Like many others I have spent most of my adult life searching for answers to questions about life. Today I realized that the answers have been right in front of me ever since the invention of the television. I think it's taken me so long to figure it out primarily becasue I am not very susceptible to the power of suggestion. You know how it's supposed to work? The beer commercial where all the girls are beautiful and barely dressed, implies that if you drink their beer all these girls will come to your house. Or the fast food commercial that displays only fit and healthy people. Or best of af all, the "Viagra" type commercials that actually suggest she's gonna start liking you again if you can only get it up!
Well like I said I just didn't fall for all this stuff and so they now created a commercial especially for thick people like me....something not so subtle. It took a moment for it to sink in when I first seen it and then I just shook me head in wonderement. There is nothing subtle in a commercial that simultaneously posts on the screen and announces the words....
"Change your TV, Change your Life!!!"
For many years most of the change in my life has been change that I have initiated. Then with the shock I got last year change wassuddenly foisted upon me, and I didn't deal with it that well. While certainly I think that's understandable to some degree, I now need to take change back into my own hands. Several things are bringing me to this realization and they are probably connected, or at least in the sense that they are all coming together at the same time. One is the fact that I am now 53 years old and approaching the time in my life that I need to at least think about what the next stage of my life will be like. Somewhere I have read the idea that life could be divided into 3 parts defined as:
1)learning,
2)earning and
3)serving and/or playing
I always thought that part 3 would play out that way for me when I was ready, and I planned on being ready by the time I was 55, maybe 56. But now other elements come along to make me feel a little out of control, and "out of control" is not a state I cope with well. I think it's to be expected to some degree as these things are significant. One of course is the economic situation in North America which changes the whole early retirmenent scenario as planned. This in itself is not such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that the industry I work in, is coming to an unheard of and unpredicted screeching, screaming, halt! That leaves me at a bit of a crossroads as I ponder my future. I have been spoiled for some years, working for a great employer with tremendous freedom and gratifying work, but I have to accept that that way of life is going to change. Simply because the same options do not exist....for me or anyone else.
So that's where I am in my head right now...feeling unsettled. I know however that this will pass once I start reclaiming my control over change in my life....once I start initiating the changes again. Sadly I know that buying a new TV is not going to do it for me. If you knew how may TV's we already have you would understand how I know that that approach is futile, and so I will need to think of other ideas. I think I will figure it out but if anyone has any brain waves I would of course love to hear them.
One thing that I will not change is my commitment to this Ironman thing. Even though there are times I feel a little selfish about the whole thing I'm going to keep telling myself that I deserve it. The only thing that could perhaps make it tough would be another health issue, but if there's a god in heaven, I think our family has had enough of that shit don't you?
So enough philosophising for today. As promised I swam only today and was quite satisfied with the results. I did 2500 metres in 58 minutes. Actually I am a little unsure about the lap count as I may have been 50 metres short. It doesn't really matter however as either way my pace was a little faster than the last 2000 metres I did, and more importantly I got faster as the swim went on. That's strictly a function of getting smoother and more comfortable in the water. I think that soon I will be able to maintain that pace for 3800 metres. And of course there is still wetsuit magic to add onto that, and maybe over Xmas I will do the whole thing with the neoprene cheater. Of course I will be forced to use that shitty 15 year old suit I have hanging in the closet! Did anyone hear anything about a wetsuit at our marriage vow renewal last year....I think I vaguely recall something???
As to maybe losing count of the laps I can tell you how that happens. It's about how the body instinctively directs blood to thst part of your body that calls for it and quite frankly when swimming or participating in other endurance activities the brain is not considered a priority. I remember a personal story that defines this inability to think when you're fatigued. I was running the Toronto marathon and at about 35k I bonked and started walking. At some point this blonde lady passed me and I decided I would try to get running again and just stay with her as long as I could. It kinda worked even to the point that I was starting to think she was quite good looking from behind and as such used this chauvinistric attitude to keep plugging along. At some point I got my second wind and actually passed her. Of course I was grateful for the support and so made sure that I gave a few words of eocouragement as I moved by. I barely got an acknowledgement however as 'he" was too exhausted to do so!
For old John....give me a hard one. That quote has dad written all over it!
I wish to dedicate day 81 to my neice Cory who is special because she's a little bit her mother and a little bit like her namesake.
...on television...
"Don't you wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work."---Gallagher
"So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free". ---Jason Love
...and on change...
"Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted."---Anon
"Be the change you want to see in the world."---Gandhi
love
peter
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
"IF"
If only I were younger...
If only I never got sick...
If only I had more money...
If only I were a better parent...
If only I were a better spouse...
If only I had different parents...
If only I had made different decisions...
Well then I wouldn't be me would I? So too bad I suppose. I am what I am.
What a great day to ride my bike....indoors that is!! What a godsend "Run For Your Life" has been. That's the little running store in downtown St Thomas where I go to ride their computrainer. We had a bit of a snow storm in St Thomas today and since I was in no shape to run yet I would have been screwd without the indoor option. I rode the last 60 kms of the Ironman course in 2 hours and 10 minutes for an average speed of 28 km/hr. I was generally happy with that
For the first time however I have a little nervousness about potential injury. My left knee which has always been a little gravelly is starting to bug me. I will have to be very careful over the next week. The challenge of course is to force myself to rest. Tomorrow I will probably swim only.
I wish to dedicate day 80 to brother Davids 17 year old stepson Michael who is trying to figure out life, just like the rest of us.
And...IF....I've posted this poem before I apologize but it remains one of my favorites. especially the first 2 lines and the last. If I could write like this I wouldn't have to work for a living.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!---Rudyard Kipling
love
peter
If only I never got sick...
If only I had more money...
If only I were a better parent...
If only I were a better spouse...
If only I had different parents...
If only I had made different decisions...
Well then I wouldn't be me would I? So too bad I suppose. I am what I am.
What a great day to ride my bike....indoors that is!! What a godsend "Run For Your Life" has been. That's the little running store in downtown St Thomas where I go to ride their computrainer. We had a bit of a snow storm in St Thomas today and since I was in no shape to run yet I would have been screwd without the indoor option. I rode the last 60 kms of the Ironman course in 2 hours and 10 minutes for an average speed of 28 km/hr. I was generally happy with that
For the first time however I have a little nervousness about potential injury. My left knee which has always been a little gravelly is starting to bug me. I will have to be very careful over the next week. The challenge of course is to force myself to rest. Tomorrow I will probably swim only.
I wish to dedicate day 80 to brother Davids 17 year old stepson Michael who is trying to figure out life, just like the rest of us.
And...IF....I've posted this poem before I apologize but it remains one of my favorites. especially the first 2 lines and the last. If I could write like this I wouldn't have to work for a living.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!---Rudyard Kipling
love
peter
Friday, December 5, 2008
"Things I Learned Today"
Some of these things I already knew but I had to re-learn them
1) I learned that after a 35 km run that there is not much gas in the tank the next day. I slept late which is very rare in itself, and I have some general leg soreness. At first I was a little disappointed but I gave my head a shake and the stupidity went away. It wasn't that long ago that I was delighted by a 35 km bike ride let alone a run.
I went to the pool but even there it just wasn't going to happen today. I messed around a bit and worked on my form but never really put any distance in. Oh well...such is life.
2) I learned that any reference to religion always gets some kind of response even if the response is....duuuuuh??? Thank god (ha ha ha) that Peter got it. Cory/Elly, I suspect the reason you didn't get it is not because you are not atheist, but rather because you don't dismiss all other gods out of hand. To Peters comment I would only add my personal paraphrasing of the statement and it is this....."How can anyone be so arrogant as to dismiss everyone elses god but their own, and still call someone else atheist....when the athesist does the exact same thing except dismiss their god as well?"
3) I learned that a very hard thing is Xmas shopping for your daugther in law. Especially when the limit is $25. Not just is there the problem of trying to find the right thing for someone special to you, but there's the fact that there is simply nothing in the womans section that costs less than 25 bucks. I had to find a sale but I got something....hope she likes it!
4) I learned just how quickly my pride in my children is growing. When I worry about Jon I try to remember how the others are doing and it gives me hope that he will find his way as well. Most recently I have been inspired by Michaels university play, by Adrians commitment to his personal health and by Peter's growing reputation as a personal trainer.
I wish to dedicate day 79 to my sister-in-law Debbie, who deserves much better than the screwing over she just got from her employer! Merry effin Christmas!
......and both of these apply to me....how about you?
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."---Harry S. Truman
"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught". ---Winston Churchill
thanks
peter
1) I learned that after a 35 km run that there is not much gas in the tank the next day. I slept late which is very rare in itself, and I have some general leg soreness. At first I was a little disappointed but I gave my head a shake and the stupidity went away. It wasn't that long ago that I was delighted by a 35 km bike ride let alone a run.
I went to the pool but even there it just wasn't going to happen today. I messed around a bit and worked on my form but never really put any distance in. Oh well...such is life.
2) I learned that any reference to religion always gets some kind of response even if the response is....duuuuuh??? Thank god (ha ha ha) that Peter got it. Cory/Elly, I suspect the reason you didn't get it is not because you are not atheist, but rather because you don't dismiss all other gods out of hand. To Peters comment I would only add my personal paraphrasing of the statement and it is this....."How can anyone be so arrogant as to dismiss everyone elses god but their own, and still call someone else atheist....when the athesist does the exact same thing except dismiss their god as well?"
3) I learned that a very hard thing is Xmas shopping for your daugther in law. Especially when the limit is $25. Not just is there the problem of trying to find the right thing for someone special to you, but there's the fact that there is simply nothing in the womans section that costs less than 25 bucks. I had to find a sale but I got something....hope she likes it!
4) I learned just how quickly my pride in my children is growing. When I worry about Jon I try to remember how the others are doing and it gives me hope that he will find his way as well. Most recently I have been inspired by Michaels university play, by Adrians commitment to his personal health and by Peter's growing reputation as a personal trainer.
I wish to dedicate day 79 to my sister-in-law Debbie, who deserves much better than the screwing over she just got from her employer! Merry effin Christmas!
......and both of these apply to me....how about you?
"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."---Harry S. Truman
"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught". ---Winston Churchill
thanks
peter
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"Today I Believe!"
I had an exceptional run and of course the best part of it was the fact that I predicted it and I can now tell the truth of it. My intent was to do 30 km and ended up at 35 in 3 hours and 12 minutes. But the most gratifying part was that it was almost effortless. I truly could have run a marathon today. I wasn't any faster than last time but it's not about speed, but rather endurance anyway. Of course the faster you go the less you have to endure I suppose eh? But today was just great confirmation that my endurance continues to grow acceptably.
So yes, today I believe I can do an Ironman!
I wish to dedicate day 78 to Roo's neice Samantha who will not read this but who I wish knew that I admire her courage in a tough world.
“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true."---Anon
"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right".--- Henry Ford
And this last one which isn't relevant but blew me away when I stumbled across it....
“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."---Stephen Roberts
love
peter
So yes, today I believe I can do an Ironman!
I wish to dedicate day 78 to Roo's neice Samantha who will not read this but who I wish knew that I admire her courage in a tough world.
“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true."---Anon
"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right".--- Henry Ford
And this last one which isn't relevant but blew me away when I stumbled across it....
“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."---Stephen Roberts
love
peter
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
"On The Edge"
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space!
The challenge of course is to be close enough to the edge to gain something from being there without actually falling off, and/or being so stressed that it overwhelms the gains. That's the sweet spot I'm trying to find both as relates to my training and to life in general.
First consider the training aspect. I read an expression in some book recently that went something like this...."the body will not be rushed". It simply takes time to build strength and endurance despite all the hype we may want to believe about "mind over matter" or the "power of positive thinking". Because I have limited time however I need to make the best use of by bringing my body as close to the edge as possible and keeping it there as much as possible. I think gradually I'm starting to get a feel for this. I'm starting to be able to predict somewhat better how I'm going to feel come next workout, and whether I will be ready for it. Today I had a good ride on the trainer....just over 55km in 2 hours... and I finished up not feeling wasted. So tomorrow will be the test as I head out for a long run. If I truly am getting more in tune with my body my prediction of a strong decent run will prove out. I promise I'll tell you the truth of it in tomorrows report.
On the life part of this idea things are a little less clear. I know in general how much value there is in living life in the fast lane. My work has kept me challenged and invigorated for many years and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Somehow my illness has however made me re-evaluate a little bit. Not in the sense that I want to necessarily move farther from the intellectual edge but perhaps in the sense that it merits a little more evaluation of the dangers associated with the edge. It occurs to me that you can become addicted in a negative way to living life at an intense pace. Unlike the body I think the mind can perhaps be fooled a little bit. Especially a weak one like mine! Living on the edge can become a need instead of a gratification....much like any other addiction. So I'm still thinking about this one, but in general I think I need to move back a little bit, becoming a bit safer and perhaps a bit less stressed.
I want to thank Janine Grespan again for the beautiful job she did with the tonsil cancer stuff, and to remind you that though she barely mentions herself, she underwent all the same crap I did. Here is a link to part II which I admit I kinda liked. http://www.southwesternontario.ctv.ca/healthlifestyle.php.
A also got a very intriguing note from her this afternoon and I quote...
"Before I forget...the News Director was very impressed with your story...he insists we keep in touch and I do a follow up with you when you compete next summer...our BC affiliate can shoot your participation!! Won't that be exciting!??? No pressure, eh?"
I wish to dedicate day 77 to my nephew Sean, who I don't know very well but must be ok....after all he tolerates his mothers family!
And to support the idea that it make sense not to overanalyze...
"Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway."---Anon
And from son peter on the dividends that healthy living pays...
"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die!"---Anon
love
peter
The challenge of course is to be close enough to the edge to gain something from being there without actually falling off, and/or being so stressed that it overwhelms the gains. That's the sweet spot I'm trying to find both as relates to my training and to life in general.
First consider the training aspect. I read an expression in some book recently that went something like this...."the body will not be rushed". It simply takes time to build strength and endurance despite all the hype we may want to believe about "mind over matter" or the "power of positive thinking". Because I have limited time however I need to make the best use of by bringing my body as close to the edge as possible and keeping it there as much as possible. I think gradually I'm starting to get a feel for this. I'm starting to be able to predict somewhat better how I'm going to feel come next workout, and whether I will be ready for it. Today I had a good ride on the trainer....just over 55km in 2 hours... and I finished up not feeling wasted. So tomorrow will be the test as I head out for a long run. If I truly am getting more in tune with my body my prediction of a strong decent run will prove out. I promise I'll tell you the truth of it in tomorrows report.
On the life part of this idea things are a little less clear. I know in general how much value there is in living life in the fast lane. My work has kept me challenged and invigorated for many years and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Somehow my illness has however made me re-evaluate a little bit. Not in the sense that I want to necessarily move farther from the intellectual edge but perhaps in the sense that it merits a little more evaluation of the dangers associated with the edge. It occurs to me that you can become addicted in a negative way to living life at an intense pace. Unlike the body I think the mind can perhaps be fooled a little bit. Especially a weak one like mine! Living on the edge can become a need instead of a gratification....much like any other addiction. So I'm still thinking about this one, but in general I think I need to move back a little bit, becoming a bit safer and perhaps a bit less stressed.
I want to thank Janine Grespan again for the beautiful job she did with the tonsil cancer stuff, and to remind you that though she barely mentions herself, she underwent all the same crap I did. Here is a link to part II which I admit I kinda liked. http://www.southwesternontario.ctv.ca/healthlifestyle.php.
A also got a very intriguing note from her this afternoon and I quote...
"Before I forget...the News Director was very impressed with your story...he insists we keep in touch and I do a follow up with you when you compete next summer...our BC affiliate can shoot your participation!! Won't that be exciting!??? No pressure, eh?"
I wish to dedicate day 77 to my nephew Sean, who I don't know very well but must be ok....after all he tolerates his mothers family!
And to support the idea that it make sense not to overanalyze...
"Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway."---Anon
And from son peter on the dividends that healthy living pays...
"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die!"---Anon
love
peter
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
"Time Flies"
And in case you forget this fact something will always come along to remind you. Claudette and I were scrambling tonite to find a VCR that worked, and in doing so came across a bunch of old videotapes. I can tell you that there's something a little unsettling about watching video of your children when they were at the age your grandchildren currently are. On the positive side I sure looked young and vital!! My wife of course looked great as well, but in her case nothings changed.
We were looking for a VCR so I could tape the CTV segment over at my buddies place. Unfortunately that didn't work out as Burt and I didnt seem to have the technological expertise to figure it out. Oh well, at least I seen it and though it was brief it was kinda cool. Hopefully they will post it on the website tomorrow and I'll let you know if they do.
As to training today I intended to swim first and then do an easy run, but on the way to the pool I decided I would swim only. My rationale was that as I have been so unmotivated in the pool lately I needed to make it a priority without the worry of having to run afterwards. Generally it worked as I mangaged to get 2000 metres in after a short warmup. I was also happy with my time as I continue to make small gains. I did the distance in just under 48 minutes which is 1 min, 12 secs per lap. I may have already mentioned that my goal is to get down to 1 minute per lap.
I think this is one change I need to make consistently in my future training. I have always tried to throw the swim in as a second workout of the day and it seems that I'm always out of gas that way. I will try at least a couple of times per week to reverse this. It worked today as much to my surprise I still felt like a little run tonite and so went for a jog around the psych at about 8pm.
Tomorrow I'm back to the computrainer instead of running as I want to change the cycle (no pun intended) so that I can do my long run on friday and then bike again on saturday. Also tomorrow I'm going to visit my big sister Cory to get some life advice. I'm really looking forward to it.
Thats it!
I wish to dedicate day 76 to Sharon Long who let me into her house tonite just to use her television, but more importantly because she is just a kind, genuine person.
"Time goes, you say? Ah, no! alas, time stays, we go."--- Henry Austin Dobson
and a more hopeful sounding one...
“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time."---Leonard Bernstein
love
peter
We were looking for a VCR so I could tape the CTV segment over at my buddies place. Unfortunately that didn't work out as Burt and I didnt seem to have the technological expertise to figure it out. Oh well, at least I seen it and though it was brief it was kinda cool. Hopefully they will post it on the website tomorrow and I'll let you know if they do.
As to training today I intended to swim first and then do an easy run, but on the way to the pool I decided I would swim only. My rationale was that as I have been so unmotivated in the pool lately I needed to make it a priority without the worry of having to run afterwards. Generally it worked as I mangaged to get 2000 metres in after a short warmup. I was also happy with my time as I continue to make small gains. I did the distance in just under 48 minutes which is 1 min, 12 secs per lap. I may have already mentioned that my goal is to get down to 1 minute per lap.
I think this is one change I need to make consistently in my future training. I have always tried to throw the swim in as a second workout of the day and it seems that I'm always out of gas that way. I will try at least a couple of times per week to reverse this. It worked today as much to my surprise I still felt like a little run tonite and so went for a jog around the psych at about 8pm.
Tomorrow I'm back to the computrainer instead of running as I want to change the cycle (no pun intended) so that I can do my long run on friday and then bike again on saturday. Also tomorrow I'm going to visit my big sister Cory to get some life advice. I'm really looking forward to it.
Thats it!
I wish to dedicate day 76 to Sharon Long who let me into her house tonite just to use her television, but more importantly because she is just a kind, genuine person.
"Time goes, you say? Ah, no! alas, time stays, we go."--- Henry Austin Dobson
and a more hopeful sounding one...
“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time."---Leonard Bernstein
love
peter
Monday, December 1, 2008
"No Eagles Today"
I spent 2 hours riding inside today staring at the floor. It was not a very inspirational session. I was also very tired from yesterdays tough hill workout.
So the only real reason for this post is to live up to my daily commitment, something that I truly am glad I declared up front because it helps me stay focused.
I wish to dedicate day 75 to my neice Rachel because that's a young lady who knows what commitment means.
“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret."---Anthony Robbins
love
peter
So the only real reason for this post is to live up to my daily commitment, something that I truly am glad I declared up front because it helps me stay focused.
I wish to dedicate day 75 to my neice Rachel because that's a young lady who knows what commitment means.
“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret."---Anthony Robbins
love
peter
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