The first part of the story.
I have a clear memory of an event from my youth when I was in grade 12 at Arthur Distrist High School. A young lady who I had gone to school with for those entire 12 years suffered a family tragedy, wherin her older brother was left with severe brain damage as a result of a car accident. She didn't talk about it much but everyone around her knew that his potential life long handicap weighed heavily on her mind. I think it was perhaps a week or two after the accident, that we were supposed to be writing an exam, or preparing an essay of some kind from which she was excused, because of how significantly she was affected by this tragedy. Supposedly it so impacted her work in an unconscious way, that unbeknownst even to her, her brothers name would suddenly appear in the middle of a sentence she was composing. If I remember correctly, we her classmates knew about this because the teacher shared it with us one day in an attempt to enlist our support and caring during her difficult time. I never shared my cynical thoughts with anyone at the time, and quite frankly this is the first time I have done so, but I remember part of me thinking....yah right...good scheme girl! Being a guy who was always looking for a new and creative way of getting out of some work I was wishing I had thought of it first. I'm sure part of that cynicism was because at the time I would gladly have traded the health of one of my siblings for an excuse to get out of writing an exam; after all I had 11 of them,( I'm feeling guilty about that as I write...lol) but I think more significantly I didnt really believe that any person could be scripting away about the French Revolution, or some such boring nonsense and suddenly and without any awareness of doing so, insert an unintended and unrelated word or name. That just didnt sound reasonable to me. After all the mind tells the body to do stuff doesn't it, and the mind needs to be aware of what the body is doing as it does it...doesnt it??
And now some 35 years later I have
"The rest of a Different Story".
I came home from Mexico on the overnite flight and after stopping on the way to pickup my sweetheart (thats Kylie) I arrived home just after 9 am. I needed to have a nap to catch up on my sleep, but since Claudette needed to go for a run I was going to spend time with Kylie first. So I got her situated in front of the TV with a new Dora movie and thought that while she was occupied I would catch up on a few e-mail tasks. I was drafting a short note to a coworker and chose to conclude it by saying, "enjoy what's left of your weekend". As I had almost finished I was momentarily distracted by Kylie, and when I came back to review it and send it off I had to do a double take. Even as I tell you this story now several hours later I am still blown away by what the words in that note said. It went like this..."blah, blah, blah, Enjoy what's left of your "addiction". Unfreakinbelievable! I tell you that I had absolutely no conscious idea that I had typed that word, and further to that, the topic had not been on my mind in any way that I was aware of. Kind of scary eh? But also enlightening in a very positive way. It sends to me a very powerful message about the subconscious mind, and the impact it can have almost without our knowledge.(I guess that's why it's subconscious eh?)
So anyway, how can I use this? What application can there be? How can this new found knowledge about myself help me with Chapter 3. And then it came to me that maybe it's exactly what I need right now. if you read the comments related to yesterdays post you would see that I was severly beaten around the head and shoulders by our family matriarch on the topic of physiological reasons for my perceived slow recovery. So why not try this one on for size. Maybe it's all in my head? Maybe there are subconscious factors which affect my success on any given day, that are powerful way beyond my understanding. I am reminded of a theory that I think was first presented by Victor Frankl in his famous book "Mans search for meaning", in which he seperates people into the 3 traditional groups of the pessimist, the optimist, and the realist. Whether consciously or subconsciously these 3 groups would repectively respond to a situation by, seeing the brutal facts and giving up(the pessimist), denying the brutal facts and falling victim anyway(the optimist), or facing the brutal facts and creating a plan(the realist). His theory was intended to rationalize why some people successfully survived the brutal concentration camps of WWII, and others did not.
So during my workout today I was pondering all these things, both the conscious and perhaps the subconscious and I think I went through all 3 phases of Frankl's theory during the run. By about 18 minutes my heart rate was already at 150(too high) and the pessimist was prepared to give up. I then see-sawed back and forth between the optimist and the realist for the rest of the 7.4km block but I think finally ended up a realist. Despite the fact that I had walked for at least 5 minutes I finished the block at close to the pace I hope for during my Ironman. My heart rate monitor told me the brutal facts and my mind was busy developing a training plan around these facts. But I view this somehow as conscious and after the fact. The real question I have is; were there subconscious considerations that impacted my physical being in the first place, that I wasn't even aware of...subconscious factors that could even be generating the tension in my neck and shoulders or even maybe driving my heart rate up....the mind boggles!!
So I ask you all, or as my friends from Kentucky would say "y'all", to give these things some thought. Both the conscious and subconscious influences the mind has on us, and please consider any practical advice you would care to give me as to how to go faster, further in a more predictable controlled manner.....as the realist would. By the way if you dont know, Frankl was himself a guest at Auschwitz as well as 2 other concentration camps. Both of his parents and his wife died in the camps. The book is not very long and well worth the trouble reading.
If there are any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors in my post they were unconscious and thereby not my fault, and further to that are probably a result of the emotional scars suffered as the result of an upbringing wherby I was always at the mercy of 3 evil older sisters.
But seriously and with great love I wish to dedicate day 11 to my sister Mary who is more compassionate than me.
And lastly....to throw a wrench into my own rambling philosophies of the day,
"Both the pessimist and the optimist think they are realists"
love peter
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8 comments:
I'm still thinking! ...I'll have to post later.
I watched a video clip last week and it was supposedly a study of whether women or men were better at seeing details. The clip had 3 people wearing black and 3 wearing white. They were passing 2 balls, 1 in each group, as they moved around and between each other, both groups mingling together. You were to count the number of times that the white team passed the ball. I counted 17 times, some others in the audience said 18. Then he showed the clip again and said not to count, just watch...there was a 6 foot gorilla walked right through the group, stopping and turning etc, in plain view. He said they are learning more and more about what we expect to see or hear, learn etc, and how that influences our perception, or results from studies etc. So, keep your mind and heart open to all the possibilities, but don't worry too much about it because if you think you have it figured out then you are probably just influencing your own outcome...wait a minute...hhmmmmmm
PS I think the grasshopper was there for you. Add that to your philosophy...
love you much
I am struggling with the fact that all I can do is type right now. I am not usually the kind of guy to say I told you so, no wait, I am the kind of guy to say I told you so. Seriously, I wish I could share with you some of the events that have transpire in my life. I do not mean in words, but the actual experience. I have and always will believe that the mind is stronger than the body, and therefor can over rides your bodies automatic responses. I hope you continue with this. Mind over matter. I have used this many times to get through many things. Drug addiction; For a while my body had physical responses to just simply thoughts, after practice I was able to take the tools learned to get through that and make them a sub conscience. Maybe one day we will sit and talk about our pasts together, so that we may better understand each other. I am not religious, and I do not believe in magic. I do believe there is something special in everybody, and if you work hard enough it will take care of us. Keep on keeping on, and I will do the same. I wish I had more advice, but I don't. I will end with this. I like you will survive, because that's what we do. Survivors, friends, father, and son. I love you.
Going back to my school days. I am 14 and in 4th year of high school. At home, doing my dreaded math homework, which l loathed. My mother told my sister Libby to go across the road and ask about how 'Kim' was today. Kim was 18, had been in the hospital for about 6 weeks now and we were always told she would be coming home soon. Libby came back into the house and simply said, "Kim died today". We are all shocked by this. To cut this short. Later, was putting my homework away, l noticed in the center of the page was a large 'D'. I have no recollection of doing this, but it was inscribed on the page, over and over again on the same spot. In hind site, my sub concious already knew that Kim had Died. I did not finish my homework and off course, as usual, got shit for it.
What else was knew? Actually when l think about it, if l was do something like that now, l would be called absent minded and feeble. Maybe it is the age thing? Sally
Your posts are always so interested that I hesitate to comment as I feel so humbled and inferior in some way; I'm not sure what that's about but it just IS. I feel very fortunate to have not suffered any horrors at the hands of leaders of the "Holy Catholic Church" like you and some of our other siblings have. Consequently, I am able to take from our Catholic Faith those parts of it that work for me and I can "leave" the rest. I have been blessed!! Thanks Dad, for without my faith I don't think I could get by at times.
Anyway, enough about me. You asked for advise. STOP analyzing every single event in you life. Take more time to enjoy the many gifts life has to offer and less time worrying about why stuff happens to your body and mind. If you are willing to just listen, you will receive all the information you need when the time is right. Just for today, know that you are in good hands. Your angels are hovering!!
still thinking!
This is what I was trying to get at...if you pay attention and listen when your body tells you something, I think the chances are better that eventually you will get what you want from it, but I don't think forcing it will ever work. The grasshopper could only be a grasshopper dying on the floor, from depression or whatever. By the way, why do you want to be an iron man? Why not be the best, fittest, kindest person you can be...TO YOURSELF and others. Is it possible that this drive to be STRONG is backlash from bringing your insides to the outside...feeling vulnerable??
By the way, by the way, if the optimist and the pessimist both think they are realists, who really knows they are a realist? Doesn't everyone think they are realists?
I love you, just the way you are, however that is.
Peter, I heard about your blog from Cory on the weekend and have just spent some time catching up on your days. I don't trust others to know who I really am and always thought that feeling not good enough was a result of growing up in the shadow of my siblings, but like Mary I manage to find strength in faith. I never thought for a moment that I was done learning from my big brothers and sisters, but as we haven't been close I am surprised to be learning from you. There is no question that by sharing yourself you give strength to others.
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