"Habs Win!"

Anyone remember 1971?

"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."---Anon

"How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?"---Jacques Plante

Go Habs Go

love
peter

"In The Absence of Trust"

Can there be love?

I suppose that if you accept the concept that love is a decision, then it seems reasonable to also accept that you can love someone that you don't trust. I believe however that it is one of the biggest hurdles to a lasting relationship. There is great misery in loving someone who you are constantly suspicious of, and as such there is a constant pressure to make the ultimate decision....to stop loving.

If however you also believe in the concept of unconditional love then that would be an unacceptable solution and when it comes to your children I happen to believe that unconditional love is a moral obligation. After all you created them and while you may not have a permanent responsibility to care "for" them, I think that you do have a permanent responsibility to care "about" them.

There are of course lots of other reasons why relationships fall apart including those of parent/child but I believe that lack of trust is the big killer. Ask anyone who has lived with an addict and you will find that it is not the addiction itself that tears the love down, but it is the deceit that comes with it.

But amongst all the things I learned from my sister Mary probably the most important individual thing is that while it may not be mandatory to go on loving, it is still okay to do so. And so that is what I choose, despite the absence of trust.

It also occurs to me that while love may indeed be a decision, to trust is perhaps not so much so.

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."---George MacDonald

Love all, trust a few."---William Shakespeare

love
peter

"All Clear"

I travel to the Victoria hospital in London every 3 months for a checkup, alternating between the radiation guy and the surgeon. I also go many other times in between for dentist appointments and things like the study I was participating in. That means that I generally enter through 3 different doors, as it is a very large complex. About every 6 months I have to enter through these doors and today was one of those days.



I still get flashbacks and maybe always will....or I suppose I could go through different doors and take the back way in. Idiot!

Anyway, all is well. My flashbacks are strictly emotional. Claudette still gets nervous about the checkup itself but I don't worry at all. Somehow I think I would know if there was anything wrong, and right now other than my fucked up head everything feels pretty good. Oh except for the major tendonitis in my shoulder, my screwed up right achilles, the pain in my left knee and my sore lower back....just your average 54 year old body!!

And tomorrow I promise a little philosophising, with no pictures....just for you Old John.

"Cancer is a word, not a sentence."---John Diamond

love
peter

"Milestones"

Time marches on minute by minute, day by day, year by year and we don't really notice. Sure, certain events like your 50th birthday, your children moving out of the house, or co-workers starting to retire somehow remind you of the passing of the days. But those things generally have some anticipation built in and as such they also tend to blend into the passing scenery of life. Then certain events come along that suddenly shock you into awareness. They are generally things you never considered because they didn't fall into the scope of your day to day experience. One such thing happened to me this morning.

I got a very innocent 2 line note from my youngest sibling who lives some distance away. I couldn't tell you how old he is, all I can tell you for certain is that he is 8...yes 8 behind me in the Rooyakkers procession of legitimate children. And his note?

My baby brother is a grampa!

How this could have happened I do not know. Well I know how it happened I just don't know how it snuck up on me. Either way the signal is clear. Beware what you do with your minutes/days/years because the end is nearer than you think!!!

I wish to dedicate this day to 6 lb, 12 oz Amelia. May she have every chance in life!

“Time is the justice that examines all offenders."---William Shakespeare

love
peter

"Change of Plans"

I feel better just having missed one day. Now the pressure's off and so I have changed plans once again. I have decided to faithfully post every Saturday night....and....any other time I damn well feel like it. After all I have to remember that I write this for me as much as for you. You of course don't need to read it but then again that's not a change in the rules. I have to read it simply because I'm anal about spelling and typos. And before you say anything Cory, yes I know that I still miss some.

I wish to dedicate this day to my son Jonathan who has accomplished an enormous feat. He has made me look forward to his phone calls again!!

"It will not do to leave a live dragon out of your plans if you live near one."--- J.R.R. Tolkien

love
peter

"Feeling Strange"

I almost got out of bed last night at 11:30 to post something. I just felt so weird not doing so. I had a strange sense of loss. If I thought for a second that anyone would have actually checked I would have done so. I didn't think there was anyone out there as obsessive as I am. I guess it either runs in the family or rubs off on people. Roo admitted to checking as well. Let's see if anyone checks 2 days in a row?

Anyway what I wanted to tell you about was this very weird dream I had the night before. It was so vivid I still rememher it well almost 2 days later. Here's the gist of it.

I was in some country, at some factory, checking it out as a potential purchase for my employer. For some reason when I was out on the plant floor I was dragging around this little roller suitcase that I regularly travel with. I took it everywhere with me only to realize at the end of the day when I returned to the offices that I had left it behind somewhere. I retraced my steps checking out every possible place I may have forgotten it including the washrooms, but to no avail. I wasn't too worried because I travel light and so it only contained a few shirts, some socks and underwear, and my toiletries....my computer was safely in another bag. Never the less I had developed a liking for the case itself and it was with some regret that I finally acknowledged that it was gone. But wait! I suddenly realized that as soon as I woke up from the dream my case would be back in the closet where it always is when I'm home.

Yes indeed, I actually dreamed that I was just dreaming! Explain that! That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I think I gottta get some different drugs!

And if this post isn't a good enough reason to stop doing this regularly than I don't know what is!! But somehow I feel better now.

Oh and one last thing....one very big thing....tomorrow is Jonathan's one year anniversary of sobriety! I am immensely grateful. If you care to, you can call or text him at 519 591 3038.

"You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you will join us,
and the world will live as one."---John Lennon

“Only as high as I reach can I grow,
only as far as I seek can I go,
only as deep as I look can I see,
0nly as much as I dream can I be."---Karen Ravn

love
peter

"Second Thoughts"

When Claudette told me today that she was going to miss my daily blog it made me pause for a second. I hate disappointing her.

So it is with some regret that I have decided to post weekly for the next while. For anyone who still cares to read it, you can count on it every Sunday morning.

When I started this thing it was with the intent of sharing my Ironman experience, while at the same time making a public statement as to my intentions so as to hold myself accountable. That part went as planned.

What I hadn't planned and was such a pleasant surprise was getting to know people I really had no connection with, in partiucular several of my neices and nephews. It is also one of the reasons I will continue to do this weekly. I hope not to lose those new relationships.

The other wonderful thing that happened was the crazy dialogue that transpired on every topic under the sun. I am grateful for all the things I learned from so many of you. That I also hope will continue.

I too will miss my daily blog as it has been a wonderful growing experience. I know that when I put the time and effort into it that I wrote some decent things. And while it may have seemed to border on obsessive at times, I prefer to think of it as disciplined.

And finally for this week, if doing an Ironman is a good reason to write daily you can count on as much starting in September. Who knows?...with the right encouragement I might be "writing for two".

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”---Sydney Smith

love
peter

"I've Made a Decision"

I'll tell you tomorrow but meanwhile I am taking young Roos' advice and spending time with loved ones.

“The more decisions that you are forced to make alone, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose"---Thornton Wilder

love

peter

"Thanks For Your Help"

I'm thinking about it.

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you."---William Arthur

love
peter

"Why We Do Stuff?"

Or why don't we do stuff. I'm a strong believer in the theory that we generally continue to do the things we do because we associate more pain with a potential change than we do with the current situation. That is not necessarily a bad thing because while it can prevent us from changing negative habits it can also keep us on track doing good stuff like exercising.

The difficulty comes in deciding which is which. For example, this blog that I have maintained faithfully for 575 consecutive days. Some days it actually causes me some stress and I wonder why I continue. I like to believe that it is because of the connection, or reconnection I have made with so many people and my fear of losing that. When I am in the mood I also enjoy it very much. Or---- is it just another obesssion? Who knows.

Young Roo, give me some advice.

“Sit down and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it."---Sidonie Gabrielle

love
peter

"On The Road Again"

My first day of running since I fell off the roof. Tomorrow I ride. Tonite I read and then I sleep. All of my favorite things. I think there's a theme there. When I'm doing any of those things I can forget my troubles. A kind of temporary amnesia

“Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it."---Anon

love
peter

"For Sure"

I recently read someones thoughts on the idea of certainty. The writer professed that there was a kind of comfort in knowing what lies ahead. While there seems to be logic to this idea I wonder if it's a fruitless hope. Do we truly want to know what lies ahead or do we just want what lies ahead to be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everyday?(as the song goes) I'm pretty sure the answer is obvious. I really don't care to know when I'm gonna have the flu, or when the stock market is gonna go down (although that could be useful) or when my children are gonna be unhappy, or when I'm gonna die! I only want to know that things are gonna be good, and I want to know it with certainty.

Yah well that probably ain't gonna happen eh, and as such it occurs to me that the whole concept of achieving peace of mind through some foreknowledge of events is somewhat weak. In actual fact it could even be the exact opposite. I know that in my life at least, almost nothing has come to pass the way I thought it would. That's not to say that everything has been bad and in actual fact I have had more pleasant surprises then unpleasant ones. The point being that there have been many surprises, which further supports the idea that depending on a specific future is a hopeless wish. Think about it. All the wonderful things you plan on rarely pan out the way you hoped for, and most of ths shitty things you were certain were about to befall you either didn't come to pass, or turned out not to be shitty things at all.

In essence, certainty about bad things in the future brings me only pain today, and certainty about wonderful things in the future only brings me pain tomorrow.

So now that I have reasoned it out there is only one challenge left. How to still plan wisely for the future while being open to the vast range of variations and possibilities the future may hold. After all the idea of thinking in possibilities is in fact the opposite of thinking in certainty.

Is it possible that I'm up to the challenge! I'm not certain! The only thing I'm certain of is that it is possible! ........Whoa!........ That just made my head spin!

"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way."--- Wayne Dyer

"What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are."--- Tony Robbins

love
peter

"Mission Accomplished!"

You're probably sick of hearing about our new blue roof so I promise this is the last time. It's DONE!!! We will be changing the paint on the windows and doors to match, but we need to wait for more dependable warm weather.





This is my favorite part of the whole roof. Note that there is no ugly tin in the valleys. Jon did an amzing job using a technique in which you actually overlap the shingles. Beautiful!







Now we're hoping for rain!

“Make your life a mission - not an intermission"---Anon

love
peter

"Blessings"

I'm very proud of my boys today.

These 2 put a roof on.

This one repainted a good portion of our house.

And this one is working on a Masters degree!

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory."---Douglas MacArthur

love

peter

"Oh Good"

It's raining again and will continue into tomorrow according to the internet. As long as the tarp holds out I don't really care. It's the wind that is the real curse. Maybe we'll get to sleep in tomorrow.

"The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late."---Charles Caleb Colton

love
peter

"So This is How It Feels"

To be a farmer like my Dad. When I was a kid I usually prayed for rain because it meant no working outside. No baling hay, no cultivating, no chopping weeds, and most important of all, no rock picking! How things change!

I'm really hoping for half decent weather for the next 2 days and then we should be able to finish up the roof. They are showing only a small "P.O.P" but the wind will be from the Southwest and fairly brisk. That's the exact wrong direction for the section we have to be on in the morning.

So wish us luck, or pray for us, or cross your fingers or anything else you think may help. That is if you care!

"One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."---Anon

love
peter

"Rain, Rain, Go Away"

What kind of an idiot would put a new roof on his house in April. We've not been able to do anything for 3 days now and tomorrow's not gonna be any better....they're talking about snow! We have 2 days work left so hopefully by Saturday we can get back at it.

Meanwhile the rest of my life is just about perfect. Sometimes the little things remind one of that. Here's a verbatim conversation that took place while I was taking the kids to their house to put them to bed....mom's at work.

Kylie: I think Mom must have given my sucks to another little girl.
Grampa: Yes I'm sure there are other little girls smaller than you that don't have any sucks.
Colby: Yah Kylie, some kids don't even have a house to live in.
Grampa: Yah and some kids don't even have parents or grandparents.
Kylie: No parents?
Grampa: Yes that's sad but true.
Kylie: No parents? Then how do they know what to do??

I don't know what it was about this innocent conversation that suddenly made me feel so grateful, but I think perhaps it was the realization that my grandchildren have so many people that love them, and perhaps just as importantly the fact that they are able to take this for granted. They have 2 terrific parents, 2 sets of grandparents, a house to live in, and several other houses in which they are welcome. Of course Kylie's life would be just a little bit more perfect if her Mom hadn't given all of her sucks away!

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart."---Sarah Ban Breathnach

love
peter

"It's All in Your Perspective"

I remember the old challenge of cutting up a potato such that it would fit through each of a round hole, a square hole and a triangular hole and completely fill the hole as it passed through. If you don't believe me give it a try....it works. The point of this demonstration is one of perspective. Not just does the potato fit through the respective holes, if you look at the potato in 2 dimensions from each of 3 different sides it will actually give you the impression of being square, triangular or round. If you never walked around the potato and looked at it from a different perspective you would believe what you see from where you sit.

Life's like that. For example, when dear Father Fuckhead had his heart attack in the confessional booth I remember as if it were yesterday the words my own dear departed father offered up when he told me. He said, and I quote, "They say that the good ones always go first!"

It's all in your perspective.

Now pass me some asswipe or get the hell out of my shithouse!!

"When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about."---Albert Einstein

"I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights."---Dr. Seuss

love
peter

"Please Forgive Me"

It is 9:15 pm and I just got into my hotel room after a tiring but gratifying day at work. Right now "tired" is the relevant word in that sentence and as such I ask your forgiveness for not sharing any inspirational thoughts tonite . Not to imply that I have actually had many of them anyway. But I still wish to add this to the list of all the things I need to be forgiven for. I can't remember exactly how it went when you were done confessing your sins to the priest but it was something like, "For these and all of the sins committed in my whole life I am heartily sorry". My older sisters would probably remember better than me since I assume they went to confession almost daily to get absolution for all the injustices they enacted upon me!!

....sometime I find the simplest quotes to be the most remarkable...

"To understand everything is to forgive everything"---Buddha

love
peter

"Ah Man!"

There's a garage too?

Jon has to go back to Kitchener. I have to go to to work in Toronto, and Adrian has another job as well. Also the weather channel says thunderstorms for the next couple of days. Good luck dear! Please don't fall off, and don't let a little thunder and lightening stop you. You can do it!!

....and I like this one...I go back and forth while my wife only perseveres

“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't."---Henry Ward Beecher

love

peter

"A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words"

"Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum."--- Oliver Wendell Holmes

love
peter

"Mr Safety"

You'll note the properly tied off ladder. Yesterday it was about 4 feet to the left, not tied off, and sitting on a tarp that we were using to catch debris. I had a couple of lengths of eaves trough in my hands and as soon as I put one foot on the ladder it suddenly slipped a couple of feet and I lost my balance immediately. I landed on my left shoulder right about at the spot the ladder is now sitting. Right between the clay flower pot and the sharp stone that surrounds the flower bed. What I find interesting is that I have no memory of seeing anything on the way down and yet I remember clearly what I was thinking. I was considering if I was gonna miss the concrete??

We also had an interesting afternoon today. At about 4:30 the rain and the wind started and Roo, Adrian, Jon and I risked life and limb to get the exposed roof covered, amidst flying shingles, stinging gravel, and flapping tarps, while slipping and sliding on the progressively slippier roof. It took us quite some time, at which point the rain stopped and the wind died down....such is life....Although it was pretty stressful there was also something special about battling a crisis situation as a family. We also had "ground" support from Miguette and Alisha who took care of everything that hit the ground. Fortunately I wasn't one of those things!

...and on ladders...

"I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder"---Craig Charles

"I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine."--- Ron White

love
peter

"Another Learning Day"

They say that you gain your strongly held beliefs either through repeated experience or through a siginifcant emotional event. Of course I'm notorious for not learning either way....or at least for not retaining the learning. I think today's lesson will last for at least a few days however, and as such I don't think I'll fall off the roof tomorrow! I guess I should have stuck with my role of chief and stayed on the ground. For some reason I'm ok. Very, very sore, but ok.



The rest of the chiefs also tried their hand at some skilled labour but managed to stay safe in the process.



"If the truth contradicts deeply held beliefs, that is too bad."---Hans Eysenck

love
peter

"We're a Tribe"

And every tribe needs some Indians!





And at least as many Chiefs!



I remember as if it were yesterday, the first time I was allowed on the roof of the house. I think I was about Colbys age. Of course I remember it because it was so thrilling. Seeing my grandchildrens faces, and hearing the joy in their voices as they experience it, is a feeling that defies description.

"It is important to tell good stories. You can tell stories even if they are not huge, epic, and wonderful. You can still take the responsibility for being a scribe of your tribe."---Ajay Naidu

love
peter