"Is today the Day?"

Or maybe tomorrow...

While I was out riding today for some bizarre reason I remembered a story I heard or read about this crazy guy who had this little ritual of celebrating his own funeral every day. Apparently his rationale was that it helped him live every day to it's fullest, always doing the things that were most important to him. So, somewhere around 3o kilometres I thought....what if this were my last day? What if today were the day? Would I still be out here riding my bike? I guess the romantic answer would be, "of course, what better way to come to the end of all this?" The more probable and realistic answer however would be that I would turn my bike around, go home, and talk to a few people while I still had the chance. I didn't really like that answer as it would mean going out on kind of a downer, having given up a great ride on a great day. So! What to do? And then, like a message from god(I got that from Dan Aykroyd...Blues Brother extraordinaire) it came to me. I would prepare to die tomorrow instead of today. That way I could finish whatever I was doing that was currently important to me, ...and...have time to go home and visit with a few loved ones tomorrow. Pretty brilliant eh? And so that's going to be my new philosophy. I'm going to live each day, as if I may die tomorrow evening. Of course I know there are people out there that will be disappointed that I'm not checking out today but too bad for you. And for those that love me, please rest assured that you will always have a days notice to get your copy of my will forged as appropriate.

Actually by about 120 kilometers I thought maybe I was wrong and that indeed I was going to die today. I am gonna confess right here and now, so that when Claudette next sees me she will hopefully give me only the gracious, you're an idiot 'look' for not listening when she told me to eat more before I left, instead of the scalding, you're an idiot 'lecture' for not listening to me. Please be nice Roo.

Yes I completley ran out of gas. When your car runs out of gas it just quits, but the stupid human mind and body insist on sucking the very marrow from your bones before it will pull over. So the last 10 kilometers of my 130 were done on pure instinct, and when I got back home I was in a bit of trouble. But, I got a bunch of nutrition in me, and hopefully by tomorrow I will be raring to go again. I guess we'll see tomorrow. Live and learn eh?

It also occurs to me this very moment that the aspect of my personality that led me to not eat more on someones advice, is the same aspect that got me through the last 10K. Pure unadulterated stubborness!!


I rode out against the wind today instead of doing one of my more local loops with the thinking that I would hang tough for the trip out and then enjoy the ride back. Generally things went as planned. I hadnt really committed myself to any given distance other than I wanted to go at least 100k. Once I passed 50 I decided that I could make it to 62.5 (125 total) but that 75 was probaly not smart. Thank god that I finally turned around at 65. It was a lot of fun for a while however once I turned. I had stretches where I was riding over 40k/hr, and that's a heady feeling. Then of course the wind started to turn a bit, just enough that the last 10k was basically done at a crawl. When I came up the last hill, just 3 k's from home I was in my littlest gear and standing up on the pedals. But here I am...."alive" to fight another day.

The day didn't start out too well, as I woke up for the second day in a row with that old haunted feeling, no pun intended. I don't have an explanation for it other than probably worrying about Jon, and perhaps a little about our country's current situation regarding manufacturing jobs, and all the far reaching impact it has. I have too many friends who are too vulnerable to what's happening. Make no mistake about it, no matter what our Canadian politicians have to say. We are totally and completely tied to the whatever happens in the States, period. So I hope things start to level out, and generally I think they will. Besides, I could die by tomorrow evening eh? lol


So back to the topic of depression. I am reading this very interesting book, which I think I mentioned I was going to order, called "Spark; The Revolutionary new Science of Exercise and the Brain" This guys puts together a convincing story, with reference to many studies, explaining why exercise is potentially the greatest cure for depression. He gets quite technical such that I can't understand much of it, but basically he believes that exercise impacts out brains exactly the same way as most of the drugs they feed us do, including adjusting levels of seratonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, without the harmful side affects, and with more permanent results. Hmmm?

He also has a whole chapter on addiction, which of course really intrigues me. He believes that no matter what you are addicted to, drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, that the most significant contribution you can make to your recovery is strenuous aerobic activity at least 5 days/ week, and preferably every day in the early days of kicking your habit. I am reminded of when Jon went to a treatment facility some time ago, we had to smuggle in a set of dumbells, which they promptly told him were not acceptable when they found out.

The author(John J Ratey) doesn't just make general statements however, but backs them up with explanations, and with research material. Very intriguing reading to say the least. I am almost done reading it so if anyone is interested in borrowing it just send me a note.
And that's it!

I wish to dedicate day 44 to my son Jonathan, for a million reasons, not the least of which is that he is my son...always has been, always will be... and because I believe in him. Hopefully he reads this some time.

“.. almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart"---
Steve Jobs

love
peter

"Went Riding, Got a Flat, Came home"

Will try again tomorrow. I was at about 75 k when it happened and I actually felt a sense of relief. I think my ride was too soon after my long run two days ago. In the future I will try to leave at least 2 days between long endeavours. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. it's supposed to be a great day.

I also never made it to the pool tonite, because I got into this little project to make my own network cable, and after several hours and several attempts I was still unsuccessful. I am totally baffled, so if someone knows how to do this(put the ends on) I would love to get some instructions. I swear to god I'm doing it correctly but I can't get a cable to work??

I had an interesting conversation today with a lady named Janine Grenspan. Janine was the long time news anchor for CTV Southwestern Ontario, until she was diagnosed with tonsilar cancer in september of 2007. Sister Teresa had sent me a story about her from the KW newspaper, and it was freakin wierd! Her story parallels mine in almost every regard. Same cancer(the other tonsil) same time frame, same doctors, same treatment, same hospitilization etc. So I sent her a note just to say hello, how are you and we subsequently traded a few e-mails. So yesterday I get another note from her asking that I give her a call. So I did so today, and guess what, she is back to work and she wants to produce a 3 part series on the incredible escelation of head and neck cancers over the last several years. And she's thinking that maybe she'd like to put me(among a few others) on TV, using the angle of my Ironman ambitions. I was a little sceptical at first but after talking to her I agreed to participate. She is persuasive, but she also seems very down to earth, and is definitely passionate. Lets see what happens eh.

I wish to dedicate day 43 to our Amanda, who seems like part of the family.

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race."
H. G. Wells (1904)

And....bacause I like this one too...

"The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard." — Sloan Wilson

Love
peter

"First Taste of Winter"

I admit it was a little unsettling when I looked out the window this morning! How could that happen overnite? And then immediately to "thank god I'm not planning on biking today". But I got my butt out of bed and had a nice jog around the block, just to limber up from yesterdays long run. I had several smiles today provided by the people in cars as they variously react to see you running down the road straight at them. I always give way and head into the slop on the shoulder when it looks like they are not going to be able to move over because of traffic, but it is neat to see how various people react. First there is the good hearted soul who moves over plenty....3 or 4 feet to give you lots of room, and then manages to drive directly through the big row of slush that has accumulated in the middle of the road. Then there is the dear old girl that will slow right down but will not give an inch because it may get her close to the white line, and after all...it is the white line! And then there's my favorite....the exaggerator...the guy who slows waaaay down, and moves waaay over just to let you know how much you have inconvenienced him. No matter how tired I am I give this guy the cheery 'thank you' wave.

And to all you other drivers out there who I pissed off today, or have done so to in the past, or will do so to in the future....Vaije con dios amigos!



Long bike ride tomorrow. Hope for clear skies.

Thats all the wisdom I have for today....wisdom?...lol.

And no things I hate today. With absolutley no excuse I give you only things I love.





And to all my family one more time....thank you, thank you, thank you! What would it be like otherwise?


I wish to dedicate day 42 to my good friend Ron H ....as good a man as this world has produced.

"Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our childern, and the most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children." -- Rosaleen dickson

love

peter

"I Lost the Coin Toss"

I have decided to stop feeling guilty about being alive! Why you ask? Because I just realized today that I was owed this extra chance. It all goes back about 40 years when I lost the big coin toss. What was at stake was the opportunity to wear the relatively new brown overshoes, or the definitely not new, hand me down from my sisters, "red" boots. The coin tosser was of course Dad, and the other contestant was brother Bill. I dont know if he would have suffered as much as I did over those boots but probably so. I remember as if it were yesterday, the first time I had to wear them. It was to Sunday morning mass. Of course I was an altar boy, and I remember as if it were yesterday, trying to slink into the church and get those boots off before anyone had a chance to see upon who's feet they arrived. So that's why I have decided not to feel quilty any longer. I was owed, damn it.

This incident was one of the many similar challenges I had growing up with 3 older sisters always taking care of me, and 3 littler ones that I had to take care of. In so many ways I resented both sets. Brothers were much easier to care about, because generally I didnt care about them.

Of course all that stuff is long gone and now replaced with admiration and gratitude. Today was just another day of what has become routine help from my sisters. All I had to do was ask for inspiration and I got it. I got practical advice and emotional advice. Primarily however I got the message that they had expectations of me. No problem! I shall live up to their expectations. After all they are my sisters!

What started out as a really tough day, sore back and poor spirits, gradually turned into quite a good day. I managed to get my 25k in as planned despite somewhat tough conditions, mainly the wind. I was a bit slower than my previous longer effort, but the good news is that my heart rate was definitely lower for the whole 2 hours, 25 mins, and 44 seconds. It never went over 140 until the last 10 minutes or so. Despite feeling tired this was a great indication of improved cardiovascular fitness. To top off my training day, I had a very good swim tonite. My strategy has been to work on my stroke before I worry too much about endurance, and that strategy is working. I swam a kilometre in 22 mins, and 45 seconds. To put that in perspective, my first attempt at this distance a few weeks ago took 30 minutes, and just this past weekend 25 minutes. Once I get this down to 20 mins I will start working on my swim endurance.

That's it with the exception of todays declaration of things I hate.

1) green slimy dental flu0ride

2) hearing aids....lets see how long I can hold off

3)weight training

4)stretching

5)beets...I've never tried them, and I hate them!

And the only reason for another 'things I hate' is so I have an excuse to show you something else I love....more than life itself!!

I wish to dedicate day 41 to my sister in law Linda, who has always felt like a kid siter to me.

"You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories." -- Deborah Moggach

love

peter

"Cold Winds, Wet Roads, Numb Fingers"

This is what it's going to be like I'm afraid, and worse as winter sets in. One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place is because I knew it would get intimidating at times, and only my public pronouncements would keep me pushing forward. I have no problem getting out for a run in almost any conditions, because as long as you dress properly it can be quite comfortable. As well, in the winter months going to the pool can seem almost like a break. But out riding your bike is a different matter. Depending on the combination of wind, cold and precipitation it can be almost impossible. As long as it's still a few degrees above freezing(it was 5 today) you can still ride with some moisture, but once it dips close to zero, then you need clear days to ensure that the roads are dry. Apparently some people sit inside and ride on a trainer or rollers, but I can't possibly imagine spending even a half hour, let alone 5 or 6? They have these neat machines now called computrainers, where you put your bike on and then they can actually program a course into the machine, including Ironman Canada. There are places where you can go and buy time on them so I may try that once just to see what it's like. Just to ride the hills of the Okanagan valley.

Anyway I know that I will be riding outside all winter, and I know it's going to be a challenge. If I wasn't starting from scratch, it may not be so critical as I could focus on running, swimming and weights until early spring but I do not have that luxury. It is also somewhat challenging psychologically to ride in the winter because you simply can not go so fast when it's cold and windy, and you are all bundled up. So if anyone wants to come and keep me company for 5 or 6 hours on any given day, you know where I live.....free protein drinks after the ride!

Today I managed to get 45 km's in despite the weather, but it's just not near enough. I know it, and I will be trying to step it up. It is almost down to 10 months til race day. Tomorrow I plan on at least 25k running, and I will also get a long bike ride in before the end of this week. When I am at home I want to start alternating daily swimming with this little gym workout I mentioned, and I may even try to take an exercise ball on the road...that's if the TSA doesn't think its a potential weapon.

So thats about it. Give me a push please. I need some inspiration.

One thing that always makes me feel a little better is if I whine a little so here's a few things I really hate.

1) appointments....this week...dietitian, family doctor, massage therapist, family dentist, and the cancer dentist. Roo has a call in to reschedule the london dentist out a few weeks just to give me a break.

2) people who fart on airplanes. It makes me want to stand up and yell at the top of my lungs, "It wasn't me! And would the asshole that just did that stand up and admit it to the rest of us!"

3) drivers who would rather take a chance on killing another human being, than slow down for 10 seconds until the oncoming traffic clears.

4) Cold winds, wet roads, and numb fingers.

And to counter all that there are some things I really love. Here's just one of them.

I wish to dedicate day 40 to my brother Bill with whom I spent many great years as a young man.

"Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours." ~Robert Byrne

and......

because I couldn't resist.....

"Cold is gods way of telling us to burn more catholics" from a Birtish sitcom called Blackadder

love

peter

"Just a Gratifying Day"

I had a great race number(222), I felt good if a little tired, and it was really nice to stand at a start line again, even if I choose to stand a little further back than in the old days. None of thst really mattered though, as I also had my number one son lining up with me. Who would have thought it, not that long ago? Because not that long ago one of us was almost dead, and the other one was an unemployed drug addict. The almost dead guy is anything but, and the drug addict is a very fit, very successful personal trainer. It only now remained to be seen which of us would take the day.

Well.....I kicked junior's everlasting ass. He never even stayed close. In the end I finished in 49 mins, 56 seconds!!! Remember my goal time? And Peter was a distant 55' 57". I trashed him. He could barely walk. I thought I would have to carry him home! Cant you see the fatigue in his eyes?




But wait a minute he said. There are many different types of fitness, and he then proceeded to prove he wasn't quite as trashed as I may have suggested.









Yes...the boy can "bench press" his old man. And fairly easily I might add. Is it obvious how happy this makes me?

I choose the dedicate day 39 to my brother Larry....who I wish lived closer to me....we could run together.

"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it." -Oprah Winfrey

love
peter

"Birthday Boyz"

We had a great time at Braxtons tonite. I am very proud of my 19 year old, and my 30 year old. It occurred to me tonite, while sitting in the hot tub with Colby and Kylie, that my life is almost perfect. There is of course that one missing element, and yet I told myself that almost perfect is far, far better than most people are fortunate enough to claim. So I'm gonna keep the old demons where they belong and focus on today, and maybe a little bit on tomorrow. Tomorrow because I plan on making Peter hurt big time at the races tomorrow. He may be very fit, but those big biceps ain't gonna help him get around the race course!

I'm slow as molasses in januray as well, but everythings relative eh? I am going to try to run the 10k in 50 minutes tomorrow....touch wood. My 10k p.b. is 37 and 1/2 minutes!

I got back in the saddle today and felt reasonably good. I did 66 kms, 65 on my bike(29.3k/hr) and 1 in the pool in 24 1/2 mins. Both of these I'm ok with. The bike was a little slower than I would have liked but by the time I was done the wind was up to 30k/hr so no problem. My swim continues to make slow but steady progress, so I feel good there. In both cases I didn't have too much back discomfort, even though I'm a little stiff now. I think that if I'm careful though I should be able to get back to regular activity. I need to stretch more often, especially my hamstrings, and I slso found a cool strengthening program in a magazine that has been vetted by the 'Roo'. So I will try to do that 3 to 5 times a week as well. I slso recently discovered the secret to improving my personal appearance. Just cut off some of the uglier parts, and then buy girdle like workout garments for whats left!

Whadda ya think of the old grampa in his cycling clothes? Wait til next summer! Of course I'll have trouble justifying so much clothes then.

That's it for today. Life is good!

I wish to dedicate day 38 to my Adrian, who is perhaps more like me, and vice versa than either of us would like to admit.

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body."---Elizabeth Stone

love

peter

"Happy Anniversary Babe"

Once upon a time Claudette and I attended a marriage retreat together, delivered by a religious organization. One of the principles that a few (very few) members of this organization espoused was a concept called “headship”. Basically the concept came down to the idea that the man was the head of the household, and as such he had final say on all family matters. As much as I struggle at times with my own chauvinistic tendencies I found the whole idea ludicrous….not in any goody, goody way but simply because I can’t grasp an idea that suggests that in any relationship either one of the parties decisions could be exclusively the best decision at all times. The only scenario I could picture wherein this thinking may be valid is one in which one of the parties was no longer alive. And even then, I’m not sure which of them would be in a better position to make the smart choices.


Today is a very, very special day in my life.


My (our) 21th wedding anniversary. As this day approached I was thinking--ok no big deal-- our 20th was really the big one, and we did that up right anyway, with our renewal of vows. Then it occurred to me at 5:30 a.m. in the Hermosillo airport, that this one was in actual fact a much bigger deal, with a much bigger reason to celebrate. Why? Well because we pretty well took our 20th for granted,(no reason not to), but at one point this past year there was serious doubt as to whether we would ever get to 21!! That would of course have been due to my shortcomings not Claudette’s, because quite frankly she insisted on keeping us both alive to continue the relationship. Do not think that I make this comment loosely. If it were not for the incredible strength of my wife I would be dead!!! Yes dead! If the grim reaper didn’t come to get me himself, I was going to him! And anniversaries are no fun, when one of the parties cannot participate due to lifelessness. Of course, in the ‘what else is new category’….I may be alive but I’m not at home to thank her.


So today I choose to offer a brief, but public commentary on Claudette’s contribution to this marriage over the past year, and perhaps in doing so, I can reflect again on this previously described concept to see if I have missed something.


So this was it….months on end, every damn day driving me to the hospital, carrying my puke bucket, filling my stupid feeding pump in the middle of the night, monitoring and dispensing safely an incredible plethora of chemicals, rubbing my back, pushing my wheelchair, injecting me, inspecting me, cleaning me, answering my summons whenever I needed something, filling out a multitude of forms, paying the bills, staying awake half the night because of my retching, making, rescheduling and rescheduling again innumerable appointments, arranging an endless array of machines to try to help me breathe easier and to sleep better, talking to, and negotiating with numerous doctors, nurses, technicians, therapists, orderlies, dietitians, counselors etc., maintaining an incredible amount of necessary data concerning places, dates, resources, phone numbers, maintaining…no not maintaining, but rather scripting, editing, creating, building that amazing blog.


And that was the easy part!


Then there was the endless, coaching, teaching, convincing, cajoling, pleading, insisting, nurturing, begging, explaining, coercing, tolerating, reminding, encouraging, advocating, crying, praying, driving, pushing, hoping, decision making, supporting, waiting, and waiting some more, extolling, praising, hand holding, worrying, worrying, and more worrying “etcetera”….all the while loving me unconditionally.


All of these things done for someone who was at the time unappreciative, unhelpful, and uncaring. Headship???


Why? …. I can only assume she loves me. I may go on to live a long and fruitful life, but it will never be long enough to repay her. Quite the opposite actually, as my debt deepens every day as she supports me in my current quest.


Happy anniversary Babe! You are my headship!


I dedicate day 37 to my precious partner, who is my friend, my confidant, and my lover, who doesn’t always know just how precious she is to me. Maybe because I don’t remind her often enough?


“If I were the king of the world, I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d throw away all the cars, and the bars, and the wars, and make sweet love to you”---Hoyt Axton


Love
peter

"Getting Antsy Now"

Three days in a row without any exercise and I am starting to get goofy! Ok, maybe I've always been a little goofy, so I suppose I'm getting goofier! Whatever.

It is a little scary, how quickly you can become "addicted". I am determined to go at least until Saturday when I get back from Mexico before I try something again, in the hope that my back will have gotten the rest necessary. On Sunday Peter and I are running a 10K in London, so I have to be ready for that.

One of the problems with not working out is that I don't have that thinking time to come up with insane ideas for this blog, but I promise more "wisdom" when I get back home, and on the road....so to speak. But for now, thanks for being my friends.

A very special day today, because it is the birth anniversary of my oldest son and my oldest sister, 27 years apart! Peter is 30, and I won't tell you how old Cory is....oops! Yes, she's 3!

I have to post now, as I have been all over this hotel trying to get a connection and it could all end any moment now. As my mexican friend is fond of saying "the only thing that's consistent in Mexico is the inconsistency". Maybe that's why they are so accepting as a people eh?

I wish depserately to dedicate day 36 to Preston, who's young life has already been much more complicated than my long one. May he and his foster parents all get the happiness they deserve.

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

love
peter

"The Spirit is Willing" but....

And you know the rest!

This is the second day in a row where I have been basically out of commission because of my back. On both days I spent 15 minutes in the pool and nothing else. Yesterday, I was totally cooked by the time I arrived in Mexico. And today, although I was in a lot less discomfort, I felt weak and vulnerable. I find it very disconcerting. Unlike many other injuires it is almost impossible to compensate for, and its difficult to work out in any way. Even the pool seems to aggravate it, because swimming tends to curl your body. I am trying very hard to stretch as much as possible as I hope this is the biggest part of the problem, rather than just muscle weakness. In either case I need to figure out how to stretch and/or strengthen it, as appropriate, while I continue to work out. I can't just take a month or 2 off to let it heal.

I'm going to bed and try to rest.

I dedicate day 35 to my brother Terry, who would not be so easily discouraged.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow" --Mary Anne Radmacher

love
peter

"I've Been Everywhere Man"

"Across the deserts bare man, I've breathed the mountian air man"
Well, not everywhere man, but quite a few places. As much as I’m not a fan of travelling I am grateful for the limited experiences I have had. Particularly because of the way it has opened my eyes. One of my most vivid travel memories were the few days I spent in South Africa 3 years ago. Somehow this memory came back to me this morning as I headed out at 6:30 am for Mexico. For a couple of reasons. First, as much as I hate the grief of flying to the less travelled, smaller cities of Mexico it pales in comparison to getting to South Africa. If you check it out on the globe you will be surprised just how far away it is from Ontario. Due to a combination of east/west and north/south it is almost on the other side of the planet. So Mexico’s not so bad in comparison.

Secondly however, when I thought about travel, and consequently South Africa my mind took me back to yesterdays post, and my admonishment to myself to ”manage my expectations”. In the realm of expectations please consider these facts. I live in a country in which, when diagnosed with cancer at almost 52 years of age was called fortunate because I was still a young man. Conversely, the “average” life expectancy in SA is 47 years of age!!!

So I will try to always consider the realities that so many other people face whenever I start to get ahead of myself. I admit however that it’s very hard. This journey I’ve decided to undertake has indeed become some sort of spiritual pilgrimage for me. Because of the ‘beating’ I’ve taken over the last year or so I feel a sense of urgency to somehow make up for lost time. Or perhaps not so much lost time as lost condition or lost state; the state of my being. Because my body almost quit on me, I now feel this overwhelming compulsion to take it to the other extreme. Strength, endurance, speed, balance, skill, and yes even physical appearance have become the need. While it occurs to me that these things may not seem so noble or altruistic when seen from the outside, I content myself with the belief that I would be persuing them regardless of whether another soul knew I was doing so .

Also, and I won’t say more importantly but rather just as urgently, I feel a sense of need to impact the world around me in a much more positive way than I have in the past 52 years. I need to correct the multitude of mistakes that I have made. In this case I don’t pretend at all that my intentions are anything but selfish. I have missed out on so much in my life because of my misguided sense of what would make me happy. What I want to be from now on is an inspiration, or at least I want my thoughts, words, and actions to be an inspiration. I do believe that in fact I have been this to some people at some times, and yet when I realize how incredibly satisfying it can be, I wonder why I have let so many other opportunities pass me by. No more I say! I want to learn more about life, particularly about the body, mind, soul and their interrelationships, such that I can try to share what I learn, and also such that it encourages dialogue amongst others, and self discovery within others. In our busy world where it is hard to spend time together this blog somehow helps me to fill that need. I know that arrogance and pontificating have no place in this dream, any more than false modesty does, so please simply take my words as of value or not. The only thing I can promise you is that they are genuine.

So as to managing expectations, while I think it is important to be realistic and patient I do not believe we should let it become a limiter. I fully “expect” to “run” across that finish line next Aug 30, and way beyond that I “expect” to cross it a better, more fulfilled human being; physically, intellectually and emotionally. A human being that has utilized whatever gifts he has been given. And furthermore I expect to cross it without the usual letdown feeling that many athletes experience once they have attained a certain goal.

Because after all “Ironman” is not just a destination, it is a journey!! Please join me if you wish.

I wish to dedicate day 34 to my wife Claudette, because she dedicates her life to me!!

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." --Stephen Covey

love
peter

"Brute Force, Part Deux"

Or is that part "duh"? I had it in mind to perhaps do 150k today and despite the somewhat less than ideal conditions I did it. I also had it in my mind that maybe I could do it in 5 hours....No way today. It wasn't a hurricane by any means but even a 20k wind is a very draining experience. I was going to blame the gods of wind but there are too many to choose from, so I'm just gonna blame it on Peter! Makes sense eh?

Anyway I learned some good lessons today. I tried drinking sports drink instead of water, and also used energy gels for calories. They were both kind of ok. The drink burned my mouth a little bit and the energy gels were a gooey mess all around. After a while my bike computer control was all gummed up, and the buttons kept sticking. I need to add more liquid capacity to my bike, and also carry water at all times.

More importantly I learned about managing expectations around the weather. Come race day I need to be very conscious of my effort all throughout the bike leg, regardless of how fast I'm going, or not going. I ended up completing my 150k in 5 1/2 hours total. Not bad really, all things considered. I probably need to think about wearing a heart rate monitor on the bike as well, something I have never done before. I just always avoided it because it adds another gadget beyond the bike computer....or wait....they make "all in ones" now...and I do have a birthday coming up. I wonder if my wife reads this blog? Maybe I should start sending some subliminal messages. No, that won't work! Subliminal is not part of my personality. Claudette, I'll send you a link!

That's all I have to say today. I head out to Mexico early in the morning. Party time when I get back. We have 2 special birthdays to celebrate. Adrian (19th) and Peter (30)th, and they sandwich our 21st anniversary.


I wish to dedicate day 33 to my Brother in law Brett, marathoner extraordinaire!

And finally.
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjust the sails"---William Arthur Ward

love
peter

"Sunday- The day of Rest"

And so thats what I did. Yesterdays success helped me to ok with the decision, plus I plan a long ride tomorrow, and I want to be rested for it. I decided to also rest my overtaxed brain, and towards that end this post will be a hello only.

But since it's Sunday, maybe just a short sermon eh.

I remember growing up as kid in the catholic church being amazed by one thing the priests did. Every sunday they had to come up with a sermon lasting as much as 15 minutes. I was impressed that anyone could put that many intelligible words together on a regular and repeated basis. Never could I do that.
As I consider myself now however I realize that I have been sermonizing to who ever would listen or read, every day for the last month. Maybe I could have been a priest eh? I would probably have tried it too, except for the fact that you had to abstain from sex of any kind, and that was an idea I couldn't fathom by the time I was 16....oh wait...yah...that was a lie!!! Too bad...or then again, maybe for the best. As my wife says I'm kind of anal and I would probably have insisted on keeping the vows I made.

For me that is just one of a million reasons, why I have almost zero use for organized religion. BUT....in my opinion organized religion has practically nothing to do with "god" anyway, or more importantly with "good". I am so proud and gratified to belong to a family community where you can believe what you believe without being condemned for it. Again, not a common theme among organized religion groups.

So my preaching for today says....love one another.... and.... expect one and other to be "good" and the "god" part will completely take care of itself. I guarantee it! After all, I'm omniscient...arrr, arrr

For Mary and Peter....as we discuss these things openly it occurs to me that we have only words to describe ideas that are indescribable. It is because of this same limitation that I find it impossibe for me to tell you how much I cherish you both, every "god" given "atom" of you both!! Tears come to my eyes and I consider how blessed I am.


Wish me luck tomorrow as I head out on the Q-Roo.


I wish to dedicate day 32 to Claire Leach who is battling breast cancer, and who will win!

"God has no religion." ---Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

love
peter

"I Am What I Am"

Or Am I?

Maybe, I Am what I "think" I Am?

Or....and this is the scary one...

Maybe, I am what "others" think I am?

I have some thoughts on that, but first I have to refer back to yesterdays post to add a qualifier to a comment I made. You will recall that I was very tired, and in realizing that I have to be smart and not overdo it, I acknowledged that just plain brute force won't do it. I thought about that as I was heading out the door today to do my hill work. It was a bit colder again but still above zero. Regardless, and in the interest of being easy on myself I decided to break an old personal rule that said "shorts until the temp drops below freezing'. So I got out my brand new tights which were just waiting for winters arrival and headed to the road. Right away I was glad of the decision, and furthermore in the interest of self preservation I decided to even skip the hills. That's a very hard workout and even though I was uncertain if it was wisdom or laziness, I convinced my self that an easy jog around the block may make sense. But, and here's where yesterdays reference comes in; sometimes, just sometimes and perhaps unexpectedly there will be a time when brute force is called for. Today was such a time. Within the first few minute of my easy jog....I said screw it! I was going to run hard around the block or die trying. I ran the block in 35 mins, 44 secs! I've kept the time on my watch because I almost don't believe it. To put it in perspective the previous fastest time was back in July and was 4 minutes slower. Brute force I say!
Other than perhaps a swim tomorrow, it will indeed be a day off to rest my back. Colby and Kylie here I come.

So....I believe that "I am what I think I am" and yet how much is what I think influenced by what others think, and/or how are my genuine thoughts corrupted by all the other feedback out there? Such as....the bathroom scales, the mirror, the test results, the stop watch etc. I came across what I thought was a neat combination of words today..."self concept". As my mind and my body continue to regenerate from the whole stupid cancer thing I find myself regularly taking stock of both. And as I do so, I wonder about the great circle that seems to exist between the two, as they constantly impact each other. When my mind is sharp, when I'm emotionally stable, when I'm thinking good things, does my body respond positively, and conversely when I like the way I look, or how much I weigh does it make me more thoughtful and motivated.

In both cases I think so, and that's kind of what 'self concept' means to me. I know these things at least. As I regain my wit and my sense of humour and have opportunities to invigorate my mind, I am more and more motivated to train my body. And as I lose my body fat, and as I look better in a pair of tights I enjoy everything more. Ones own self concept is I think a state of mind, but perhaps just because I am a weak human being I know that I need to work hard to find as many reasons as possible to bolster mine. And maybe that's ok. Better I suppose than the self destructive path of finding things wrong with me eh. So towards that end I am going to post a photo which I don't really like. I look very old, I do not like the scarring around my neck, I hate my big Rooyakkers ears, and It appears to me as if my entire upperbody has shrunk....but my legs are starting to look better, my smile's still genuine, I can see(kind of) I can hear(kind of) and damn it...I just ran 7.4 kms I dare say faster than 99% of the population can, regardless of their age! So for today at least I give my self a positive "self concept" score.



I hope all my gibberish makes some sense. If not much, but you got it anyway, then all credit goes to you.

I wish to dedicate day 31 to my precious God Daughter Paula, who always helps me to improve my self concept.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
Judy Garland

love
peter

"I'm a-dancin' with my se-elf"

I'm out of gas! The tank is empty! I'm running on fumes! My batteries are low! The cupboard is bare! The stocks are depleted! The shelf is empty. I'm at low tide! I'm all used up!

And yet..."I'm a-dancin with my se-elf"

I knew this morning when I got up that it was not going to be a day of records. My body told me so, and I knew it intellectually based on my workouts the last few days. And yet, as I was puttering around this morning getting ready to head out on my bike, I found myself doing a little pirouette to whatever music was playing in my ears.

But I am very tired both physically and mentally. That's going to be my biggest challenge in the next few months; accepting that just plain brute force won't work. There needs to be time for rest and recovery such that the workouts are effective over time. Every workout is supposed to have a reason and quite frankly I dont think todays bike ride had much value other than an opportunity to enjoy the fall scenery. I would have been better off to go for a 30 minute spin instead of the 50k that I did. I struggle to rest for a couple of reasons. First off I worry about the clock ticking away. I'm down to 10 months of training, and I know how far I have to go in that relatively short period. I also know that subconsciously(actually it can't be subconscious if I know it eh?) I worry about burning calories as crazy as that may seem. That's becasue my entire adult life I have seen food as the enemy....something to be religiously rationed if not to turn to fat. I have to start seeing food as "fuel" that will allow me to work harder and sustain longer workouts. I'm working on this one.

I actually went to the pool tonite for a 1/2 hour as well and had a good session just working on my stroke. I was so tired I had no choice but to "think" about what I was doing instead of just smashing water about. I really have to work on my arm strength, even though I could have beaten most of those 10 year old girls on the swim team.....in an arm wrestle maybe! They literally swim twice as freakin fast as me.

Anyway...in the interest of rest I am going to keep it short tonite. Hill running tomorrow.

But first an entry to the old "if you can't beat em join em" category. I must tell you that while riding I listened to 2 different versions of the same song...namely Baba-O'Riley. Yes of course this is the incredible Who song more commonly known as Teenage Wasteland. Today I also listened to Pearl Jams cover of the song....and yes....it was very, very cool! I can understand why they are considered such a powerful concert band.


And...."If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance"

And so I ask you all....I dare you all.... to get up off your chair or couch or bed or whatever and do just one pirouette, to whatever music plays in your head. Just one pirouette!


"Happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself." -- Victor Frankl


I dedicate day 30 to my friend Burt who is battling prostate cancer and will undoubtedly win, as he is much, much, more stubborn than me.



love peter

"The Leaves are Falling"

No, not the "leafs"....but that invariably happens every year as well. I'm talking about the leaves on, or rather off, the trees. It always blows me away how it seems to happen overnite, and we pass into another season. For me the arrival of autumn has always been the most notable of the changes in our Ontario scheme of climate. I think probably because it impacts the senses in so many ways, so quickly. It starts to feel colder, it starts to look different, and it also seems to smell different all of a sudden. The smell of the earth and the fields. I think the way we feel about the seasons, is a very personal thing based on the personal experiences we have associated with each time of year, especially in our formative years. I personally always feel a little melancholy as November creeps up on us, and I can think of several significant times in my life that would account for this. So as I sit here on this fall evening I ask myself the question, "what's this one going to be like as I move through it", and is it something I can decide, despite any previous conditioning that may influence me. I think that I have the strength to do so, but at the risk of getting shit, I at least want to "analyze" the situation a little bit to see what things look like.

I wish to start by looking back at the just passed summer season....probably one of the most significant of my years. It started out in June with what was clearly the most rewarding one day experience of my working life. I had the opportunity to make a personal, and professional presentation to all senoir managers and leaders of the company I work for...almost 400 people from across the globe. To make it even more special I had the incredible reward of having my wife and little sister Teresa present during my delivery. What a rush that day was.
Another glorious time of the summer just passed, was the RV trip that Claudette and I made to Algonquin park with Colby...talk about peaceful.
And then there was Christmas in August at our house, which despite my best efforts to downplay was an incredible success. I never bonded in one afternoon with so many of my extended family as during that one amazing day. What others in my family understood for years I finally figured out.
Then of course I must mention the significacnt improvement in my health over the last 4 months. Quite frankly it is astounding considering where I was at, physically and emotionally.
And...our sons Michaels announcement that he is planning on going to medical school after he completes his undergrad.

Ok....so there was one bad thing as well, and most of you know what that pain is all about....of course it's Jonathan. I thought, or at least hoped that we had him on the road to recovery, only to have the wheels fall completely off.

So with reflections of the past summer being complete how do I feel now, and why? Well I admit that there is a bit of melancholy as I see the leaves fall, as somehow it exacerbates the feeling of time slipping away, of growing older and wearing out, of people passing out of your life as they move on to their own new adventures. But overall I think I'm good. I ask myself for example,"would I trade any of my newfound health and vitality, and understanding and peace just to have Jon healthy?" I can say with conviction that I would not! Not that I don't love him any less then before, but simply because it would not make sense. Should I give up my hard earned happiness for another person. I dont think so. I would never ask it of anyone esle so why of myself? That being said I still want him back, and I take this moment to boldly ask all of you to bring your collective energies to bear; wish him, pray him, deliver him back to me....thanks.

So there's the ups and downs I guess that lead me to this point, and I choose emphatically to go to sleep tonite with an attitude of optimism and possibility as I face the autumn. I challenge you all to celebrate it with me....after all I got a new bike made of carbon fibre(very light and very aerodynamic) and an incredible partner(while not as light....oops...just as aerodynamic, and much, much warmer!)

By the way, listening to the Stones today I realized that my precious Claudette was best described by "She's a rainbow....she comes in colours everywhere". Whadda ya think?

So, just quickly on my training today. I continue to be amazed by the progress. I ran 22.6 kms in 2 hours, 3 mimutes, and 50 seconds. That's better than 5 1/2 min k's, which is the training pace I used for my long run marathon training 3 years ago. Very satisfying as I intend on running the London Marathon in the spring, and this run tells me there should be no problem doing so. Even more gratifying however was the sense of control I felt for the enitre run. I kept my heart rate under 140 up until about 1 1/2 hours, and then even at the end it was still under 150. To be able to do this is a real measure of improved fitness...woohoo!! Bike ride tomorrow!!
Oh by the way....slow as molasses but I also swam 2k this evening

Ok.. a little housekeeping

1) for Cory...thanks for your words

2) for Elly. Yah it still goes a little numb, but other than for peeing I dont need it that often any more anyway!

3)for Teresa. In the future please pick on someone closer to your own intellectual level. After all anyone can take a shot at Cory....see...

4) for Peter....sorry son, but every time I talk to you. or see you, you confirm for me my belief in the creator.

And last but not least, I wish to dedicate day 29 to my son Michael who has always been special in so many ways, and who I am fiercely proud of for many reasons, not the least of which is that he absolutely refuses to be shamed by anything or anyone for his sexual orientation. I love you Mike!!!!!!!!


"October is nature's funeral month. Nature glories in death more than in life. The month of departure is more beautiful than the month of coming - October than May. Every green thing loves to die in bright colors."- Henry Ward Beecher


Goodnight dad.
See you in the morning.

Hopes Fulfilled, Fears Unrealized!

How often in life does that happen? Well today was one of those days for me. It took me a while this morning to get ready for my first ride on the new Q-ROO! First I needed to go to the road and get my computer setup exactly right. I have 120 metres measured out and marked on the pavement for this purpose. Of course the book tells you what data to use based on your wheel diameter, but since I am very anal about this, it was of course not good enough for me. When I'm going 30km/hr I want to know it's exactly 30, not 29.99! So I got that just right( by the way I was within about 10 metres over 50 K) ,then I took some time getting my water bottle just right, deliberated on the right clothes for the weather, got my I-pod tucked in somewhere and finally headed out. I decided to do the same 50K which I had done 2 and 3 days previous, to get some sense of how this bike was going to live up to Heaths' promises. Fortunately the wind was similar to my previous 2 rides as well, so I knew it would be a good comparison. If anything I could perhaps expect that my legs would be a little dead, after riding and running 2 of the last 3 days, distances that I'm still getting used to.

Here's the scoop. I felt good immediately. My positioning felt perfect and my new shoes were good! While I was initially concerned about the saddle, as my ass acclimatized it was also good. I tried to just relax to make sure that I was in control, such that my outcome would be a realistic comparison. Well I'm pretty sure that it was realistic, as I still had gas in the tank at the end. I rode my 50K in just over 1 hour, 33 minutes, for an average speed of 32.1km/hr. This was 6 minutes faster then 3 days ago, and almost 14 minutes faster than 2 days ago. The best reference is the 6 minutes because that day I rode harder, and it was by far my best ride yet....before today. So....6 minutes don't seem like much? Well actually it's huge! That equates to over 20 minutes in an Ironman! More importantly it equates to 'energy' saved which I can take out on the run with me. Probably more important than my time improvement however is the way I felt. I know that I can get faster quickly, just by the way I could control my cadence, and stay always on the side of safety as far as burnout goes. Of course the proof is in the pudding but at least as of today I'm convinced that I will soon be riding as fast as I ever did....even considerin the aging process.

In comparison the problem my old softride had was that it encouraged me to always go to a bigger gear, or I would start bouncing up and down. To be able to "spin" in lower gears is a key strategy to energy preservation, and extending your muscular endurance. If you need proof of that, watch that Armtrong guy some time climbing hills. he spins like mad and can keep it up almost forever.

So overall the hopes were fulfiiled and then some, but then there were the "fears unrealized". Well actually only one fear. The most beautiful thing about my softride....you can see in the pic...is that it is a suspension beam bike, which oh so nicely takes all the bumps out of the road....saving on you know what. So that was my fear. I have not rode a conventional frame bike for 15 years, and was "very afraid" of a "very sore" ass. Not so my friends. Much to my disbelief, it felt no harsher. I can only credit the carbon fiber fame and fork, which is definitely recognized as the "softest" ride compared to steel or aluminum.

You wouldn't believe how motivational this whole experience was. I had to call Heath at the bike shop to tell him all about it. He was delighted but not surprised. He said and I quote, "if you told me that you would ever ride your old bike again, I would be very disappointed in myself".

So here's the old girl. I will of course keep her around for Sunday rides with my grandchildern.




By the way. They stopped making softrides. Must be a reason eh?

So, you can see I was having a pretty good day. And then.....I went to the mailbox....
I got a letter, addressed to me personally. By the time I got it open and read it my day had changed significantly. I was in tears. What that letter contained made the rest of my day pale in comparison. Here's what was in it and why it affected me so.

First off, the letter was from a young lady who shall remain nameless because anything else would be breach of confidence. When she reads this I hope she will not be bothered that I take the liberty of sharing the general message she sent.
Realize that I had no idea what so ever that she was reading the blog or that it had affected her in any way. She said she was amazed by the things written there. She told me that the blog made her think about "stuff" that she otherwise wouldn't consider. She said that my notes made her think about things in a different way. She claimed to hurry home from school just to check it out, and that she especially liked the quotes. Wow to me!!!
If it seems like no big deal, it's because I have done a poor job of paraphrasing. Here's what blew me away. I had no idea that anything I was doing or saying was having any impact on this young lady, and the message for me was this. In everything you do, in everything you say, you are having an impact on others, many times even without knowing it, and furthermore, that impact may be positive or it may be negative. It also occurred to me that generally you can choose which it shall be...positive or negative. She also talked about her hopes to have impact on others herself, and I can tell her and you that its too late to have this hope, as its already transpired. She has already done so. As I read the letter earlier today, and even as a reread it now I almost chock up with emotion.....in a wonderful, peaceful way. Thank you young lady! Now that I know she reads this I would also encourage her to comment publicly when and if she is comfortable doing so.

So that's why my day changed when I picked up the mail. I feel humbled.


I dedicate day 28 to Heath,(who else today?) bike guy and nice guy, who can ride a lot freakin faster than me!

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."....Helen Keller

Love always
peter

"If you Listen Very Carefully"

If you listen very carefully you may hear a grown man giggling like a schoolgirl! Why? Because his wife just fulfilled her wedding vows! No not those vows! The one where she said(our vow renewal last year) that she would buy me the bike of my dreams, if I only lived long enough to enjoy it. Well, with a little help I did my part, and as stated she has lived up to her commitment.

I was originally going to wait until the spring, but for whatever reason the feeling came over me and so I thought I would start my search. I set out this morning with a detailed plan to visit 6 different bike stores in the Toronto area. It didnt start out very well as I got away later then planned because of a bunch of errands I had to run, and then when I was almost to Cambridge I almost had a heart attack when I realized that the gas gauge was way, way below zero. I knew when leaving the house that it was low, but in my excitement I had completely forgotten to fill it. After some real anxiety heading down the highway, I finally got to an off ramp, breathed a sigh of relief and headed back out to TO. I was starting to wonder by then if I would be able to hit all the shops before closing time, and that fear was quickly aggravated when I arrived at my first stop, La Bicicletta. Normally I don't like to do any advertising but as I continue my story you will see why I have chosen to do so this time. Anyway I arrive there, have a quick look around, and finally attract the attention of a salesperson. I told him that I wanted to buy a bike, and his first question was not "ok sir, what kind of bike would you like to buy?" Rather it was, "do you have an appointment?". An apppointment I said? I didn't need have to have an appointment when I bought my first triathlon bike at Canadian Tire 15 years ago. Well he patiently explained how things work now, or at least at that particular bike shop. Apparently, you make an appointment for a "fitting" with the resident expert, and then you start the actual purchase. My guard was up right away, because I already knew how that sales approach works. First they commit so much time and effort in kissing your butt, such that you then feel a sense of obligation to buy whatever they want to sell you. But, apparenetly the "expert" would have some time for me today, so I thought what the hell. This was going to be a very special purcahse for me, and there was no way I was going to buy something I didn't want. As well by this time I knew there was no way I was going to make the rounds of all the shops I had planned so I might as well see what they have to say. So 10 mintes later this young man came up to me and introdued himself as Heath, and the fun began. I pride myself on my instincts for reading people quickly. Sometimes I am wrong but not this time. I knew within 3 minutes that I had stumbled onto a winner. Heath allowed me to tell him my history, and my dream, and immediatley I knew I had someone new on my side that wanted me to be successful. To make the rest of the story short, I spent 2 hours with Heath and walked out of the store with the bike of my dreams, and a new friend. Two things that are very, very rare. Thank you Heath Cockburn!




Click on the pic,s if you really want to see my stupid grin!!

It's amazing what 20 lbs of carbon fibre, with some rubber and a few bits of steel and aluminum thrown in, can do for someone who appreciates that kind of stuff. The frame, forks, wheels, seatpost and even the cranks are all carbon fibre. That's without mentioning that it's a Quintana "ROO" Calliente (spanish for hot). It's enough to get a man believing in god eh Peter? Heath tells me that I will feel like I've gone from a station wagon to a Ferrari. I'll find out tomorrow morning. I'm not however going to expect anything special other than lookin good! After all that was the main reason for buying it in the first place.

As to working out today, there's not much to report. All I did was a 1500m swim this morning. If my body is a temple, then today that would be the "temple of doom". My back is really sore, and so I have to be careful the next couple of days.

And that's it. I need to get a good nights sleep. I promise to have somethinh more inspirational tomorrow

I wish to dedicate day 27 to my nephew Andy, who, I conclude, after looking at his left arm today, is probably "not" any smarter than me, but still a really cool guy!

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”....Lance Armstrong

Live Strong!
Love
Peter

"How Does it Feel?"

Like a Rolling Stone! Li-i-i-ike him, or ha-a-a-ate him, you can't say the man was not an incredible poet!

Tonite my head feels great, and my body feels whipped....just the way it's supposed to be eh?

I had lots of ideas while out on my bike but they never materialized into anything substantial. I think I have to get some new music, or else spend less time with my grandchildern. What a horrible distraction they are. Like the feeling I had when I returned from my workout, and seen Kylie charging out the laneway to meet me in her bare feet.....a rush that defies description!!

So on account of my incredibly satisfying workout today, and the fact that tomorrow is going to be the first leg of my bike search, I'm gonna make it brief. First my workout report. Today was so satisfying simply because I managed to out smart myself. Of course you may declare that a very easy task, but remember also, that all who know me see me as a pretty stubborn guy. Anyway here's the scoop. The most difficult part of a triathlon is when you get off your bike and start running....if running you can call it? Your whole body feels like one big cramped muscle from an extended time in one position, and your legs literally feel like rubber. Thats why you need to make this transition a regular part of your training. So yesterday I set out for my first attempt by riding 50K and then running 10. While I had a great ride(over 30k/hr) the run didnt materialize as planned. By 2k I was walking and ended up doing a total of 7.4 in a run/walk format. So I considered trying the same thing today, but hummed and hahhed , as I considered that perhaps I was too tired for it, and that it would probably be somewhat of a downer if I bonked again. But after some advice from my coach(Roo) I decided to give it one more shot. I knew going in however that I would have to be very smart for the duration. The 2 challenges would be 1)to make sure that I saved lots coming off the bike and 2)that I hung in long enough on the run to let my legs limber up. I met with success....every time I was tempted to push it up a hill, or into the wind I backed off to make sure not to burn out my legs. In the end I averaged just over 28k/hr, and by 3 K on the run I started to get my running legs back. By 5k I knew I was going to make it. My 10k was just over 58 minutes, while not the fastest either, was controlled. It was a great learning moment for me...which although I knew it intellectually, I need to feel it physically and emotionally. "How does it Feel?" It feels great!

And that's about it for today, with the exception of a little housekeeping.

1)Mary....if I need money tomorrow to buy that Q-Roo bike, can I call you?

2)If you would read Teresa's comment yesterday, you will understand why I proclaimed her more knowledgeable than me. I wish I had thought of the suicide bomber thing....and Teresa...steal that sticker for me will ya?

3)To my precious son peter, who I have learned so much from (after all he knows everything) and who's opinion I respect even when it differs from mine, and who has what he has in life, "without the grace of god" I give you this to consider.






I dedicate day 26 to that very same man, my son Peter, who has tavelled the road less taken, and "surthrived" it!

And last but not least to all of you out there who have ever done any significant amount of bike riding...

"I ache in the places that I used to play"....Leonard Cohen

love
peter

"Grampa, Do you Believe in God"

Holy Cow!!....where did that come from? I wonder what kind of nonsense the childs parents have been putting in his head? Just kidding. My first gut reaction was to avoid this one, but knowing that wasn't going to work with Colby, I just chose to answer honestly, and then play it by ear. I thought I could probably handle the god thing ok. So after my affirmative response he came right back with, "do you believe in heaven", and I sudddenly started to sweat. This one was going to be tougher, but I quickly decided that yes was the right answer again, even though if we got into more detail l I wasn't at all certain as to how I was going to describe the place. But fortunately it fizzled out from there. Even though by this time my gears were turning and I was starting to rise to the challenge. Apparently his friend Theo had been asking him the question and that's where the whole thing started. I can also tell you that Colby believes in god and heaven as well....he answered with no hesitation, and without any follow up questions.

Aside from the amusing anecdotal aspects of this story, how does a discussion about god belong on a blog about Ironman training, and even if I can find a twist to justify it, is it not dangerous water to swim in?
Actually I dont think so, as long as I avoid specific reference to individual denominations or sects, or cults or whatever we call them. I guess even in that comment I do somewhat slander organized religion in general. Alright, I concede that maybe I have some prejudices.

But let's try to find some common ground here on a generic level. No matter what you call him, what you think he/she looks like, whether you believe in an afterlife or in reincarnation, I believe it to be true that all human beings believe in a god of some form. In my mind even those that deny they do, are looking over their shoulders.
So for me the common ground, and the fit with my triathlon blog are two elements. First the human body and the complexity of it ; never "mind" the human "mind" that propels it, and allows us to do "stuff" like this triathlon "stuff".
And secondly there are the elements of this earth within which we perform triathlon. The earth, the air, the water etc. Call it what you like, our bodies and minds, and the planet we live on are spiritual places, both!
How did these things come to be....all by themselves?

So when I'm hammering down the highway on my bike, plodding along the shoulder in my running shoes, or crawling down the lane at the pool I feel a part of something way, way bigger than what I'm doing. I feel humbled and glorified both. This I will bet you. That if you ask anyone who competes in this cool sport at any level, you will get some form of a 'yes' answer to Colbys question. That's because most poeple who choose to do something so demanding, recognize that they are blessed to be able to do so, and so instinctively give some credit to some entity, even just out of gratitude. Gratitude also because if you've spent enough time out on your bike on our highways, you will not dispute that your life has been saved many times by some divine intervention, conveniently arriving just in time to make up for your lack of attention(read that as stupidity).

And if today(at least in St Thomas) didnt tell you something about a higher power I dont know what would. One of the most incredible early fall days you could imagine. Absolutely clear skies, temperature that actually reached 25 celsius, and little to no wind. Just a perfect exhilirating day for a bike ride. I felt like I could ride all day, which in hindsight is what I should have done, instead of deciding to get off, and run for 10K. That didn't go so well, as I only did 7, and I did some walking....but you know what? I was not in the least discouraged. It was a great day for walking as well. A day that my god made.

So call your god whatever you like, but don't try to convince me you don't believe in one! How else could a 5 year old, without having any idea how to explain who or what, can instinctively know it is what it is? That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
By the way...I prefer Creator, and I belong to the Church of the Great Outdoors!

I dedicate day 25 to my dad who I miss terribly. He believed in God!

And lastly for Mary...

"When God made me. Was he planning only for believers, or for those who just had faith?"....Neil Young

Live, laugh, and be happy.
peter

"Travel Day"

I love going places. I just hate getting there! Especially if it involves, cars or airplanes. If I use International travel as an analogy for life it becomes understandable that it can be stressful. I think that most of us(certainly I), want to feel in control of our lives. We want to have a plan, which while it may have opportunities for flexibility, is generally our plan, and the flexing is within our control. That is not the feeling I get when I travel. Road construction, traffic accidents, airplane mechanics, not to mention the ever loving, bizarre and unpredictable behavior of various airport security forces. Tell me why it is that in Canada(or the U.S) the routine is; shoes off, laptops out, belts off, liquids and gels in a one quart zip lock bag, and heaven help you if you’re tube of explosive toothpaste is larger than 100ml!! While on the other hand in Mexico, depending on the day, or the weather it’s “yah whatever”, just don’t tell the Americans! I don’t get it. Especially when I contrast it to the fact that when I go to the mall in St Thomas, there is some kind of security sensor to keep me from stealing stuff, and in Mexico there’s a man in combat fatigues with a double barreled shotgun. Oh well…dare I say it? Yes I will for Roo and Larry “C’est la Vie”.

And I guess that’s the message. To question the old “It’s the journey, not the destination that counts “ cliché. Why do clichés like this exist? Probably to rationalize our dissatisfaction with ones current situation don’t you think? We lose confidence that there is value in our destination, or perhaps even in its reachability, and so we somehow need to make it okay just to be “treading water”. But what motivates the journey in the first place if it’s not the destination? To use my own particular journey to my Ironman destination, I can tell you unequivocally that I would not even be seriously thinking about changes to my personal health, let alone getting excited about some of them. And to add argument to the “destination” thinking, what happens when the journey is over….”is that all there is?”

And so I suggest to you that it’s some of both, journey and destination. I want to arrive at places, but I want to enjoy getting there. Seems fair enough eh? I know as I think it through sitting on this airplane it’s working for me. I am looking forward to getting home to my destination, but meanwhile the journey has just become more pleasant simply because I am spending the time crystallizing my thoughts and putting them on paper….well on the screen anyway.
How does all this shit apply today my friends. Well fear not because I’m a gonna tell ya! What else is new eh? Here it is.

Because I want to arrive at a destination(Penticton) I have decided to learn many new things on the journey(the next 300 days or so) that I am actually very excited about…to the point that it surprises me. Here’s an example. Just less than a week ago, the doctor made an appointment for me with a dietician. I told Claudette that I was not too excited about it because it was just another freakin appointment that I didn’t want in my schedule. She very politely (no that’s a lie…she was very sarcastic) said , and I quote “well I’ll go then!” This pissed me off at the time because I felt trampled on, but in hindsight it was the only rationale response. Why in the name of Jesus(that’s one of my Mexican friends) would I give up an opportunity to get sound professional advice from someone who could help me both enjoy my journey and arrive at my destination? Especially considering the fact that eating has become probably the single largest challenge I have as related to both. In Spanish…”IDIOTA”! Believe it or not, just days later I am now excited about the possibilities. And yes it surprises me. Yes me! The man who next to son Peter, and Brother John, already knew just about everything.

I’m going to try to apply my new thinking in other areas as well. I have decided that I’m going to find a swim coach sooner than later, I am going to start a stretching routine sooner than later, and I’m gonna go buy a Q-Roo bike sooner than later. All because these things will make my journey more fun, and my destination more reachable.

And after all…in the end you get to choose your own destination. And your mode of transportation need not include any airplanes….there are many ways to “fly”

I wish to dedicate day 24 to my niece Sara, who if she has any limitations they exist only in her mind!

And so whether you support destination or journey, I leave you with this.

“Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt
And dance like no one is watching”

Vaije con Dios mi amigos
peter

"It's the Elevation"

After some thought, and the serious need for an excuse, I have rationalized my way to accepting my lack of training success in Hermosillo. Yes indeed the elevation is similar to St Thomas, ....but....I'm sleeping on the 4th floor of the hotel which is at least 50 feet higher. This seemingly little difference leaves me in a terrible oyygen debt by morning, of course resulting in overall fatigue and a state of low spirits. "It's the Elevation"

To compound that, by the time I finished work today it was already dark, forcing me to use the hotel stairs for some kind of exercise. The top of the hotel towers another 2 floors or 2o feet at least. Not a wonder I feel like such a sorry excuse for an athlete. "Its The Elevation"

I'm also close to 6 feet tall such that every time I stand up to go running I'm way, way higher. "It's the "Elevation"

Then of course there is the obvious fact that I live my life with my "head in the clouds" especially when I work with Mexicans, as they buoy you with their very nature. "Its the Elevation"

Anyway...whats the point of this? There isnt any, except maybe for this.

Why am I so blessed as to have the best job in the world, the most remarkable friends, a family that I don't deserve, and this guy in my life?



"Its the Elevation"

Thats all I got for today, mostly because I had a long, but satisfying day, I am still very underslept, and I need to eat and go to bed as I need to get up at 5am to catch my plane. I hope it doesn't go too High!!

I wish to finally break my pattern, and dedicate day 23 to my beloved Colby....who made the place inside me where I hold my loved ones exponentially bigger just by coming into my life.
"It must be the Elevation"

I have decided that I should start crediting the quotes I have used when I know the author. In case I ever decide to write that book eh? And so.


"It is impossible to walk rapidly, and be unhappy"....Mother Teresa.


Walk fast! Be happy!
love peter

"Quand on veut, on peut"

Thanks Larry. Literally I think it translates to "when we want, we can". Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm sure someone will!
Thats so easy to say eh? "Just do it!" "Mind over matter!" yadda...yadda...yadda
The problem is my freakin mind then. It's just not that strong and let's me down frequently. Do the cliches cover things like going to sleep? When we want we can?? Doesn't sound so easy any more eh, especially to anyone who's ever had insomnia problems for any reason. Last night was terrible for me. I finally drifted off around 10:30, which by my biological clock was 1:30 am,(I just arrived in Hermosillo last evening). and then slept only on and off all night. Basically I woke up from the pain of my dry mouth. Several times when I awoke I would lay there for a few seconds trying to decide whether it hurt enough to sit up and take another drink, or whether I could go back to sleep. the problem was that I was so tired, I would try not to drink, only to fall into this terrible circle of semi-sleep/semi awake, where you get no rest at all. I believe it was made worse last night by the fact that I spent almost an hour in the pool, as I believe the chlorine exacerbates the dryness. And of course my body told me it was 7:30am when it was actually only 4:30, and so I did not manage to sleep at all after that. I suppose though, it's all understandable because of course last night, I didnt know about "Quand on veut" Tonite I just need to 'want' it a little more I guess.
In fact I hope it's the lack of sleep that caused me to have a difficult day. The stupid buzzing in my head is actually worse then it was, so of course what do I do? Like everyone else I go to the Internet to learn a bunch of non-facts. The official Effexor site had only a general note about withdrawal symptons, but just about everything else I could find was very unpleasant....but like I said, probably all BS from a bunch of hypochondriacs.

Ok enough bitchin. I did manage to get a 6k run in with my good Canadian-Mexican buddy Mark. It was a chore but thankfully Mark could go longer as he had stuff to do. I hope it's the heat that makes it seems so tough(it was about 34 when we ran). I didnt buy that initially because as I mentioned I have ran successfuly in this town before. What I must remember though is that back in 2005 i had really acclimatized before I started running. Mark tells me that for whatever reason it is much harder running in the afternoon than the morning. It could be a pollution thing.

Okay, so tomorrow will be a better day....I want it, I want it, I want it(the Who I think?)

A few little things that made me smile today.
1)Son Peter dissing the immortal Cat Stevens!...one of my idols. I find it paricularly amusing because the line I picked was from a great tune called Father & Son in which the two dialogue about their difficulties of seeing each others way...lol
2)after all the trouble I went to to find a Pearl Jam lyric to fit my blog theme, Miguette tells me that it isnt even their song!!!??
3)My mexican family. I wish I could transplant most of these people here to my home town.

I wish to decdicate day 22 to my mother-in-law Jean(Parent)Regnier, who has always been fair to me, if not to herself.

"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory."

And in closing and keeping with the theme'
Je t'aime mes amis. Plus qu'hier, moins que demain
Pierre.

"You are the Cup!"

Think about that one for a second will ya, while I haul the the old 'why' question out again.
Why have I chosen to do this thing? I tried to answer it a week or so ago, and though everything you read there was the truth, it still nags at me that maybe my motives aren't altogether transparent. I do believe that I am doing this for myself, but what does that mean? Does that mean I'm doing it for the pure gartification, sense of accomplishment, and well being that should come with meeting and conquering a difficult challenge like this....or maybe... just maybe, part of it is so that I can strut around amongst my fellow human beings with a superior "look at me!". attitude. Tough question.
What supports the 'look at me' reasoning a little bit, is the very fact that I write this blog. If it's just to inspire myself or amuse myself, then I don't need to post it publicly do I? But I admit that I like to get feedback on it, and am gratified when people are reading it. However, once it had served the initial purpose of publicly stating my attentions so as to get myself on the hook, I could easily have let it drift away. But instead, and this is really putting my insides on the outsides, part of it's "raison d'etre", is that it has become a medium to express my ideas, and yes, even to demonstrate some wisdom that perhaps I have acquired through my personal challenges. To cut to the chase I really don't think there is anything altruistic about my public ravings, and I only hope that it is simply a byproduct of my Ironnam challenge as opposed to a reason for it. And furthermore I hope that even as I struggle with that little nagging rationale behind my commitment, that as I proceed through the training journey it will truly become something that's honest and completely about me. Wish me luck because at this point I have no plans to stop jabbering.

Now...."you are the cup"....I bet you're thinking he's gonna pull out the old cup half full malarky eh? No not that! I like this one much better. Did you know that it is possible to turn a styrofoam cup inside out? If you do then you're either more knowledgeable than me, or you have no life what so ever. As opposed to telling you how to do it I will let you go to the net to find out, because the 'how' is irrelevant to my anology, beyond the fact that it is a slow meticulous process. If you try to rush it you will meet with ongoing little failures, or eventually even catastrophic failure. The cup will rip! To do it effectively you need a plan, and you need patience.

Living life is like turning a styrofoam cup inside out, and "You are the Cup". You need a plan and you need patience. Trying to make significant lifestyle changes (quitting a habit, losing weight etc.) is like turning a cup inside out. Coping with and recovering from childhood trauma is like turning a cup inside out. Raising childern, or grandchildern is like turning a cup inside out, except here's the killer with this one....in this case your children are the cup!! Scary eh? Dont tear them!!

And...training for an Ironman when you dont have a solid base behind you is like turning a cup inside out. And there-in lies my challenge. As I get a better understanding of my fitness level, and come face to face with the realities of 226 kilometres, I know that my biggest challenge is clearly time. I know that willpower, positive attitude and just plain old "joie de vive" are supposed to get you there, but you still have to turn the cup inside out and just smashing it will not get you the results you need. I have a long, long way to go.
So clearly the whole deal calls for very close adherence to a fairly strict and well defined program. That's what I now need to define and put in place. So over the next few weeks I will try to establish particular regimens for working out, including all 3 disciplines and also weight training. With Claudettes help I will put together a diet plan which will meet my needs....this part will be very hard because of my salivary challenges and my nomadic lifestyle. But, where's a will there's a way. (Isn't there some goofy little french expression for that as well?)

Ok...enough reality. Dont let it slip away peter!
"You will still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not" Yusuf Islam(who?)
"Feed them(your childern) on your dreams" Graham Nash(we know him right?)
"That which you fear the most could meet you half way" (guess who?)

A little housekeeping.
1)I need music ideas for my workouts. Upbeat, high energy driving songs. Stuff like Golden Earrings Radar Love. And if you've never heard that one, you truly have not lived.
2)Laugh my butt off. Remember the people who had me so frustrated. They read the blog as I hoped. We still have to see the paperwork tomorrow, but apparently I dont get to lift my skirt at all.
3)The cup thing can clearly be done, but probably not by me. I had a few rips, including loosing the bottom altogether.
4)I swam 1500 meters continuosly today...slow though...oh so slow

I wish to dedicate day 21 to Maureen who's shoes I would not be in for the world.

And in respect of her situation I add.

"If this is a blessing it is certainly very well disguised"

Love
peter

"Mothers Little Helper"

Doctor please, some more of these.
Outside the door, she took four more.
What a drag it is getting old.

If you have to look that one up, then you're not so old after all. Would you believe that song was first recorded 43 years ago! And my childern call Pearl Jam a classic band becasue they have been recording music for a paltry 15 years. Sorry guys, you lose again.
In case you haven't figured it out, Pete and Miguette think that Eddy Vedder(Pearl Jams main honcho) is the reincarnation of Jim Morrison, and Jimi Hendrix combined.

Anyway, I'll come back to that, but first a word on all this incredible advice I received today. Thank you so much. I am now at peace. Just to confirm though that I have it right? If I boil it all down I get this. Dont sweat the small stuff and accept it as a fact of todays world, while lifting my skirt and pretending it's my sister? Hmmmm? Of course I should do all this while wearing a neon garment of some kind to protect myself from injury.
I do struggle a little bit with the sister part. Probably it's from my time in Kentucky, the only place I have ever heard this... "I'd divorce her, but she'd still be my sister!!"

Yah...I think it will work for me. And the funny thing is that it did. And I knew it would work because I already knew the answers. Of course there is a big difference in knowing something and applying it eh. Anwyay thank you my friends for your help. The only outstaning question I have is around the fashion sense of Mary and Teresa....bright colours in autumn girls?
Just kidding, good point, here's a start.







So back to the Rolling Stones. I went to my family doctor today, and when I told him of my Ironman plans he got all excited for me, and started talking about all the elements required for this kind of challenge. He talked about what he called the 4 pillars; cardiovascular health, muscle mass and strength, flexibility, and balance or dexterity. Then he corrected himself, and went on to add a 5th pillar, and yes you guessed it...brain health. he started proselytizing about a great book called "The Brain that Changes Itself" Without having read it myself I understand the theory is that the brain is not hard wired, and that we can effect significant change on it, even rejuvenating aging brains and effectively treating depression and anxiety.....and all "without" the assistance of mothers little helper! And then coincidentally today I came across another book titled, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science Of Exercise And The Brain, which as the title implies professes as to the power of exercise to help us do, guess what? Beat stress, lift your mood, fight memory loss, sharpen your intellect, and again of course without mothers little helper. Roo has ordered both these books for me and I'll let you know what I think. It does occur to me to wonder why my good family doctor didnt talk about this stuff before he game me "more of these"? Anyway, probably because he knows that I wouldn't take any advice I hadn't thought of myself first eh?

So briefly about my training today. If 2 days ago was a breakthrough, and yesterday was validation I truly expected today to be "realization". In other words I was prepared to have a physical letdown, and the almost unavoidable questioning that comes with it. I just don't get it. It didn't happen. I rode 50k in just under 1hr, 40 mins which equates to 30k/hr. It was a hard ride, but a very controlled one. I hate to admit it(especially if Roo and Cory are listening) but the only thing I can think of is , that as I improve my nutrition these "crash" days are diminishing. Note I said that I hate to admit it. That doesn't mean I actually did...admit it that is. Anyway, something good is definitely happening to me and I believe it will only get better as I get more regimented, in both aspects; training and nutrition. Towards the one end, I have started reading a book called 'Go Long" to get technical training advice, and towards the other I have made an appointment with the dietician at the doctors office. Of course I fully expect Claudette to stick her nose in there, just so she can tell the dietician that she already told me everything but I wouldn't listen. It occurs to me at this moment to explain that particular tendency of mine by the way. Maybe some of you will recognize it in yourself. After all I am not the only Dutchman in this story...you know the saying...wooden shoes, wooden head, wooden listen!!

I'm gonna sign off on that note, because I leave for Mexico at 6 am tomorrow and I haven't even packed. Hasta la Vista"

Hey where's Cory...out smoking?

I dedicate day 2o (wow) to my sister in law Karen, who will be successful on the journey she has recently started! Try not!, Karen

"Life's just much too hard today,"I hear ev'ry mother say"

love peter