"The Septic Tank"

Definition : a tank in which solid organic sewage is decomposed and purified by anaerobic bacteria"

Doesn't that make it an anit-septic tank?

Erma Bombeck claims that the grass is always greener over the septic tank. While I get the point of her metaphor she is actually quite wrong. The grass frequently grows better and greener over the weeping bed, but the tank itself often has the opposite effect on the greenery. Especially if the tank is very close to the surface and there is not enough soil to retain moisuture and allow for a strong root system.

I had always known exactly where the tank over at the farm was located for this very reason....the grass was all dead there. That didn't really concern me that much until one day last week one of the kids asked me why there was a crack in the earth. Much to my surprise, part of the lid had moved gradually out of location up to the point that the 3 inches of soil above it was now falling through the crack. I thought I better do something about it and since I had to uncover it anyway I thought it would be a good time to get it pumped.

So I call a guy and find out it only costs 200 bucks cash and we agree on a date and time. Meanwhile I get the tank opened up expecting to find quite an unhealthy and impacted tank with the belief that it had probably not been inspected for years. I probed every corner of the square concrete enclosure and much to my surprise I could not find any indication of solid material buildup and very little floating on top. Not knowing much about septic systems at all I still came to the conclusion that everything was actually in good shape and functioning well. I clearly remember opening one up with my dad and finding that the bottom half of the tank was almost completely solid.

So to make a long story short, the guy never showed up at the appointed time and so I called him up, told him not to bother, and saved my 200 bucks. I then closed it up, added significant soil on top of it and planted some grass seed. I'm not gonna think about it for another 5 years.

So that's my story, but it's not really relevant. Hopefully this part is.

I think Erma missed the boat a little with her septic tank analogy in that I think there is a much better one. The secret to life lies in the tank itself.

All kinds of shit comes into your life as it does into the tank. We have natural organisms built into our respective systems that are intended to purify that fecal matter. It takes time and patience however. Some of the crap sinks to the bottom where it hopefully decomposes. If not then it continues to pile up and since it's "out of sight, out of mind" we're not always aware of it. Some of the crap floats on top and and as such stares us right in the face. This is scary stuff for that reason alone, but fortunately there are baffles built into the tank and into out lives to prevent the floaters from clogging up the weeping bed.

The bottom line.... Its all a matter of the size of your tank and the amount of crap passing through it. If these things are in proportion and you have a healthy system, things are gonna be ok. If you can feel the shit piling up deep down, or if the floaters are starting to cover the surface you better get some help....get your tank pumped!

And you know what else? Because your own personal tank is underground you are the only one who can assess it's condition. No one else knows either how large your tank is, or how many people are shitting in it, and as such don't ever let anyone judge you if you need some help. That also works both ways. Let's remember not to judge others for the same reason.

Oh one last thing. Just when you think you have all of lifes crap under control, someone comes along and takes a piss in your corn flakes.

"Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat."---Anon

love
peter