"Sunday Morning Comin' Down"

My grandchildren spent the night at our house along with their father. Other than Kylie giving me a 2 footed kick in the ribs at about 2 a.m. that is pure gratification. All my kids are sober, at least for today. My wife still cares for me....literally and figuratively. I have my health, a great place to live and all the amenities of life. I'm blessed with a great employer that gives me challenges and freedom. I have most of my teeth, all of my hair and a new crank on my bike.

So how does one explain the feeling of just wanting to go back to sleep when one wakes up to this seemingly idyllic situation. I can't! I stated the other day that I believe that I, and only I, am responsible for state of my state....the condition of my condition. I think that's what makes it so frustrating. If I had someone to blame, I could simply sit around and feel sorry for myself. Even if I was prone to that I don't think this family of mine would tolerate it for very long. So what to do to deal with this anxiety and depression that I continue to face? I do all the things that are supposed to help, regular exercise of course being the most significant element, and yet I just can't seem to get a handle on it. At times, just for fleeting moments the answer seems on the tip of my tongue so to speak, but I just can't seem to reach out and grab a firm hold. I find it hard to accept that I can't conquer it. I don't want to join what at times seems like the majority of society that uses some kind of chemicals to fight the battle. I want ro remain part of the minority

But I'm not winning and so I finally caved and went to see the doctor. He convinced me to try a new drug (new to me at least) called Cipralex. He explained how it was supposed to work but lost me after the first 2 or 3 unintelligible words. Apparently it has less side affects than some others and starts working quickly. However I feel like I've admitted defeat somehow and I just try to hold on to the idea that this is just temporary. Just temporary til when, I suppose is the question?

I would be really interested to know just what percentage of our population takes some kind of anti-depressant? I bet the numbers would be shocking. And why? Is there something wrong with us? Is there something wrong with me? Is the life I describe as idyllic not really what it appears to be, or what I tell myself it is? Am I missing an important ingredient? And how did our society survive before someone discovered these wonder drugs?

So that's my whining for this sunday. Feel free to ignore me. Maybe I should have gone to church instead eh, but I've found that nobody listens to me there either.

"Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile."---Judith Guest

"I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
Cause I want to be the minority"---Green Day

"Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries."---Paul Simon

"And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
Of the sleepin' city sidewalks:
Sunday mornin' comin' down."---Kris Kristofferson

love
peter