"Happy Anniversary Babe"

Once upon a time Claudette and I attended a marriage retreat together, delivered by a religious organization. One of the principles that a few (very few) members of this organization espoused was a concept called “headship”. Basically the concept came down to the idea that the man was the head of the household, and as such he had final say on all family matters. As much as I struggle at times with my own chauvinistic tendencies I found the whole idea ludicrous….not in any goody, goody way but simply because I can’t grasp an idea that suggests that in any relationship either one of the parties decisions could be exclusively the best decision at all times. The only scenario I could picture wherein this thinking may be valid is one in which one of the parties was no longer alive. And even then, I’m not sure which of them would be in a better position to make the smart choices.


Today is a very, very special day in my life.


My (our) 21th wedding anniversary. As this day approached I was thinking--ok no big deal-- our 20th was really the big one, and we did that up right anyway, with our renewal of vows. Then it occurred to me at 5:30 a.m. in the Hermosillo airport, that this one was in actual fact a much bigger deal, with a much bigger reason to celebrate. Why? Well because we pretty well took our 20th for granted,(no reason not to), but at one point this past year there was serious doubt as to whether we would ever get to 21!! That would of course have been due to my shortcomings not Claudette’s, because quite frankly she insisted on keeping us both alive to continue the relationship. Do not think that I make this comment loosely. If it were not for the incredible strength of my wife I would be dead!!! Yes dead! If the grim reaper didn’t come to get me himself, I was going to him! And anniversaries are no fun, when one of the parties cannot participate due to lifelessness. Of course, in the ‘what else is new category’….I may be alive but I’m not at home to thank her.


So today I choose to offer a brief, but public commentary on Claudette’s contribution to this marriage over the past year, and perhaps in doing so, I can reflect again on this previously described concept to see if I have missed something.


So this was it….months on end, every damn day driving me to the hospital, carrying my puke bucket, filling my stupid feeding pump in the middle of the night, monitoring and dispensing safely an incredible plethora of chemicals, rubbing my back, pushing my wheelchair, injecting me, inspecting me, cleaning me, answering my summons whenever I needed something, filling out a multitude of forms, paying the bills, staying awake half the night because of my retching, making, rescheduling and rescheduling again innumerable appointments, arranging an endless array of machines to try to help me breathe easier and to sleep better, talking to, and negotiating with numerous doctors, nurses, technicians, therapists, orderlies, dietitians, counselors etc., maintaining an incredible amount of necessary data concerning places, dates, resources, phone numbers, maintaining…no not maintaining, but rather scripting, editing, creating, building that amazing blog.


And that was the easy part!


Then there was the endless, coaching, teaching, convincing, cajoling, pleading, insisting, nurturing, begging, explaining, coercing, tolerating, reminding, encouraging, advocating, crying, praying, driving, pushing, hoping, decision making, supporting, waiting, and waiting some more, extolling, praising, hand holding, worrying, worrying, and more worrying “etcetera”….all the while loving me unconditionally.


All of these things done for someone who was at the time unappreciative, unhelpful, and uncaring. Headship???


Why? …. I can only assume she loves me. I may go on to live a long and fruitful life, but it will never be long enough to repay her. Quite the opposite actually, as my debt deepens every day as she supports me in my current quest.


Happy anniversary Babe! You are my headship!


I dedicate day 37 to my precious partner, who is my friend, my confidant, and my lover, who doesn’t always know just how precious she is to me. Maybe because I don’t remind her often enough?


“If I were the king of the world, I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d throw away all the cars, and the bars, and the wars, and make sweet love to you”---Hoyt Axton


Love
peter