"Random Thoughts"

Does this ever happen to you? You open your eyes in the morning with the first awareness of consciousness. As your mind checks itself in for the day it seems as if all is well, Then within the next few minutes the demons rush in and attack you! The demons don't have faces. They are indescribable. The have no real presence, and yet they seem very real. They manifest themselves as a weight descending on your psyche, driving you down to where the darkness is. Because of their lack of substance, battling them is like trying to grab smoke and corral it in your hands. Where they come from and why they come to me I have no idea? As I run through an inventory of my current situation in life I can't find a decent reason for the existence of the demons.

Am I alone in greeting these early morning visitors, and what does it mean? I can come up with all kinds of reasons but they just seem like excuses to me. Maybe it's physiological? Maybe it's still Cancer hangover or Ironman hangover? Maybe it's a deep rooted, unresolved, psychological problem from my childhood?

I don't believe any of these things and yet the demons sneak up on me way too often for my liking, and usually in the first few minutes of the day, as I described. It then takes all of my resolve to push them away, get my day going somehow, and sure enough as the day wears on they tend to dissipate like the smoke they masquerade as.

I feel however as if they are stealing part of my life. Like I only have half days to live. I can't accept that, and will continue to try to understand it and battle it. One day at a time I guess.

Speaking of which I have a clear strategy for tomorrow. Thanks to his parents my grand son is going be allowed to learn from his grandfater tomorrow instead of his teachers. I'll let you know how our day goes.

I also care to tell you about something I am following up that I am very excited about. The idea, as many do, came from Cory. Check it out.

"He had come to that time in his life (it varies for every man) when a human being gives himself over to his demon or to his genius, according to a mysterious law which orders him either to destroy or to surpass himself."---Marguerite Yourcenar

love
peter