"Life"

Here's a little story for you. Sometime in september of 2007 I had a message on my cell phone to call the doctors office. This was a couple of days after they took a sample of my tonsils to do a bioposy. By time I got the message the office was closed and so I had to wait til the next morning to call. No big deal, after all the bioposy was only a precautionary test before they removed my tonsils. When I called the next day the doctor was busy and they said I had to talk to him personally....he would call me back at lunch time. A little bit of wondering going on in my head by then of course, and yet when the phone call finally came I was still surprised. Surprised by the news and surprised by the fact that he delivered it over the phone.

Fast forward to last wednesday when I went to see my doctor about this depression bullshit. Along with the drugs he gave me he also asked me to go to the lab and get some blood tests done...I never even asked what for....just routine stuff. Come friday afternoon there was a message on our machine at home to call Pat at the doctors office, but by the time I got it they were closed for the weekend! Sound familiar? I coped pretty well with it until last night when it really started to weigh on me. I tried to tell myself that my family doctor would talk to me himself and not over the phone, but I couldn't help but wonder if "Pats" job wasn't to summon me in to see him. This and a lot of other scenarios ran through my mind both before and after I fell asleep. I knew they were open at 8 am this morning but it was after 9 when I finally got the courage to call.

Of course you know by now that I'm not gonna deliver any ominous news and yet they do want me to go back for further tests. It seems that my TSH levels are high. My sisters will all know what that means but for those who don't it means Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, or as one clown said, "Try Something Harder". From what I understand your thyroid hormone somehow controls your metabolism and a bunch of other shit! I'll tell you more when I know more.

So yes Betty, I will continiue to run and listen to my tunes; and yes Cory somehow I feel guilty for surviving the first time around, and indeed I am looking for both happiness and perfection; and yes indeed John, sometimes I expect a calamity to strike at any moment; and yes above all else I know "It's Life!"

Oh and Mike....don't you think my life is tough enough without you stroking Corys' ego?

"I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"---Joni Mitchell

love
peter