"On Marriage"

I had originally planned a short essay on the virtues of the incredible woman that was my mother, but how do you write a short essay about a saint?

So I give you this briefer but related commentary.

I think my wife and I had our first fight on our second date, and we've been going at it on and off ever since. We've lost some enthusiasm for the battles over the years and the time between them has gotten progressively longer. I think that's progress. I also think it's pretty normal.

What's not normal is the relationship that my parents had. I knew them as a couple for almost 40 years. In that 40 years I heard them raise their voices to each other exactly zero times! I know that seems unbelievable but I never, ever....I mean "never, ever" witnessed my parents arguing. Maybe they did upon occassion, but I swear on their respectibe graves that I never, ever, ever witnessed it!

I remember as if it were yesterday, the first moment I realized that this was strange. It was at the kitchen table; I must have been about 15, and some topic came up that just for a flash I thought they were gonna argue about. It seemed that at the same moment they came to the realization themsleves it just evaporated....as if by some unspoken psychic mutual consent.

So when I listen to, and participate in discussions about my dearly departed parents I am reminded that this was indeed the most remarkable thing about them. More remarkable quite frankly than any individual strength or weakness they may have been blessed with.

If it occurs to you that this idyllic description of a marriage may be a way of prettying up a dispassionate, boring relationship, I would remind you that they had twelve kids!!!!

So Mom...sorry...but not really. I know that you would be happier knowing that I noticed and acknowledged the strength of your marriage over your personal strength. Saints are like that!

....and this is the part that my parents somehow knew, that I'm still learning....

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up."---Ogden Nash

love
peter