"I read the instructions!"

I was getting frustrated with my cycling because instead of getting better it seemed to be regressing. My ride on the trainer on thursday was really quite pathetic. I've been wondering for some time however whether the setup could have any kind of influence on the results, so this morning I went online and found the manual. There is a knob which cranks the pressure of the trainer flywheel against your rear tire and it is of course adjustable. If it is not tight enough than you get slippage when you are pedalling hard, like on the simulated hills. I have just always cranked that knob until I didn't get any slip and that's how I rode. But that didn't seem very scientific and that's why I referred to the manual. It gives very clear instructions, to inflate your tires to the maximum, clean them, preferably with rubbing alcohol, and then turn the knob just until you can not make it slip easily by hand.

Well, the diifference was shocking! On thursday I rode 33 kms in 1 hr, 30 mins. Today I rode a harder part of the same course for 60 kms in 2 hrs. 4 mins. About 7 kms/hr faster! What a relief is all I can say.

I also swam 1000 metres and I have no idea, nor do I care, how long that took.

As promised I was doing my new weight workout as well tonite, until the neighbours showed up half way through and derailed it. I will finish it tomorrow.

I wish to dedicate day 157 to Vicky Newlove, client of Peters and a cancer surthrivor who shames me with her optimism.

“If everything else fails, read the instructions"...Anon


“I don't consider myself a cancer survivor because I never became a victim."---Chris Carlisle

love
peter

"How do Some People Do It?"

Short workout today. All I did was a 7 km run but I did a couple of intense bursts of 2.5 kms and 1 km. It felt good. I also completed the dry run of a weight training program Peter is helping me with. Tomorrow I will do the real thing, and the intent is to do it twice a week on an ongoing basis. I think it's gonna be good. Believe it or not it is a program I got out of one of those complicated training books I'm always bitchin about. Peter tells me it's a good program.

So how do some people do it?

Maintain sanity that is, while all around you it seems like the wheels are falling off. Or rather than maintain sanity, maintain peace of mind. Sanity is not near as sacred to me as contentment, and for that matter maybe they actually exist better without one another. If you're totally nuts maybe you can be at peace.

Day before yesterday I watched a guy standing at the end of the lane at the pool just talking to himself for 20 minutes before he started swimming. Maybe he lost his marbles because the wheels fell off his bus and maybe he's happier now.

Then yesterday, at the pool again when I came into the change room after my swim there was a guy vigorously washing himself in the shower. After I showered, got changed, went back to the pool deck to watch Colby swim for 1o minutes, and came back to the change room he was still washing himself. His wheels definitely fell off at some point. Again maybe he's happier now. I know that at the very least he was happy to use up all of the soap because he was working on the second dispenser by then!

So if there's any small truth in my theory then I can conclude that I am still sane. And quite frankly I would like to remain that way and still achieve the peace of mind we all desire. I do believe there are people out there who are capable of doing so even during tough times. I think many people achieve at least a taste of what I'm talking about through religion or spirituality but that has never really worked for me. Even though I am envious of these people it seems to me like an escape....like a last resort...like a giving over of control and responsibility. I just can't quite buy that. I can't start mouthing the platitudes and preaching the wisdom of god. It seems to me that this god should be showing me how to take care of me and mine, without me having to beg him for help. What else makes him/her a god?

Alas, as life wears on I am starting to come to the realization that shitty things are going to continue to happen and that unless I find a way to accept them and still be content, that I will continue to live my life in fear of the wheels! But shouldn't there be some things that you can depend on, take for granted and just enjoy?

So which is it with these other people I see around me that seem to have it generally well in hand...that seem to sleep well and wake up well? Is it that they haven't lost as many wheels as I have or do they truly know a secret that I don't? Or is it all just an illusion? Do they just wear a mask?

In my case the metaphorical wheels on the bus are my childern, and my grandchildren. Without these wheels properly inflated and running true the bus ride is bumpy and unpleasant. With them all humming along the highway, I personally have few other needs. Claudette handles it much better than me but I know that she suffers as well with the same ailment. Thank god at least that I have her to steer the bus!

I wish to dedicate day 156 to the Dalai Lama. Check out his website sometime. http://dalailama.com/

....for a religious kind of guy I like a lot of what this man says...of course he's had 14 lifetimes to learn eh?...

"Do not confuse peace of mind with spaced out insensitivity. A truly peaceful mind is very sensitive, very aware."---Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai Lama

....I'm working on this one...

"I tell you one thing / if you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather learn to see your own faults."---Sri Sarada Devi

....this is still my biggest problem

“For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe."---Larry Eisenberg

....and this is one I think we all forget at times...

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."---Desmond Tutu

love

peter

"Triathlon Day"

I did something in all 3 disciplines today. That's a first. It's not the way I planned it but I was happy with the way it worked out. My intention was to ride for 3 hours today but after an hour and a half of staring at that monitor I had enough and went home. I tried to be ok with that but quickly figured out that wasn't going to be. So I got dressed and went out and ran a cold, very windy block and felt better. Then I thought what the hell, and went to the pool as well. Did some straight swimming and some drills. probably getting in 1000 metres all told.

I wish to dedicate day 155 to Mark Allen....unarguably the greatest of them all!

“If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, then triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise."---P. Z. Pearce

love
peter

"Learning to Listen"

I don't know exactly what happens to me when people give me advice, either the requested kind or the other kind, but something definitely happens in my brain. Somehow, something shuts down and I don't let it in....not even to mull it over.

Well today for some reason I had a little breakthrough. Endurance guru and friend Burt told me some time ago to watch out for my dependance on the clock...."don't become a slave to the watch" he said. Well if you know the relationship I have with this old man you'll understand part of it, but mostly I just never really gave it any thought when he said it.

Today for some reason when I forced myself to the pool one more time, I just decided to swim! I never even started my watch, and only occassionally looked at the pace clock on the wall. It's the wall clock that's the real problem because it's right there staring you in the face every time you come to the end of a lap....always telling you it's not good enough. And of course for some reason I think I should be swimming the same times as I did 10 years ago, mainly because I wasn't very fast then. It's all so stupid to let the swim bother me anyway because 10% slower in the water will cost me 8 minutes, which is nothing compared to 10% on the bike or run.

So that's my new swim philosophy. Other than an occasional time trial in my wetsuit I will either just swim, focusing on form, and/or do drills. Just the idea of that approach takes some of the pool anxiety away. Lets see how it goes.

I jogged to the track today as well and just messed around a little. It felt good to run fast....well at least fast for me. Fast is of course a relative measure. I can confirm that the track I checked out in Grand rapids was indeed 400 yards only.

Burt also gave me advice on my achilles and so I started the stretching regimen he suggested. It feels good already.

I wish to dedicate day 154 to Wendy Bisaillon, who of course is Gramma B.

“If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut."---Albert Einstein

“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."---Oliver Wendell Holmes

“To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also."---Igor Stravinsky

love
peter

"Honesty"

A pretty important part of life in general, I think we could all agree, but when it comes to training for an Ironman it becomes paramount. You can lie to everyone else I suppose but any self deceipt will simply catch up to you. And in a very big way come race day. I have seen it before in individuals who time and time again failed to complete races, or were much slower than they told the world they were going to be. And they always had an excuse....something they ate, or someone who held them up, or equipment problems or whatever. After a while I find those types to become a bit tiresome as it seems they're clearly deluding themselves about their own readiness. I remember the nuns way back when telling us that if we cheated on a test we were only cheating ourselves, and I remember thinking what bullshit that was, but I am gradually figuring it out. Cheating or lying is simply self delusion that you have to pay for sometime, somehow. How do I know? Personal experience! The truth, is the truth, is the truth and that's all there is to it. I know that I am still not where I want to be but I do at least acknowledge it as the only road to happiness and as such continue to strive for the ideal.

Today I want to share something with you that I started to work on even before I was sick. It is a work in progress and I have come back to it a few times and will come back to it again. For some reason today seemed like a good day to share it, complete or not. I hope it doesn't seem too corny. No one has ever seen it before. I call it my

"Personal Statement of Philosophy"

"I will search for the truth in everything I do. Not just the superficial truth but the deep down everlasting truth. I will especially look to find the truth within myself
I will learn to give of what I have and learn to gain joy from it.
I will constantly measure my activities to see that they add value to my life, and to my world.
I will not influence/manipulate others for my own peace of mind.
I will focus on becoming one in mind. body, and spirit...me, myself, and I.
I will avoid wasting time on activities that simply keep up appearances.
I will strive to be a leader for my family by doing the right things for the long term.
I will be an exemplary role model for my children.
I will remind my self often that material things have no lasting value and I will govern myself accordingly.
I will always accept responsibility for my own actions and my own condition.
I will monitor the level of my self-talk.
I will wear no mask.
I will be humble.
I will be honest."---Peter W Rooyakkers

I wish to dedicate day 153 to Aurel Bisaillon, Grampa B. to my grandchildren

"We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger."---Tad Williams

"The highest compact we can make with our fellow is - "Let there be truth between us two forevermore."---Ralph Waldo Emerson


"I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness."---Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

love
peter

"Missed my Cutoff!

So this was my long run plan today. I'm sure I've told you before that I have lots of options when it comes to route planning for long runs. Today I decided I was going to do blocks of 14.4kms, 10.4kms, 7.4kms for a total of 32.2kms, and if I was still felt ok I would do the little psych loop at the end which would bring me close to 35kms. Well the first loop went fine.... so much so that I changed my plan and decided to repeat it, and then maybe do the 7.4 loop. The problem is when it came time to make the turn, I couldn't find it. Namely becuas it was probably a kilometer behind me. I don't think I have ever before actually missed a planned cutoff in all my running years. So I thought what the hell, just keep going and turn at the next intersection. As a result the loop turned into 21.4kms and yet I still felt good enough near the end to do the psych loop. Fortunatley the first time past the aid station(our mailbox) I had a good long drink of my energy solution, as well as lots of water. My total run was a very satisfying 38.4kms in 3 hours, 29 minutes.

And the best part of the whole experiemce. I made several new friends along the way. Six to be exact....everyone of them with a tail and four legs. There was only one however that made me a little nervous and not for very long. I don't know why, but dogs don't generally scare me too much. In the last 15 years I really only had one really scary situation, and I think today I would have handled it differently. My problem is that I don't want to stop running when chased and yet that is generally the best thing you can do until they lose interest. I only walked for about 10 seconds today before the barker headed back home.

Anyway, it's good to know that my run endurance continues to improve. I felt very good still at the end, and could have kept on going. I am definitely at, or beyond the fitness level I was when I ran my last marathon in 2005. The first race of the season is coming up fast. Just 6 weeks to the 30k Around the Bay Race in Hamilton, which for me will be an intense training run. Brett is doing it with me.

Speaking of which, him and Teresa should be heading up the mountain by now....Kilimanjaro that is. I hope all goes well with them. Can you shout at us from up there Teresa? And don't fall in the crater!

I wsih to dedicate day 152 to Roos nephew Leon Regnier IV. I don't know him but I know his mother, and as such have very high hopes for him

"If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around."---Will Rogers

"I loathe people who keep mean dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."---Anon

love
peter

"Mortality"

So you think dying may be bad eh? What about not dying? My casual reading has been very much in the fantasy realm lately, well maybe my whole life actually, but in this book I recently finished, one of the subplots was about this lady who against her will had been given immortality.

It's kind of weird when you think about it. It's a natural human emotion to fear dying and yet I think if you give the alternative any consideration it has to be much scarier. In the book she expressed anger at the fact that loved ones came and went and she could expect this painful cycle to go on forever.

You could I suppose make the argument that if we we are all immortal then it wouldn't be such a bad thing, as we could all enjoy it together. But that means everyone stays as they are, no one ages, no one grows, no one develops. If you have a 2 year old I suppose he would stay a 2 year old forever. If you're married to an idiot it would be forever. If you were in pain it would be forever. I suppose there would be no births as we wouldn't want or need any?

No, I think any way you slice it, dying is better than not dying, and that realization somehow makes living easier. Or maybe anyway?

So I suppose the next logical question is how long then? Well....I think I want to live for another 22 years. Seventy five seems like a nice reasonable expectation, and just under what the statistics say I should accomplish as a male Canadian(76.98 years). By the way, according to the CIA factbook, Canada is 14th out of 221 on the list I found, with Swaziland bringing up the rear with an average life expectancy of 32.23 years. Like so many other southern Africa countries this is primarily due to AIDS. The one that really surprised me however was Russia. They were 157th on the list at 65.87 years...wow..

So whats's the point? I don't know? Maybe I'm just looking for the secrets of the universe, as I have to tell you that I had a horrible day today. Such irrational feelings of emptiness and uselessless, and frustration over the stupidist things. I tell you this almost with shame as I can't possibly give you a good enough reason for it. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it is what it is. It's during times that I feel this way that I can almost relate to people with addiction problems. Wouldn't it be great to just escape? In actual fact I think I have my own addiction and that's reading, as crazy as that may sound. The very idea of going to bed at night without some mindless fiction to distract me is frightening. And like any other addiction, the only solution when you wake up is more of the same.

Today I stumbled on some on info about Stephen Hawking who of course has ALS(Lou Gehrigs disease) He's 67 years old, can't eat, can't walk, can't talk, can't do anything but think and yet he claims to be happy. How does he wake up every morning?

As much as I joke about it I sincerely hope that my honesty does not start to come off as more whining. It's a sad statement and I'm sorry, but I never wake up in the morning with a feeling of enthusiasm, like Hawking presumably does. Most days I get it going and by midday I'm okay but not today. I really am fighting hard, and deep down inside I think I will win the battle eventually. I also don't know if any of my challenges are even remotely related to my illness but I want to believe so....or maybe it's just an excuse eh?

Only swimming today. I did 2000 metres with my wetsuit even though I had planned on 4ooo. I truly don't know if it was my mind or my body that was the limitation....probably some of each. Tomorrow needs to be a long run day...needs to be!!

I wish to dedicate day 151 to my sister-in-law Heather, who once overcame the most difficult of tragedies with a strength and grace I envied.

...so on dying or not...

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."---Susan Ertz

....and from a famous science writer....

"I'm sure my disability has a bearing on why I'm well known. People are fascinated by the contrast between my very limited physical powers, and the vast nature of the universe I deal with. I'm the archetype of a disabled genius, or should I say a physically challenged genius, to be politically correct. At least I'm obviously physically challenged. Whether I'm a genius is more open to doubt."---Stephen Hawking

....and from a famous science fiction writer...

"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."---Isaac Asimov

love
peter