"Smokin!"

I gave it all I had on the trainer today and was very happy with the results. I rode the last half of Ironman Canada (90.23kms) in 2 hours and 49 minutes for an average speed of 32 km/hr. That's the best ride I've had since I started riding inside.

I wish to dedicate day 164 to Steve Bauer, the greatest cyclist Canada has ever produced. His name was on the first real road bike I bought 16 years ago!

"Cycling's a good thing for the youngsters, because it keeps them off the streets"---David Bean

....and because I don't feel like writing tonite here's some fill from George...

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm."---George Carlin

love
peter

"Good For Another 3 Months"

Went to the clinic today and got a clean bill of health. I wasn't really worried but I still get a little nervous just going there. They thought it was time to shove the stupid scope thing down my nose and it did seem like she took an awful long time looking. Then it seemed to me that there was a brief pause when she finished before she said, "everything looks great!"

She also gave me some new chemicals to help me sleep. Something called Zoplicone. Cory will probably denounce them for that but if she only knew that I've been taking some leftover benzodiazapenes for the last few weeks maybe she'll go easy. I initially tried to convince them to give me more of those because they really helped, but they definitely discouraged me on that one. So I'll try the sleeping pills and see how I feel.

I felt really tired all day today for some reason and all I did was a short run.

I wish to dedicate day 163 to Dr Margaret Wiebe becasue she tried to be gentle with her machine, and she gave me some drugs.

"Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day."---Friedrich Nietzsche

love
peter

"The Simple Life"

On the drive from Puebla to Mexico City today I noticed, not for the first time, the significant amount of farming that still takes place at what we would call a primitive level. I seen one guy doing some kind of ploughing with a sorry looking pair of oxen, several people out in open fields tending their vegetables with hoes and such, and also several small horses and donkeys attached to a cart of some kind.

It brought me back to a time when I was perhaps 14 years old, when we (me and any varied number of my siblings) would occasionally be hired out to a farmer down the road who still used horses for all of his farming. What I find interesting about that time as I look back on it, was that I remember always enjoying going to his place to help out. That’s worth mentioning because I can honestly say that I enjoyed exactly zero percent of my time spent in the service of my parents in their farming endeavors’….well almost zero anyway. Well yah, actually zero! Well no…when I think longer I distinctly remember that I liked killing chickens. I remember one special time when I missed my aim with the hatchet and only cut half of his head off. Got him right through the left eyeball! That was really cool!

Speaking of uncomplicated, this simple farmer did not even have a wife…only a live in housekeeper?? To this day I never really wondered about that. I can’t quite remember her name, but I guarantee you that at least one of my idiot siblings will.

Anyway, what do you suppose the difference was? Why did I like going to his place to farm, other than the fact that it was away from home? I suggest to you that perhaps it was the simplicity of it. Life is so complicated and we are so dependent on all of the technology we have created, that it somehow leaves us in a constant state of anxiety over our dependence. I know it’s true for me at least.

Case in point. An hour or so after my enjoyment of the simple farming scenes along the highway I found myself in the Mexico City airport with a Blackberry that suddenly would not “Scroll down”!!! It would go every other which way, but without that one simple little function it was practically useless. I was in a panic…literally. My anxiety level went way up immediately. How was I going to survive the rest of my trip home, let alone maybe part of tomorrow until such time as I could get a repair or replacement? I ain’t kidding….I was stressed! I didn’t need it for anything in urgent, and in the event of anyone needing me it would still take incoming calls and yet I suddenly felt so vulnerable….without my fucking e-mail and cell phone!!! Unbelievable eh? There’s something very wrong with that, or with me, or with all of us.

I need to simplify my life. There’s enough reasons to feel vulnerable in life without the added pressure of depending on machinery. Maybe one of these days I’ll leave home for a few hours without my phone. By the way I always take it with me when I go out for a bike ride! In case my bike breaks!

And yet….I like my computer, my blackberry, my bike, my RV, my tractor etc. I must be addicted to feel such a powerful need.

Maybe I need to buy a horse or some chickens. Of course I suppose that if my livelihood depended on the health of that one horse it could be a bit stressful as well. Then again, you can always beat a horse if you feel like it, and get some satisfaction that way. If I beat my blackberry it would probably only be good for one such gratifying moment.

Travel day, so no training today. Hopefully I will be In Canada for the next 3 weeks and so I hope to really make some headway.

I wish to dedicate day 162 to simple gentleman farmer Mr Elgin Snowe, who we affectionately called Elgie. He let me steer his horses.

“Simplify is making the journey of this life with just enough baggage”---Charles Dudley Warner

Love
peter

"I Feel Like a Beginner"

I did some internet reading on the effects of running at altitude and from what I can gather it should not be nearly as significant as it seems to me. They talk about decreases in performance of 10-12 percent at this altitude which are supposedly offest by about half, due to the decreased air resistance. For me the difference seems more like 20%. I ran 15kms in discomfort the whole time, and ended up doing a walk jog thing for the last 4K. Oh well. I guess anything that gets my heart rate up must be good for me. Its pretty tough on the confidence level though. I really felt like a beginning jogger making his first pathetic attempt to get around the block.

I wish to dedicate day 161 to my dear old friend Richard(Dick) Robilliard, who has never been afraid to be a beginner. I wish him success in his latest adventure.

“A man ceases to be a beginner in any given science and becomes a master in that science when he has learned that he is going to be a beginner all his life."---Robin G. Collingwood

love
peter

"What makes you happy?"

A friend asked me today what was the happiest time of all my years at Magna. Without a second of hesitation I told him it was more than 20 years ago when I was trying to automate a set of tools in the old 1009 press at Presstran! I reminisced about arriving at work in the morning and being able to see from a distance whether the press was running or not, and either way I was excited to get to the press to see how the night had gone, and excited to get on with whatever new challenges were forthcoming for the day. I was living with Claudette at the time and maybe Michael had been born, I'm not sure, but either way we barely had a pot to piss in as a good portion was being sent off for the upkeep of Peter and Jonathan, and we had just bought our first rundown old house which needed money as well. Never the less, other than some great battles that Roo and I enjoyed as we figured out how to make our marriage work I was very happy.(actually I even like the battles)

The conversation then went from "what was you're happiest time at Magna" to "what was your happiest time in life" and for some reason I never had to think about this one either. It was when I was maybe 20 years old living above the Chinese restaurant in Fergus Ontario with my brother Bill and our friend Roger. I had recently been fired from my job, had absolutely no money, and no prospects for any kind of a future, either professionally or personally. Actually I do remember having enough money to be able to go down the street and play pool, because I can remember to this day, min that pool hall, thinking what a great life I had now that I didn't have to work for a while, as I was sure to be able to collect unemployment insurance benefits.

If they say ignorance is bliss I guess you could conclude I was pretty ignorant at the time. I was ignorant of the challenges of marriage, ignorant of the stress of career, ignorant of the heartbreak of parenthood, and ignorant of my own shortcomings and limitations in regards to all of these things.

Fortunately I was ignorant, because I do not wish to change any of the results of my decisions, and yet, oh how the years change things eh? Now I know all of these things I didn't know at 20. It seems that I am a much wiser man with a much heavier burden.

Now to just recapture the 20 year olds happiness and then some, despite the heavier burden. That is my goal!

I'm gonna start tomorrow morning by running part of the Puebla to Atlixco highway. Wish me luck! I won't go as far as last time but I need to make a decent effort as I have now had 2 down days in a row

A special message today to all those at 43027. As God is my witness my love for you is so intense there are moments it near stalls my heart!!

I wish to dedicate day 160 to 2 year old Jose Esteban Gaspar(son of a co-worker) who not just survived bi-lateral Retinoblastoma (a cancer of the retina) but managed to retain the sight in both eyes!

"I wish that I knew, what I know now, when I was younger"---Rod Stewart

“Ah - but I was so much older then; I'm younger than that now."---Bob Dylan

love
peter

"All You Really Have is Yourself"

Yup! All you really have is yourself. You’re born alone and you die alone. If in between that beginning, and that end, you are fortunate enough to have times of human fellowship and relationship, then you need to consider those times as blessings, as “extras” so to speak. I’m coming to believe that it’s a mistake to take them for granted and expect that they will be with you always. In most cases something will come along to either modify the situation slightly or to take it out of your life forever and completely. The most drastic example is of course death, and I am grateful that other than for the passing of my parents, which we all expect at some time, I have so far managed to dodge the grim reapers efforts both personally and amongst those closest to me.

Yesterday I used fabric as a metaphor for life and I still like it, but I think I was using it in somewhat the wrong sense. I was considering all of those “extras”, all the relationships in my life, as the individual fibers that held my life together, and I considered the stretching and tearing as being the pain caused by those “extras” when things didn’t go as I thought they should/would.

I still want to use the metaphor but now I see the fabric and its individual fibers, as an internal thing rather than external. I see the fibers as those powers of thought, emotion, attitude, and commitment that I bring to my own life. The fabric of my being can only be as flexible and tough as I choose to make it. I don’t think that makes me an island, but I would rather look at those around me as my teachers and mentors that show me what I need to learn, rather than the glue that holds me together. And I suppose, to see them as my students as well. I have learned many things in my screwed up life and there is no greater gratification than being able to successfully share your knowledge with those around you.

Of course that’s all very idealistic and I’m miles away from there and yet I see the truth in it. I see it in people I know who just seem to be able to cope with constant change; change in job status, change in personal wealth, change in family status. I see it especially in older women who seem to live in great harmony even after having lost their life partner, and it would seem are only living out the string. I believe it is because their fabric is strong.

I’ve spent all my life trying to hoard everything I could with the idea that that’s where security lies….especially in relationships. There’s a school of thought that says that as long as you have your loved ones then everything else will be ok. I think my point is that even relationships can be fleeting and you cannot depend on them for your feelings of self worth or let them be the determination of the value of your life. All that has to come from the inside.

The other message I could take out of my analogy might be that if you don’t use those “extras” to strengthen your inner fabric you may gain the strength the hard way…..when you lose the extras!

All that being said I’m going to work towards that independence even while I continue to cherish those “extras”….my children,(all 5 of them) my grandchildren, my friends and my co-workers.
The hard one for me will of course be the strongest (and most flexible) fiber in the fabric of my life. For at least a little while I’m going to continue to depend on her. I think however as I work towards the goal of considering her a blessing rather than something I deserve, I may just learn to cherish her even more, while giving up some of my dependence on her to hold me together.

As to everyone else in my life I ask that you keep loving me unconditionally, and that you continue to let me help you in any way I can. Or rather than just let me help, ask me if you think there is something I can do for you. I promise the same to you. I think in this way we can all help each other to strengthen our respective fabric.

Of course this very discourse has left me feeling homesick after barely getting away. There's a message in that for me I think.

Please also watch this. My friend Mark sent it to me today and somehow it fits in. Thanks Mark http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ya9BXClRw

And now, from all that thinking I have a pounding headache. I’m sitting on an airplane(could you guess?) and I left Roo at home this morning with some kind of flu or something. I hope I’m not getting it as well. I’m already battling a cold.

There will be no training today. Yesterday I went and ran steps at the arena with Colby, who is of course training for his CN Tower Climb. Tomorrow or Wednesday I will try running in the altitude of Puebla again. I will be smarter this time.

I wish to dedicate day 159 to my Moms sister who I only ever knew as Tante Zuster (Aunt Sister). A woman who committed her whole life to taking care of the sick and dying. Clearly a woman of strong moral and personal fiber! (please note that I left a potential opening for Cory to correct my spelling in Dutch) Let's see if she's awake?

“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."---Alfred Adler

“Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of."

"Empty Headed"

No energy to blog tonite my friends. I wish only to give you a thought.
I think lives are like fabric. Some people have stretchy fabric that will give with some pressure, and other's have tougher material that may not give so easily but does tend to tear at some point. I hope my fabric is tough enough and stretchy enough?

I wish to dedicate day 158 to my wife, because without her I would be hopeless, in more ways than one.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."---Dale Carnegie

love
peter