"The Leaves are Falling"

No, not the "leafs"....but that invariably happens every year as well. I'm talking about the leaves on, or rather off, the trees. It always blows me away how it seems to happen overnite, and we pass into another season. For me the arrival of autumn has always been the most notable of the changes in our Ontario scheme of climate. I think probably because it impacts the senses in so many ways, so quickly. It starts to feel colder, it starts to look different, and it also seems to smell different all of a sudden. The smell of the earth and the fields. I think the way we feel about the seasons, is a very personal thing based on the personal experiences we have associated with each time of year, especially in our formative years. I personally always feel a little melancholy as November creeps up on us, and I can think of several significant times in my life that would account for this. So as I sit here on this fall evening I ask myself the question, "what's this one going to be like as I move through it", and is it something I can decide, despite any previous conditioning that may influence me. I think that I have the strength to do so, but at the risk of getting shit, I at least want to "analyze" the situation a little bit to see what things look like.

I wish to start by looking back at the just passed summer season....probably one of the most significant of my years. It started out in June with what was clearly the most rewarding one day experience of my working life. I had the opportunity to make a personal, and professional presentation to all senoir managers and leaders of the company I work for...almost 400 people from across the globe. To make it even more special I had the incredible reward of having my wife and little sister Teresa present during my delivery. What a rush that day was.
Another glorious time of the summer just passed, was the RV trip that Claudette and I made to Algonquin park with Colby...talk about peaceful.
And then there was Christmas in August at our house, which despite my best efforts to downplay was an incredible success. I never bonded in one afternoon with so many of my extended family as during that one amazing day. What others in my family understood for years I finally figured out.
Then of course I must mention the significacnt improvement in my health over the last 4 months. Quite frankly it is astounding considering where I was at, physically and emotionally.
And...our sons Michaels announcement that he is planning on going to medical school after he completes his undergrad.

Ok....so there was one bad thing as well, and most of you know what that pain is all about....of course it's Jonathan. I thought, or at least hoped that we had him on the road to recovery, only to have the wheels fall completely off.

So with reflections of the past summer being complete how do I feel now, and why? Well I admit that there is a bit of melancholy as I see the leaves fall, as somehow it exacerbates the feeling of time slipping away, of growing older and wearing out, of people passing out of your life as they move on to their own new adventures. But overall I think I'm good. I ask myself for example,"would I trade any of my newfound health and vitality, and understanding and peace just to have Jon healthy?" I can say with conviction that I would not! Not that I don't love him any less then before, but simply because it would not make sense. Should I give up my hard earned happiness for another person. I dont think so. I would never ask it of anyone esle so why of myself? That being said I still want him back, and I take this moment to boldly ask all of you to bring your collective energies to bear; wish him, pray him, deliver him back to me....thanks.

So there's the ups and downs I guess that lead me to this point, and I choose emphatically to go to sleep tonite with an attitude of optimism and possibility as I face the autumn. I challenge you all to celebrate it with me....after all I got a new bike made of carbon fibre(very light and very aerodynamic) and an incredible partner(while not as light....oops...just as aerodynamic, and much, much warmer!)

By the way, listening to the Stones today I realized that my precious Claudette was best described by "She's a rainbow....she comes in colours everywhere". Whadda ya think?

So, just quickly on my training today. I continue to be amazed by the progress. I ran 22.6 kms in 2 hours, 3 mimutes, and 50 seconds. That's better than 5 1/2 min k's, which is the training pace I used for my long run marathon training 3 years ago. Very satisfying as I intend on running the London Marathon in the spring, and this run tells me there should be no problem doing so. Even more gratifying however was the sense of control I felt for the enitre run. I kept my heart rate under 140 up until about 1 1/2 hours, and then even at the end it was still under 150. To be able to do this is a real measure of improved fitness...woohoo!! Bike ride tomorrow!!
Oh by the way....slow as molasses but I also swam 2k this evening

Ok.. a little housekeeping

1) for Cory...thanks for your words

2) for Elly. Yah it still goes a little numb, but other than for peeing I dont need it that often any more anyway!

3)for Teresa. In the future please pick on someone closer to your own intellectual level. After all anyone can take a shot at Cory....see...

4) for Peter....sorry son, but every time I talk to you. or see you, you confirm for me my belief in the creator.

And last but not least, I wish to dedicate day 29 to my son Michael who has always been special in so many ways, and who I am fiercely proud of for many reasons, not the least of which is that he absolutely refuses to be shamed by anything or anyone for his sexual orientation. I love you Mike!!!!!!!!


"October is nature's funeral month. Nature glories in death more than in life. The month of departure is more beautiful than the month of coming - October than May. Every green thing loves to die in bright colors."- Henry Ward Beecher


Goodnight dad.
See you in the morning.