"Mortality"

So you think dying may be bad eh? What about not dying? My casual reading has been very much in the fantasy realm lately, well maybe my whole life actually, but in this book I recently finished, one of the subplots was about this lady who against her will had been given immortality.

It's kind of weird when you think about it. It's a natural human emotion to fear dying and yet I think if you give the alternative any consideration it has to be much scarier. In the book she expressed anger at the fact that loved ones came and went and she could expect this painful cycle to go on forever.

You could I suppose make the argument that if we we are all immortal then it wouldn't be such a bad thing, as we could all enjoy it together. But that means everyone stays as they are, no one ages, no one grows, no one develops. If you have a 2 year old I suppose he would stay a 2 year old forever. If you're married to an idiot it would be forever. If you were in pain it would be forever. I suppose there would be no births as we wouldn't want or need any?

No, I think any way you slice it, dying is better than not dying, and that realization somehow makes living easier. Or maybe anyway?

So I suppose the next logical question is how long then? Well....I think I want to live for another 22 years. Seventy five seems like a nice reasonable expectation, and just under what the statistics say I should accomplish as a male Canadian(76.98 years). By the way, according to the CIA factbook, Canada is 14th out of 221 on the list I found, with Swaziland bringing up the rear with an average life expectancy of 32.23 years. Like so many other southern Africa countries this is primarily due to AIDS. The one that really surprised me however was Russia. They were 157th on the list at 65.87 years...wow..

So whats's the point? I don't know? Maybe I'm just looking for the secrets of the universe, as I have to tell you that I had a horrible day today. Such irrational feelings of emptiness and uselessless, and frustration over the stupidist things. I tell you this almost with shame as I can't possibly give you a good enough reason for it. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it is what it is. It's during times that I feel this way that I can almost relate to people with addiction problems. Wouldn't it be great to just escape? In actual fact I think I have my own addiction and that's reading, as crazy as that may sound. The very idea of going to bed at night without some mindless fiction to distract me is frightening. And like any other addiction, the only solution when you wake up is more of the same.

Today I stumbled on some on info about Stephen Hawking who of course has ALS(Lou Gehrigs disease) He's 67 years old, can't eat, can't walk, can't talk, can't do anything but think and yet he claims to be happy. How does he wake up every morning?

As much as I joke about it I sincerely hope that my honesty does not start to come off as more whining. It's a sad statement and I'm sorry, but I never wake up in the morning with a feeling of enthusiasm, like Hawking presumably does. Most days I get it going and by midday I'm okay but not today. I really am fighting hard, and deep down inside I think I will win the battle eventually. I also don't know if any of my challenges are even remotely related to my illness but I want to believe so....or maybe it's just an excuse eh?

Only swimming today. I did 2000 metres with my wetsuit even though I had planned on 4ooo. I truly don't know if it was my mind or my body that was the limitation....probably some of each. Tomorrow needs to be a long run day...needs to be!!

I wish to dedicate day 151 to my sister-in-law Heather, who once overcame the most difficult of tragedies with a strength and grace I envied.

...so on dying or not...

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."---Susan Ertz

....and from a famous science writer....

"I'm sure my disability has a bearing on why I'm well known. People are fascinated by the contrast between my very limited physical powers, and the vast nature of the universe I deal with. I'm the archetype of a disabled genius, or should I say a physically challenged genius, to be politically correct. At least I'm obviously physically challenged. Whether I'm a genius is more open to doubt."---Stephen Hawking

....and from a famous science fiction writer...

"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."---Isaac Asimov

love
peter