"I Was so Much Older Then"

I'm younger than that now.

If younger means a greater distance from death then I'm definitely younger now.

I don't know if it's wise for me to look at pictures like that first one, any yet somehow I am compelled to do so. It still fills me with wonder that I was ever in that place. I see a picture of a time that I have almost no recollection of, and I see a human being who's light has gone out. I have no idea how or why I survived it. It certainly wasn't my will.

I want to remember that time and yet it causes me pain. I actually came across it accidently yesterday when I was saving some other pictures, and last night I had my first ever bad "cancer" dream. It was very unpleasant. I dreamed that I was sick again only this time no one cared including the doctors. I woke up feeling very sad and the mood has been hard to shed all day.

To dream such a dream surprised me since I very rarely have any waking worries about re-occurence. I wonder what it means if anything? I also got very little sleep overall but I couldn't stay in bed this morning, as much as I tried.

Strangely enough I had an excellent workout riding 40kms at 33.1 kms/hr!!... followed by a short 4 km run.

I wasn't so successful with the chicken coop however as I couldn't seem to get Colby to do anything. All we achieved was finding this door....actually a beautiful cedar door that came from the farmhouse. Try buying one of these today. You'll have to order it!

I wish to dedicate day 316 to Steve Jobs who's responsible for the fact that I can listen to Bob Dylan on a ridiculously small device while I ride my bike.....but more so because he's battled a form of pancreatic cancer and it's complications for several years now.

"I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"---Bob Dylan

“Historically, more people have died of religion than cancer."---Dick Francis

love

peter