"Envy"

The other day I had the opportunity to connect with a young man that used to work at the same place as I did. At about the same time as I got sick he was diagnosed with Burkitts Lymphoma, a very ugly systemic cancer most common in children and young adults. I had known about his illness, but since we barely knew each other I was not intimate with the details of his situation. When he told me his story I was again reminded of my good fortune. The stuff that he has gone through over the last 2 years makes my story seem like a trip to the corner store, or dare I say a trip to the movies?? The long term effects of his disease and the accompanying treatment are staggering. And he is hardly done with this horror story! He is about to start another round of radiation to his entire abdominal area, as much to combat the ongoing pain as anything else. He prefers not to talk about his prognosis because as he says, he proved the doctors wrong before and if necessary he will do so again. He really didn't seem to care what they told him and quite frankly he seemed to take the whole thing kind of casually. All he cared about on that given day was having coffee with us and then spending the afternoon with his 3 year old son. When I left him, that was the part of our discussion that I took away with me. He left me with a feeling of wonder as to how he could maintain this incredible attitude. I can't help but think that it's the same kind of thing I talked about regarding the pitfalls of having your whole life scripted out. I think that almost without knowing it has come to a place where he is living only for today. I hardly dare to ask this question even of myself, but should he in some way be envied?

One of the reasons I consider him innocent, almost unaware of his own remarkable attitude is because of the way he expressed concern for others. He particularly talked about how bad he felt for young children with cancer and/or other life threatening illnesses. That got me thinking again about the Reel to Real idea. Most children have no concept of the movie of their life. They have not been messed up by society and as such live completely in today. I am convinced that this explains why you see critically ill kids playing and laughing like there's no tomorrow. They have not written their plan for tomorrow and as such don't feel anxiety over the possibility of it not running to script. For them, both literally and figuratively, tomorrow doesn't exist. In this case I dare to ask the question. Should they be envied?

While I sure struggle to envy either the young man living with the ravages of his disease, or the children with the all too short life span, it at very least reminds me to never, ever envy those who have more materials things than me, or to never, ever envy those who have not had any misfortune in their lives. Although I have not yet realized all the benefits of my journey I feel like I'm getting closer. At least I'm starting to see the potential.

And I really don't think there's value in envy of any kind or for any reason.

"Envy comes from people's ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts."---Jean Vanier

...and this one I really like...

"If I am fool, it is, at least, a doubting one; and I envy no one the certainty of his self-approved wisdom."---George Byron

love
peter