"Do You Think I Care?"

"What you eat or what you wear. so come on join together with the band".
I listened to the Who's greatest hits album during my bike ride today and was reminded what an incredible band they were. Modern groups like Pearl Jam pale in comparison...that should get a reaction from my children eh? Unfortunately the great music did not translate into a great ride. By about 40K I knew I was in trouble but somehow dragged my butt back home after completing 75. Of course I know I should not let it bother me. I've gotten what I truly believe to be sound advice the last few days about not over-analyzing, and about listening to my body, but the problem is this. I AM A CONTROL FREAK!!. Control freaks do not just relax....ever! Fortunately today I believe I have an excuse. It's the drugs, or rather the lack of them. This is my second day off of the antidepressant Effexor, and it clearly is affecting me. I know that these types of drugs have helped many people immensely and as such I am respectful of the doctors that recommend them, and the people that take them. As they have helped me as well in the past I would be a hypocrite if I suddenly started ragging about their shortcomings, I just believe the time is right for me to get off of them.
But, short of ragging here are a few thoughts. Why do I get all these bizarre sensations when I come off them. It feels like there is someone in my brain throwing sand at the interior walls. I know how much that little tidbit is gonna open me up to my friends abuse, so go ahead and let em fly!
Maybe the answer to the withdrawal symptons lies in what they are doing to you when you are on them and so here's a quote from the manufacturers official site.

"Effexor XR is believed to treat depression and anxiety symptoms by affecting the levels of two naturally occurring chemicals in the brain — serotonin and norepinephrine. It is believed that correcting an imbalance of these two chemicals may help relieve symptoms."



Wow...a powerful supportive advocacy for their own product..."may help"..."it is believed"??? by who??? No not the band. They used different drugs!


Anyway....enough about that. The drug had a place and time in my life and thats now over. I also acknowledge that it's a different time and place for everyone and no one knows when and where that is for another. I hope this is the worst day and that it starts tapering tomorrow.

I suppose the good thing about my bummer ride was that I had the time to ask myself "why the hell I am doing this?", and I think I found answers. The neat thing was that when I came back I noticed a comment on the Blog from sister Elly, asking that very same question, so luckily I was perpared.

I am doing this because I can! I am grateful that I can and so I intend to celebrate by doing so. I am doing this because it will be a great adventure. A whole year of intense workouts in 3 disciplines. I am doing this because the event itself will be a great adventure. Claudette and I will probably take our RV out to the beautiful Okanagan and make it a well deserved(at least for Claudette) vacation. I am doing this because Claudette thinks I should, and that in itself is a good enough reason for me. I am doing this for the very resaon Elly asks the question; as a motivator to be the fittest kindest person I can be. I believe that it has already done some things for me in this regard. And last but not least I am doing this because Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry asked the question "Who are you?" or more specifically in the lyrics of this great tune..."who the fuck are you? I am doing it to find out who I am, no pun intended. The first line in the song after the intro says and I quote..."woke up in a Soho doorway, a policeman knew my name. He said you can go sleep at home tonite, if you can get up and walk away". Thats why I'm doing this. To prove that I can get up and walk away. I don't mean from the physical challenges that tore me down in the last year, but rather from the self pitying, dependant, depressed person that I had become as a result. I am doing this because I want to get up and walk away, so that I can sleep at home tonite. Some people can't and/or don't!

I choose to dedicate day 12 to my littlest sister Betty who sings better than me and who has never had to get up and walk away, becuase she's never let herself get down there.

"Blowing out another mans candle will not make yours burn any brighter"

Love always....see you at "home"
peter