"My First Guest"

.....fitting somehow......



I may have bitten off more than I can chew here! My dad asked if I would be interested in writing a guest blog entry. Well I am honored to be the first guest blogger, I am also worried that I won’t live up to the standard set by my father’s many moving and motivating entries.

Here goes nothing!

I am a son and a father, neither of which do I believe I am very good at. I guess this is just my insecurities bleeding through my finger tips. Just the same, I believe that one day I will be better at both. I am also a couple other things. I am a friend to some and an enemy to others. I am a leader and sometimes I am a follower. I am also an addict. Well I know that my father carries no shame in regards to this. I have lots of it for everyone. I spend just about every waking moment, thinking about my addiction in one way or another. I see the things I have lost, and I see much pain that I have caused many people. I try my best to stay strong. I am not always able. Old thoughts and old habits seem to find a way to creep back in. I have slipped (relapsed if that suits you better) on more than one occasion. Now that I think about it, I am admitting to many people who do not know, two things. First, I am a drug addict. Secondly, I am admitting that I have not been successful, in staying sober over the last three years. December 19th (today) would have been my three year sobriety date. Again, lots of guilt and shame surrounding that. My father, in all his wisdom tells me that “shame and guilt have no value.” I am sure he’s right, he usually is. Not because he’s one of those assholes who think they are always right, but because he is a very intelligent human being (he may be a bit of an asshole, but those two things are not related). I strive to be more like him. Mostly because if I can be like him, I think my son will want to be just like me. I try to pretend that I have some great knowledge or life lesson to share with the world. I am not sure if I know any more or less than anyone else. Only time will tell. I wish all of you the best of luck to all of you on your life’s journeys.

I will end with this. They are my only real words of wisdom.

If you ever find yourself questioning a decision you are making, whether it is morally right, or wrong, find a three year old child, ask them. The only innocence left in the world is our youngest children. The rest of us have been polluted. We have had our realities distorted by hardships and lies. I wish I was three again.

love
peter jr.

“A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday."---Jonathan Swift

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves."---Peter McWilliams

“It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution"---Oscar Wilde

love
peter