"Is today the Day?"

Or maybe tomorrow...

While I was out riding today for some bizarre reason I remembered a story I heard or read about this crazy guy who had this little ritual of celebrating his own funeral every day. Apparently his rationale was that it helped him live every day to it's fullest, always doing the things that were most important to him. So, somewhere around 3o kilometres I thought....what if this were my last day? What if today were the day? Would I still be out here riding my bike? I guess the romantic answer would be, "of course, what better way to come to the end of all this?" The more probable and realistic answer however would be that I would turn my bike around, go home, and talk to a few people while I still had the chance. I didn't really like that answer as it would mean going out on kind of a downer, having given up a great ride on a great day. So! What to do? And then, like a message from god(I got that from Dan Aykroyd...Blues Brother extraordinaire) it came to me. I would prepare to die tomorrow instead of today. That way I could finish whatever I was doing that was currently important to me, ...and...have time to go home and visit with a few loved ones tomorrow. Pretty brilliant eh? And so that's going to be my new philosophy. I'm going to live each day, as if I may die tomorrow evening. Of course I know there are people out there that will be disappointed that I'm not checking out today but too bad for you. And for those that love me, please rest assured that you will always have a days notice to get your copy of my will forged as appropriate.

Actually by about 120 kilometers I thought maybe I was wrong and that indeed I was going to die today. I am gonna confess right here and now, so that when Claudette next sees me she will hopefully give me only the gracious, you're an idiot 'look' for not listening when she told me to eat more before I left, instead of the scalding, you're an idiot 'lecture' for not listening to me. Please be nice Roo.

Yes I completley ran out of gas. When your car runs out of gas it just quits, but the stupid human mind and body insist on sucking the very marrow from your bones before it will pull over. So the last 10 kilometers of my 130 were done on pure instinct, and when I got back home I was in a bit of trouble. But, I got a bunch of nutrition in me, and hopefully by tomorrow I will be raring to go again. I guess we'll see tomorrow. Live and learn eh?

It also occurs to me this very moment that the aspect of my personality that led me to not eat more on someones advice, is the same aspect that got me through the last 10K. Pure unadulterated stubborness!!


I rode out against the wind today instead of doing one of my more local loops with the thinking that I would hang tough for the trip out and then enjoy the ride back. Generally things went as planned. I hadnt really committed myself to any given distance other than I wanted to go at least 100k. Once I passed 50 I decided that I could make it to 62.5 (125 total) but that 75 was probaly not smart. Thank god that I finally turned around at 65. It was a lot of fun for a while however once I turned. I had stretches where I was riding over 40k/hr, and that's a heady feeling. Then of course the wind started to turn a bit, just enough that the last 10k was basically done at a crawl. When I came up the last hill, just 3 k's from home I was in my littlest gear and standing up on the pedals. But here I am...."alive" to fight another day.

The day didn't start out too well, as I woke up for the second day in a row with that old haunted feeling, no pun intended. I don't have an explanation for it other than probably worrying about Jon, and perhaps a little about our country's current situation regarding manufacturing jobs, and all the far reaching impact it has. I have too many friends who are too vulnerable to what's happening. Make no mistake about it, no matter what our Canadian politicians have to say. We are totally and completely tied to the whatever happens in the States, period. So I hope things start to level out, and generally I think they will. Besides, I could die by tomorrow evening eh? lol


So back to the topic of depression. I am reading this very interesting book, which I think I mentioned I was going to order, called "Spark; The Revolutionary new Science of Exercise and the Brain" This guys puts together a convincing story, with reference to many studies, explaining why exercise is potentially the greatest cure for depression. He gets quite technical such that I can't understand much of it, but basically he believes that exercise impacts out brains exactly the same way as most of the drugs they feed us do, including adjusting levels of seratonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, without the harmful side affects, and with more permanent results. Hmmm?

He also has a whole chapter on addiction, which of course really intrigues me. He believes that no matter what you are addicted to, drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, that the most significant contribution you can make to your recovery is strenuous aerobic activity at least 5 days/ week, and preferably every day in the early days of kicking your habit. I am reminded of when Jon went to a treatment facility some time ago, we had to smuggle in a set of dumbells, which they promptly told him were not acceptable when they found out.

The author(John J Ratey) doesn't just make general statements however, but backs them up with explanations, and with research material. Very intriguing reading to say the least. I am almost done reading it so if anyone is interested in borrowing it just send me a note.
And that's it!

I wish to dedicate day 44 to my son Jonathan, for a million reasons, not the least of which is that he is my son...always has been, always will be... and because I believe in him. Hopefully he reads this some time.

“.. almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart"---
Steve Jobs

love
peter