlist our support and caring during her difficult time. I never shared my cynical thoughts with anyone at the time, and quite frankly this is the first time I have done so, but I remember part of me thinking....yah right...good scheme girl! Being a guy who was always looking for a new and creative way of getting out of some work I was wishing I had thought of it first. I'm sure part of that cynicism was because at the time I would gladly have traded the health of one of my siblings for an excuse to get out of writing an exam; after all I had 11 of them,( I'm feeling guilty about that as I write...lol) but I think more significantly I didnt really believe that any person could be scripting away about the French Revolution, or some such boring nonsense and suddenly and without any awareness of doing so, insert an unintended and unrelated word or name. That just didnt sound reasonable to me. After all the mind tells the body to do stuff doesn't it, and the mind needs to be aware of what the body is doing as it does it...doesnt it??
And now some 35 years later I have
"The rest of a Different Story".
I came home from Mexico on the overnite flight and after stopping on the way to pickup my sweetheart (thats Kylie) I arrived home just after 9 am. I needed to have a nap to catch up on my sleep, but since Claudette needed to go for a run I was going to spend time with Kylie first. So I got her situated in front of the TV with a new Dora movie and thought that while she was occupied I would catch up on a few e-mail tasks. I was drafting a short note to a coworker and chose to conclude it by saying, "enjoy what's left of your weekend". As I had almost finished I was momentarily distracted by Kylie, and when I came back to review it and send it off I had to do a double take. Even as I tell you this story now several hours later I am still blown away by what the words in that note said. It went like this..."blah, blah, blah, Enjoy what's left of your "addiction". Unfreakinbelievable! I tell you that I had absolutely no conscious idea that I had typed that word, and further to that, the topic had not been on my mind in any way that I was aware of. Kind of scary eh? But also enlightening in a very positive way. It sends to me a very powerful message about the subconscious mind, and the impact it can have almost without our knowledge.(I guess that's why it's subconscious eh?)
So anyway, how can I use this? What application can there be? How can this new found knowledge about myself help me with Chapter 3. And then it came to me that maybe it's exactly what I need right now. if you read the comments related to yesterdays post you would see that I was severly beaten around the head and shoulders by our family matriarch on the topic of physiological reasons for my perceived slow recovery. So why not try this one on for size. Maybe it's all in my head? Maybe there are subconscious factors which affect my success on any given day, that are powerful way beyond my understanding. I am reminded of a theory that I think was first presented by Victor Frankl in his famous book "Mans search for meaning", in which he seperates people into the 3 traditional groups of the pessimist, the optimist, and the realist. Whether consciously or subconsciously these 3 groups would repectively respond to a situation by, seeing the brutal facts and giving up(the pessimist), denying the brutal facts and falling victim anyway(the optimist), or facing the brutal facts and creating a plan(the realist). His theory was intended to rationalize why some people successfully survived the brutal concentration camps of WWII, and others did not.
So during my workout today I was pondering all these things, both the conscious and perhaps the subconscious and I think I went through all 3 phases of Frankl's theory during the run. By about 18 minutes my heart rate was already at 150(too high) and the pessimist was prepared to give up. I then see-sawed back and forth between the optimist and the realist for the rest of the 7.4km block but I think finally ended up a realist. Despite the fact that I had walked for at least 5 minutes I finished the block at close to the pace I hope for during my Ironman. My heart rate monitor told me the brutal facts and my mind was busy developing a training plan around these facts. But I view this somehow as conscious and after the fact. The real question I have is; were there subconscious considerations that impacted my physical being in the first place, that I wasn't even aware of...subconscious factors that could even be generating the tension in my neck and shoulders or even maybe driving my heart rate up....the mind boggles!!
So I ask you all, or as my friends from Kentucky would say "y'all", to give these things some thought. Both the conscious and subconscious influences the mind has on us, and please consider any practical advice you would care to give me as to how to go faster, further in a more predictable controlled manner.....as the realist would. By the way if you dont know, Frankl was himself a guest at Auschwitz as well as 2 other concentration camps. Both of his parents and his wife died in the camps. The book is not very long and well worth the trouble reading.
If there are any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors in my post they were unconscious and thereby not my fault, and further to that are probably a result of the emotional scars suffered as the result of an upbringing wherby I was always at the mercy of 3 evil older sisters.
But seriously and with great love I wish to dedicate day 11 to my sister Mary who is more compassionate than me.
And lastly....to throw a wrench into my own rambling philosophies of the day,
"Both the pessimist and the optimist think they are realists"
love peter
I have a clear memory of an event from my youth when I was in grade 12 at Arthur Distrist High School. A young lady who I had gone to school with for those entire 12 years suffered a family tragedy, wherin her older brother was left with severe brain damage as a result of a car accident. She didn't talk about it much but everyone around her knew that his potential life long handicap weighed heavily on her mind. I think it was perhaps a week or two after the accident, that we were supposed to be writing an exam, or preparing an essay of some kind from which she was excused, because of how significantly she was affected by this tragedy. Supposedly it so impacted her work in an unconscious way, that unbeknownst even to her, her brothers name would suddenly appear in the middle of a sentence she was composing. If I remember correctly, we her classmates knew about this because the teacher shared it with us one day in an attempt to enlist our support and caring during her difficult time. I never shared my cynical thoughts with anyone at the time, and quite frankly this is the first time I have done so, but I remember part of me thinking....yah right...good scheme girl! Being a guy who was always looking for a new and creative way of getting out of some work I was wishing I had thought of it first. I'm sure part of that cynicism was because at the time I would gladly have traded the health of one of my siblings for an excuse to get out of writing an exam; after all I had 11 of them,( I'm feeling guilty about that as I write...lol) but I think more significantly I didnt really believe that any person could be scripting away about the French Revolution, or some such boring nonsense and suddenly and without any awareness of doing so, insert an unintended and unrelated word or name. That just didnt sound reasonable to me. After all the mind tells the body to do stuff doesn't it, and the mind needs to be aware of what the body is doing as it does it...doesnt it??
And now some 35 years later I have
"The rest of a Different Story".
I came home from Mexico on the overnite flight and after stopping on the way to pickup my sweetheart (thats Kylie) I arrived home just after 9 am. I needed to have a nap to catch up on my sleep, but since Claudette needed to go for a run I was going to spend time with Kylie first. So I got her situated in front of the TV with a new Dora movie and thought that while she was occupied I would catch up on a few e-mail tasks. I was drafting a short note to a coworker and chose to conclude it by saying, "enjoy what's left of your weekend". As I had almost finished I was momentarily distracted by Kylie, and when I came back to review it and send it off I had to do a double take. Even as I tell you this story now several hours later I am still blown away by what the words in that note said. It went like this..."blah, blah, blah, Enjoy what's left of your "addiction". Unfreakinbelievable! I tell you that I had absolutely no conscious idea that I had typed that word, and further to that, the topic had not been on my mind in any way that I was aware of. Kind of scary eh? But also enlightening in a very positive way. It sends to me a very powerful message about the subconscious mind, and the impact it can have almost without our knowledge.(I guess that's why it's subconscious eh?)
So anyway, how can I use this? What application can there be? How can this new found knowledge about myself help me with Chapter 3. And then it came to me that maybe it's exactly what I need right now. if you read the comments related to yesterdays post you would see that I was severly beaten around the head and shoulders by our family matriarch on the topic of physiological reasons for my perceived slow recovery. So why not try this one on for size. Maybe it's all in my head? Maybe there are subconscious factors which affect my success on any given day, that are powerful way beyond my understanding. I am reminded of a theory that I think was first presented by Victor Frankl in his famous book "Mans search for meaning", in which he seperates people into the 3 traditional groups of the pessimist, the optimist, and the realist. Whether consciously or subconsciously these 3 groups would repectively respond to a situation by, seeing the brutal facts and giving up(the pessimist), denying the brutal facts and falling victim anyway(the optimist), or facing the brutal facts and creating a plan(the realist). His theory was intended to rationalize why some people successfully survived the brutal concentration camps of WWII, and others did not.
So during my workout today I was pondering all these things, both the conscious and perhaps the subconscious and I think I went through all 3 phases of Frankl's theory during the run. By about 18 minutes my heart rate was already at 150(too high) and the pessimist was prepared to give up. I then see-sawed back and forth between the optimist and the realist for the rest of the 7.4km block but I think finally ended up a realist. Despite the fact that I had walked for at least 5 minutes I finished the block at close to the pace I hope for during my Ironman. My heart rate monitor told me the brutal facts and my mind was busy developing a training plan around these facts. But I view this somehow as conscious and after the fact. The real question I have is; were there subconscious considerations that impacted my physical being in the first place, that I wasn't even aware of...subconscious factors that could even be generating the tension in my neck and shoulders or even maybe driving my heart rate up....the mind boggles!!
So I ask you all, or as my friends from Kentucky would say "y'all", to give these things some thought. Both the conscious and subconscious influences the mind has on us, and please consider any practical advice you would care to give me as to how to go faster, further in a more predictable controlled manner.....as the realist would. By the way if you dont know, Frankl was himself a guest at Auschwitz as well as 2 other concentration camps. Both of his parents and his wife died in the camps. The book is not very long and well worth the trouble reading.
If there are any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors in my post they were unconscious and thereby not my fault, and further to that are probably a result of the emotional scars suffered as the result of an upbringing wherby I was always at the mercy of 3 evil older sisters.
But seriously and with great love I wish to dedicate day 11 to my sister Mary who is more compassionate than me.
And lastly....to throw a wrench into my own rambling philosophies of the day,
"Both the pessimist and the optimist think they are realists"
love peter
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Grasshopper II
or—“It was more than just depression”— Yes I’m afraid that this morning all legs were up in the air, or more colloquially…”tits up”…”kicked the bucket’…”gone to meet his maker” …“deader than a doornail”…etc.
Kind of a cop-out I know, this repeat of the same title, but the moviemakers have been getting away with it for years. The only thing I promise you is that the sequel will be short.
I had a great morning at work today. I had the best nights sleep I have had in a while. I actually slept straight through until 4 am which is almost unheard of for me. I can’t explain it other than perhaps the frame of mind I went to bed in. I was up and had breakfast by 7am and on my way to the office, and as mentioned had a successful morning. So I knocked off just after noon with the intention of getting a workout in. There is a 3km block around the industrial area which I thought I could probably do 3 times, since I hadn’t run for several days. Well, I was disappointed. I did one lap and there was nothing left in the tank. I can’t blame the climate (it was only 39 C) as I have run successfully in this heat before, and the elevation is just a lie that Roo made up to justify her “affected my brain” insult the other day. Hermosillo is at the same elevation as St Thomas. I’m gonna try not to over analyze it, but I do feel inclined to try to understand it. This seems to happen often. I’ll believe I’m making good progress, and then along comes a day like today. My shoulders and neck get extremely tight, my heart rate goes steadily up, and it feels like I weigh 250 lbs again. There has to be some rationale. I’m thinking there must be experts out there (exercise physiologists or something) that can help me find the answer. Maybe it has something to do with my heart muscle or something weird. I know that when I wear my heart rate monitor and run accordingly I have more success sustaining a longer run. Maybe I’m gonna ask Dr Yoo (no not Who, Yoo!…I’m done with movie reference) or one of the other doctors that I have to see next week. Maybe they can get me hooked up with someone at the sports medicine clinic or something. Meanwhile If anyone has a brain wave(Cory) or even a stupid idea(Cory again) or is just interested in fabricating something(yes you guessed it…Cory), I would love to hear it…..sorrrrrry Cory….The devil made me do it!
I wish to dedicate day 10(wow how did that happen already) to my sister Elly who is more forgiving than me.
“Do not trust to the cheering for those same people would yell as loudly were you being led to the gallows”
Con amo, amigos y amigas.
Don Pedro of Sonora
Kind of a cop-out I know, this repeat of the same title, but the moviemakers have been getting away with it for years. The only thing I promise you is that the sequel will be short.
I had a great morning at work today. I had the best nights sleep I have had in a while. I actually slept straight through until 4 am which is almost unheard of for me. I can’t explain it other than perhaps the frame of mind I went to bed in. I was up and had breakfast by 7am and on my way to the office, and as mentioned had a successful morning. So I knocked off just after noon with the intention of getting a workout in. There is a 3km block around the industrial area which I thought I could probably do 3 times, since I hadn’t run for several days. Well, I was disappointed. I did one lap and there was nothing left in the tank. I can’t blame the climate (it was only 39 C) as I have run successfully in this heat before, and the elevation is just a lie that Roo made up to justify her “affected my brain” insult the other day. Hermosillo is at the same elevation as St Thomas. I’m gonna try not to over analyze it, but I do feel inclined to try to understand it. This seems to happen often. I’ll believe I’m making good progress, and then along comes a day like today. My shoulders and neck get extremely tight, my heart rate goes steadily up, and it feels like I weigh 250 lbs again. There has to be some rationale. I’m thinking there must be experts out there (exercise physiologists or something) that can help me find the answer. Maybe it has something to do with my heart muscle or something weird. I know that when I wear my heart rate monitor and run accordingly I have more success sustaining a longer run. Maybe I’m gonna ask Dr Yoo (no not Who, Yoo!…I’m done with movie reference) or one of the other doctors that I have to see next week. Maybe they can get me hooked up with someone at the sports medicine clinic or something. Meanwhile If anyone has a brain wave(Cory) or even a stupid idea(Cory again) or is just interested in fabricating something(yes you guessed it…Cory), I would love to hear it…..sorrrrrry Cory….The devil made me do it!
I wish to dedicate day 10(wow how did that happen already) to my sister Elly who is more forgiving than me.
“Do not trust to the cheering for those same people would yell as loudly were you being led to the gallows”
Con amo, amigos y amigas.
Don Pedro of Sonora
Friday, September 26, 2008
"Grasshopper?"
Oh Grasshopper? Are you alive grasshopper? As I have mentioned, Hermosillo is in the Sonoran desert and as such the home of many unique creatures. One of them is a fairly large, and quite ugly grasshopper. As the year wears into fall and the temperatures start dropping below 40C they tend to move inside to keep warm. And so it is common to find these creatures of God everywhere including in our offices at the plant. If you encounter one it is normal to just step on him and kick him off to the side, and the cleaning people will take care of their carcasses later. It seems that sometimes they just come inside to die as it is also not unusual to see them slow and barely moving, somtimes on their side or even upside down. Today I discovered one such grasshopper right beside my desk and was about to stomp him, when I seen that despite being upside down he was still very much alive. For some reason I didn't do the deed? This went very much against my farm upbringing where we were taught that a suffering creature should always be put out of his misery, or as my beautiful Colby(my Grandson) would say "get the misery out of him". Regardless, and for some unknown reason I chose not to do so then or any af several times more during the day, even though he clearly seemed to get more feeble by the hour, eventually getting to the point where he would barley move one of his front legs upon sensing my shadow. I was so perplexed by my own reluctance to finish him off and even as I turned out the light and left him there still barely alive I didnt have the answer. So I went to the pool, had a good swim; a kilometer again but in much longer stretches, and then finally headed back to mmy hotel still with the grasshopper on my mind. What was it that stayed my hand?....or rather my foot... when in all of my previous years on this planet I would have without any thought and without any prejudice just stomped him. And then....LIKE THE PROVERBIAL TON OF BRICKS IT HIT ME. I didnt kill him because, bizarre as it may seem, something in my subconscious suggested to me that maybe he was just "depressed"?
I hope you like my silly little story, but for me there's an intent of meaning in it. I opened myself up a little yesterday (put my insides on my outsides), and nobody "stomped" me. Rather the exact opposite. The feedback both on the blog and offline from others was overwhelming. For this I am so grateful. Today I feel so un-alone, I will sleep the sleep of the loved today.
And for Cory. Mark is my friend and likes you too. He especially appreciated your bike seat story.
I want to dedicate day 9 to my friend Amy from the great state of Iowa, who is much tougher than me. At about the same time as I got my diagnosis last year she lost both her parents at the same time in a horrific accident while her little brother watched on....and in the last year 'she" has been encouraging "me"???
"No man is an island"
love
peter
I hope you like my silly little story, but for me there's an intent of meaning in it. I opened myself up a little yesterday (put my insides on my outsides), and nobody "stomped" me. Rather the exact opposite. The feedback both on the blog and offline from others was overwhelming. For this I am so grateful. Today I feel so un-alone, I will sleep the sleep of the loved today.
And for Cory. Mark is my friend and likes you too. He especially appreciated your bike seat story.
I want to dedicate day 9 to my friend Amy from the great state of Iowa, who is much tougher than me. At about the same time as I got my diagnosis last year she lost both her parents at the same time in a horrific accident while her little brother watched on....and in the last year 'she" has been encouraging "me"???
"No man is an island"
love
peter
Thursday, September 25, 2008
"Down In Mexico"
“Feelin free as the air”….Edward Bear I think? And Canadian I think? And yes I’m in the beautiful city of Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, the home of some of the most terrific people in the world and many of my friends. Well actually I'm only on the plane at the moment but I’ll be there by days end. I knew when I accepted this assignment that it would be a potential challenge to work my training around, and yet I will figure it out. Of course the worst days are the flying days because it takes so much out of me, but if I’m smart I can use them as easy days, maybe run the hotel steps or something. I will try to always have a hard day before I fly and also on my first day back.
Anyway, towards further putting my “insides on my outsides” I want to talk about how I woke up this morning. Maybe someone has some advice for me. I had a terrific day yesterday with my great ride and I had a pretty good nights’ sleep last night at a hotel near Toronto airport. Then why oh why, did I wake up this morning in this dark, dark mood? I was reluctant to bring it up because that’s not supposed to be the way it is for a guy who has everything anyone could ask for, and who is currently on a terrific journey, and I worry that people out there will see me as weak. As I thought it about during the day however I decided that there are probably many, many people out there who suffer from the same kind of inexplicable depression. To those of you who have never been touched by this problem be grateful. One of the reasons of course that people keep this crap inside is because of the embarrassment factor, and that’s why I struggled making it a part of my ‘confession’ today. But I say screw it! I’ve been through too much to bother pretending to anyone. If there are those out there that consider me weak on account of it then so be it. When I had cancer I didn’t have to apologize for it, so why for this eh? All that being said I am firmly committing to understanding it better and putting in place ‘natural solutions’ to make it better. Of course it’s hard because very much like drug addiction, the tendency is to deny the problem and just go into hibernation. I believe that for me to find the long term solution without drugs, I am going to have to fight it head on….that means ‘no pain, no gain”. That means probably facing my demons and coming to terms with them as opposed to hoping they’re gonna go away. A good example for me is my relationship with son Jonathan. He has a very serious drug addiction that he may never recover from. Along the way, to feed his illness he will do many bad things to many good people including himself This is a tough thing to face but somewhere in there lies the answer. It has to be about facing the realities of your situation and being happy despite it. Again, any words of wisdom are welcome.
So that’s my whining for today, sorry but.... if you're not familiar with the old computer acronym ‘wysiwyg”…figure it out.
On another topic, I decided to jump on the Lance Armstrong bandwagon. Those close to me will know that I have never been a big fan because in my mind he suffered from being too much of an arrogant American for my liking. But what the hell do I really know about Lance Armstrong? Maybe he wakes up every morning fighting depression? Besides it’s not his fault he’s American, it’s his parents! I have always believed and continue to do so, that he has used performing enhanced drugs at times during his career. Whether that’s true or not is however irrelevant to the fact that he is clearly the greatest cyclist the world has produced to date. I also believe that he is serious in his convictions to raise money for cancer research, and I also believe that in his quest for the 2009 Tour de France he will be completely clean. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at it I don’t think he will win….he may not even be near the top. Besides, Claudette and I own personally autographed Lance caps that my cancer buddy Mike sent me during my illness. So, Go Lance Go! I have decide that he will be one of my inspirations as we both prepare for tough physical and emotional challenges in 2009.
Today I want to include a note about my good friend Kelly. Her mom underwent serious surgery this morning to deal with breast cancer and I want to think positive thoughts for her. She has 5 young grandchildren and so I know she will survive, as I don’t think there’s a more powerful reason to fight the fight. Oh and by the way, a mastectomy is now day surgery!
Boy oh boy, that’s been a pretty serious post so far eh? Especially for one that started out with “feeling free as the air”. So how to juice it up a little? The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is the national elections coming up in both Canada, and the U.S. Talk about comedy! Do those guys really take themselves seriously? Maybe it’s their way to deal with depression eh? Stick your head so far up your ass that you can’t even breathe let alone take time out to deal with any reality. And don’t anyone try to tell me that any one of them is any different, no matter how serious and sincere they may appear at the moment. There, I feel better now. And I absolutely guarantee that I will get a comment from son Michael who is my social conscience, and an avid follower of both political scenes….let er rip Mike!
So maybe a little bit about my training for the day. I’m actually writing this before it happens, so that puts me one up on son peter, who knows everything that has transpired to date in the entire world. I know the future. Here it is. After a long day flying I finally got to Hermosillo and headed to the plant to say hello. I took my luggage with me and before I headed to the hotel to crash, I went to the swimming pool at the plant….,yes at the plant! They have a 25 metre outside pool which is befitting in a city where the summertime daily temperature is frequently over 40 degrees Celsius. So don’t feel too sorry for our poor Mexican industrial employees. Magna prides itself in taking care of their people which means different things in different cultures. In Hermosillo it means keeping them cool.
Anyway, I got in the pool for the first time in years, and was not disappointed by my rust. I had to start by taking rests after each 50 meters but in a series of efforts I managed to complete a kilometer. That’s a good enough start for now, and I know it will come gradually. The best thing is that the swimming is going to make my arms a little sore, and that’s exactly what they need. I will try to swim again for the next few days, and supplement that by running stairs at the hotel. If I can at least get back to comfortable in the pool during this trip I will be happy.
Oh yah...when I got back to the hotel I did a few stairs just to justify having dinner.
By the way...since the Bike question has been squarely settled by both Cory and Elly, how about something like this.
I would like to dedicate day 8 to my grade school teacher at St John elementary in Arthur Ontario. Sister Michaela is dead now but I continue to hate her. The only thing I can conclude from the way she treated me is that she must have been much unhappier than me. I am going to finally try to forgive her.
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise, than saved by criticism.”
Live with passion!
love peter
Anyway, towards further putting my “insides on my outsides” I want to talk about how I woke up this morning. Maybe someone has some advice for me. I had a terrific day yesterday with my great ride and I had a pretty good nights’ sleep last night at a hotel near Toronto airport. Then why oh why, did I wake up this morning in this dark, dark mood? I was reluctant to bring it up because that’s not supposed to be the way it is for a guy who has everything anyone could ask for, and who is currently on a terrific journey, and I worry that people out there will see me as weak. As I thought it about during the day however I decided that there are probably many, many people out there who suffer from the same kind of inexplicable depression. To those of you who have never been touched by this problem be grateful. One of the reasons of course that people keep this crap inside is because of the embarrassment factor, and that’s why I struggled making it a part of my ‘confession’ today. But I say screw it! I’ve been through too much to bother pretending to anyone. If there are those out there that consider me weak on account of it then so be it. When I had cancer I didn’t have to apologize for it, so why for this eh? All that being said I am firmly committing to understanding it better and putting in place ‘natural solutions’ to make it better. Of course it’s hard because very much like drug addiction, the tendency is to deny the problem and just go into hibernation. I believe that for me to find the long term solution without drugs, I am going to have to fight it head on….that means ‘no pain, no gain”. That means probably facing my demons and coming to terms with them as opposed to hoping they’re gonna go away. A good example for me is my relationship with son Jonathan. He has a very serious drug addiction that he may never recover from. Along the way, to feed his illness he will do many bad things to many good people including himself This is a tough thing to face but somewhere in there lies the answer. It has to be about facing the realities of your situation and being happy despite it. Again, any words of wisdom are welcome.
So that’s my whining for today, sorry but.... if you're not familiar with the old computer acronym ‘wysiwyg”…figure it out.
On another topic, I decided to jump on the Lance Armstrong bandwagon. Those close to me will know that I have never been a big fan because in my mind he suffered from being too much of an arrogant American for my liking. But what the hell do I really know about Lance Armstrong? Maybe he wakes up every morning fighting depression? Besides it’s not his fault he’s American, it’s his parents! I have always believed and continue to do so, that he has used performing enhanced drugs at times during his career. Whether that’s true or not is however irrelevant to the fact that he is clearly the greatest cyclist the world has produced to date. I also believe that he is serious in his convictions to raise money for cancer research, and I also believe that in his quest for the 2009 Tour de France he will be completely clean. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at it I don’t think he will win….he may not even be near the top. Besides, Claudette and I own personally autographed Lance caps that my cancer buddy Mike sent me during my illness. So, Go Lance Go! I have decide that he will be one of my inspirations as we both prepare for tough physical and emotional challenges in 2009.
Today I want to include a note about my good friend Kelly. Her mom underwent serious surgery this morning to deal with breast cancer and I want to think positive thoughts for her. She has 5 young grandchildren and so I know she will survive, as I don’t think there’s a more powerful reason to fight the fight. Oh and by the way, a mastectomy is now day surgery!
Boy oh boy, that’s been a pretty serious post so far eh? Especially for one that started out with “feeling free as the air”. So how to juice it up a little? The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is the national elections coming up in both Canada, and the U.S. Talk about comedy! Do those guys really take themselves seriously? Maybe it’s their way to deal with depression eh? Stick your head so far up your ass that you can’t even breathe let alone take time out to deal with any reality. And don’t anyone try to tell me that any one of them is any different, no matter how serious and sincere they may appear at the moment. There, I feel better now. And I absolutely guarantee that I will get a comment from son Michael who is my social conscience, and an avid follower of both political scenes….let er rip Mike!
So maybe a little bit about my training for the day. I’m actually writing this before it happens, so that puts me one up on son peter, who knows everything that has transpired to date in the entire world. I know the future. Here it is. After a long day flying I finally got to Hermosillo and headed to the plant to say hello. I took my luggage with me and before I headed to the hotel to crash, I went to the swimming pool at the plant….,yes at the plant! They have a 25 metre outside pool which is befitting in a city where the summertime daily temperature is frequently over 40 degrees Celsius. So don’t feel too sorry for our poor Mexican industrial employees. Magna prides itself in taking care of their people which means different things in different cultures. In Hermosillo it means keeping them cool.
Anyway, I got in the pool for the first time in years, and was not disappointed by my rust. I had to start by taking rests after each 50 meters but in a series of efforts I managed to complete a kilometer. That’s a good enough start for now, and I know it will come gradually. The best thing is that the swimming is going to make my arms a little sore, and that’s exactly what they need. I will try to swim again for the next few days, and supplement that by running stairs at the hotel. If I can at least get back to comfortable in the pool during this trip I will be happy.
Oh yah...when I got back to the hotel I did a few stairs just to justify having dinner.
By the way...since the Bike question has been squarely settled by both Cory and Elly, how about something like this.
I would like to dedicate day 8 to my grade school teacher at St John elementary in Arthur Ontario. Sister Michaela is dead now but I continue to hate her. The only thing I can conclude from the way she treated me is that she must have been much unhappier than me. I am going to finally try to forgive her.
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise, than saved by criticism.”
Live with passion!
love peter
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"Radioactive Cookies"
They didnt go down that well....well actually not at all, but the radioactive fruit cup was great. Today I had what is called a barium swallow. They check out what happens when I guess what?...swallow! Things went well. As usual I was the one under the machine, while Claudette was in the other room wtaching the drama on the screen and learning everything about it. There is no apparent constriction which is good, but there is a bit of what they call 'penetration' when liquids start going down the wrong way because the epiglotis(or something like that) doesn't close off right because of the scarring, and muscle atrophy. Claudette just loved it though. She thought it was really cool watching on the big screen as dribs of water headed for my lungs!! I so love to see her happy. Anyway, before I leave this, there is nothing to worry about and now I have a good baseline test to see if thing deteriorates. As well I should probably admit that I don't think Barium is actually radioactive, it's just an element that shows up on x-ray. That admission saves Cory the trouble of correcting me.
I want to take a moment to thank my son Peter. Last night I was having one of those sleepless ones primarily because of the old dry mouth problem, and at one point I was getting pretty frustrated and down. I was wide awake at about 3 a.m. and noticed that my blackberry was telling me that I had an e-mail, and when checking it out found out it was a post Peter had put on my blog. In those few minutes it took me to read it my whole attitude changed. He said, "I love you for putting your insides on your outsides" That little thought, expressed so simply blew me away. I encourage you to read his entire post.
Okay, enough of that. Today was a good day training wise. I have officially graduated to beginner status as a cyclist. I rode 40 km's at a 30k/hr pace.(actually 30.6) I remember clearly the first time I did that, almost exactly 15 years ago. And in fact I think it was a little easier this time. Woohoo. So now I have a place to start. My cycling training goal will be to work up to the kind of times I did in the in the past at my fittest. I recall riding 180K in 5 1/2 hours, which is almost 33km's/hr, and 40k at 35k/hr. I think maybe I can get back there. I also have to start working big hills into my workout as the ride through the Okanagan valley is a tough one. Check it out.
So that's about if for today. I'm off to Mexico where its practically impossible to ride and tough to run, so I will focus on getting back into swimming while I'm there. Im pretty sure that's gonna be a shocker because I haven't swam for at least 4 years. Oh well I'm not afraid of it....except I suppose I could have a problem aspirating water? But Claudette will enjoy that, so what the hell eh! Just kidding. I know my wife loves me, radiation burns and all.To top off a good day I spent an hour with my grandchildern on my way to Toronto tonite. Put that in your pipe Roo!
Oh and for Mary, check out a picure of me late last november. Thats what a bag of hammers looks like, and feels like!
I wish to dedicate day 7 to my Kylie, who is prettier than me, funnier than me, faster on 2 legs than me, and every other superlative I can think of. God help me, that little girl makes me weak!"
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"
love peter
I want to take a moment to thank my son Peter. Last night I was having one of those sleepless ones primarily because of the old dry mouth problem, and at one point I was getting pretty frustrated and down. I was wide awake at about 3 a.m. and noticed that my blackberry was telling me that I had an e-mail, and when checking it out found out it was a post Peter had put on my blog. In those few minutes it took me to read it my whole attitude changed. He said, "I love you for putting your insides on your outsides" That little thought, expressed so simply blew me away. I encourage you to read his entire post.
Okay, enough of that. Today was a good day training wise. I have officially graduated to beginner status as a cyclist. I rode 40 km's at a 30k/hr pace.(actually 30.6) I remember clearly the first time I did that, almost exactly 15 years ago. And in fact I think it was a little easier this time. Woohoo. So now I have a place to start. My cycling training goal will be to work up to the kind of times I did in the in the past at my fittest. I recall riding 180K in 5 1/2 hours, which is almost 33km's/hr, and 40k at 35k/hr. I think maybe I can get back there. I also have to start working big hills into my workout as the ride through the Okanagan valley is a tough one. Check it out.
So that's about if for today. I'm off to Mexico where its practically impossible to ride and tough to run, so I will focus on getting back into swimming while I'm there. Im pretty sure that's gonna be a shocker because I haven't swam for at least 4 years. Oh well I'm not afraid of it....except I suppose I could have a problem aspirating water? But Claudette will enjoy that, so what the hell eh! Just kidding. I know my wife loves me, radiation burns and all.To top off a good day I spent an hour with my grandchildern on my way to Toronto tonite. Put that in your pipe Roo!
Oh and for Mary, check out a picure of me late last november. Thats what a bag of hammers looks like, and feels like!
I wish to dedicate day 7 to my Kylie, who is prettier than me, funnier than me, faster on 2 legs than me, and every other superlative I can think of. God help me, that little girl makes me weak!"
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"
love peter
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"Everybody Must Get Stoned"
The immortal words of Bob Dylan. Or if you prefer there's Janis Joplins "Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz". Those I'm sorry to tell you my friends, are 2 of the very few ways to instant gratification in our world; either get wasted or go out and buy something. Not very healthy either one of them, but it's the 'instant' part that makes them attractive. I guess there are some things you can buy that may provide something positive quickly....like hearing aids for example. Or at least that's what the people that sell hearing aids tell me. Apparently I have a significant high frequency hearing loss from the chemo drugs, which makes speech in noisy surroundings difficult to understand, and they think they can fix this with a device. Im going to have to do some heavy thinking on this one. I already hate my glasses and I can't imagine hearing aids are any less of a nuisance.
I'll tell you one thing that doesn't bring much instant gratification, at least for me, and thats taking care of my health. It's a lifelong challenge that I have not mastered. I hope the combination of my recent life changing experience, and the journey I'm currently setting out on will make it a permanent condition...well at least as permanent as it gets.
I don't have much else today. I feel like a bag of hammers after my long ride yesterday and I'm worrying terribly about my son Jon. I so hope that if I can do what Im planning, maybe he can do what he needs to. Hopefully "Someone's" watching out for him, and will bring him back to us.
I also have to take a minute to thank the incredible people I work for. Cosma International(Magna) is indeed a great company. The combination of the way they treated me during my illness, and the flexibility they give me now, allow me a chance to fulfill my dream.
Lastly please note that after every post I make, there is an opportunity for you to comment. I truly appreciate anything you may care to contribute, and I particularly like witticisms, or heavy sarcasm....actually even verbal abuse is good. That's what a misfit I am eh?
I wish to dedicate day 6 to my big sister Cory who is a better sibling than me.
"Money talks, but it don't sing and dance, and it dont' walk."
love peter
I'll tell you one thing that doesn't bring much instant gratification, at least for me, and thats taking care of my health. It's a lifelong challenge that I have not mastered. I hope the combination of my recent life changing experience, and the journey I'm currently setting out on will make it a permanent condition...well at least as permanent as it gets.
I don't have much else today. I feel like a bag of hammers after my long ride yesterday and I'm worrying terribly about my son Jon. I so hope that if I can do what Im planning, maybe he can do what he needs to. Hopefully "Someone's" watching out for him, and will bring him back to us.
I also have to take a minute to thank the incredible people I work for. Cosma International(Magna) is indeed a great company. The combination of the way they treated me during my illness, and the flexibility they give me now, allow me a chance to fulfill my dream.
Lastly please note that after every post I make, there is an opportunity for you to comment. I truly appreciate anything you may care to contribute, and I particularly like witticisms, or heavy sarcasm....actually even verbal abuse is good. That's what a misfit I am eh?
I wish to dedicate day 6 to my big sister Cory who is a better sibling than me.
"Money talks, but it don't sing and dance, and it dont' walk."
love peter
Monday, September 22, 2008
A Canadian Century!
In way of explanation, in cycling circles a 100 mile bike ride is traditionally called a 'century'. Today I rode 100 Km's, hence the Canadian Century. Before I tell you more about that however a few points of business to take care of.
First, in respect of Claudettes openness to take some abuse about the tree stump, I have decided to come clean with my own bit of laundry and admit I lied! Here goes. My wee-wee is actually not that big, and never was! The other part I never lied about. It does go numb. Ladies out there(with the exception perhaps of a few East German female athletes) would not understand how disconcerting that can be.
Secondly, I have decided that anyone who wants to see a picture of the Damaged vehicle will have to pay money. And lots of it. Especially you Miguette! What a racket the autobody business is.
And thirdly I need some help with this "I DO" thing Roo is trying to back pedal on (hey thats funny) Everyone heard her say it right? Remember my bike is at stake
Ok, back to my ride. First off I woke up with that old dark sinking feeling which I just can't understand. Knowing I was going for this ride today somehow helped to get me going. I knew it was an ambitious undertaking, after all the furthest I had gone so far was 50K. I knew I wouldn't get a flat because I was carrying a spare, and you never get a flat then. Anyway a ride like this at this point I am very happy with. It is the kind of thing that motivates and yet keeps you humble. The last 20 K was an adventure. Never the less for me it was comfirmation that I can do the biking, and I also know that I'll have no problem with the swim, so thats 2 down. The scary part which will always remain so, is the thought of running a complete marathon afterwards. Thats why I have to train as agressively as possible without getting hurt. Its just over 11 months to d-day and for the last 2 or 3 weeks you can't do much. The biggest challenge I will have is getting through the winter in good shape especially with my biking. it's so hard to ride in the winter in Ontario because you alternately freeze and sweat and then refreeze. Regardless that will be my challenge as I refuse to use a trainer or rollers indoors as the boredom will kill me. One thing I did today was take music along. I have traditionally tried to avoid this as it seems kind of a yuppy thing, but I am starting to believe it helps for long distances, either riding or running. Anyway, that's enough for today. Talk to you tomorrow.
One last thought especially for my sisters to ponder. It occured to me today that so far in my daily dedications a trend has surfaced. All of them have been women. I hope this is not some kind of Freudion manifestation of my deeply rooted male chauvinism. I would rather think that if it is subconcious, that I am acknowledging the significant influence that the fairer sex has had on me. I know what Kylie does to me would bear that out.
For David...thanks for the motivation. Tomorrow I'm gonna take it easy.
Anyway, in keeping with that trend, and in respect of the great ride I had today I wish to dedicate day 5 to my Mom, who is kinder than me, any anyone I've ever met for that matter.
If you're going through Hell....keep going!
love
peter
First, in respect of Claudettes openness to take some abuse about the tree stump, I have decided to come clean with my own bit of laundry and admit I lied! Here goes. My wee-wee is actually not that big, and never was! The other part I never lied about. It does go numb. Ladies out there(with the exception perhaps of a few East German female athletes) would not understand how disconcerting that can be.
Secondly, I have decided that anyone who wants to see a picture of the Damaged vehicle will have to pay money. And lots of it. Especially you Miguette! What a racket the autobody business is.
And thirdly I need some help with this "I DO" thing Roo is trying to back pedal on (hey thats funny) Everyone heard her say it right? Remember my bike is at stake
Ok, back to my ride. First off I woke up with that old dark sinking feeling which I just can't understand. Knowing I was going for this ride today somehow helped to get me going. I knew it was an ambitious undertaking, after all the furthest I had gone so far was 50K. I knew I wouldn't get a flat because I was carrying a spare, and you never get a flat then. Anyway a ride like this at this point I am very happy with. It is the kind of thing that motivates and yet keeps you humble. The last 20 K was an adventure. Never the less for me it was comfirmation that I can do the biking, and I also know that I'll have no problem with the swim, so thats 2 down. The scary part which will always remain so, is the thought of running a complete marathon afterwards. Thats why I have to train as agressively as possible without getting hurt. Its just over 11 months to d-day and for the last 2 or 3 weeks you can't do much. The biggest challenge I will have is getting through the winter in good shape especially with my biking. it's so hard to ride in the winter in Ontario because you alternately freeze and sweat and then refreeze. Regardless that will be my challenge as I refuse to use a trainer or rollers indoors as the boredom will kill me. One thing I did today was take music along. I have traditionally tried to avoid this as it seems kind of a yuppy thing, but I am starting to believe it helps for long distances, either riding or running. Anyway, that's enough for today. Talk to you tomorrow.
One last thought especially for my sisters to ponder. It occured to me today that so far in my daily dedications a trend has surfaced. All of them have been women. I hope this is not some kind of Freudion manifestation of my deeply rooted male chauvinism. I would rather think that if it is subconcious, that I am acknowledging the significant influence that the fairer sex has had on me. I know what Kylie does to me would bear that out.
For David...thanks for the motivation. Tomorrow I'm gonna take it easy.
Anyway, in keeping with that trend, and in respect of the great ride I had today I wish to dedicate day 5 to my Mom, who is kinder than me, any anyone I've ever met for that matter.
If you're going through Hell....keep going!
love
peter
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Momma told me there'd be days like this!
That's a Van Morrison song I think?
I Know, I know...pretty poor attitude eh? Oh well...that is the way it kind of went today, or at least I thought so for most of the day. As I sit down however and look back it really was a pretty good day. Claudette told me that she was advised by her therapist to fail at something every day, and so if that's a measure of success we both achieved it today. Me, in my stupidity, left a 2 1/2 foot tall stump sitting right in the middle of the yard where it grew, and where it was still firmly attached to it's roots. Claudette in an attempt to outdo me and take her head shrinkers advice literally, drove into it with her brand new vehicle. Man is it ugly, and I admit a bit disconerting. But not to worry. maybe tomorrow we will take it to the wrong body shop and get ripped off. That can be our failure for tomorrow eh Roo?
I should have known it was going to be an eventful day by the way last night went. As another old song says "I couldnt sleep at all last night". I dont know who sang that one. But I managed to drag myself out of bed at about 8:30, drank the coffee that Adrian brought me(thanks Adrian) and then headed out for a bit of a run. I decided I was going to try to do hills, and managed 2 before I had to walk home. Again I wasn't too stressed. I know that I need to push myself, but I also know that I need to listen to my body so I dont hurt myself.
I have decided to stop taking the anti-depressant medication I am on(effexor), and am in the process of weaning myself off. Here's my theory. When I wasn't active and I was struggling big time I needed the help. But of course like all medication it has side effects, most of them being downers(sleeplessness, sleepiness, fatigue, and this one is my favorite...depression!!!). As I regain a higher activity level I hope that the natural "uppers" of exercise will kick in. I believe they will, and if that's the case they also come with very few side effects. or at least only minor ones like my wee-wee going totally numb from my bike seat. Ten years ago that was a big one(no, no, no...not my wee-nee, its still big) but it just dont matter so much anymore that it goes numb. Even though I am looking into a new saddle that makes all the promises as others I've tried. Then again that new saddle should come with a brand new bike. if I remember correctly this promise was included as one of the commitments my lovely wife made in our wedding vow renewal last year...woohoo!!! Dornellas bike shop here I come!
Man, lots of things went well today. I got a great note today from Brother Dave which inspired me. Among all the kind things he said(liar David!) he also made a suggestion. He wants me to note each day what my training plans are for the following day . I am really reluctant to do this because in my obstinance , I may push myself to do things that my body is strenuously objecting to, just so that I dont have to admit failure afterwards. Regardless, I'm gonna try it one time to see if it can be a positive motivator without being a negative in some way. My plan tomorrow is to ride my bike for at least 65 km's and if it feels ok I will go another 31.5 beyond that for close to 100K's. Thats the distance of a nice loop near our house with a couple of decent hills. You will fairly be able to call me numb nuts tomorrow night...man I kill me!
Hey, thats another thing that went well today. I bought new tubes for my bike, replaced the flat, and I have 2 spares. I also was delighted with my mechanic imitation today. My truck has been making an ugly clunking noise which finally needed some attention, and I'm pretty sure I fixed that as well.
I promise a picture of Claudette's car tomorrow so you can all heckle her. Even though she has handled it extremely well I still recommend a 24 hour waiting period before any harassment begins.
So I guess that's enough blather(look that one up) for today.
I close by dedicating day 4 to our precious daughter Miguette who is more talented than me.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room!
love
peter
I Know, I know...pretty poor attitude eh? Oh well...that is the way it kind of went today, or at least I thought so for most of the day. As I sit down however and look back it really was a pretty good day. Claudette told me that she was advised by her therapist to fail at something every day, and so if that's a measure of success we both achieved it today. Me, in my stupidity, left a 2 1/2 foot tall stump sitting right in the middle of the yard where it grew, and where it was still firmly attached to it's roots. Claudette in an attempt to outdo me and take her head shrinkers advice literally, drove into it with her brand new vehicle. Man is it ugly, and I admit a bit disconerting. But not to worry. maybe tomorrow we will take it to the wrong body shop and get ripped off. That can be our failure for tomorrow eh Roo?
I should have known it was going to be an eventful day by the way last night went. As another old song says "I couldnt sleep at all last night". I dont know who sang that one. But I managed to drag myself out of bed at about 8:30, drank the coffee that Adrian brought me(thanks Adrian) and then headed out for a bit of a run. I decided I was going to try to do hills, and managed 2 before I had to walk home. Again I wasn't too stressed. I know that I need to push myself, but I also know that I need to listen to my body so I dont hurt myself.
I have decided to stop taking the anti-depressant medication I am on(effexor), and am in the process of weaning myself off. Here's my theory. When I wasn't active and I was struggling big time I needed the help. But of course like all medication it has side effects, most of them being downers(sleeplessness, sleepiness, fatigue, and this one is my favorite...depression!!!). As I regain a higher activity level I hope that the natural "uppers" of exercise will kick in. I believe they will, and if that's the case they also come with very few side effects. or at least only minor ones like my wee-wee going totally numb from my bike seat. Ten years ago that was a big one(no, no, no...not my wee-nee, its still big) but it just dont matter so much anymore that it goes numb. Even though I am looking into a new saddle that makes all the promises as others I've tried. Then again that new saddle should come with a brand new bike. if I remember correctly this promise was included as one of the commitments my lovely wife made in our wedding vow renewal last year...woohoo!!! Dornellas bike shop here I come!
Man, lots of things went well today. I got a great note today from Brother Dave which inspired me. Among all the kind things he said(liar David!) he also made a suggestion. He wants me to note each day what my training plans are for the following day . I am really reluctant to do this because in my obstinance , I may push myself to do things that my body is strenuously objecting to, just so that I dont have to admit failure afterwards. Regardless, I'm gonna try it one time to see if it can be a positive motivator without being a negative in some way. My plan tomorrow is to ride my bike for at least 65 km's and if it feels ok I will go another 31.5 beyond that for close to 100K's. Thats the distance of a nice loop near our house with a couple of decent hills. You will fairly be able to call me numb nuts tomorrow night...man I kill me!
Hey, thats another thing that went well today. I bought new tubes for my bike, replaced the flat, and I have 2 spares. I also was delighted with my mechanic imitation today. My truck has been making an ugly clunking noise which finally needed some attention, and I'm pretty sure I fixed that as well.
I promise a picture of Claudette's car tomorrow so you can all heckle her. Even though she has handled it extremely well I still recommend a 24 hour waiting period before any harassment begins.
So I guess that's enough blather(look that one up) for today.
I close by dedicating day 4 to our precious daughter Miguette who is more talented than me.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room!
love
peter
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Flat Tire Day!
As Swiper would say...Oh maaaan!! Ok who all knows who swiper is? Anyway it was a little frustrating. I had intended on trying for a little longer ride today and unfortunately at about 40 kms, the road was suddenly more firm underneath me. The funny things is that using skinny, high pressure road tires it really doesn't feel that much different, but you know somethings wrong. If you dont stop right away you will wreck your tire and your rim. I was fortunate to be near a gas station and called Roo to come and pick me up. My frustration didnt last long as I actually felt good about my ride to that point and had no doubt that I would complete my planned 65K. Especially after having run 20 k with only a short walk just yesterday. I am happy at the moment with my progress but I also know how incredibly far I have to go. My son Peter described it nicely a few weeks ago when he said "Dad, you're body has hit the rewind button back to when you were a beginner" But I remember it actually being easier when I was a beginner even though I know that was 13 years ago. I think what in actual fact happened, primarily because of my treatment was that my body rewound way beyond 13 years ago, all the way back to my youth. The other day when I was raking some gravel, filling potholes in the laneway, and struggling with the effort, I was reminded of thoughts I had somehwere in my early teens relating to my dad. I could not understand how he could work so hard all day, apparently almost effortlessly. I have since learned what it was...it was simply having the muscles of an adult male. I believe my body has rewound almost to the level of a youth. My muscles are immature and normally could only be repaired throught the normal growth process. If my theory holds any water it actually makes me feel hopeful. I simply have to accelerate this natural process. Thats why I am finally, and for once going to listen to my wife and focus not just on my stamina but also on my musculature. She tells me that I need more protein and this suddenly makes sense to me, so I have started to use a protein supplement. Within the next few weeks I will also start doing some light weight training, even though I hate it.
Anyway the only other comment I want to make today is about speed. I am running just under 6 min k's and around 27k/hr on the bike...both quite a bit slower than in my previous life, and people tell me that's ok...why do you have to go fast? Well the fact is that I dont have to right now, I just have to build base. But as the new year comes around I am going to have to do some faster more intense workouts. Speed is as much a result of efficiency as it is fitness, and the fact is, that the more efficient you perform all 3 disciplines the longer you can go on. I do have a goal time in mind but it's too early to share that. And I won't get obsessed with it. I just want to complete, hopefully without walking.
So that's it for today.
I wish to dedicate day 3 to Madonna Buder, who is holier than me. Check out her story.
Live with passion!
peter
Anyway the only other comment I want to make today is about speed. I am running just under 6 min k's and around 27k/hr on the bike...both quite a bit slower than in my previous life, and people tell me that's ok...why do you have to go fast? Well the fact is that I dont have to right now, I just have to build base. But as the new year comes around I am going to have to do some faster more intense workouts. Speed is as much a result of efficiency as it is fitness, and the fact is, that the more efficient you perform all 3 disciplines the longer you can go on. I do have a goal time in mind but it's too early to share that. And I won't get obsessed with it. I just want to complete, hopefully without walking.
So that's it for today.
I wish to dedicate day 3 to Madonna Buder, who is holier than me. Check out her story.
Live with passion!
peter
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Rest of the Story
Here goes. Chapter one of my life began as most lives do, with my birth on Nov 14/1955. The next almost 52 years(holy cow!) in many respects flew by. I however learned many things and became a very special person. I was reasonably educated, naturally gifted, learned something about everything, knew everything about everybody, had an opinion on everything, developed my listening skills, became a good leader, a good partner and father, a great tool and die maker, became a model of health and fitness, both physically and emotionally, became the envy of all of my siblings & a pride to my parents, made lots of money & spent it wisely, learned to understand the cosmos and the greater powers that exist. I learned to be respectful and kind to all those around me, always looking for the best in people, and never being jealous, envious or obtuse with my friends and family. Above all else I learned to be considerate of others opinions and learned how to gracefully admit when I was wrong.Above all this and most importantly I also developed a great humility unsurpassed by none.
Chapter 2 began on Sept 18/2007 when I learned that I didn't know shit about nothing! And yes Cory I Know that thats a double negative, but the point is I got my comeuppance(is that a word?) Of course those that know something about my life know that that was the day I received a diagnosis of cancer. All of chapter 2 then was about fianlly learning something useful. I learned more in that year then in all of the 52 chapter one years. I am totally, completely, unequivocably convinced that I did not die simply because I still had so much to learn. I had spent all my life trying to be a good man and succeeding only moderately. I'm still not much humbler, but maybe a little bit more realistic. I know one thing. I will never stop learning again, and the key to that is to recognize how little one knows already.
So chapter 3 begins with a commitment to learn more about myself. Specifically I want to find out where my limits are, or rather push my limits to a new level as I also believe there really are no limits. Towards that end, chapter 3 will end on Aug 30/2009, when I complete Ironman Canada in Penticton B.C. For those of you not completely familiar with this, it is an endurance event comprised of a 3.8 km swim, followed by a 180 km bike ride, and culminating in a full marathon of 42.2 km. The hope I have of my family and friends is that when I complete it they will acknowledge that even though he may still be an idiot, he is a stubborn idiot! I also ask for encouragement in the form of never letting me off the hook. My intent with this blog is to make a public statement about my dream in the hopes that you will hold me to it. An important aspect of my preperation over the next year will be to stay focused and never let my training go into a lull. That is why I intend on posting something on here each and every day of chapter 3.
Thanks for sharing in my dream. I dedicate day 2 to my sister Teresa, who knows more than me. I hope you enjoy my web log.
More tomorrow as promised.
peter
Chapter 2 began on Sept 18/2007 when I learned that I didn't know shit about nothing! And yes Cory I Know that thats a double negative, but the point is I got my comeuppance(is that a word?) Of course those that know something about my life know that that was the day I received a diagnosis of cancer. All of chapter 2 then was about fianlly learning something useful. I learned more in that year then in all of the 52 chapter one years. I am totally, completely, unequivocably convinced that I did not die simply because I still had so much to learn. I had spent all my life trying to be a good man and succeeding only moderately. I'm still not much humbler, but maybe a little bit more realistic. I know one thing. I will never stop learning again, and the key to that is to recognize how little one knows already.
So chapter 3 begins with a commitment to learn more about myself. Specifically I want to find out where my limits are, or rather push my limits to a new level as I also believe there really are no limits. Towards that end, chapter 3 will end on Aug 30/2009, when I complete Ironman Canada in Penticton B.C. For those of you not completely familiar with this, it is an endurance event comprised of a 3.8 km swim, followed by a 180 km bike ride, and culminating in a full marathon of 42.2 km. The hope I have of my family and friends is that when I complete it they will acknowledge that even though he may still be an idiot, he is a stubborn idiot! I also ask for encouragement in the form of never letting me off the hook. My intent with this blog is to make a public statement about my dream in the hopes that you will hold me to it. An important aspect of my preperation over the next year will be to stay focused and never let my training go into a lull. That is why I intend on posting something on here each and every day of chapter 3.
Thanks for sharing in my dream. I dedicate day 2 to my sister Teresa, who knows more than me. I hope you enjoy my web log.
More tomorrow as promised.
peter
Thursday, September 18, 2008
So I stole it from Yoda!
Try Not! Do or do not! There is no try!
I figure anything Yoda said is in the public domain. Besides he's smarter than me, better looking, and he can do that crazy levitating thing.
This is day one of chapter 3 of my life. It starts today for a special reason and ends Aug 30th, 2009 for another special reason. Maybe a few people will be able to work out both reasons.
I dedicate day one of chapter 3 to my wife Claudette, who's a better person then I am.
And thats all I got to start. More tomorrow and hopefully every day of chapter 3...oh yah...I'll also explain chapters one and two.
peter
I figure anything Yoda said is in the public domain. Besides he's smarter than me, better looking, and he can do that crazy levitating thing.
This is day one of chapter 3 of my life. It starts today for a special reason and ends Aug 30th, 2009 for another special reason. Maybe a few people will be able to work out both reasons.
I dedicate day one of chapter 3 to my wife Claudette, who's a better person then I am.
And thats all I got to start. More tomorrow and hopefully every day of chapter 3...oh yah...I'll also explain chapters one and two.
peter
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