"What Would You Do?"

Suppose that you had a place that you could go in which you could forget all your worries. A place where there was no pain, no anxiety, no stress, no fear and no heartache. What would you do?

Suppose that the painful state you were trying to escape from was intense and seemingly unending? What would you do?

Even if you knew that the relief was only temporary and that the long term consequences of going to this happy place would be extremely negative. What would you do?

If you said you would go anyway I think I understand. What I describe is I believe the situation most addicts are facing every day of their lives. What would you do?

If you are one of the tough guys like I used to be, you may say that you would resist, after all you're one of the tough guys.

But consider this. Have you ever hit yourself in the knee cap with a hammer? If not you should try it because I ask you to think about the pain you would be in and then reconsider the same question I asked earlier. If given the opportunity at that very moment to escape to the pain free place with all the long term consequences...what would you do?

Or here's another one. You're hangin from a chin up bar above a pit of alligators where you've been hanging most of your adult life. You're grip is starting to slip a little but you're hanging on for dear life because you know what awaits you at the bottom....and then a monkey jumps on your back! What would you do?

I had a little insight moment last evening when I was laying in my bed worrying about the addicts in my life and remembering the time when I was quite drug dependant myself. Sick as this may seem I momentarily wished I was back in that time so that I could justify a little morphine! It was a very real, deep in the gut feeling, and if the stuff was available to me I would have used it!! Fortunately for me (and here's where I'll get shit from Cory)the only thing I still have in the cupboard are pain patches, and they take too long to work!

Please think about my analogies for the addictive state because the next time you think about, or perhaps even verbalize things such as, "crackhead", "useless drunk", or "fat slob" maybe you will reconsider a little and be more compassionate. After all, until you've hit yourself in the knee cap with a hammer you don't know how bad it hurts. Until you've been where the addict has been you don't know how bad it hurts. What would you do?

Anyway...enough preaching for today! I'm afraid that's become one of my addictions. I actually had a fairly imformative day. I went to see Dr Yoo this morning for the last set of injections in my face and we had a really nice chat while he was sticking me. I think it was 10 times total! Fortunately I'm one of the tough guys so it didn't hurt a bit!

Anyway, I learned that there is a private firm that is actually supporting this bit of research. It is the company that makes the little device that they use to seperate your platelets in the centrifuge. It is a very simple looking, one time use device that costs 500 bucks a pop! I also learned that even if the study proves successful, that it could be years before the treatment is made available through our medical system. He will however try to talk the private firm into supporting further injections for the people that participated in the study, just to further support the conclusions. For me that would mean injection in the other side of my face. For now I will have follow up tests in 3 months and then again 3 months after that. We shall see.

I also learned a lot about saliva and sleep apnea and such. First off he explained, much to my surprise, that saliva and mucous (or phlegm) essentially come from the same glands. He further explained that radiotherapy(radiation) essentially causes accelerated aging in the radiated area and like aging the radiation seems to deteriorate the portion of the glands that create the watery saliva, but not the parts that generate the mucous. And voila...that's why I have lots of phlegm but no saliva!! Very interesting.

We also talked about CPAP, and he has little hope that it can help me. He actually believes that it may be counterproductive just because the increased air flow would tend to increase dryness even more. This is consistent with my own little home tests. Regardless he agrees that a sleep study would help to answer these questions and in an effort to prove Cory right one more time, I have agreed to undertake one. He claims that the lab in London is the best in Canada if not one of the best in the world, which will probably mean it will take a long time to get in. We shall see on this one as well.

"In the course of history many more people have died for their drink and their dope than have died for their religion or their country"---Aldous Huxley

"All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot."---Henry Ward Beecher

"Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values - and witnesses."---Franklin P. Jones

love
peter