"So Elusive"

Like trying to catch smoke! That feeling of peace that I crave. Sometimes I think it's just about in my grasp. It's not a tangible thing but rather a feeling that I almost have the secret. That if I would just reach out and take it, it would be mine to keep. And then, before I can quite identify what it looks like it drifts away, unitl it seems again like it was never there. And when it's gone I can hardly believe that I could really have been so optimistic. I feel like a Leafs fan!

I wonder whether if it's from lack of effort? Maybe I'm afraid of it what it will take? Maybe subconsciously I know that I will have to give something up in return? I know that doesn't make any sense because what would it matter if in the end I achieved what I wanted. Who knows? I'll have to think about that one but something tells me that there's a clue in there

I went to the pool this afternoon only to find it closed for a swim meet and so I went to the grocery store instead. I can't believe how much I eat now, even waking up hungry in the morning. I especially enjoy my almost nightly ice cream bar!!
I Went back to the pool at 5 pm and messed around for a while but nothing serious. I am still tired from yesterday.

I wish to dedicate day 206 to my old high school principal Charles Hyde. He was once an integral part of me findng a feeling of peace....the day I told him to fuck off!

“Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.”---Doris Mortman

“I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then whenever doubt, anxiety, or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal and soon they'll forget my number.”---Edith Armstrong

love
peter